After we finished eating at Applebee's, we quickly made our way back to the Winter Garden. Kerry led us—along with the conversation—to the dressing room hallway. Leslie eventually caught up and walked with us. I was glad to have another distraction, and one more person to make sure I wasn't alone with Alex again.
Kerry, Leslie, and I strolled side by side as we talked, Alex kind of lingered behind. I expected him to wander off a different direction, but he stayed right on our tail.
"I'll meet up with you guys later?" Leslie asked, opening up her dressing room door as we arrived at hers first.
"Yeah," I nodded, giving her a quick wave, before heading to my own room with Kerry. Alex continued to stay quiet behind us, which bothered me a bit. It was weird to not be on speaking terms with him, especially when I had so many random things to talk about. It was always a problem to stop a conversation between Alex and I. We could talk for hours. And I wasn't as mad at him anymore, I just wanted him to fix his side of the problem.
When I opened my dressing room door and Kerry walked past me to enter, I turned back around to look at Alex, but was immediately met with a slammed door. I flinched at the sudden action, almost jumping from the loud noise. I huffed and followed Kerry into my room.
"Is Alex okay? He's been acting weird ever since I came back from the bathroom at Applebee's. Did something happen?" Kerry asked me, making herself comfortable on my couch. I sighed and ran my fingers through my hair. "Something did happen, did it?" I glanced at her, and not attempting to speak, I nodded slowly. I felt the corner of my eyes water and my lip slightly quivered.
I quickly looked down at my hands and shook my head. "I'm sorry," I apologized for my sudden mood change.
"Come here, don't apologize," Kerry awed, standing up and engulfing me in an embrace as we met in the middle. "It's okay to cry, Sarah. I'm here to listen."
I nodded in her chest, sniffling slightly, before mumbling, "I hate this." I adjusted to lay my head on Kerry's shoulder, looking towards my window. The bright afternoon sun brought natural light into the room.
"Hate what?" Kerry asked me. She pushed herself back far enough to have a good look at my face.
With a slight hesitation, I scrunch my nose and answered her, ashamedly. "I lied, Kerry. We aren't okay. We were never okay." She looked surprised by my words, blinking confusingly.
"What do you mean?"
I followed Kerry to my couch so we could sit down. Her hands were quick to grab mine before I started talking. "When you came into my room this morning and mentioned Katie to Alex and I, we still never talked about her. We planned on talking about her after rehearsals at his apartment," I explained. Kerry's hand slapped sharply to her forehead as she closed her eyes.
"Oh my god, Sarah. I didn't know. I shouldn't have said that," she scolded herself.
I quickly squeezed our hands to comfort her. "No, it's okay—"
"It's not."
"Kerry, you didn't know, that's all. I should've given you a heads up," I assured her. "This isn't your fault." I could tell she was still upset at herself. Finally, she nodded slightly with a guilty expression plastered on her face.
"So, what's going on now?" She asked me.
I explained to Kerry the argument Alex and I had when she left my dressing room earlier that day. Then, I told her about the text Alex received from Katie, and what we said when I went to his room to return his phone.
She was surprised when I said he was yelling. I had to agree, it caught me off guard too.
"I couldn't be around him, so when I saw him sitting with you guys in the house, I had to sit somewhere else."
"That's why you were with Dana and Presley. You two were mad at each other?"
I nodded in response with a sad smile. "Remember when I told you Alex had plans after you invited him to join us at Applebee's?"
I didn't finish the rest, I just stared at Kerry. Her furrowed eyebrows simply rose when she had the realization, "He was going to see Katie." I bit my lip. "But he said he cancelled his plans and went with us."
"Yeah, I don't know why he went with us because he was just pissed at me not long before that," I chuckled. "I was confused the whole time we were there. He was acting like we never argued in the first place. He stared at me a lot and kicked my foot under the table, trying to get my attention and talk to me like everything was fine. It threw me off, and I'm still trying to process what happened," I scoffed.
