Kiara never wanted her brother more than at this moment being surrounded by a bunch of strangers. She missed him deeply, he must know she's alive right? No, Kiara shook her head no falling into more mental traps like that. She looked over at Axil who continued to talk to the group explaining what exactly needed to happen. They seemed to act completely different than any fairies she'd ever met. Alex would have a fit at how long they're taking to plan this out.
Right now, she was sitting in the middle of an open area in the forest. Her last spiral was a few weeks ago and since then she wished she could hug her brother again. He always found ways to calm her down. For being as cold as everyone thinks he is he was kind to Kiara. They understood one another better than they understood themselves. If Alexander was here he'd know exactly what to do to help her.
A chill passed over her and tears sprung to her eyes as the wind blew her hair lightly. Axil seemed to notice her distress and quickly finished his ordering around. He came and sat next to her, his eyes scanning her checking her stability. Since he stopped her from tearing herself up, the elders assigned him as her personal bodyguard, but it was more like he was a companion.
He always seemed to know when she was slipping into a spiral, even when he was asleep. It was almost kind of creepy.
"You, Okay? You seem sad," He says.
"Yeah, I am," Kiara says her voice thin and on the verge of breaking.
"Why?" he asks.
"I miss my brother. He's all I have left and I'm sure he'd know exactly what to do right now. He's so smart. It's hard being away from him this long. He and I have been together since birth," Kiara says her face releasing a small smile at the thought of her brother.
"This is a new one. Usually this about how you feel like you need to help the dragon royalty," Axil says.
"Yeah, well I guess I've been getting settled now, and watching all the family interactions is making me think more about Alexander," Kiara says laying back on the grass her chest flaring up in pain as she moved. It had stopped bleeding and it didn't seem to be getting infected but it didn't seem to be getting better either.
"I know you can never replace your brother but everyone here thinks of you as a member of the tribe," Axil says looking over the people and his soldiers practising.
"When will I start fighting again?" Kiara asks.
"As soon as that heals," he says pointing to the engraves she'd made on herself.
"But I don't think they'll ever heal, it's been two weeks and they still feel raw."
"I dunno, Helena is trying to find a cure. But we've never seen anything like this before."
"Yeah, yeah you think it's related to my elements, but I don't they're coming back and I really wish this would heal. It frustrating not even being able to see if I can fly or shrink! I want to know I can at least do something," Kiara said her voice strained.
"How about since we can't do anything for you physically we start with your mentality. After their training, then we'll have dinner after that you and I are going to sit down. You're going to try and tell me as many negative thought as you can." Axil says.
"Okay, but how will that help?"
"That way we can correct each thought with a new one," Axil says laying next to her on the grass.
"Also, we're going to get you more mixed into the community, is there anything you think you may be good at?" he asks.
"Not that I know of, all I've ever done is learn fighting strategies and how to handle my powers, other than that I'm good at disobeying orders and finding ways to sleep in," Kiara says.
"Hmm, I'll think on it, once you heal up some more I'll find a place for you to work," he says. Kiara's eyes glaze over as she thinks about trying to fit-in in such a knitted community.
Axil put a hand on her shoulder and she shook her head.
"I'm fine, no need to worry. I just got overwhelmed for a second by the thought," Kiara said.
"You're already making good progress," Axil says standing up and offering her a hand. She took it without hesitation.
"You think so? I dunno if I'd call it much of anything."
"Well, trust me you're doing much better, and every day you get better than the last day," Axil says rolling his eyes at her being so pessimistic.
"Oh, stop it!" Kiara said pushing him lightly, "Anyway, how long are you going to make these poor men practice combat. I thought you all were here because you didn't want to be part of the war, why have warriors?"
"Well as nice as being in the forest is there are still wild animals here that love the taste of fairy flesh."
"Oh, please. That is such a lie," Kiara said rolling her eyes at him. He looked at her with deadly seriousness.
