"I'm Alone and I'm an Easy Target"
February 17, 1993
Cannon Falls, MN
"Do I say something?" I take a quick swig from my beer before twisting my seat around to give Shelli my full attention. "Whatever we have right now isn't a relationship. It's killing me to be in the apartment knowing that he's off with some other woman when we're supposed to be engaged."
The older woman's shoulders are slumped down as she takes a sip of her own beer, "Maybe I was just making things up in my mind Rose... Maybe I just thought I saw them holding hands. I really don't think Dave would do this to you hon, somethings just off about this whole situation."
"I'll tell you what's off, me. I shouldn't have come back when Dave showed up at my house. From day one he's been my weakness, and this proves it. He's been cheating for months now and we're still engaged! I have yet to stand up for myself because I know when I do, I'll lose him forever."
The two of us have been here for two hours and I have already consumed my body weight in alcohol. My seventh empty beer sat on the counter in front of me as I contemplate ordering an eighth. "He should've just left our relationships in the friendzone... I don't need this stress."
"I can talk to him if you don't want to." Shelli Novoselic knows that this is my way of working through the second stage of grief, anger. She knows me better than I know myself, and for that I am grateful. "You can't keep this bottled up, so maybe me starting the conversation-"
"No Shelli," I cut my friend off, "There's no point in holding an 'intervention' or anything like that. I think it's time I just face the facts and call off the engagement; move back home while I have the savings to do so."
A frown sets on the dark-haired woman's face as she waves over the bartender for another drink. "That just seems so rash to me Rosemary... You and Dave still have something that can be saved if you'd just talk to one another."
"This relationship has been doomed since the day we put Eva in the ground Shelli."
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"I want to know which one of us thought it was a good idea to walk to and from that bar because it's fucking cold out here!" My laughter broke through the usually quiet wooded area of Pachyderm Studios as Shelli and I drunkenly stumble up the walkway hand in hand.
The older woman let out a giggle at my words, tripping over her snow boots for the third time since we left the bar. "Definitely not one of our brightest moments."
"Do it baby!" Krist's familiar voice caught our attention almost immediately followed by a loud crash and a, "What are you crazy?!"
"Dave's chucking his crash cymbal at the side of the building again," Shelli's voice is monotone as both of us stare at Dave and Krist's features from across the snow-covered yard. "One of those ice cycles are going to impale him before we leave this place..."
The short haired drummer and tall bassist must have noticed us staring because next thing I know they're waving and walking our way. "Well this should be interesting... Ten bucks says he completely ignores me."
"Twenty says he tries to take you to bed again," Shelli retorts with a knowing look.
That unhealthy cycle of anger to fornication between the drummer and I has yet to cease and is probably the only thing keeping our 'relationship' together anymore. "Where have you two been? We've been looking for you all afternoon."
"Oh, you know, around." My response was purposely vague, partly due to Dave's presence but mostly because the alcohol in my system is really starting to kick my ass. Fuck, I shouldn't have had that last beer...
Krist shoots me a sorrow filled look before taking Shelli's hand in his much larger one, "I'm gonna help her up to our room. See you later Dave."
As I watch the older couple walk into the house, stumbling a few times along the way, I felt the air around me dissipating with every step. Everyone here knows not to leave Dave and I alone for long periods of time. Our relationship is crumbling around us and while we know it's inevitable, we don't want to let each other go.
"Can uh... Can we talk?" His question caught me off guard and when I glance his way, I can tell the he's just as nervous to be alone together as I am. "In our room?" At this point, I know there is no way in hell that I'd be able to verbally respond, so instead I give the boy a curt nod and follow his lead toward the guest house.
The first thing I notice when we walk in is Kurt's light brown dyed hair on the couch and none other than Frances sitting on his lap with one of her many toys in hand. Last I checked, she was still in Seattle with Courtney, so seeing her immediately brightened my mood. "Bean!"
A bright smile appears on Kurt's face when he realized I changed directions to join him and the young child, "She's here for a couple of days so Courtney can get some things done back home."
The young Cobain's similarities to her father at such a young age shocks me. From the same bright blue eyes to her nose and facial expressions; it makes me wonder if Eva would've been the same way, taking after her father. "She's been excited to see you."
"Well, we all know that I'm just as excited to see her." My buzz started to fade as I situated myself next to Kurt on the couch, allowing the small child to grip my pointer finger with her hand. "She's getting stronger every day."
I knew Dave was watching the interaction from with stairwell, but I didn't care. I lost my only chance to be a mother, so this mini Cobain is going to be spoiled by me in every way possible. "I still can't believe I'm a father."
