A/M: Please listen to the music I choose for this chapter. Keep it loop. This is the longest chapter I ever wrote. Enjoy!
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Rooftop garden. Tribecca. NYC. Fall. Midnight.
♣️ I left her broken crumbled alone in a cold rain. Frost in moves, I let her hand go.
I was standing there in the rain. I feel my hand touched by her from behind. She squeezed my hands. It stops me. I never look back. I don't want to see her face. I can't see her face. I can't look at her eyes staring back at me. I just can't.
"Please don't go.... " she said softly with a soft voice. Begging me from not leaving her. Like a whisper in my ears. Softly, but I can still hear it clearly.
I pull my hand slowly from her hand. Slowly I walk. I walk away from her. I walk away from the rooftop. I walk down the stairs. My leg stop behind the wall. I land my back on the wall. Wondering what just happen.
I can hear her voice, keep calling my name. I can hear her soft voice. Begging me for not leave her. I can still hear her from behind these walls. I don't have anything to say to her if I keep standing there with her in the rain. It breaks my heart to see her cry. I can't watch her sorrow face.
I was standing there behind the wall. Hiding. I touch my chest. I can't hold my tears if I keep standing there hearing all the words that she has to say. My heart will break into pieces if I get to hear she crying under the heavy rain.
The rainstorm keeps pouring.
I am the one who leaves her under the cold rain. I am leaving her. I am leaving her for good. This is the best for both of us.
I never see her break down like that. I never see her sad like that. I know it is because of me.
My leg is weak to stand strong for now. I crumbled behind these walls. Sitting there with all wet clothes. Sitting at these staircases. Wondering what I've done.
Is this the best way to end everything? To save her life? To save mine?
But, what can I do? This is the only way. I can't find any other way to save her. This is the best way that I thought, the best for both of us. I know, I am the reason she being like this. I hurt her. I know she mad at me from hiding things behind her back.
From the PR stunt, the engagement news, and about Josh. Josh secretly hide paparazzi to followed us, Josh buying BMR record label. I know all of it, but I keep it to myself, keep that secret from her. I can't dare to tell her. She never needs to know.
How can I make this breakup less hurtful, babe? I know she will make through this. I know, she will forget about me. I know she will. Leaving her was the best way for her and us, I guess. I know, she will hate me. She will never forgive me after all of this.
I will disappear from her life. I will keep my distance from her. If that what keeps her safe from Josh.
If breaking up with her could save her from Josh. I will sacrifice my happiness for her. I will do anything for her. I will protect her. I will fix everything. I just want her to be happy and be a successful and powerful singer in this world. I just want to see her shine. I don't want to be her roadblock or her wrecking ball.
"I'm sorry...bunny. I'm so sorry.. for what happened... " I said softly but she won't hear it. I know she won't hear it.
It feels a cold chill in my bone. All my clothes were soaking wet. I'm shivering from cold. I hug my body.
The voice of Josh keeps echoes in my head for 2 months straight after the engagement event.
"Choose me or her?" Josh's voice echoes to my head over again and again. Keep me awake all night. "I dont know what will people say if they see these pictures of you two kissing at the beach. I dont know what they will react if they know Taylor Swift actually falls in love with her own best friends. That she's actually a lesbian. That she's gay." The voices keep echoes louder. And louder the back of my mind.
No.. No... NO! I will never let that happen to her. No one will never know. I have to end this. Karlie shakes her head to be in reality. Karlie grabs her chest. It feels hurt.
What I am supposed to do now?
Saying goodbye is like a death by a thousand cuts. Even we never say a 'GOOD' goodbye. How we can end up like this, babe? I'm a sorry bunny. You'll okay without me. One day, you'll agree with me that this is the best way for the two of us.
I wipe my tear that drops both of my cheeks. I get up on my feet and walking downstairs. I can't hold anymore my tears if I still right here and it's hurt my feelings to see or hear her cry or let her down because of me. To see her breakdown like that. Leaving her there at the rooftop. Crumbled under the cold rainstorm.