"No, seriously the animals that live in this forest are horrible, it's a hard place to hunt since even the trees are alive and can fight back. So, us fairies are kind of at a disadvantage, in this forest we are near the bottom of the food chain." Axil's eye light with such seriousness it made Kiara a bit uncomfortable.
"Really? The animals back home are at peace with us, we never have to fight animals home. We grow our own plants and vegetables. If we eat meat it's very rare and only if absolutely necessary," She says shuttering at the memory of having recently eaten a rabbit, but she was out of food. She still harvested all the remains to reuse them.
"I mean well we that here too, we grow our own vegetables and fruits. These aren't sentient, but we eat more meat since it's kind of weird to eat plants while being surrounded by other plants that can see you eat their non-sentient cousins."
"Odd," Kiara said looking around at the trees. It's odd she's never heard one of them speak to her since she came to get the Iron removed from her.
"Do the plants talk often to people?" Kiara asks looking around.
"Yeah quite frequently actually, Most of the time you can't really get them to shut up, especially rose bushes. They talk constantly," He says rolling his eyes at the mere thought of rose bushes.
"Hmm, that's odd. I haven't heard them since asking the trees for permission to enter. Do you know if they talked to the dragon royalty? Maybe it's just a fairy thing since we can manipulate earth already," Kiara asks looking at Axil, he didn't seem to want to meet her eyes.
"Oh," Kiara said. Kiara's brow scrunched if Kol and Annalise could hear the plants why couldn't she too? Or were they just not talking to her?
"I'm sure it's nothing to do with you. I think it may be the fact that you aren't connected to your magic anymore," Axil said gripping her shoulder and keeping her from spiralling.
"Yeah," She said looking at the grass as it blew softly in the wind. She suddenly felt very detached from reality. This was different from an attack, it was more like a fog that lingered around her making it hard to focus on anything and making her feel numb to everything around her.
"Kiara?" She heard the echo around her. She blinked a few times and feel like she rushed back into the world.
"Uh yeah, sorry I zoned out," Kiara said shaking her mind clear.
"It's fine I was just telling you we should head to dinner," He says looking at her with worry.
"Yeah, sure," Kiara said still a bit fuzzy. As the two walked into the food tent, they were greeted with much praise. Kiara didn't quite like that attention since she knew it was only because she as a royal and not because she was welcomed into the community.
Axil leads the two of them to the line. Kiara didn't like how meat she was eating but she had to do what she had to do to live. Plus if she didn't Axil would lecture her ear off. Sometimes he's a mysterious and cool guy, sometimes he reminded her of Alexander being a nag constantly.
"What's for dinner today Ashton?" Kiara asks her voice gentle and kind.
"A tiger that some of the warriors caught today," She said as if eating tiger was a common thing. Kiara gave her a kind smile even though Kiara felt sick at the thought of eating such a majestic animal. It's black and orange stripes and the golden eyes of intelligence.
"Thank you, Ashton," Axil says. Ashton is a younger woman in the tribe, she had wonderous red hair and forest green eyes, her outward beauty matched the inward beauty. She made sure every inch of the animal was used in some way, wither it was given to make a pelt or it's bones used to make a thin powder and used to make gelatin.
"Sure thing Princess Kiara," Ashton said. Kiara shuttered at the word Princess. No matter how many times she tells people to just call her Kiara, most won't hear of it.
"Kiara," Kiara says gently almost defeated. Axil gives a chuckle at her attempt. Ashton seemed not to even notice.
Kiara and Axil sat down with a few people, Kiara recognized Addison Aka Addie, Charles, Kenzie, Andrew aka Andy, Dustin, Jordan. They seemed lively today and were arguing over something that Kiara didn't know. These six were warriors alongside Axil, while he taught the new warriors these guys went out to hunt for the food and supplies.
"Now, Addie I got the kill! You missed your arrow!" Andy says to his cousin.
