San sat at the edge of the bed with the folded clothes sitting in his hands. He was in the middle of packing, Shiber taking up some of the space already in the suitcase, and it had been almost an hour since he'd started.
Yet, nothing was really packed. It was all sitting out on the bed, folded neatly, but San couldn't find it in his heart to actually pack.
Things had been weird between him and Wooyoung and he didn't want to leave until it had all been sorted out.
A knock at the doorway made San look up from his T-shirt.
"You are packing, right?" Yunho questioned, looking at the mess of neat clothes, "It looks like you're trying to decide if you want to go to Argentina or not."
San shook his head quickly.
"I want to go," San replied, "They've been so supportive online that I owe them a performance."
Yunho nodded and picked up clothes from the corner of the bed. "So what's with all this?" his cousin questioned, "I thought you'd be done half an hour ago. It's not like you're moving there."
San shook his head.
"I didn't know that being in a relationship was going to be so difficult," he explained, "I want to tell Wooyoung everything is okay but nothing is. I don't feel okay, Yunho, my heart hurts."
Yunho reached over and rubbed his cousin on the back. San sniffed and moved closer to Yunho, placing his head on the elder's shoulder.
"Why did you lie to him?" Yunho asked softly.
"It's what he wanted to hear. I didn't want him to be sad."
"Don't lie to him, Sannie," Yunho sighed, "Lying will make everything worse."
San whimpered softly. He wanted to explain everything he was feeling to Wooyoung but he was scared that Wooyoung wouldn't listen to him, or maybe even find himself incapable of understanding why San lied in the first place.
Yunho sighed and comforted his cousin.
He liked Wooyoung, he'd made San happy for a while and he had made Yunho's vision of being a dancer something more than just a dream. But if San was tearing himself apart and Wooyoung wasn't anywhere around, how could he make San realize that Wooyoung loved him?
"San, your flight leaves tomorrow morning," Yunho sighed, "Please talk to Wooyoung before then."
San shook his head. How could he face his boyfriend with the truth that he lied? That he hurt so much in his heart?
"San," Yunho spoke sternly, "Talk to him."
He shook his head and Yunho rolled his eyes. He stood up and walked from San's room, going to the phone that sat on the counter.
Picking it up, he texted Wooyoung to come later tonight. The latter texted back almost instantly.
Yunho scoffed and rolled his eyes.
"Pathetic," Yunho spoke, "He'll reply to his boyfriend within seconds but he takes almost a whole day to text the rest of us."
He tossed the phone back onto the counter and threw himself on the couch. He flipped on the TV as he ordered takeout.
"Stupid idiots, all of them," he continued, "I literally have to do everything myself. Two boys whipped for each other and neither of them can communicate with each other."
The phone on his lap buzzed and he lifted it up to see Yeosang's contact name.
"One thing right after another," he muttered before answering, "What can I do for you?"
"There's something wrong with Wooyoung. He's obsessive and--"
"I got it covered already," Yunho interrupted, "Do me a favor."
"Oh...really? Okay, um...sure, what's up?"
"Where's Seonghwa?"
"Last time I heard from him, he was with Hongjoong. You can try calling Hongjoong or the company if he's not answering your phone call."
"Is he asking about Seonghwa?"
"Yeah."
"Yeosang? Is that Hongjoong?"
"Yeah. Joongie, have you heard from Seonghwa?"
"He said he went back to the hotel to pack. He was going to head back to America to get the rest of his stuff before coming back to Seoul."
"What?!" Yunho pulled the phone away from his ear and glared at the screen for a moment. He hung up on the two and quickly called his friend.
"Hey."
"Don't 'hey' me!" Yunho snapped.
"Oh...Joongie told you?"
"What the fu...why did I have to hear from Hongjoong that you're leaving the US?!"
"Because I knew you'd be upset. I was going to tell you when I fly out tomorrow."
"I'm sorry, did you just say 'tomorrow'?"
"Yeah, I figured I could leave when San does to make it easier on you, and then I'd fly right back when I finish packing my stuff from the apartment."
"Hwa...why? Why would you do this to me? We were doing fine in America," Yunho asked, muting the TV.
"No, we weren't. You were doing great. You have jobs lined up, you have contacts, and I have nothing. I've had two dancing gigs in all the years we've lived in New York. You were paying your half of the rent with your talents, I was paying mine by working for the grandmother at the bakery."
Yunho was silent. He knew that Seonghwa was struggling a bit but it never occurred to him that it was getting that bad.
"It's time for me to face the fact that I can't be what I wanted in high school."
Seonghwa sighed at the end of the line, taking a moment to catch his breath and form the words he wanted to say properly.
"Look...Mingi and Yeosang both offered me a position at their separate studios. I'm sure that if you wanted, they would give you a position as well. I...I know that you like New York, that you like being independent, but it's painful for me."
Yunho stayed quiet and let the realization sink in as Seonghwa asked if he was okay. He was going to be alone in a country for the first time, how terrifying would that be?
Sure, he had contacts but they were business contacts. Yunho hadn't even formed proper friendships with their neighbors or anyone in K-Town, and his co-workers didn't want to bother talking to someone who was still struggling in English after so many years in the States.
Seonghwa had been all he needed, his only friend.
Could he be alone?
A tone sounded in his ear and Yunho pulled away from his phone, seeing Seonghwa had hung up. He could feel tears burning in his eyes.