I was thinking for 2 months on how I suppose to explain to her about the sudden engagement. I was thinking for a million times to make this decision. I know this is a selfish cruel decision. I was thinking about how I am supposed to come out with the reason why I need a break up with her. Nothing. There is no reason I could think of.
I keep my distance from her. I need some time to think. I need some space. I ignored her completely for 2 months. For 2 months straight I avoided her. Ignored her. I was with Josh. I'm afraid Josh will expose the secret that I try to hide over these years. The secret I never bare to let the world know for this moments.
I'm afraid of the world will found out the truth of us. I'm afraid of the words 'Karlie Loves Taylor' and 'Taylor Loves Karlie' articles that will bash our relationship. There are a lot of people out there want to see other people get down. The world will never approved of us. The world will judge us. The world will hate us.
I know she was looking for me everywhere that I used to be. At my apartment at West Village, New York. At our favorite Dogpound gym. At my Klossy office. She called all of our mutual friends asking where I am. I ignored all of her messages. Ignored all her calls. I was running from her. Why did I keep running from her?
Actually, I'm not running from her, I was running from myself.
Because I was scared. I was scared of losing her. I was scared I might hurt her. I wasn't brave enough to face her. I wasn't bold enough to tell her the truth behind what really happens in her life right now is because of me. Because of Josh. All happens to her was because of me. How I am supposed to tell her about that? How I am supposed to break up with her when we don't have any issues and never have a fight lately.
We were just fine. We were okay. Except we rarely see each other because of our busy work commitment.
I need to find a good reason to leave her. But, I cannot find one. For 2 months I keep thinking about how I am supposed to break up with her? How I'm supposed to end with her? How I'm supposed to tell her that I'll never see her again? How?
Every day Josh keeps pushing me. Harrass me. Blackmail me. Remind me that he will expose the video and photo of me and Taylor if I did not break up with her. And if I do not accept his proposal. He will expose everything to the media. He will send it to the internet. I was afraid. I don't know what to do.
I admit I wasn't there for her during her bad times. I was on the road working. Travel around the world. Leaving her alone when she had a lot of chaos happening to her. A lot of bad things happen in the past 2 years constantly in Taylor's life. All of the scandal. All of the backslash she gets from the media and people. All the negative comments about her on the internet. The bad article wrote about her personality; Serial-dater, Playgirl, Man-eater, Liar, Snake, Manipulative, Play victim, Feuding with other celebrity, Pick fight with other celebrity. I heard so many bad things about her. I read all of it, because I know, all of that are NOT TRUE. I don't give a shit about all of that because I know Taylor very well.
I wish I could be there for her. I wish I could spend more time with her when she had a rough day. I wish I could always be with her when she down. She said she's fine. I know she's not. I know she's thinking about it all the time. I know, it bothers her so much.
I was afraid of losing her. I was afraid to ask her that I want a break up with her. I was afraid of what she will react if I said I want a break up. I don't care if she will hate me someday from leaving her. I had to. This is the best way for her. I don't want to be the reason for her bad reputation from being a famous great talented musician who will turn into chaos and disaster. I don't want to see her being a bully by Josh and David. That Taylor's life is ruined by Josh. I can't bear to see the reality of Taylor's 10 years of career as a great singer-songwriter are ruined in the split second of a scandalous picture of me kissing Taylor's lips.
She will never let that happen. She needs to stop Josh before it too late.
If I'm not stopping Josh right now, I don't even know what will Josh has done to ruin Taylor's life. I can't see Josh ruin Taylor's life. Josh has a big reputation as the son of one of the powerful richest families in this country.
I know Taylor will not win this game. I know Taylor can never able to do anything if she wants to fight with Josh. Josh's family has a political influence when Josh's older brother, Jared Krushner pointed to being the first youngest senior adviser of the president of this country and also the son-in-law of the president. Josh's families basically can control everything. Josh has a big influence in this country. In the investment field, banking, and finance industry, the entertainment industry. He knows so many powerful people in this country. Basically, he can do anything whatever he wants. He just said what he wants. He will get it done.