"No! Andy! I watched my arrow it sunk right into the eye! Your sword it after I killed it with my arrow!" Addie shouted standing up in protest Andy meeting her. Jordan was laughing hysterically as Dustin was egging them on, Charles sat silently clearly trying to ignore them and eat. Kenzie was trying to defuse the situation.
Addie pushed a lock of chestnut hair laced with streaks of red behind her shoulder if she were a dragon her blue eyes would turn into an inferno. Andy, on the other hand, his short dark brown hair that was usually perfectly styled was now a mess with the amount his hand had gone through his hair in anger, his brown eyes were narrowed and annoyed.
Kenzie's mousy-brown hair fraying out around her as it falls from her ponytail, her sun-kissed golden skin making her azure blue eyes blinding and she looked between the cousins.
Andy smacked the table making Charles' glass fall over his face fell. He brushed his almost black hair back and shot a look to Axil his grey eyes dangerous. As Charles did that Jordan grabbed his shoulder as he laughed at the two cousins.
Jordan had the darkest coloured skin Kiara had ever seen, it was almost like the night in human form, his eyes were a deep shade of amber his hair twisted into long locks. His hardy laughter filled the air.
The cause of that laughter not only from the arguing but from the side comments made by Dustin his green eyes shone as he poked said things making the cousins even more angered. His dark blonde hair falling into his face as the two cousins argued further.
"Guys!" Axil shouted getting all their attention.
"What the heck happened here? Why are you two at each other's throats?" Axil asks.
"I killed that tiger and Addie says she shot it with her arrow when I clearly stabbed it in the ribcage first!" Andy argues.
"It doesn't matter who killed it. It was a group effort anyway," Axil said turning on his dad mode.
"I was trying to tell you both that neither one of you killed it! It was Charles who killed it! Both of you were too caught up in fighting over who got the hit first to realize it wasn't even dead yet! Charles had to stab it with his spear!" Kenzie said once Axil had made the two shut up. Both Addie and Andy went beet red with embarrassment.
"See getting all worked up when it was neither of you!" Axil says rolling his eyes. Kiara took a seat with Jordan to her right Dustin across from him and Andy to her left with Addie across from him. Axil sat across from Kiara. Charles next to Jordan while Kenzie sat next to Addie.
"Where's Joel?" Axil asks sitting down.
"Probably overslept you know him," Kenzie said rolling her eyes. As they said that Joel came walking in his light amber hair sticking up in a bunch of different places. His purple eyes half-lidded he'd clearly just woken up. When Kiara had met him she was surprised by his eyes colour it was extremely rare and was cool to see.
"Joel you missed an awesome hall! We caught a tiger!" Andy shouts. With that Joel's eyes open wider.
"What!" he says surprised as he rushes over to get his food and come to the table.
"Joel! Be careful!" Ashton yells from her place in the kitchen.
He nods and slows down as he comes to the table. Every time one of them mentions killing the tiger Kiara tries not to flinch at the thought of killing the poor animal. She wouldn't dare say anything to shroud their excitement she didn't want to seem prissy.
Joel comes to the table at last and sits across from Kenzie.
"So, tell me how exactly did you manage to get a tiger and come back unscathed!"
"Well, were found the trail of a white-footed deer and were hunting it," Andy said his voice full of excitement.
"But we noticed that we were the only ones hunting for this deer as Addie saw it from the trees. She sent a message threw the trees and told us there was a tiger hunting for the same deer, following its tracks. So, we decide to get the tiger instead!" Andy started describing the way the hunted the poor tiger, Kiara decided it was better to zone out than to listen to the story.
the dude earlier had reminded her of her and Alex when they got into it. Though he was cold most of the time he was very warm with her. But sometimes her thick skulledness would tick him off and they'd have a spat. Kiara felt her heart heavy even more at this memory, she wanted nothing more at that moment than to see Alexander.
Then the fog came over her again, images through her mind. Home, the stairs to the library, four men sitting around the table. One she recognized instantly as Alexander, the other three seemed similar. The three knights that accompanied them in battle, Asher, Aspin and Oakland. The three looked much more battered and bruised.
