"I'd like to say, I'm okay... but I'm not. I try, but I fall, close my mind, turn it off."
~Michael Schulte, 'You Said You'd Grow Old With Me'
~~~
*Tum's POV*
They say there's a point in everyone's life where everything changes. That one turning point when you realize nothing is ever going to be the same again.
For me, it was the moment I found out my mate was dead.
It's been a little over a year since I got the news, and the pain is still there. Granted, I never got the chance to meet the guy and get to know him, but I'm not sure if that's a good thing or not. On the one hand, if I had known him already, I would've been too attached and the pain of his death would have driven me insane. On the other hand... man, it fucking sucks that I never even got to see him. He was supposed to be the one I would spend the rest of my life with. The one who's supposed to be my other half.
And now?
I feel like I'm only half of a person.
Lost. Empty. Confused.
I've spent the past year cursing the Moon. Why would she give me a mate that died before he was even of age? What's the point in that? To make me suffer for some sin I committed in a past life?
This last year has made me cold. Not 'cold' in the sense of being mean and bitter. I'm not bitter. I'm still happy for my friends when they find their mates. In fact, I would spend all my time helping everyone find their mates if I could. No one should have to be mateless like me.
No, I've become cold in the emotional sense. I feel joy when those around me feel it, but I can't find happiness on my own. Not anymore. When I'm alone, all I can think about is what I would be doing with my mate, if he was still alive. Would he have liked riding around on my motorcycle? What subject would he be studying? What movies would we be watching together?
Would he have wanted to flaunt our relationship, holding hands and kissing in public? Or would he have been shy, and preferred that we kept our PDA at a minimum? Frankly, I probably would've gone along with whatever he wanted. I would've just been happy to have him by my side at all.
Because now, I'll never have that.
Granted, the Moon has gifted wolves with a second mate in the past, but it was extremely rare. No one I know has actually gotten a second chance. I've only heard stories that are starting to sound like stupid myths, made up to give gullible and pitiful wolves like me false hope.
Besides, if the Moon gave a shit about me, she would've kept my mate alive. So, no. I'm not holding my breath for a new mate.
I try to not think too much about it anymore. Instead, I put most of my focus on the pack. If I want to be chosen as Lhong's second-in-command, I need to stay focused on him, and on the pack. There's no room for my solo pity parties.
Right now, my main concern should be helping Lhong find his own mate. No one can deny that a head alpha has power, but they are a lot more powerful with their Luna by their side. As future beta of the Silver Sun Pack, it's my job to make sure Lhong will be as strong as possible.
I've known for a while about Lhong's infatuation with Tharn. Even before they both turned 18, I told Lhong that they wouldn't be mates. Oh sure, the Moon has mated wolves from different packs before, but two alphas from different packs? That has never happened. Ever.
And yet, Lhong chose to get close to Tharn, only to have his heart broken when he realized they weren't mates. In fact, Lhong's been in a pretty pissy mood ever since he found out that Tharn found his mate. He's been snippy with not only me, but with other members of the pack as well. And he really needs to get his shit together before word gets back to his father, and Lhong ends up sporting another bruise that he thinks no one notices.
I head over to Lhong's office at the pack house. Knocking on the door twice, I wait patiently until the door swings open, revealing a very stressed out Lhong.
"Tum?" Lhong's eyebrows raise in surprise. "What are you doing here?"
"What, I need an excuse to come see my friend?" I feign offense, placing a hand over my chest.
Lhong looks me up and down before stepping aside, letting me into his office. I try to keep my expression neutral as I look around the room. There are papers scattered all over his desk, with some crumpled on the floor. Books are strewn across his sofa, as if he was searching for something in particular within each book before getting frustrated and tossing them aside.
"What's going on in here?" I ask.
Lhong crosses his arms over his chest and leans against his desk. "Work," he deadpans, but I can tell he's not telling me the whole truth.
"You're lying," I say flatly. "You never lie to me. Must mean you're up to no good."