I only met Josh's families once when Josh bring me for the first time at
Thanksgiving dinner last 3 years ago. All Josh's families seem to hate me because of my career as a lingerie Victoria Secret supermodel and I don't have a higher education background like Josh. Josh was alumni of Harvard University. Thats why I enrolled a part-time study computer science at New York University to prove to them that I'm not just a supermodel but also I can be anything I wanted to be.
Josh never courage me to pursue my study but I did it by myself. I can't stand people downgrade me or look down on me. I can't stand people keep seeing me as just a supermodel. I want to be more than that.
Taylor always encourage me to be the best out of me. She always telling me, I can do anything I want in this world. She keep motivate me to pursue more in my career. To reach the maximum limit of my career path. She want to see me go as far as possible in Fashion industry. She keep telling me to do differently. So, I decide to discontinue Victoria Secret's contract and invented a Kode With Klossy programmed under my brand.
I know, Josh's family still dislike me when I do differently. Making impact to society especially for young generation. Still they don't impressed with me. They basically don't say it 'we dislike you or we hate you' directly to my face but I can tell from their faces and their body language. They hate me. I know, they don't even see me as potential powerful daughters-in-law. So, I broke up with Josh because we knew this relationship will never work out. Her family never accept me as their future daughter in law. We broke up. But, we still friend. We both agree on that.
Until... everything has changed when I first met her in person. The lover of my life. My greatest love of all. My best best friend. My partner in crime. My ride or die. The one and only, Miss Taylor Swift. I have a crush on her since I was 15 years old. Since, I heard her first hit single 'Love Story' on the radio. At that times, Taylor was 18 years old. We laughed when I tell her that story over and over again.
But, now I'm leaving her...
I know Josh's family's background was doing a shady investment business behind the scene. Plus, Josh's father has a past history of the criminal record of money laundering but his father gets away from all the law charges against his company. His father almost ends up in jail but he wins the case. He walks as a free man with no law charges against him. No surprise on that. Because Josh's father has a powerful connection in politics. Someone could help him get away.
So, I am afraid of what Josh will be capable to do to control Taylor's life. She can't imagine what will happen to Taylor's life. She needs to keep Josh away from Taylor. Far far away from Taylor.
The best way to keep Josh from ruining Taylor's life is that she needs to disappear from Taylor's life forever. And that what Josh wants from her. Be his wife. Married to him.
I made my mind. I have to. I know this is a selfish decision. But, this is also the hardest decision I ever made in my life. By leaving her and break her heart.
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Rain outside still not stop pouring. Like New York City is crying. No sign the rain will stop.
I walk out of the Tribecca apartment. I walk outside.
I saw Josh was standing beside his sport car while holding the black umbrella beside his car, waiting for me. Josh running towards me when he saw me come out from Taylor's door gate. Josh holds me to his car.
Karlie enters Josh's car. Josh give his jacket to Karlie. Josh is not asking her, Karlie what had happen? Or Why she is wet?
She was staring out the car window. Looking at the rooftop of Tribecca apartment. Wondering someone she left there. Alone in a cold rainstorm. In the middle of the night. She will never be here again.
"Did you break up with her?" Josh breaks the silence.
"I don't wanna talk about it. Just drive." Karlie says softly. She was not in the mood to talk to anyone.
"Did you really broke up with her?" Josh raise his voice.
"Just fucking drive, Josh. I don't wanna talk about it." Karlie raises her voice.
"Okay!! Don't be mad. I just wanna know. I am just asking." Josh don't want to spoil Karlie's mood. Josh rarely saw Karlie mad. When Karlie gets mad, she can be a little bit scary and brutal sometime.
Karlie just staring out the car window. Staring at the rooftop. Wondering about someone who she left there alone. Her eyes keep staring at the Taylor's apartment.
Josh started the car and drive. She doesn't know where they are going. Somewhere away from here. Of course.
