Listen to that while reading ^
Time: 4pm
Date: June 18th, 2018
Carmen
I woke up in my little apartment I had rented after I got dumped on by Jah. I was working on myself, like he said for me to do two days ago. I was also listening to his music he used to make before his mind went crazy. His voice was breathtaking, his rapping skills were on point.
But, there's something else on my mind. I've been feeling off recently and I've thrown up a lot, I don't know why. I got up out of bed and walked over to my desk and opened the drawer and pulled out a pregnancy test.
I don't know if y'all new this but me and Jah have had sexual interactions a couple/a lot of times.
What if it's positive? What if i'm pregnant? How will I tell him?
I did an inhale and exhale, then slowly walked over to my bathroom and shut the door, and did the pregnancy test.
I waited impatiently on the toilet.
It took a minute, but the thing beeped. I looked down at it.
Positive.
My heart started racing.
I don't know how to feel, happy or afraid? Angry? I'm not angry.
Children are beautiful, don't get me wrong.
Well, some of them are.
He says he's wanted a child in his music... maybe it's still there...?
I'll tell him later today. Right now, I need to take a shower, so I threw my hair up in a messy bun, knowing I didn't have to wash it since I washed it last night. It's not healthy to wash my hair twice in a row.
I walked in the bathroom and stripped down out of my clothes and hopped in the shower, enjoying the water running down my body. I let my mind wonder around, thinking of random things.
I stayed in the shower for a good 20 minutes, then I got out and put on a sleeveless bra and some victoria secret panties and shorts.
I sat down in my chair and took a mirror photo, wanting to post on my new instagram page
-
carmenfloyd
❤️ 10,086
carmenfloyd: my baby
comments disabled
-
I took my hair down and decided I wanted to go shopping. I walked to my closet and put on some black jeans and a white long sleeved shirt and then walked to my kitchen for some food.
I turned on the news and halfway ignored everything they said, until a certain name caught my attention.
"XXXTENTACION found dead in Deerfield Beach Florida," the news reporter announced, showing footage of the caution tape around his car.
My heart sank, my body, my heart, went numb. My good mood went away instantly. I looked at my instagram to see if it was true, and everybody was following my instagram page.
I saw everybody posting it all up and down my feed, I instantly put my phone away and slid down up against the wall, crying my eyes out.
I didn't feel anything, I didn't feel anything but pain in me. Hurt, there was a special place for him in me and that just so happened to be all of me.
After about 20 minutes of straight up tears, I got up and washed my face.
I put on my shoes and grabbed my phone, keys and money and got in my car. I drove to his house, seeing a lot of cars there.
There was a gate, but they somehow recognized me, idk how, from my face change, to my hair color. I drove in and parked my car wherever I could.
I got out my car and knocked on the door. Stokeley opened it and saw me, his eyes were red too.
He grabbed my hand and dragged me in, shutting the door and locking it.
I saw a lot of his friends and some of his family members here. Somehow, all of them knew who I was.
Then I remembered,
the baby.
Shit, oh my god. He/She will never get to see him. His beautiful features, face, they will never see it, only through pictures.
"Stokeley I need to talk to you right now," I said, getting his attention. He nodded and lead me into a room and I shut the door.
"What's wrong?" He asked me, clearing up his throat.
"I'm pregnant," I spat out.
His eyes and mouth shot wide open.
"W-With his-?"
"yes," I whispered, tears flowing down my face.
"I just found out this morning and I planned on telling him today," I told him.
He stood up and hugged me, I hugged back.
"How am I supposed to tell everybody else in there?" I worried, still crying.
"Waiting will make it worse, do you want me to go get everybody's attention?" He asked me. I nodded.
He let go of me and walked out the room.
"Hey everybody," he shouted out. They all got quiet and looked over to him.
"Carmen has something to say, now I don't want anybody to flip out or have a temper tantrum when you hear this, just be calm. It may be good news for some of you, bad news for the rest of you. Never know, but, here it is," he spoke, gesturing for me to walk out.