"Yunho?"
He lifted the back of his hand and wiped his nose, clearing his throat before he answered San.
"Yeah?"
"Can you come to help me?"
"Sure."
Yunho looked at his phone for a moment before rubbing his face and leaving it on the coffee table. His heart was troubled and in pain but he needed to focus.
Tonight was about fixing one problem. He would deal with the next later on.
--------------------
San was confused when Yunho had unpacked all the takeout onto nice plates and set the dinner table and then claimed to have something important to do. He watched his cousin walk to the door and open it to reveal Wooyoung standing there with a bouquet of spring flowers.
"Just in time," Yunho sighed, "Don't mess this up."
Wooyoung looked at him, confused, and stepped to the side as Yunho pushed to leave. He watched as Yunho shoved his hands into the pocket of his sweatshirt and hurried down the steps without looking back once.
Yunho wouldn't leave me with his cousin alone...right?
"Yunho, whose at the door?"
San looked to Wooyoung and his eyes screwed together in confusion. Wooyoung opened his mouth to explain but quickly closed it and smiled instead. He pushed the flowers out from his chest.
"Hi Sannie," he spoke.
He was nervous. He shouldn't be nervous, San was just his boyfriend. Yet just from San's reaction, it was obvious that everything had been Yunho's doing.
San walked forward and took the flowers, a light blush dotting his cheeks as he looked at the pastel petals.
"Thank you," he spoke, "Did you plan this with Yunho?"
Wooyoung blushed back and played with his fingers for a moment. "A little bit. Can I come in?"
San nodded and moved to the side, letting the dancer walk into his house almost silently. Wooyoung's eyes landed on the dining table and he smiled, his heart aching as he realized that this is what Yunho thought their dates must be like.
He wanted so badly for Yunho's assumption to be correct but he'd never done something like this for San. They'd always been struggling to find places where San wouldn't be recognized and no one would ask Wooyoung who was with him. They'd stayed in before but it was always to watch a show or to practice.
Other than that, Wooyoung could only occasionally send San gifts with no name on the tag while he was waiting at music shows.
"This looks...lovely," Wooyoung spoke, smiling at San.
San smiled back and moved toward the kitchen. He placed the flowers against the edge of the sink and worked quickly to put them in sugar water in a vase that gave the tidy kitchen a sense of life.
He then returned to the table and was surprised when Wooyoung pulled out a chair and gestured him to take a seat.
San sat down and Wooyoung pushed him toward the table.
The dancer served the food to his boyfriend before he connected his phone to the speakers and played soft indie music to set the atmosphere.
Yunho'd given him everything he needed to make a true apology to San, to make everything better, he wasn't about to let it go.
"Are you excited to go to Argentina?" Wooyoung questioned as he pushed some food into his mouth.
San blinked in surprise for a moment before smiling and eating the food that his lover had set in front of him. "I'm excited to see a new country, to see my fans. I'm getting to perform."
Wooyoung smiled brightly and the two continued to eat, chatting normally like this was something that they'd done several times before.
It wasn't until Wooyoung started to clear the dishes and place them in the sink to wash that San decided to face the truth.
"I know you're not okay, Wooyoung."
The dancer swallowed thickly and turned off the water, wiping his hands on a towel. "I don't know what you mean."
"Then let me rephrase my words," San replied, moving across the counter, "We're not okay."
Wooyoung sighed and tossed the towel to the side as he turned toward San. He didn't want to bring this up. They'd had a lovely meal, a good memory for San to cherish while he was abroad, and he didn't want to ruin it.
"Sannie, can't we just enjoy this moment?"
"I want to, Wooyoung, but I can't because we are both not okay with where we are right now," San spoke quickly, "You can't look me in the eye and say that you don't feel it too."
Wooyoung looked at him with narrowed eyes and let his shoulders sag.
"You can't because it's true," San continued.
"What do you want me to do about it?" Wooyoung questioned, "I don't know what's wrong with us so I don't know how to fix it and it's tearing my mind apart. So what do you want me to do?"
San blinked for a moment before looking down at the ground. He put a hand on his forehead and closed his eyes.
"I don't know..." he whimpered.
Wooyoung rubbed his face before wrapping his arms around San. He pulled the younger into his chest and kissed his head.
San felt tears coming but they wouldn't fall from his eyes. He gripped at Wooyoung's shirt. "What's wrong with us?"
Wooyoung sighed and shook his head.
"Maybe there's nothing wrong with us," Wooyoung spoke softly, "Maybe we're just thinking too much."
San bowed his head slightly and Wooyoung ran his hand through the idol's hair.
"Maybe this is just what we need," he sighed, "A break?"
San nodded. He knew that he was stressed out and losing Wooyoung, as painful as they would be initially, he was going to be alright if he didn't see his lover for a few months.
How bad could it really be? They had been apart almost all this time, with a mutual understanding that the other was busy.
"When you get back from your tour," Wooyoung spoke, "We'll go on a date and see if anything changes. We will be alright."
San nodded again and he looked up at Wooyoung with stars in his eyes.
"I love you."
"I love you too."
The two held onto each other for a while before Wooyoung finished cleaning the dining table and the kitchen. He departed with a kiss and bid goodbye to his lover for now.
Hi, it's me. How you doing?
-Love, Shade