The rain seems not to stop any soon. Still pouring its tears. Like the sky also crying. She tried her best to hold her tears. She don't want Josh to see her cry.
She failed. She really tries hard not to cry. Her tears running down her cheek. She wipes quickly. She hopes Josh won't notice that.
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Karlie wipes her tears. Her eyes keep starting outside from the car window.
It all her faults. If she did not fall in love with Taylor. Just being a friend with Taylor. If she not making a move to Taylor more deeply. This will not gonna end this way. If she just secretly hide her feeling toward Taylor. This will not gonna end this way.
But, not for one second in her life, she ever regrets loving Taylor Swift. She never regrets knowing Taylor. She never regrets being Taylor's friend. She never regrets being Taylor's lover.
Loving her, was the best thing that ever happen to her life.
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Miami Stunt Vacation. Summer break. The day Josh proposed her for how many times she dont remember. 2 months before the breakup. 2 months of her Cruel Summer.
She still remembers the day she and Josh had a vacation stunt together at Miami last summer with Josh's private yacht.
She overheard the phone conversation Josh with someone at that yacht. She accidentally overheard the phone conversation, Josh, with David, her manager.
David is also the CEO of Management company, DB, David Braun Projects. His company basically manages the publicity and career of celebrity, musician, models, business people, and even politicians. The biggest investor of his company was Josh.
Josh is a longtime friend of David. Josh also hired David to manage his image as a businessman. Manage the publicity of his investments company, Thrive Capital.
David's company also invests in many biggest digital media and technology. Karlie meets Josh when she attends for the first annual dinner at DB company. When she assigns DB company to manage her modelling career, she met Josh. She starts modeling at a very young age, at 15 years old. She never knew she will be a supermodel as a career. Her actual ambitions is to be a great physician like her father, Dr Kurt Kloss.
When she first met Josh, she was only 20 years old at that time. She was so young at that time and in love with Josh's persona. Who is caring and loving at that time? Until she knows Josh's true color. How obsessive he can be sometimes?
She heard that Josh was planning on buying a BMR record label company. The record label that Taylor sign-on now. She heard Josh mention Taylor's name. She heard Josh was planning on something but she wasn't sure what it really was. And Josh was laughing when he talks about it on the phone with David. She heard all of that evil plan that Josh plan with David. She still doesn't know what other plans that they will plan on Taylor.
This has to stop. She must protect Taylor from Josh. Not enough of all her private paparazzi pictures of her and Taylor, now Josh wants to continue making chaos on Taylor's career. She will not let Josh ruin Taylor's life anymore.
"Josh!!!!!!!!" She yelled at Josh from behind. Josh still on the phone with David. He stops talking to David and look at his back. He saw Karlie with his big eyes. He shocked.
"I can't believe you. After what happened to Taylor's life right now. It's all because of you.???" She asking him to confirm what she thoughts.
Is all chaos and scandals that happen in Taylor's life is because of Josh's plan? Karlie looks at Josh deadly.
Josh looking at her with wide-eyed. He drops the phone from his ear. He ends the call immediately. Josh walks close to Karlie. Karlie steps back a little.
"I heard you, Josh! I heard everything that you say. I can't believe, how could you ever do this. How could you do this, Josh? I thought you're my friend. It's you? All the chaos happens because of you!?" Karlie getting mad.
"Not enough of the paparazzi pictures? Is that not enough for you. Now what?? What else you wanna do???!!!!!! Buying her life? You wanna ruin her life? He career. What you will get from that? You can ruin my life. But not her. Josh, how could you do this to me?"
"I can't believe you're such asshole, Josh. I trust you. This is what you do behind my back?" Karlie seems can't control her anger anymore. She brushes her face. She can't believe what she just heard.
Josh looks and just stare at Karlie's eyes. He walks close to Karlie. He tries to touch Karlie's shoulder.
"Karlie..let me explain. It's not what you're think." Josh holds Karlie's shoulder.
Karlie pushes Josh's hand from her body. Karlie steps back from Josh. Away from him.