I stood up and wiped my tears away and walked out.
"Well, this morning, or should I say afternoon cause that's when I woke up, it was... weird. I know this news might be bad for some of y'all since.. well... not everybody in this room is too happy with me, and that's ok.. but, hopefully you can not kill me over the fact that i'm pregnant with his baby..." I announced.
I heard a view gasps, then some people clapped. Mixed emotions was going around about the news.
At least nobody booed me or gave me any looks.
There was a knock on the door, nobody went to open it so I just walked over to the door and unlocked it and opened it.
A black female that looked about 30 was at the door. She looked a lot like Jahseh.
"Cleo?" Stokeley shouted out in confusion.
"Cleo?" I questioned, not knowing who she was.
"Cleo your dead-" Stokeley slowly spoke.
"I'm here," She whispered, she sounded sad.
"But you were killed by- I- I don't get it, how?" Stokeley asked her, walking up to her.
"I survived, after they took my son out of the house I crawled away before the police could get me. I was definitely knocked out, but I woke up and managed to move myself. The dude that shot me, I refuse to say his name, hid me. They assumed me and him was dead after not finding us," she explained.
"Why didn't you come back? HE NEEDED YOU!" Stokeley screamed out.
"I HAD NO CHOICE! I WAS LOCKED UP AND KEPT IN A CLOSET FOR YEARS! I BARLEY GOT FOOD IN MY BODY I WAS WEAK! I WAS BEATEN UP!" She screamed back, now crying.
"I COULDN'T GO BACK TO MY SON! DO YOU KNOW HOW DEVASTATING THAT IS?" She sobbed.
"How are you here now then?"
"I made a deal with him. Right when he was about to give me today's beating, I told him that if he let me go get myself food in his kitchen then I'd give him anything he wanted," she explained.
"Long story short, I killed him. I stabbed him when he came downstairs. The police put him up and they let me free," she continued.
"All of this happened this morning, believe it or not I was in fact on my way here,"
"I know my sons brain has been taken over with, but he remembers his mother," she finished.
"Well, Cleo, I didn't know you went through that this whole time. That explains the bruises all over your body I guess. I'm sorry for flipping out on you without listening to your reasons, but I think you need to meet somebody more important than me," He told her, referring to me.
"Who is that?" She asked. He pointed at me.
I gave her a weak smile, "Hi, I'm Carmen," I introduced myself.
"Hello Carmen, I'm Cleo, Jahsehs mother," She gave me a warm smile.
"I was Jahseh's girlfriend for a couple months, we broke up just recently. He wanted me to love myself before I loved him, that's the only reason why we broke apart," I explained.
I was still sad, but I'm even more sad that he's just... gone now. Now I can never show him how much I've improved.
I can never see his smile, hear his laugh, feel his touch, ever again. It triggers me inside.
"He was very caring to the people he loved. Even in his crazy mind..." she said.
"Well, Miss Cleo, I have some news. I don't know if you're gonna be happy, sad, mad, I don't know. But, just don't flip out on me, ok?"
"...ok," she sounded scared.
"I'm pregnant with his baby," I quickly announced.
Her reaction was the same as Stokeleys.
"THERES- YOU- OHH MY GOD!" She yelled out and pulled me into a big hug.
I was shocked, but I hugged back.
And then everything went on from there.
They had his funeral public, all his fans got to see him. He surprisingly had a lot of people that loved him, they saw past his dark side. I love those people.
I looked down at my baby.
You'll live a good life.
You will always be remembered of your father.
You will always be shown nothing but love and loyalty.
I will protect what's left of him until I die.
Until the Insane in my body disappears when I die.
Baby boy.
***
I guess that brings me to the end of this book, not a lot of people read this book, but to the people that did, thank you. This book took a lot of thinking to do, but I got it done. It's a small book, not a lot of chapters, I know. But this is how I wanted to end it. This is the story of Carmen and Jahseh.
I probably will have future stories, but for now, bye bye :).
Ended; March 2nd, 2020