Next, she saw some figures on the table a battle plan of sorts. Then just like that, she felt the world swirl and the images disappeared. Kiara felt confused and sad. Seeing Alexander made her even sadder and made the distance seem even longer.
But more importantly what the hell was that all about? How did she do that? that had never happened before what the heck is going on! Her internal conflict made the fog disappear and brought her back into the real world Andy had just finished his hunting story.
Axil was listening to Andy but his eyes bounced from Andy to Kiara every so often. Kiara knew he saw something was up with her, but he didn't want to speak about it in front of the group.
When he noticed she was out of it his gaze locked hers, asking her silently if she was okay. She nodded and dismissed his worry, and mouthed later. He nodded but his worry didn't seem to lessen.
"Dang, I wish I was on duty today! That sounds like it was a lot of fun!" Joel said his voice disappointed.
"No worries, you're on shift tomorrow right?" Andy asks.
"Yeah, but I doubt we'll get such a catch," Joel says unsatisfied.
"Anyway, enough of this tiger-talk. How's training going with the newbies?" Addies asks Axil.
"To be honest they're quite a struggle this year, none of them seem to be listening to me. They act like they've got better things to do than practice. Which honestly there isn't much more to do than that," Axil says crossing his arms and sighing.
"Sounds rough, I could never be a teacher. I would smack kids around too much to be a teacher," Dustin says.
"That's why I teach, combat. So I can be rough on them all I want," Axil says making everyone laugh.
"What's on the schedule for the rest of today?" Jordan asks.
"Kiara and I are going to do some exercises," Axil says. At the mention of her name, everyone's attention was called to the girl. Instantly she wanted to disappear, she hated when people looked at her with that sad shine in their eyes. Everyone here did it when they saw her. She didn't want people to pity her she wanted people to see her for her strengths, not her flaws.
"Anything new?" Kenzie asks.
"No, same old same old. sitting around being bored to death while I get to watch people fight. It's so boring. I'd much rather be doing the fighting. It's god awful," Kiara says surpassing herself, that sounded like her old self!
"Yeah! That's what I like to hear!" Addie said giving Kiara a hearty smile.
"Hopfully, you'll heal up enough to do activities like that," Axil said instantly putting a damper on everything.
"Party pooper," Andy says rolling his eyes.
"Yeah, yeah I know, I know," Axil says rolling his eyes. The rest of dinner was spent talking about this and that.
"I think it's about time to do your training," Axil says looking pointedly at Kiara, who was trying desperately to buy some more time.
"Fine, I'll see you all later," Kiara said reluctantly. They all said their goodbyes and promised to see her in the morning.
As soon as they walked out of there Axil stopped her and asked her what happened.
"Well, How Addie and Andy were fighting reminded me of how Alex and I used to fight. Then I was thinking about how much I wanted to see him at that moment. How much my heartache to see him. Then as I thought that the world turned foggy. The next thing I knew I saw a flash of my home and the stairs that lead to the library and then my brother sitting at one of the tables there planning their next move! Then just as fast as it happened it stopped."
Kiara looked over at Axil and saw his brow scrunched his eyes narrowed in thought.
"Hm. that's quite odd. Maybe you're starting to get back some of your abilities?" he thought out loud.
"But nothing like that has ever happened to me before."
"I dunno maybe you lost your old powers to gain new ones."
"But I don't want new ones I want the ones I had. I liked them and appreciated them. I don't want to have my mind travel somewhere when my body is still here! I don't want that!" Kiara shook her head and felt a shudder go up to her spine.
"but this had nothing to do with your ability to control the elements, the mind is not a physical thing. Maybe it has to do with your inner self and not the things around you."
"Do you think that means I'll still have all my fairy powers? Like shrinking and flying!"
"I dunno best not to get your hopes up okay?"
"Yeah, you're right," Kiara tried to agree but hope had already filled her veins.
The two of them found a nice patch of grass to sit on. They faced each other.