"What??? What else you wanna do, Josh? I heard everything, what you had planned with David. I can't believe you, Josh. I can't believe how bad you're."
"I did all of this because of you!!! because I love you. Karlie. I can't watch you with her. I want you to be my wife." Josh raise his voice. Try to explain.
"Because of me??? You love me by ruin other people's lives? That's not right. What bullshit you're talking about? How could you do this, Josh? How could you ruined somebody life like that. Tell me...Tell me what have you done.??? What else have you done to her?"
"Dont tell me--" Karlie afraid to continue what she has thought. It's scared her.
Karlie slicked her hair back that fall of her face trying to calm down. Karlie clenched her teeth. Looking intense at Josh.
Karlie sighed. Frustrated.
"I did this because of you. I want you. I can't see you with someone else. I love you, Karlie."
"Josh, listen. I don't love you. We can't be together. Why don't you understand? How many fucking times I have to tell you this. I... only.... accept you as my friend. I don't have any feeling for you anymore." Karlie says.
Josh bite his lips. He can't accept what Karlie just said. He can't say any words. He stares at Karlie.
"Don't blame me for what I have done, Karlie. I did all of this because of you. You make me do this. I still love you. I keep thinking about us. I love you so much." Josh smile at Karlie tries to convince Karlie that he can't live without Karlie. Karlie was disgusted. He doesn't want to be blamed for what he had done.
"I want you to stop this game. Now. Stop all of this. Dont drag anyone." Karlie says to Josh.
"One condition. I can stop all of this but in one condition." Josh sounds serious.
"What is it?" Karlie asked.
Josh smirked.
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Karlie staring out the car's window. Wraps her body. She feels so cold. Josh give his coat. Josh turns on the car heater. Karlie slicked her finger through her wet hair back that blocks half of her face.
Karlie glance at Josh from the driver seat. Josh was happy. Josh was smiling. Why he feels so happy?
Her body shivering from the cold she felt around her soaked wet clothes.
"I want you to keep that promise. I don't want you to come near Taylor again. I don't want you to ruin her life." Karlie says." If I knew, you ever hurt her again. I will make sure that you will never see me. I'm serious, Josh." Karlie breaks the silence. She warns Josh. Josh still focus on the road. Josh smiled.
"Okay!! As you wish my princess." Josh grab Karlie's hand and kiss her hand once. Karlie grabs back her hand. She disgusted.
"I want you to burn all the paparazzi photos and videos that you have. All of it." Karlie says. "Wait. No!!! I want you to give it all to me." Karlie changes her mind in a split second.
"That was hard, dear. Why I will trust you on that? How would I know if you tricked me and you will get back to her again?" Josh asked curiously.
"Taylor and I are over. Satisfied??? I really break up with her. We already break up. Are you happy now? Is that what you wanna hear?? I never see her again if that what you want" Karlie is mad. "Why you still want to keep those pictures? I'm already your fiancé now. I'm with you now. Is that not enough for you??? What else you want me to do???" Karlie asked with some tense on her voice.
"I don't believe you. Not until you marry me. Marry me, Karlie." Josh touched Karlie's hand.
"Promised me, Josh. You will hand me the softcopy and hardcopy first. The original one. All of it."
"Yes, I will. If you agree to marry me. I will give it to you. All of it." Josh grab Karlie's hand and kiss it.
Josh was smiling all the way home. He was so happy. Finally, Karlie will not refuse his proposal. Even he never heard she said 'Yes'. He knows Karlie will accept his proposal this time. Karlie will be his. Karlie will follow everything he wants. Josh was smiling all the way home.
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Karlie staring out the car's window. Thinking about someone. She can't believe that was the last night she will ever see Taylor. She can never come near Taylor again. Josh doesn't wanna her to get near Taylor.
"I'm sorry bunny.. for what happened. I will protect you. I will never let you ruin again because of me. I will never let that happen." Karlie says deep in her mind. She can't bear to see Taylor's hurt anymore because of her.