"She's just like you Kurt..." I brush my fingers over the small amount of blonde hair that has started to grow, "She's going to be a heartbreaker one day."
Kurt cringes at my comment, "That's a terrifying thought. She shouldn't be like me or Courtney. I wish she would take after you instead."
With that comment, Dave clears his throat. "Rose?"
"I'm coming," I respond with a sigh. My thumb grazes over the girl's cheek before I push myself back up to my feet. "I'll be back in a few. Dave wants to talk."
Rather than respond, Kurt shifts his full attention back to his daughter. For someone that used to be terrified to be a father, he sure is good at it. I know that if I don't act soon, he'll be the one spoiling the small girl before I even get a chance.
The walk to Dave and I's bedroom is silent, both of us opting to wait until we're in a confined space of our own before speaking up about anything we need to say to one another. I mean, there's a child in the house for god's sake and both of us curse like sailors when we argue.
"Do you want to start trying?"
The question took me off guard completely. We haven't been able to carry out a normal conversation, let alone discuss the possibility of having another kid together. "Start what?"
"Just... seeing you with Frances," He shrugs before taking a seat next to me on the bed, "It seems like you might be ready to try again. Have a kid of our own, you know?"
"We have a kid of our own Dave," My voice cracks slightly. "She's back in Seattle."
Dave's hand moves to cup my inner thigh, causing my body to stiffen. "Yeah, we do. I just think it would be nice to have our own little one running around." Chills run up my spine as Dave begins drawing circles through my jeans, "We could even start now..."
"No Dave." My hand lands on top of his, stopping the unwanted action before pushing him away.
"No?"
"Yeah, no." With that, I stand up and step away from the boy I can't help but love, "You've treated me like shit since I came back in November. Do you know how that makes me feel? It's like I'm your sex toy. Do you want me to leave again? Tell me, and I will."
"No, I don't want you to leave Rose. Why the fuck would you think that?"
His mouth tells me one thing, but his face is saying something completely different. "Really? Because it sure didn't seem like it when you were running off with Courtney Love in Brazil or all those nights you were out all night alone in Seattle. You came to my childhood home, gave me this sob story about how you wanted me with you, but then proceeded to treat me like I'm worthless Grohl."
"Rosemary."
"David."
His hands clench at his sides showing obvious signs of an internal power struggle, but I can't bring myself to walk away just yet. I want to know where this is about to go. I want him to show me something, anything to convince me to stay.
"Damn it Rosemary!" I don't have time to react as Dave's fist flies by my head, connecting hard with the wall behind me.
"Get the fuck away from her!" Kurt's eyes are almost as wide as mine are when he walks in the bedroom with Frances in his arms. "What the fuck were you thinking man? You almost hit her!" Kurt stares at his drummer waiting for a reasonable excuse to come out of the twenty four year olds mouth, but when the room stays silent, he turns his attention to me. "Come on."
My eyes dart between Kurt's angry blue orbs to Dave's regret filled brown ones before side stepping closer to the singer.
The world around me slows down, and I can feel my hands shake from adrenaline as I stare at the hole in the once solid wall. Dave is guilt-ridden, eyes closed as his hands are once again clenched at his side, but this time due to shame rather than anger.
"What the hell was that?" Shelli voice is shrill with panic as I close the bedroom door behind me. The older woman had rushed out of the nearby bathroom in only a towel, Krist right behind her with a confused expression on his face.
Kurt and I exchange a silent conversation with our eyes, debating whether or not to inform the couple of what had taken place in the room behind us. As a form of strength, the floppy haired man beside me intertwined his hand through mine before speaking up, "Dave got pissed a punched a wall."
They don't need to know the truth.
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Alright ladies and gents, never in a million years would I ever see David Grohl doing this. However, for the sake of this storyline this (like the Eva situation) needed to happen.
Rose accepted the poor treatment (physical, mental, and emotional abuse) that came from dating Wyatt in the past. She has a bad habit of accepting men like this into her life and currently, Dave is going through a shit ton of internal struggles which vary from his band member being in love with his fiancé, Rose constantly lying to him and shutting him out, his now confusing relationship with Jennifer, and Kurts (basically his boss!) negative talk about him.
DAVE DOES NOT KNOW WHAT HE IS DOING! Do not hold this against him later on. Rather than thinking things out, he is acting on impulsive fear. This was basically just another driving force to push Rose closer to Kurt and it's life way of teaching Rose a valuable life lesson.
Without Kurts impact, she would not be the person she is in the present, and she would not have the ending that she will eventually have.
If you have any questions please feel free to ask!
xoxo KC