Alex's POV
It's been a couple of day's since Layla has been out of the hospital. Today's her first therapy sees on and I'm taking her. I've been watching her at every meal making sure she's eating it, she has which is a relief. Everyone has gone back to mostly treating her normally but I can't, I can't shake the feeling that she isn't going to do it again.
I've done some research and the website said that most people tend to relapse when they're going through a bad time or memories come back. Next week in her Trail and she's been quiet about it, it's a bit worrying how quiet she has been, I her a deep that she's going to close herself out to it.
I was waiting for her in the kitchen because I was going to be driving her to her first therapy session. We got her the best one in town and since she's the one who wanted it, hopefully she'll only need a couple of sessions and then she'll be back to feeling normal.
She care to the kitchen and she seemed happy which was good as it's probably better for her to be on a good mood for her first session.
"Hey, I'm ready whenever you are?"
"Have you Eaten breakfast?"
"Yes I have and if you don't believe me you can go and ask Alfie." She then proceeded to go to the car without saying anything else. I know she's mad that I'm checking up on her but she almost died and I don't trust her to not do that again. At least not yet.
I followed her to the car and got into the drivers seat. I put the destination in the sat nav and then we were off. We didn't say anything the whole ride there and there was a clear tension in the car. But I didn't know how to break it so I parked outside the therapists place.
She got o it of the car and looked at me hoping for some sympathy but I showed nothing of the sort. "See you in a hour." She said and closes the door. I watched her go in the building and waited a few minutes before driving off.
You might think that I'm being too harsh on her but I'm only doing it because I love her so much and the feeling that I had when I thought she was dead was something she couldn't imagine like I couldn't imagine what she was going through. I just live her too much to let her get hurt.
Layla's POV
I went into the building and I had no idea where I was going. I had never been here before and to be honest I was scared. Opening up to a stranger even if they are a trained professional, it's just going to be hard. Alfie and Alex haven't truly forgiven me and none of my family trust me, they might say they do but I can see that they're lying. It's going to take time I know I just wish time Would hurry along.
I went to the receptionist desk to ask where the room was. "Excuse me, I'm looking for a miss jenners room, I'm Layla Adams and I have an appointment with her now."
"Of course." She nodded. "It's up the stairs and the first room on the left."
"Thank you." I said and followed her instruction making it to the room. When I got there I felt my insides freeze and a fear that began to grow through my stomach. She's a therapist and therapists aren't meant to judge so I had nothing to be afraid of.
I knocked on the door and I heard a friendly voice. "Come in." The women said and I went in. When I first saw her my first impressions was that she was beautiful and she looked really young to be a therapist especially to go through all them years of training.
I sat down on the sofa and took a deep breath. I could do this I knew I could i just had to be brave.
"Your name is Layla?"
"Yes." I nodded
"Could you start by telling me why you think you're here?"
"Because I was anorexic and I could've killer myself."
"No that's what you think everyone else thinks, I'm asking about you, so what do you think."
"I'm here because... it was a mistake and I didn't mean for any of it to happen I felt like pure shit and I let his words get to me, I didn't mean to." I burst into tears, with the first question i started to cry, I couldn't do this I couldn't be strong.
The last handed me some tissues and gave me a warm smile. It made me feel safer but then it also make me feel weak as I felt vulnerable as any question she asks I could let the answer just slip right out of me. I wiped my tears with the tissues and took a deep breath.
"I'm going to ask you a few questions about what you just said anytime you want me to stop just say the word orange during our sessions and I'll stop okay?"
I nodded and felt more in control about the whole situation, therefore I felt less weak and vulnerable.
"Who is he? What has he done? To make you feel this bad about yourself to make you feel trapped and made you feel like that was the only way you can go about it."
"His name is Noah." I swallowed and felt tears form in my eyes again. "He asked me on a date and I was excited and really happy. I went and got raped..." I was proud of myself to manage to say it without bursting into tears.
The therapist didn't show any reaction to what I said and instead wrote down some notes. Once she finished she looked at me "has he been arrested?"
"Yes, the trial is next week."
"Are you scared of having to see him again?"
"No." I shook my head, I always thought i was scared of seeing him but I guess I wasn't. But I still felt a feeling in my stomach and I knew it meant I was scared but what was I scared of now that I figured out it wasn't him.