"So what did you guys say when I went to the bathroom?" She asked. I huffed, rubbing my free hand down my thigh.
It took me a while to fully explain to Kerry our conversation and what I ranted to Alex about. It made me cringe when I recalled what I said to him. I started to regret the way I worded things. I must've sounded stupid and almost desperate.
"I told him that I don't want to do.. whatever we were doing.. if Katie is going to keep coming around."
"Mhm," she hummed.
I pushed the loose strands of my hair behind my ears with a long sigh. "I meant what I said to him. I can't stop Katie from trying to get with Alex. Only he can stop her, but he just won't," I pathetically laughed.
"Just give him some time, Sarah," Kerry assured me, squeezing my hand.
"But why can't he just tell her to stop? Why is it so hard?"
"I'm not trying to make anything worse, but it does seem like she has some type of feeling for Alex," she spoke, and it only made me frown deeper.
"I guess so," I shrugged nonchalantly, but she knew her words affected me.
Kerry was quiet for a second, her lips rolling inwards. I finally looked over at her, examining her cautious expression. I lifted a confused brow and it encouraged her to speak. "You can be honest, Sarah, it's just me here." I nodded. "Do you... maybe.. have feelings for Alex too?"
I squinted my eyes and tilted my head. "Like, 'I want us to be boyfriend-girlfriend' type of feelings?" She stayed quiet, biting the inside of her cheek. "No. Not at all," I quickly denied her, shaking my head.
"Sarah, think about it. You and Alex have such a special relationship," she started, softening her voice. "You wouldn't be so overprotective over him and upset about Katie if you didn't want Alex... maybe for your own."
My eyes fell down to my lap as I argued with my own thoughts. "I mean, I think Alex is amazing. He's so sweet and special to me. I... probably can see us, you know—"
"I just think that if he really wanted Katie, he would've told you."
"But that doesn't mean he has feelings for me just because he doesn't really like Katie."
"Then Alex needs to tell you how he really feels about both you and Katie."
I lifted an eyebrow. "Like, just go up to him now? I thought you said give him time?"
Kerry laughed, "Yeah, that was before." I smirked at her as she squeezed my hand. "If you want to know what's really going on, Alex is the only one who can tell you that. All I want is for you to be happy, and I think we both know a special someone who could make you happy," She said, bumping my shoulder.
I smiled slightly. "Thank you, Kerry, for literally everything," I whispered, moving in to hug her.
"Of course, I'll always be here to help you, Sarah," she said as she rubbed my arms comfortingly, before I stood up from the couch. "Now, go talk to him. I'll be waiting here," She gave me a sly grin. As I took a deep breath, I ran my palms down my hips. It was a little nerve racking to be alone with Alex again, but I needed to finally talk to him properly.
I marched right to his room, which only took a few steps from my own. I should've planned on what I'd say to him, but I was caught up in the moment. Kerry was right; I needed to understand what was going on. I was willing to take a nice approach and hear everything Alex had to say.
I shut my own dressing room door behind me and walked two steps to stand in front of Alex's. I raised my hand to knock, but I was stopped by a ring behind his door. I was going to go back to my room and wait it out, being respectful and wanting him to have his privacy, but after hearing the voice I dreaded hearing, I stayed put.
I knew he had her on speaker because I clearly heard the slurred, "Hey, Alex," followed by a giggle. Katie Stokes. Of course.
"Hello, Katie," he replied in a monotone voice.
"What's up? I hope you're rescheduling our date. I really wanted to see you for lunch, Brighty Boy," she spoke. As an instinct, I rolled my eyes and crossed my arms, leaning against the wall next to his door.
"Can we talk?" Alex ignored her question.
"Of course," she answered. I could hear the worry lingering in the back of her voice.
"I have some things to clear up."
My entire body froze. My mind went racing with speculations of what that could have meant.
Katie was just as curious as I was. Alex's voice wasn't as cheerful, and his blank response worried me. Katie asked, slightly hesitantly, "Really? Like what?"