I'm sorry to you, my unknown lover. My true lover. My bunny.
She remembers she can't face Taylor. For almost 2 months. She read all Taylor's messages. She never returns Taylor's phone call or texts her back. She knows every time Taylor calls her. But, she never picks up Taylor's call.
She won't know what to say to Taylor after she engaged with Josh suddenly. What she will say to Taylor, that she needs to break up with her?
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Josh asked her to keep that engagement rings. He forces her to post the engagement ring on her Instagram that day when she in Shanghai, China. She finally posts it the picture of her with Josh on that yacht. That was Josh's plan. She was so worried if Taylor sees that picture. Josh keeps blackmail her for 2 months straight. Josh forces her to announce it publicly on her Instagram. Josh wanted her to announce publicly that she engaged with Josh.
Josh forces her to break up with Taylor. Josh doesn't want to see her come near Taylor again. If not, he will be going to spread all the pictures to the media and to the internet.
Karlie was so afraid to see Taylor's reputation will ruin because of her. Because of Josh. Josh is her problem. If the pictures were spread to the public eyes, Taylor will be the one who hurt the most. Not her. She doesn't care about what people going to say about her. But for her, Taylor being called a lesbian and a liar. She can't. People in this country still can't accept same-sex relationships. There are still have people who are homophobic in this world. She can't take that risk. Of course, she want the world to know that she loves her so much, but not that way. No.
All scandals Taylor had are because of her. She has to take the blame for what happened. She will never let anyone hurts Taylor again. Even herself. She can't forgive herself. For what Josh has done to Taylor. It all her faults. She ready to take all the blame and all the consequences. Even she had to leave Taylor. She will do anything for Taylor. She just wants Taylor to be happy. Even she has to sacrifice her own happiness.
If Taylor will hate her someday. She did all of this because she cares and loves Taylor. She needs to protect Taylor. Even, if she has to break a special bonding relationship with Taylor. Not just the best best friend. But the lover of her life.
Taylor was the great love she ever had in this life. She never felt and love someone deeply before. Never with her first love aka her ex-girlfriend, Toni, or her longtime ex-boyfriend, Josh.
She never felt love deeply as strong as she felt with Taylor. The love that she willing to sacrifice for. The love she will die to keep forever. The love that she will never forget in her life. The love that she will remember until death.
♣ ️This love is something, not
just the idea of something.
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Karlie wipes her tears. Karlie staring out the window. Wondering about someone. The rain still won't stop pouring. Hope Todrick will be there with Taylor soon. Hope Todrick will stay beside Taylor. She called Todrick. Thanks god, Todrick answer her call despite the fact that she call him at 3 AM in the morning. The only person that Karlie could think of. Martha had a business trip. So, she is out of town. So, only Todrick that can she relay on now to take care of Taylor.
"I'm sorry bunny," she said deeply in her mind wondering about someone. Someone who she leaves in a cold rain in the middle of the night.
I know what I'm gonna say to you is hurtful. I'm leaving you. And I know somedays you will agree with me.
♣️ If I bleed, I bleed for you. And you'll be the last to know.
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May Love Always Find You.
-F.GIMAN-
a/m: What will happen to Taylor and Karlie next? What another storm they had to go through. Is their love dead just like that? Vanish. Finish. The end. Under in the cold rainstorm? In the middle of the night? On the rooftop garden? Just like that.
I know. I know. I know you would hate Karlie so much in this stage. You guys probably asking me.
"Why, she would make such that selfish drastic painful hateful decision without discussing with Taylor?"
or
"She's coward. Why she's so soft. Why she won't fight."
or
"Please make her, a strong character!!!! We want Karlie to fight for her love."
I know what you guys thinking. I know. Bear with me.
I am asking you guys one question what will you guys do if you are in Karlie's position? What another option she has? Please tell me what is in your mind.
I hope you like this chapter too. Give the star vote. Please listen to the music I choose for this chapter. See you in the next chapter.
It's a cruel summer with you