I requested that we take a longer route to Alex's apartment so we could spend some time outside. I was missing the freshness of the outdoors after spending so many hours in that theater. I had thought about planning a nice trip to the park on one of my days off and inviting some of the other cast members to join me. I liked hanging out with them outside of rehearsals.
Also, I could tell by the way Alex was muttering to himself that he wasn't completely ready to talk. I thought I'd give him some time to think.
When we both signaled that we should start heading to his apartment, we finally made our way there. Our intertwined hands were squeezed constantly to reassure each other. Mine even started to sweat, but Alex didn't seem to care.
Things didn't start off so bad when we first arrived. As soon as Alex creaked the door open, I heard quick paw taps scraping the wood floor, the sound coming from Alex's room. I immediately dropped to one knee and gasped at the recognizable run of Kevin sprinting down the hallway.
"Kevin!" I exclaimed, as he leaped into my arms. I giggled loudly and engulfed him in a tight hug. "How are you handsome?" Kevin instantly targeted for my face and covered my cheeks with wet kisses. I brushed him softly, missing the feeling of his smooth coat under my fingers.
"What a nice reunion," Alex chuckled, stalking towards us slowly as he watched over my shoulder. I glanced over at him and nodded with squinted eyes, due to my cheesy smile.
"I missed him so so so much," I cooed, pushing the side of Kevin's face against my cheek and scratching him. I walked into the living room while spinning Kevin and I around in circles. "You missed me too, buddy?" Kevin squirmed in my arms in response.
"He did," Alex answered, but his tone said it all. He was actually speaking for himself. He avoided eye contact, and I caught a slight frown as he passed us to sit on his couch. I sighed, before looking back down at Kevin.
"Well, I missed you very much," I responded, rocking him in my arms. Alex chuckled lightly under his breath, playing with his fingers. I laughed with him as I walked over to the couch and sat down besides him. "Okay, run along, Kev." I placed Kevin next to my feet just for him to jump back up on the couch and onto my lap. I furrowed my brows and looked over at Alex. He only shrugged and patted Kevin's head.
"I guess he'll be joining us," He snorted. I hummed and watched as Kevin made himself comfortable on my lap. Not that it was a problem—it was nice to have Kevin with me. I ran my fingers along his body back and forth as I turned to focus on Alex.
When he noticed the attention was all on him, he took a nervous deep breath and stared back at me. I could tell he was a little lost and his head was filled.
"So..." Alex ran his hands through his hair. "Where should I start? What do you want to know?" He asked, moving his hands to rub his thighs.
I reached over to grab one of his frantic hands. "Alex, it's just me, calm down. You don't have to be so nervous," I assured him.
"I look nervous?" He panicked, trying to fix his face. I giggled and patted his cheek.
"Whether you are or not, just relax. All I ask is that you tell me the full story; the truth. I know Katie has her side, but I want to hear yours first. One, because I trust you, and two... I honestly can't believe a word she says right now," I huffed the last part. "She betrayed and lied to me. I'll deal with her when I'm ready, but for now—" His worried hand grasp mine in a tight hold.
"You want my truth." I rolled in my lips and shrugged. 'Basically'.
"I just want to fix this and move the hell on," I summed it up. Mentally, I was exhausted. And it was unnecessary exhaustion.
The air got quiet. Alex didn't respond, just stared at me. I started questioning what was happening, or if he was waiting for me to say something else.
Then his lips parted slightly as he leaned in. I felt a spark on the tip of my nose from the near contact. My words got caught in my throat as I watched him.
"Sarah, I'm sorry," He spoke quietly. His eye contact suddenly intensified and I had to force myself to look down at Kevin to break away. Apparently, all his nerves transferred to me, and suddenly I wasn't ready to hear what I wanted... needed to hear.
"I know that. I'm sorry as well for—"
"No no no, don't apologize for anything," He stopped me, reaching for my chin and lifting it to level his. His smile was so simple and sincere.
"Seems like we are always switching between comforting one another. What's up with that?" I joked, lightly.
He chuckled. "We're a mess."
"I couldn't have said it better," I smirked, pushing fallen strands of hair from my face. "Anyways, I guess we should just lay everything down. No sugarcoating, just the truth. Deal?" Alex nodded, keeping his close distance.
I thought I'd start off with the dressing room situation. I hated that I had to bring it up because it was honestly embarrassing as I thought back on it, but it couldn't be excused. He still doesn't know that I heard his and Katie's conversation, and I planned on keeping that way. He could tell me what he told her when he's ready to.
"I really need to apologize about that argument we had in my dressing room. I was being immature and I...I don't know—just.. I'm sorry. Katie really started bringing a bad side out of me. I promise I wasn't always so petty and stubborn and annoying," I laughed. "I think since the incident or whatever, she ruined me.. us. I trusted her and cared about her, but now.. I can't even say her name nor think of her name without getting angry."