I leaned closer to Alex's door, but nearly jumped out of my skin when I felt ghostly breathing on my shoulder. I flinched harshly and jerked my head around to catch Kerry staring at me, puzzled. She started to speak, but I quickly covered her mouth with my hand, muffling her words. I widened my eyes and looked at Alex's door.
Connecting the dots, Kerry's furrowed eyebrows raised. She nodded in realization and scurried to the other side of Alex's door to listen too.
"I just want to get this off my chest because I'm tired of hurting people I care about. Too much is going on, and I want it to stop," he began. Kerry and I exchanged glances. "I'm not sure what signals you think you're picking up from me, but I'm going to tell you, flat out, that I don't like you, Katie. Sorry, but I don't."
Well... that happened.
"Oh my—" Kerry gasped, but I quickly shushed her. I didn't want to risk Alex hearing us. I was surprised he didn't hear my racing heartbeat through the door.
"I like Sarah, Katie. I 'like' like her. She's incredible and funny and beautiful, and I think... I know I want to be with her. She's one of the best things that has ever happened to me and I don't want to lose her. I don't believe the whole Rory thing anymore, I want her to tell me herself."
Kerry and I look at each other with our eyes almost popping out of their sockets. Before my gasp escaped, I covered my mouth. Did Alex really just say that?
"You don't even know her like that, Alex. Sure, you're in the same show, but she sees you as work," Katie argued. "You know me, and what we have is better than what you have with her. We're both aware of that, Alex. Don't say things like that."
"No, we don't, Katie."
"How? We love the same things, and we can talk about anything to each other. We enjoy Broadway and the outdoors and walks and Kevin and—"
"Katie, I choose Sarah, I chose her a long time ago, and the fact that I've waited this long to tell you, I'm sorry. I didn't intend to drag whatever we had around for so long."
"Please, Alex, just give me a shot. I can make you ten times happier than she could ever make you."
Alex sighed. "But I don't want you, I want Sarah. Understand that please. I don't want to hurt your feelings, but I need you to realize that we have to have boundaries."
"No Alex, you don't understand. You aren't thinking straight. Let me come over to your place tonight and we can work this all out."
"You aren't listening to me, Katie. You're just making this harder for yourself. I'm not changing my mind nor letting you manipulate me to think differently. I know what I want and I already said what I needed to say."
"But you don't mean it," Katie cried with a huff.
Kerry waved for my attention, then scrunched her face in annoyance. I covered my mouth to giggle. Now she understood.
If only Rory was with us to hear their conversation with his own ears. And speaking of him, I had to tell him about the story Katie made up about us. She knew Alex and Rory had tension when it came to me, so she used it to her advantage just to play Alex.
The room was quiet, until Alex finally spoke again. His voice was blank. "I mean every word I say, Katie. I want Sarah, not you."
"Fine, ruin Sarah's life by only caring about yourself. She's happy with Rory and your selfishness is only going to make things worse," Katie snarled. "She doesn't want you, Alex. Little pathetic Sarah will only hate you more if you keep playing with her emotions."
"Stop."
"No, you stop. You can't accept your fate and I'm trying to help you. You want me because I make you a better person. You wouldn't have let me come to your apartment all the time, and spend your days off with me if you really didn't like me." I could almost hear the smirk on Katie's face.
Her words left me with a gapped mouth. I wanted to barge into Alex's room, take his phone, and curse up a storm. But I wanted to hear what he'd say, so I clenched my fist tightly to control myself.
"There is nothing you can say nor do now to change my mind. I'm not hurting Sarah or being selfish just because I like her. She's not with Rory, so stop trying to convince me that she is. You already tricked me once, but not anymore," Alex said. "I'm doing what Sarah told me to do... what I should've done a while ago without her needing to tell me to. I'm cutting you off for good, because if that's what I have to do to be with her, then I will do it."