"Are you scared of what might happen? If he might get out and hurt other people the way he hurt you?"
"Yes, I'm scared that someone will have to go through that, that he'll be after me and this whole nightmare will never come to a stop and I'll never be able to wake up from it."
As I spoke I saw her write more notes. "What triggered you into making yourself sick? was there a certain word? Memory?"
"While it was all happening he called me a lot of things but I didn't hear most of them because I was screaming at him to stop but he didn't listen. I heard him say things about my appearance, negative things and words like "fat, ugly." I wanted to shake them off but I couldn't
By the time I realised I wouldn't be able to stop thinking of those words I also thought that everyone else would see me as that and it would be weird if only one person saw me like that... i lost all the confidence I had which really wasn't a lot.
And then if I saw people looking at me I would just assume the worse that they were thinking that and soon enough I saw myself through everyone else's eyes. Then that's when my mind started playing tricks on me, my clothes felt really tight on me as if I couldn't breathe.
So I wanted to lose weight and I wanted to do it as quick as I possible could.. I knew it was wrong but I put my fingers down my throat and I threw up, I was right it did start working and when I got to a weight I felt nice in I stopped. Then I ate and I felt it again. I felt fat and I didn't want to go back to that feeling. So I thought it I lost even more weight I wouldn't go back to that feeling so I also brought some diet pills.
I only took them for a couple of days because my brother found them at my parents wedding and confronted me about them. I wanted to tell him then about everything that I was doing but I didn't have the strength in me and they all found out when I fainted at dinner..."
I knew I couldn't tell her what really happened at my parents wedding because although i wasn't dead I knew I would be if I ever told anyone about what happened and that my family was in a gang. I looked at her and she was once again writing things down in a notepad of hers.
I looked at the time and I couldn't believe me eyes, we only had ten minutes left on the session. I guess me rambling on really made the time pass by. She put her notes down and went to the desk to her something which made me confused because isn't therapy all about talking.
She had something which looked like a mirror in her hand. She sat opposite me where she was before and handed me the mirror.
"This would be our last activity for today, I want you to look in the mirror and tell me what you see."
I took a deep breath and looked at myself in the mirror. All I saw was a girl who had brown hair and brown eyes. I didn't get what this exercise was for.
"So tell me what you see Layla."
"I see myself and I have brown hair and brown eyes."
"Okay, that's your appearance but I want you to look closely and tell me what you see on the inside, tell me what you see yourself as while looking at yourself."
I took another look at the mirror and I still saw myself but then o began to notice little details in my face which would show how i was feeling, but then I realised there was a lot of different details and surely no one can feel all those emotions at once without being broken right?
"Now again, tell me what you see"
"I see myself and I see that she is broken and that she needs to be fixed."
"Good, you've made progress even if you feel like you haven't, it'll be the same time next week and I'm going to give you a little bit of homework to do over the next week, I want you to keep a diary and write when you feel happy and why and then when you feel sad and why."
I nodded, I could do that and it would definitely make life a whole lot easier because then I wouldn't have to explain everything I feel.
"Also, good luck for next week, Hopefully he'll go down and if you say everything that you said to me then I see no reason why they shouldn't believe you."
I gave her a short but friendly smile. I left the room and went downstairs. When I went outside the building and saw that Alex was already there waiting for me, I don't think I could bare another awkward car ride.
I got into the car and looked at him. "Can you drive me to calebs please?"
"You seem to be spending a lot of time there since last week. How comes?"
"It's the only place where I feel like I can be trusted."
He didn't say anything else but drove like I said to Caleb's house. I looked at his hand and saw how his knuckles were white form holding the steering wheel too hard. He stopped outside.
"I love you." I said as I got out of the car.
"Love you too." He mumbles and I could just about hear him.
I walked to calebs front door and knocked. A girl answered and she was in trousers and a bra. My heart broke.
Authors note:
Hey I'm sorry this is a couple days late but I kind of had writers block and I hope that it won't happen again. Thank you so much for over 5.1k readers it blows my mind when I see it has gone up. It also has over 100 votes which is also amazing. Thank you so much and I love you all 💖💖💖