"She was your best friend, Sarah. You have every right to feel the way you feel," He said with a warm smile in return. I nodded slightly as I closed my eyes. He squeezed my hand in silence, waiting for me to continue.
"What I'm trying to say is that, I didn't mean to treat you the way I did. I was upset that you still weren't telling me anything, and I just snapped. I shouldn't have done that. I shouldn't have called you out like that, or pushed you out of my room either," I mumbled in shame the last part under my breath.
"I deserved it, I honestly did. What you said was true and I have been avoiding it... this," He frowned. "I'm still trying to adjust to the consequences."
"Consequences?"
"Losing your trust," He kept his eyes down on our intertwined hands.
"Alex—"
"I want to get it back, and I guess I should start with answering every question you have. I want to clear the air. I want you to know that I'm really sorry."
"Fine with me," I chuckled, pushing his shoulder with mine, trying to get him to smile with me. He peeked up to see my face.
"Okay, hit me," He smirked slightly.
I didn't exactly have my list at the ready, so I just let my troubled mind with empty answers ask the questions.
"The one question I might as well get out of the way is, do you have any type of feelings for Katie? Or you had?" I asked, a little nervously. I knew it was a personal question, and I hoped he wouldn't be offended by it, but I was desperate to know.
I mean, I already knew the answer from his talk with Katie on the phone, but having him say it to my face was the best confirmation I could get.
For a brief moment, Alex was taken aback by the question, but he responded nevertheless. "No, not at all. We were never getting closer than friends. I can promise you that," he shook his head.
"Okay," I sighed, licking my lips.
"I was too busy crushing hard on a jealous short girl," He decided to add with a joking roll of his eyes. I gasped with a breathless laugh. His smirk was smug, pleased by my reaction.
"You're so cheeky, Brightman," I blushed, hitting him with my free hand. I was not prepared for that response.
"But seriously, were you really worried about that?" I shrugged.
"I mean, kind of? Katie is... well Katie," I chuckled, awkwardly. "And I'm me."
"And that's the best thing I could ask for," He didn't take a second to assure me. Heat instantly rushed to my cheeks. "Awww," he cooed at my pink tinted face.
"Shut it," I warned him as we both laughed.
We went quiet for a minute, looking forward at his turned off TV. Kevin was on the edge of sleep as his breathing slowed down. I was glad to get those few seconds to think.
"So, what's next?" Alex suddenly asked.
I hummed, turning back to face him again. "Did Katie text and call you a lot? Or even, does she still do it?" Alex tilted his head side to side like he was stretching.
"Tries to, I should say. At first, she'd ask to hang out a lot, saying that you're doing this and that with other people, mainly Rory, and that she's lonely," He explained. "Remember that night when I facetimed you and we talked for like two hours?"
"Yeah."
"Well, after you fell asleep and I hung up, she texted me not even a minute later, saying, 'That should've been me you called'," He furrowed his eyebrows, almost in disgust.
"What? Really?" My eyes widened. I knew she heard us, but to text Alex about it afterwards was oddly weird.
"Yeah, but I told her, 'If I really wanted to call you instead of Sarah, I would've'." I quickly covered my mouth to hold in the sudden laugh that warned to come out of me.
"Alex, you did not," I hit him. He nodded and smirked proudly. "You are crazy. And sassy, but we already knew that," I squished my nose at him.
"Why deny it?" He said to himself. I laughed.
~It's Showtime~
After about thirty minutes of talking—sometimes going off topic—and getting questions answered, I finally had the courage to ask what I really wanted to know.
"So, anything else you want to know?" Alex sipped the water he brought over for us earlier. I decided not to look at him when I asked because I really didn't want to see his reaction. I just wanted an answer.
"Yeah, I do," I started, playing with my fingers. "I think you know what, but when Katie first came to your house—"
"Yeah."
"Did anything happen? Did she touch you or like get close to you?" When I replayed my words, I internally groaned. I covered my eyes and shook my head, ashamedly. "Sorry, I didn't mean to sound—"
"Overprotective?" He finished. I peeked through my fingers to glance at him. He lifted his eyebrows when I did.
"I mean, I wouldn't say overprotective," I dragged out, leaning back against the couch. I picked up Kevin and laid him across my arms. He flicked his paw at me, motioning for my hand to rub his stomach. I giggled and ran my fingers along his naked stomach.
"Sarah?" Alex suddenly called me. I looked at him and hummed. "Do you want my answer to your overprotective question?" He smirked. I rolled my eyes and brought my attention back at Kevin. He didn't make things awkward.
Alex watched us, chuckling to himself. He reached over to sooth his dog as well. He was an expert with Kevin's favorite scratching spots.
