cracked.
his very essence cracked. crumbled.
there was nothing.
nothing but the pain that spiralled through him, rendering him useless, leaving him broken and winded on the floor. he slipped from park's grasp, knees colliding with hard wood as his heart split itself in two, ripping apart, breaking.
no air reached his lungs as he wailed for joey.
he was lost in a whirlwind of grief, unable to think of anything but joey.
joey.
his brother.
the brother he had ditched the moment things got tough.
the brother who had died.
overwhelmed.
gasping.
crying.
and the next thing he knew he was watching youngjae sobbing opposite him, big heavy tears dripping down his face. he had no right to cry.
where was he when mark and joey were suffering? when their very lives were being pulled apart piece by piece? he was fucking minhee, pretending to love mark and then screwing someone else.
he had no right to cry.
but he was, stifled wails, a wet face.
bambam wrapped himself around mark's shaking shoulders, eyes glazed, mouth drawn into a pressed line as he pulled mark close to him. he felt mark's heart rate, noticed how it beat out of time and much too fast. mark could only whimper.
this couldn't be real.
joey couldn't be dead.
jackson was whispering in a corner with park and mark saw how park's eyes twisted into darkness. the story had been translated, now park knew what had happened.
an indescribable feeling worked it's way into mark's gut as he stared at park, whose hands hung shaking by his side. park's face crumpled as they made eye contact and he too rushed to mark, joining bambam.
"i'm so sorry." he whispered, voice cracking as he scanned mark's tear stained eyes.
mark looked away, he couldn't form a single word, not without a fear that it would only lead to him sobbing harder.
youngjae moved over to him, wiping his own tears, "m-mark." he stuttered, "will you come... back to america with me?"
mark shook his head silently.
"but joe-"
"he said no!" this from park, who was glaring at youngjae, eyes practically burning holes into the stranger's skin. youngjae cowered away and mark almost smiled, enjoying how someone other than him was scared of park.
"he has to come, he-"
"what did i just fucking say?"
as much as mark appreciated park sticking up for him, he was quickly changing his mind on the matter, deciding that going with youngjae and speaking at joey's funeral was his last chance to be selfless, to do something for his poor brother. so, with a carefully placed eye on the bristling park, he spoke up, "i-i'll come... youngjae... i'll go to a-america."
just the simple thought of going back to the hell he had miraculously escaped sent chills creeping down his spine. but he wouldn't back out, he had to go.
park sighed angrily, whispering in mark's ear, "you don't have to listen to him. stay."
"n-no.. i-i-"
"-you're staying right here mark." park spoke with such a scary firmness that mark was shocked into silence as he turned back to youngjae, "he's staying with me."
"but he just said-"
"he's staying. that's final."
jackson leaned down, "park.. i think he wants to go."
and it was true, mark really wanted to go, as much as the sheer idea of seeing his father again made him want to scream, mark wanted to pay his respects. there was no way he could just go on living knowing joey was dead and he hadn't even attended the funeral.
"i'll come right back." he said quietly, "after the funeral, i'll come back."
bambam nodded, pulling mark closer, "it sounds reasonable park." but park just shook his head darkly.
"there is no way in hell mark is leaving this country."
"why?" youngjae pushed, "what right do you have to tell him what he can and can't do?!"
"and what right do you have to be here right now?"
the tension between youngjae and park was growing darker, each staring the other down with an intense ferocity that mark hadn't seen in either one before. youngjae, of course, was naturally gentle, not even raising his voice at mark once until that very day. park, sure, he got angry a lot, but never like this... mark found himself once again frightened by the man. but still, he couldn't help but feel almost happy that park wanted him to stay so badly. it was nice, to feel so wanted, especially from the man he had kissed twice.
youngjae laughed mockingly, smirk flitting onto his face, "just let him do what he wants okay?"
"no. he's staying here."
"park...." bambam said, "don't do this.."
"don't do what?"
"don't be all weird and controlling.. i thought you'd gotten over this.. y'know for a hot minute i thought of calling you jinyoung again."
park shifted uncomfortably, "i just don't want him to leave."
"creep." youngjae scoffed, "you don't own him."
"oh fuck off,"
gathering up what little courage and strength he had, mark hastily collected his thoughts, looking from park to youngjae and back again. they were seething, "look." he said, "i won't be gone long, max a week..."
"you're not goi-"
"max a week. and then i'll come right back okay? i'm sure wheein will let me have a week off work... i-i just... just... i have to go say goodb- ... goodbye to him."
bambam rubbed his shoulder gently, "it's only a week."
"i know..." park looked like he was giving in, "i just like having him around."
a laugh sounded from jackson, not sarcastic or anything, a genuine, humourous laugh and mark found himself ease up a little, "since when did you have a crush on mark, jinyoung?"
it was jarring, hearing the word 'jinyoung' leave anyone's mouth, but it felt right, at that moment it felt like they were truly friends going through a difficult time together.
surprisingly, park laughed back, perhaps spurred on by the use of his real name, "i guess.. i dunno.. since we kissed?"
"you what?!" youngjae and jackson said at the same time as both park and mark's cheeks reddened.
"yep.." park said, "at the courthouse."
"and in the warehouse." mark added, deciding mentioning the heated argument that took place after was taking it a little too far.
park smiled lightly, "it's just a week.."
"just a week." mark nodded and it seemed like the room was finally in agreement.
"sorry." youngjae spoke up, "you kissed???! mark!"
"i'm not the one who cheated youngjae. now fuck off." mark replied and youngjae hastily made his exit with a shout of, "we're leaving tomorrow!!" leaving just the reds in the room. they looked at each other nervously, mark's heart still pounding.
he was just waiting for joey's death to set in again. he was just waiting for another spiral into grief.
but for now, he turned to park, "wanna sleep in my apartment tonight?"
he didn't want to be alone.
park nodded sheepishly as bambam and jackson simultaneously went, "oooooooooh". he was seriously regretting telling them he and mark had kissed.
"i think that's our cue to leave." bambam laughed.
"well we'll see you guys tomorrow." jackson said as they headed towards the door, "we'll have a big send off for mark... a party if you will."
"at mr lee's!" bambam added, "jackson can get us all drinks on the house!!!"
mark nodded, "sounds great."
and with that, mark and park were left standing opposite each other, alone in mark's apartment.
woah isn't quarantine so fun