"Okay, Kiara list all the things that swirl around in your mind when you have your episodes."
That was simple enough but Kiara seemed to have trouble vocalizing the things she thought.
"The one I hear constantly is that I'm a monster."
"Why? Do you hear that so often?"
"Because I am a monster. All my life I've sat in a castle with guards at every entrance while my people are out there fighting a battle that isn't meant to be fought! All those people who have died because my blood has told them to find some gem that stops all the bad in the world. It's pointless! Without the bad there is no good, without the downs, you don't know there are highs! But yet people still get killed over an ideal preached by all those before me. I've watched my own father give his life because I wasn't able to help him in his time of need! I'm not worthy of the title of princess. I'm just as stupid and immature as every girl my age. I'm not fit for ruling a country!"
"I've had at most 5 battles since being out here! Each of those battles I've never once hesitated to kill someone. I didn't have to but I know I would've without blinking and that scares me. That I could end someone's life without even blinking. Like when I threatened Kol by pulling all the water in his body closer to the surface. I did it without even thinking. I let the monster inside take control. I'm afraid I'll end up staying that way. I've always been a monster since the day I was born."
"Alex was a perfect easy birth everything was stable and smooth, but the minute I start to come to my mom starts to die. I killed her within seconds of being born. I pulled her life energy out of her as I came out of the womb. I took my first breath as she took her last! I came into this world a monster and no matter how hard I try to be nice to everyone and make sure everyone has what they need. I always find a way to let the monster escape. All the people who have died to protect this monster. A lot of the time I think I'm the one who should've died in order to protect them from myself. Why is my life worth so much more than someone else's, if all my life is is people dying because of me I'm wasting so much by being here. " Kiara manages to get it all out tears trail down her face but she refused to acknowledge them.
Axil looks at her surprised as she breaths heavily her eyes looking at Axil for guidance.
"Kiara," he says his voice so soft it sounded like he was breaking knowing this.
"Your father's death, your mother's death, the lives of your people lost to this battle are not on your shoulders. None of that could've stopped no matter how hard you'd try," Axil says his forest green eyes searching her own for understanding.
"You are not a waste, your life is so valuable because you are the person everyone looks up to. You are our example, the people do what the royals say because they believe in you. Their lives aren't wasted they're just leading the world to a better path each life is a Nobel sacrifice in order to get one step closer to that new world. You are the motor, Kiara. If you speak the people will listen, you just need to learn how to trust yourself, you're only a fairy, no more no less. You make mistakes like everyone else. But when you make a mistake find a way to fix it acknowledge that it was a mistake and don't do it again," Axil says his voice filled with wisdom beyond his years his eyes serious.
Kiara said nothing but nodded it felt good to finally say all these things out loud finally. she'd been keeping them pined in for as long as she could remember.
"How long have you been thinking like that?" Axil asks.
"What do you mean like what?"
"Like you aren't worth living." Axil's tone was definite and steely.
"I dunno, a while. Ever since I was young, I suppose. I never really thought my life meant much even as a child. The throne had an obvious ruler in my brother. I was just there on the side, though I was blessed with my elements and fairy abilities. He was blessed with knowledge and the ability to pick things up quickly. Learning them almost instantly. I was too thick-skulled and reckless to learn anything. When I found out I'd been the reason my mother died I was heartbroken. I always felt as though she was watching over me and judging what I was doing. Before I started participating in the war, I could swear I heard her whispers when the room was silent or hear her nagging in the air of a thunderstorm. But now I cannot hear anything from her, I think I've disappointed her."
"Kiara, you've been struggling with this battle all your life now, you must learn how to be at peace with your self and know you are worth being alive. prove to the world you are supposed to be here in this world. Now, that's enough of this talk. It's time for you to go to sleep," Axil says standing up and offering her a hand. She accepts it and stands.
The two go to bed, and for the first time in a while, Kiara falls asleep without the fear of demons haunting her dreams.