"And I didn't mean it like that," I muttered to the silence.
"Don't be ashamed. It's cute," He said, nonchalantly.
"You either answer the question or not. I'm not going to encourage this bullying," I scolded Alex, glancing at him with a dirty look, before turning back to Kevin. "Your dad is so rude, isn't he handsome?" I cooed at him. He responded by poking his tongue out.
Alex chuckled, before speaking. "Well to answer your question, yes." I noticed his voice lowering. My head snapped towards him.
"Oh? Really? Like what?" I asked, turning all my attention towards him.
"You said no sugarcoating..." He told more to himself. I nodded. "Well, we were sitting on the couch, she was complimenting my place. We talked a little and then all of a sudden, she decided to scoot real close to me. I asked her what she was doing, but she waved my question off and started trancing her finger... like this," he ran his finger along my shoulder and down my arm multiple times. My eyes widened at his actions, catching on to the seductive move Katie pulled.
"Oh my god."
"Now that I think back, I realize I was being a little naïve and just thought it was a short attention span thing, ya know? She seemed like she was zoning out and just focused on trancing my shoulder," Alex shrugged.
I sighed at his words. He went silent, waiting for my reaction. I really didn't want to give him one until he was finished, so I motioned for him to continue.
"Then, as I'm talking in mid sentence, she decided to change the topic to relationships. Weird, right?" I nodded, not wanting him to stop by asking questions. "And while she talked, she put her legs over mine."
"Oh?" My teeth clenched as my eyes squinted at him. He bit the inside of his cheek and nodded.
I knew from the start Katie pulled something. It was the only logical reason she went to his place at all. She was trying to seduce him, I knew it, but it was upsetting to actually hear Alex confirm it.
"Say something?" He whispered, timidly. I glanced at his worried face, then back down at Kevin. All of a sudden, I couldn't look at him. All I saw was him and Katie.
"So she was seducing and trying to cuddle you?"
"Yeah, basically. I was stupid," he muttered, looking somewhat frustrated. I stopped petting Kevin and set him down next to me, before turning completely to face Alex. I didn't like his sudden change of expression. I knew what it meant, and I didn't like where the conversation was heading.
"So, what happened after?" I gritted. I saw Alex's fingers twitch, before he lifted his legs slightly to slide his hands under him. "Alex, you said you'd answer my question, so answer it. What the hell happened?"
"Well, we continued talking and she was getting kind of bolder with her questions. Asking real personal ones and I got creeped out, so I tried to change the subject. I mentioned School of Rock and then the questions started coming. I didn't mind because she wasn't trying to know every little thing about me, anymore," he sighed at the last part.
"What? What's wrong?" I pushed my legs against my chest and rested my chin on my knee.
"It didn't last long because she circled back around to my appearance." Alex looked physically creeped out as he thought back to that day. He was flinching and scrunching his face as he spoke. "Like she said how my eyes are hard to look away from and my smile was addictive." I was a bit taken back, but stayed quiet and listened.
Of course Alex would've been oblivious to the signal. He was a narcissist, a compliment is a compliment.
"Ok, and then?"
Alex dragged, "Then..." and paused, like he was debating if he should continue. I motioned my hand for him to speak, so he did. "She started to lean more in my face, but kept asking questions like she wasn't doing anything abnormal," He explained, looking up in thought.
"Wait a minute," I stopped him with a mistaken giggle. I didn't mean for it to come out, but the more and more he talked, the more nervous I got. And it came out as a laugh
Alex gave me a bewildered look, tilting his head. "What? Why are you laughing?" I think I freaked him out before I could see it on his face that he was rethinking what he said in the last hour.
"Nothing, I didn't mean to. Sorry, just—I know what's coming," I covered another laugh with a sniffle. "Okay, I'm good. Go on," I rolled my lips in as I passed the attention back to him. Alex stared at me confusingly, before slowly nodding.
"Well, uhh.. oh so then I felt her fingers running up and down my arm. I gave her an uncomfortable look, kinda saying that I'm not okay with it. Somehow her hand landed on my thigh, so I glanced down. As I was about to finally tell her to stop, I looked back up and her face was like an inch away."
"And that was it, right? You moved away and told her to stop?" I asked, shrugging at his slow burn to explain a simple misunderstanding.
He sighed and shook his head.
Shit.
"We kissed."
Maybe I should've just minded my own business.
It took me a few seconds to register his words, but even then, I couldn't physically react. My brows stayed furrowed and my lips pulled a tight line.
It was until Alex's hand touched mine in worry that my body sparked in realization. My eyes widened as I shot up from the couch.
"You did what?!" I yelled, placing my hands on my head. I genuinely needed him to say it again because I didn't believe him at first.
