You shifted around uncomfortably.
"There are too many people here. I don't like it..."
Ever since that certain event, you kept a minor distance towards everyone. Your anxiety was telling you that people were whispering.
They know you were the person who could have saved commander Erwin but decided not to do it. That was what your insecurities told you.
"Maybe I shouldn't have to come here! Sure I came here just to get a medal, but is it really worth it!?" Your thoughts were frantic.
You literally couldn't focus!
"I can't take it! I need to leave!" You quickly made your way to the exit, hoping to get some fresh air. But a voice stopped you.
"Y/n? Where are you going?" You heard Armin ask.
"The ceremony is going to start soon. We can't have you wandering around now." he took your hand and led you back to the group.
"Shoot...there goes my only chance of leaving. Oh well...might as well just stay calm and try to contain yourself for now." You thought.
When coming closer to the group, you noticed Eren rubbing his temples as his face read deep pain.
"Eren, are you alright?" Mikasa asked.
"I'm fine. It's just my head hurts a lot. It's been killing me these past few days. I don't know why though?"
Headaches...?
...That could be the work of the Founder Titan.
However, you kept that information to yourself.
You thought listening to other conservations would help calm you down. But you were wrong.
"Y/n was it?" You heard a voice ask.
You turned to find a girl with brown wavy tousled hair and hazel eyes. Your eyebrows furrowed.
You never seen this girl before? How does she know your name?
The girl chuckled at your confused expression.
"I can tell by the look on your face you never seen me before. My name is Hitch. A friend of Marlowe." She introduced herself.
Your eyes widened.
Marlowe...you remember him.
He didn't make it...along with the other soldiers who traveled with you.
"No need for the pity. I'm alright." She later replied.
"I just wanted to introduce myself to you. You're quite the talk of the area now. With you being a titan shifter and all that. The military police were skeptical about you at first, but part of me believed you are a good person. And I'm right, you seem like you are." She explained.
You felt a bit relieved. At least there was some people who didn't view you negatively.
"I also heard some things about the commander. How you tried to save him but it didn't work out. His injuries were beyond repair, how were you able to stabilize him?" She asked.
"Actually, wait. No, don't try to come up with an answer. I forgot you're not much of a talker." she laughed nervously.
You chuckled a bit yourself.
Luckily for you, the others soon joined the conversation, probably sensing awkwardness in the air.
You were again relieved as the subject of the matter seemed to change. But of course, that relief didn't last too long.
"Yeah, Marlowe was great out there in the mission. You were there with him, right Floch?" Jean asked.
You began to shake your head as Jean said that, but it was already too late.
"Yeah, Marlowe was great. He stayed calm throughout the entire time and even encouraged his recruits. But in his final moments, I think he regretted his actions. All of it."
Hitch's eyes widened, clearly distressed. She avoided eye contact.
"Guess that's what he gets for even joining the suicide mission." She muttered before walking off.
"Hey! Why'd you go and have to say that!?" Jean exclaimed, appalled of what Floch just said.
"Well, someone has to be honest of what happened." Floch replied.
"Listen Floch. I know you're still upset about what happened to the Commander. But you don't have to be angry. Y/N tried her best, there's nothing we can do about it now." Armin said.
Floch's eyes met yours. His scornful glare with the purpose of sizing you up. You weren't affected by it however, only giving him deadpan look.
"Oh right, the mute girl who's an obvious danger to all of us, yet you still find every excuse to defend her actions. Like that's going to lighten my mood."
"Hey! What the hell is your problem!? She did what she could! Better than your whiny ass would have done at the time!" Eren defended you.
"Maybe she would have saved him in the first place if you didn't act so childish and allowed your personal feelings to get the better of you." Floch argued.
"Hey now...!" Jean began to say.
"Let it go man." Connie said.
"Don't. Don't try to make yourselves the mediators here. You two also made no effort to stop Eren and Mikasa for acting out." He then turned his attention back to you.
"But what really pisses me off is why are you all going through the effort of protecting her. You all know how dangerous she is. Don't think I haven't been paying attention to what's being said about her! The survey corps knowing nothing about her abilities, the possibility of her dooming us all! And now this! The one time I actually thought she was useful, she tossed it away just to save your scrawny ass! Captain Levi and commander Hange know for a fact he could have been saved, but of course. They decide to defend her instead." Floch argued.
Your glare faltered with his words, but you still held your ground.
Armin was taken aback. He was speechless for a moment.
"Don't...talk about her that way." his voice trembled with anger.
"And what are you going to do---" Floch began to say.
"That's enough! What's done is done! The commander is dead and you, along with the other cowards should be grateful and even thankful that Y/n grew a pair and did something. Unlike you who just ran his mouth the entire time!" Eren argued.
A heavy silence loomed over.
"Well then. How about you all inform any future recruits of what they actually signed up for and whatever she is capable of. So that any other cowards like me don't bother in joining." Floch demanded.
His eyes met yours one last time.
Your eyes glared back at his. A threatening one.
A mix of 'you better watch yourself' and 'be lucky my friends were here' glare.
"...!" He was almost taken aback by your glare. His eyes shifted away before walking away.
"Serves him right." You thought before walking to stand next to Armin, who just looked miserable.
"Y/n...I'm so sorry. I tried--."
You shook your head.
'Don't apologize. Thank you, all of you, for sticking up for me.' You signed.
"She's right Armin. You don't have to apologize. Although he made clear points, it should be him apologizing in the end." Eren said.
"Alright, that's enough of you brats. It's time, line up." Levi said before making his way to the stage.