Lhong chuckles dryly. "You know me too well, Tum. Fine. I'm trying to figure out how to make Tharn my mate."
My eyes widen. "What are you talking about? I thought you said Tharn found his mate?"
"Yes, but rejected wolves are sometimes given the chance to find a new mate."
"Tharn was rejected?"
"Not yet," Lhong says smugly. Irritation flashes through me. He wants to force Tharn to lose his mate, for the slim chance that the Moon will give Tharn to him? Is he crazy?
"That's not going to work," I inform him coldly. Lhong narrows his eyes at me as I continue on. "The Moon doesn't always give someone a second mate. Trust me."
My icy tone makes Lhong pause for a second. His eyes flicker with what must be guilt. "It's happened before," he says slowly.
"Lhong," I sigh, raking a hand through my bleach blonde hair. "You shouldn't mess with the Moon's plans. It's not right. Don't force Tharn and his mate apart. You need to move on."
"Excuse me?" Lhong's eyes flash angrily. "I need to move on? That's rich coming from someone who can't seem to get over some guy that he never fucking met."
My body stiffens. As soon as the words leave Lhong's mouth, I see the regret in his eyes. He snaps his mouth shut with a grimace.
"Tum, I didn't mean—"
"Forget it," I mutter, turning my gaze to the ground. "I'm going out for a drink. Alone. Call me if you need something... as my future alpha." Not as my friend. But I don't say that part out loud. Before Lhong can speak again, I hastily leave his office and hop on my sleek, vibrantly red motorcycle.
I consider heading home first, but I'm not really in the mood to talk to anyone. Passing my street, I head straight for one of the bars located on the neutral territory. I park my bike and head inside, flagging down a bartender for an Old Fashioned.
I sit in silence, nursing my drink. A few guys eye me from the other end of the bar, but my cold stare has them finding a few target before they can even attempt to hit on me.
This sucks.
I hate that I'm back here. I hate that I feel the need to drink whenever someone brings up the fact that I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life. No, scratch that, I just hate the fact that I'm going to be alone, period.
Sure, it would be easy to get drunk and find someone to hook up with. If I don't have a mate, what's the harm in banging a stranger, right?
Except that I can't.
No one has been able to even remotely spark my interest. There are attractive people around me, for sure, but I can't find one shred of attraction towards them. It would be pretty difficult to hook up with someone when my body has no interest in touching them.
Frustrated, I down my third glass and leave money on the counter before heading out. I stare at my motorcycle and sigh, knowing I shouldn't try driving myself home. I take out my phone and press the first contact on my speed dial.
"Hello?" My friend, Techno, answers. We met a few months ago at a party Tharn had thrown for his 19th birthday. I didn't really want to go, but Lhong insisted on bringing me along. This was before things had gone south between Lhong and Tharn, so they were still friends. I didn't know anyone except for Lhong at the party, and I ended up exploring the house. I found a guy in one of the upstairs rooms playing a video game, with a very intense expression. Instead of being surprised to see someone else there, he simply invited me to play with him. He said he had a rough day and didn't feel like partying, but Tharn is his alpha and he felt obligated to be there anyway. We played video games for most of the night, and quickly became friends. We still play games together online.
"Hey, No, I need you to do me a favor," I tell him.
"Sure, what's up?"
"I've had a few drinks, and I really don't think I should be driving. Can you come get me?"
Techno sighs over the line. "Text me the address. I'll be there soon."
After hanging up, I quickly send Techno the name and address of the bar I'm at. I decide to wait outside for Techno, since the cool breeze feels nice. While I'm waiting, I hear a muffled yelp, along with the sound of a man cursing. Curious, I head towards the alley behind the bar. There's a tall, broad man towering over a boy, who's shaking in the corner of the alleyway. Even through my tipsy haze, I can tell the boy is being threatened.
Anger surges through me, and I'm caught off-guard for a moment by how angry my wolf is. I stalk towards them and shove the taller man away. He stumbles back for a second before standing up straight, and looking at me as if I am a mere bug to be squashed under his boot. From his scent, I can tell he's human, and the corners of my lips twitch in an amused smile.