"She kissed me," He repeated, changing his words. A sneaky move, but not enough to dial my anger down.
"Alex!" I leaned forward to push his shoulder, roughly. He sunk more into the couch. "You waited this long to tell me? Are you serious?" I clenched my hands into a fist because I didn't know what else to do with them.
"I know," he spoke, defeatedly.
"So, as soon as Katie left your place, you didn't think about telling me?" I started to pace around his coffee table. I took long deep breaths, closing my eyes. I could say I was in shock, but I already knew what he was going to say. It was a horrible gut feeling that I had for days.
"Sarah, wait, I know it sounds bad, but—"
"Sounds bad? It is bad, Alex. Why didn't you just tell me from the start? What the actually hell," I scoffed. I turned away from him and started to chuckle again. "I just can't believe this." The last thing I was going to let him see was me crying. He wouldn't get the satisfaction of seeing how much this affected me.
"Will you let me finish?" Alex asked, cautiously. I squeezed my quivering lips together and nodded once, keeping my back to him. I felt his presence suddenly appear right behind me. "Please." Hesitatingly, I looked over my shoulder at him.
"What? I don't even want to know what else you have to say, to be honest," I chuckled, shaking my head. "I should have heard this story that day or even the next day. Not now, Alex."
"I know, I'm sorry."
"Are you?" I finally turned around to stand inches away from his face. He probably wasn't imitated by the dirty look I gave him, but I wanted him to at least know I was serious. "Are you sorry? You kiss my ex best friend and don't tell me. Then you keep hanging out with her like you didn't regret it? This is the signal I've been so confused about," I realized, widening my eyes. "You kissed her and didn't push her away. Now she thinks she has a chance."
"Sarah—"
"No, it's true. It's all true!" I concluded, moving away from him. He reached out for my arm.
"You said we'd talk this out and you'd listen. I'm trying to fix this," He argued.
I looked back at him and hissed, "Well that was after I figured out you waited this long to tell me you guys were snuggling all up on each other and then kissed. And the cherry on top was that you didn't have the guts to tell me the truth."
"What did you'd think I say, Sarah? Katie talked to me then left and nothing happened?" Alex exasperated. I had the hopes that he'd say it in the back of my mind. But it was too good to be true.
I sighed, slumping my tired shoulders. He used the opportunity to turn my body around to face him. I stared at his chest and sniffled quietly.
"I can't believe this," I mumbled, shaking my head in disbelief. "I should have expected this. I don't know why I trusted either of you when you guys said nothing will happen between you two. To think you'd actually keep a distance from her and nothing like this would happen. To think you'd stop her from doing anything."
"Sarah, don't say that. I was serious when I said not to worry about us. You can trust me," He pleaded. "Look at me." I hesitated, before tilting my eyes up.
"Why are we having this conversation, then?"
"It was just a kiss."
I had to laugh.
"That's it, Alex? Just a kiss? You guys flirting and letting her do whatever she did? You hang out with her behind my back? She comes around to your house, I don't know how many times, and you invite her out to eat with us even though I wanted to be alone with you? You think all of this wouldn't bother me?" I scoffed. He stayed silent. "Well it does, Alex. Do you know why?"
"Because she was your best friend," He answered. I chuckled, shaking my head at him.
"You don't get it, Alex, You don't get it at all," I snapped. "Now, you can figure that out," I poked his chest with my finger, before pushing him away and walking over to Kevin.
"Sarah, don't do this. We said we'd talk," Alex protested, following me hot on my tail. I ignored his plea and picked up Kevin, hugging him.
I turned slightly so Alex could see my face. "I know I said we'd talk. I want to talk, Alex, I promise I did, but I just... I can't right now," I explained sincerely, kissing Kevin's forehead, before placing him back down.
Alex put his hand up to stop me as I tried to walk past him. "I know you don't want to hear that, but I'm being honest with you. I want to be honest and not hide anything else from you." I smiled slightly.
"And I'm thankful for your honesty, but I just need some time to process all of this." I shrugged. Alex instantly reached for my hands and intertwined them together. I looked down at our hands and frowned.
"I understand."
"Don't take this the wrong way, but I can't be near you... right now," I insisted. "I'm sorry, just give me time, okay?" I squeezed our hands in plea that he understood.
He was quiet for a moment, before finally speaking. "Ok, anything you need. All I want is my shortcake back. I'll do whatever it takes." He quickly pulled me into a hug, snuggling his face into my neck and sighing. "I'm sorry for doing this to you. You don't deserve any of this," He whispered. I didn't know how to respond to that.
I wait for him to let me go and stare at me cautiously. "Thank you." I want to give him a reassuring smile, but nothing appeared. He stuffed his hands in his pockets and nodded. Without another look back, I walk out.
•
*wipes forehead* wow.. that's was something