The ceremony didn't take as long as you thought while Historia was handing out your medals. You couldn't exactly describe the words you felt in that moment.
But a good guess would be...somewhat honored. But you felt like you didn't deserve this medal.
"Eren?" Historia asked.
You looked towards Eren and noticed shock evident on his face.
Your eyes turned dark as you realized why he was acting that way.
He's knowing more and more about the abilities of the Founder.
*Time Skip (A Few Months Later)*
Wall Maria was fully recovered and now the scouts were free to do expedients.
After what felt like ages, you all rode outside the walls. This time you weren't afraid. In fact, you happened to grow more confident over the past few months.
So confident, you felt almost weightless. Like you were starting to accept yourself, something you haven't done in a long time.
You slowly opened up to Hange more, revealing a bit more about your abilities. You played it off as suddenly remembering something and Hange was able to get an idea of how your abilities worked.
While on your journey, you couldn't help but notice there were a lot less titans outside the walls. Which was strange...
You only ran into one titan, but it didn't pose a threat because it could barely move. The only way it could actually get to the walls was by dragging itself, but it still couldn't make it that far.
"Poor thing." You thought sorrowfully, placing your hand on it.
It's sad to see that this titan used to be human.
"...!!" You were startled and flinched back as the titan moved as you as you touched it.
Its eyes stared at yours. There was so much pain behind it, you couldn't keep the eye contact much longer.
"Y/n! Let's go. We're leaving." Eren called. You glanced at the titan once more before running off to meet the others.
Then...you all finally reached it.
Paradis Island.
The place where the Marleyians turned you Eldians into titans.
As you all approached a small sandy hill and from up there, you could hear the sounds of water clashing with each other.
"Could that be the...?"
You slowly rode your horses on top of the hill and you were met with a sight that you've been waiting to see for years.
It was the sea...
Your eyes widened at the beautiful sight. Armin was right...the sea was incredible!
Funny...it looks way more beautiful now than it was before.
You all wasted no time before making your way down. Some of you even took off your boots and made your way to the large body of water.
"...!!" You shivered as your bare feet made in contact with the cold water.
You couldn't believe it, this felt like a dream!
You stared ahead. It was even more beautiful at the view ahead.
"Woooo!"
"...!?" You felt yourself get pushed a bit.
"Y/N! What are you standing around here for!? Come play with us!" Sasha said as she grabbed onto your arm and gave you the widest smile.
You looked at her for a moment before smiling back and nodding your head. For the next few minutes; Connie, Sasha, Jean, and you played in the water.
Sasha let out a squeal as she was getting splashed with water. You also let out squeals when getting splashed with the cold water.
The three soon turned their attention on me and they all tag-teamed you on whoever can splash you the most.
"No! Stop! Leave me alone! Eeeeek! (≧▽≦)"
Without warning, Sasha launched herself at you.
"...!!" You gasped as you were brought down into the water, making a huge splash.
"Ha, ha, ha, ha!" Sasha laughed as you pouted at her.
"No fair!!" You thought.
"Hey! Be careful over there! Y/N, are you alright?" You heard Hange ask.
Eren, Mikasa, and Armin made their way over too. You nodded while giving them a smile.
Connie let out a chuckle.
"Heh Y/n! Your hair looks like a wet mop." Connie teased.
"That's because you got you got my hair all wet!" You pouted.
You turned away from everyone, your hands in your hair as you tried to fix yourself up a bit. But an arm stopped you.
"No don't...you look pretty." Mikasa said giving you a small smile.
"She's right," Eren added.
"No need to feel self-conscious Y/n," Armin reassured.
You looked at them in awe and then looked down at the water.
But overall, you didn't exactly look bad.
It was then from staring at your reflection at the sea, that you realized how far you've come. From where you were young to where you are now.
You did it...
"Grandpa...I think I grew up to the strong girl I promised I would be..." You thought.
But deep down inside, something was still holding you back.
This facade...
This facade that you kept up for so long. Managing to fool everyone.
You closed your eyes, finally allowing yourself to remember that very night.
You were dropped off by a ship, sent here on a mission to seek and destroy the so-called devils on Paradis Island.
However, throughout your journey towards the walls, you encountered many different pure titans. All of which reflected the same emotions, pain, confusion, hunger. It was depressing.
It didn't impact you as much as at first, but your thoughts became clouded with the feeling. Whenever you tried to rest, you couldn't get the faces out of your head. It was too much.
About halfway through your long journey, you sensed a strong sensation in a chapel nearby. You felt your heart beating as you realized what it was.
The Founding Titan...
...
You barely managed to escape that night. You were out a breath and exhausted. But you couldn't stop now. You were almost killed just now!
You fell down to your knees, finally far away enough. You let your emotions get the best of you. You were conflicted, you had no idea what to do. Were you the real enemy? Have you've been fighting the wrong side?
It began to rain, your face now being more soaked. As you wiped your eyes, you could see something in the distance.
It was a giant wall...
.....
"Y/N! Y/N! Hey! Open your eyes!"
Your eyes slowly blinked open as you could make out the worried faces around you.
"You okay!? Don't go passing out on us! We get it, the ocean is beautiful!" Hange joked.
"I didn't think she passed out, maybe fell asleep?"
Your eyes fixed on Eren who leaned forward.
"Y/n...what happened? Are you alright?" He asked.
You continued to stare up at Eren and you felt your mouth open.
"E-Eren...?" You asked.
"You're too close dammit..." you added weakly.