I was still awake at 3 am all in my head. Harry was sound asleep with cute little snores coming from his mouth. I don't think anything could wake him.
I am playing every possible scenario in my head and they all end up with us heartbroken.
I don't see how our relationship could last that way. As badly as I wish it could.
I feel numb, my head feels dizzy, my eyes burn from the amount of tears, and my heart feels like it was ripped from my chest.
I can't do this, I can't feel like this.
This is only a fraction of how I feel when I am away from him.
Maybe if I just leave now it will be easier. Our relationship can't get any deeper or grow any stronger.
But look at him. He's beautiful even sleeping. He's perfect in every way. I've never loved anyone so much.
Sometimes you love someone so much you have to let them go, that's what they say right?
How much more would I fall for him in a few weeks? That would only make leaving harder. And then to go through everything just for it to end anyway.
If I end it now I won't waste anymore of his time. I don't deserve the kind of love he has to give. He will meet someone way better than me, someone as perfect as him.
I grabbed my things and ordered an uber. It's like my body is moving but my mind is not. I am doing these actions but not processing it.
It's like I am drunk but of fear or sadness. I don't know how to describe it. I don't even fully realize what I have done until I am on the plane, like how it was when I went to see him in Chicago.
I sit on the plane trying to process what I just did. It feels like a nightmare.
I wrote him this note.
A note? What have I done. I being to panic my breathing becomes hitched in my throat as my actions all hit me.
H,
We both know things wouldn't
be the same. It will make
everything easier for us both.
I'm so sorry.
Forever yours, Ro
All the memories we've made together in such a short time come flooding through my mind.
I thought of the first night we were together in Chicago. That felt like ages ago. I had no idea this is what would happen. I didn't think I would fall so hard for him and especially didn't think that he would fall for me too.
I remembered all the silly things we did together and the happy moments.
Lots of tears were falling down my face as I sat on the plane.
I knew if I stayed it would just make everything harder when it would eventually end anyway.
By the time I landed Harry would probably be waking up soon.