"Who the fuck are you?" He spits in my face.
I give him a smile, one that is sickly sweet. "I'm just a concerned citizen, who wants you to stop bothering this young man."
The man scoffs and steps towards me, the stench of booze rolling off of him. "Who the fuck do you think you are? Mind your own business, kid."
The man moves to push me, and my hand locks around his wrist. He tries to pull his hand back, but my iron-grip keeps him in place.
"Say you're sorry," I command coolly.
"The fuck?" The man struggles in my grip, obviously underestimating my strength. Pfft, humans.
"Do I really have to repeat myself? Say. You're. Sorry." I tighten my grip on his wrist, and the man hisses from the pain. I'm not squeezing hard enough to break his wrist— yet.
"Shit, fine, I'm sorry, whatever," the man grumbles, and I release his arm. He narrows his eyes at me and the boy standing behind me. "This shit isn't worth getting my arm broken over."
I cock my head in confusion, wanting to ask what he meant by that, but the whimpering behind me reminds me that the boy is still here.
"Hey, are you alri—" as I turn around to face him, my words are caught in my throat. He's short and thin, making him appear pretty tiny. His dark chocolate eyes are wide and round, and his soft black hair falls casually across his forehead. His skin is like porcelain, and the events of tonight have him especially pale. He's human, that much is obvious by his scent alone.
He's beautiful, but that's not what stops me in my tracks.
It's the frantic howling of my wolf as I look into his eyes. It's the undeniable pull I feel towards him. It's the word flittering through my mind, that I never thought I would experience.
Mate.
My heart leaps into my throat. Is this really happening? To me? Is he really... my mate?
I stare at him for a few seconds with my jaw dropped before realizing how weird this must be for him. Clearing my throat, I try to regain my composure.
"A-Are you alright?" I ask him. He hesitantly nods his head, looking at me warily. "What's your name?"
"Tar," he says in the softest voice, giving me goosebumps.
"I'm Tum. Are you okay? Is there someone I can call for you?"
Tar checks his watch, and I realize for the first time how dark it is. "My family is probably asleep," he sighs. "I don't live to far from here through, I can just walk—"
"And risk getting jumped again?" I raise an eyebrow. "Forget it. I'll take you home."
"How do I know you won't jump me, too?" Tar points out.
I grin at him. "Because I just saved you. I think that earns me a little bit of trust, don't you?"
Tar studies me for a moment before nodding his head. I smile and motion him to follow me. When we reach the front sidewalk, Techno's car is already waiting there. I open the door for Tar, and he climbs in. When I get in the passenger seat, Techno gives me a strange look.
"Ah, this is Tar," I tell Techno. "He needs a ride home, too."
Techno eyes Tar through the rear view mirror before nodding. "What about your bike?"
I wave off the concern with my hand. "I'll pick it up tomorrow."
Tar gives us his address, and Techno heads towards his house. When we arrive, Tar goes to open the car door and I quickly stop him.
"Wait, Tar," I say, making him freeze and look at me. "Give me your phone." Tar hesitates, but hands me his phone anyway. I program my contact information in — and quickly send myself a message so I can get his number — before handing the phone back to him. "If you're ever in trouble again, call me. I mean it. Or if you just want to hang out," I add with a grin.
Tar gives me a strange look, but nods his head. "Thank you for your help. And for the ride home. I'll... see you around."
He hops out of the car and heads towards his house. Once he's safely inside, I relax against the seat of the car and smile.
"Okay, who was that exactly?" Techno questions.
I smile, looking out the window. "My mate."
~~~
DOUBLE UPDATE, WHOOOO I never sleep anymore
Lmao, me reading the comments of people predicting Lhong and Tum were gonna be mates and trying soooo hard not to spoil anything👇🏼
But yay for Tum and Tar! Now we're up to two couples. I wonder who's next... 🤫
Please comment/vote! See you next time!
-Gumbie