"Alex, no, please—"
"Don't even try it now, Katie. You've said what you said and now I finally see your true colors," He scoffed. "Goodbye, Katie."
"Wait Al—"and with that, he hung up.
~It's Showtime~
Kerry and I headed to the house when the announcements went off. Most of the cast were almost inside, sitting in their groups, chatting. Not that we all weren't close, but we kind of made friend groups based on who we spent the most time with in rehearsals.
The other leads were already seated in our usual spot, but there was no Alex. Still, Kerry and I made our way over to them, but I was stopped by a voice calling my name. Looking around, I noticed Timbers near the sound and lighting booth, waving me over, with Alex by his side. I motioned to them so Kerry knew where I was going before jogging over to them and standing next to Alex.
"Hey, Sarah. I just wanted to tell you guys while I have you together, but I received an email from Broadway.com today, and they'd like to do a quick interview and photoshoot with you two," Timbers explained with a proud smile on his face. I let out a quiet gasp as my eyes widened.
"Oh my god," I exclaimed with a laugh. "When?"
"Well, if you're both available at noon tomorrow, they'd like to do it then. After that, you come in to join us back for rehearsals."
"Oh, that's fine," I shrugged, slightly bouncing in excitement.
"Yeah, I can do it," Alex added. I turned slightly to face him, and he did the same. He gave me a small smile, before returning his attention to Timbers.
"Perfect! I'll email you both some additional information, but, aside from that, Sarah, have a good first interview." Excitedly, I squealed and clapped my hands. "Alex, just make sure she's not acting like a madwoman on camera," Timbers smirked.
"I think I'll be able to control myself on camera, thank you very much," I sassed, furrowing my eyebrows.
"I know, but..."
"Yeah yeah, I'll be caught up in the moment and unable to control myself. Blah, blah, blah." Timbers cracked a smile and shook his head.
"Alex, just make sure. For me."
"I've got it under control, Timbers. She'll be fine, I got it," Alex nodded, patting my shoulder. I rolled my eyes, shoving his hand off, playfully. Still, I smiled up at Alex to make sure he knew.
Timbers gave us a thumbs up, saying, "Good, now let's do some rehearing." He turned to lead us down the aisle. I made a rooting noise, raising my hands and doing a little celebration dance.
I found Kerry, who was talking to Leslie, Rob, and Adam in a group. Their heads turned in unison when they saw Alex and I standing at the end of the row. Alex scooted down the row behind them, so he was sitting closer to everyone. I followed him, sitting in the same row, but left a seat between us. I still didn't know how to process everything I heard in his dressing room.
Unexpectedly, Alex moved to the empty seat so he could be sat next to me. I looked over at him, but he didn't meet my eyes. While joining the group's conversation, he secretly patted my thigh, before squeezing it slightly. What?
"All right, everyone, settle down," Timbers announced as he stood on stage. I leaned back into my seat and rotated my head to stretch it out.
"You okay?" Alex suddenly whispered. From the corner of my eye, I noticed him staring at me.
"I'm fine, thank you," I nodded, keeping my eyes on Timbers. Still, he waited until I looked back at him. I glanced to the side and rolled my lips in for a closed smile.
Timbers walked to the stairs as he explained, "So, we will be doing all of the Act Two songs. Dana, come on up. Alex, Sarah, and ensembles, head backstage for your entrances."
"Have fun, you two," Rob turned around and smirked at us.
"Haha," I sarcastically laughed, rolling my eyes and walking up the aisle to the hallway. I felt Alex's presence right on my tail.
"Ready to perform?" He asked, taking an extra step to walk by my side. He placed his arm around my shoulder, and I mindlessly leaned more into him.
"Yeah, you?"
"Mhm, this number and Creepy Old Guy are my favorites."
"Would it be perhaps because I'm also in those numbers with you?" I smirked, looking up at him and scrunching my nose.
"Ding ding ding," he laughed as he poked my side. I squealed on instinct, hugging my sides to protect myself.
"Stop that," I scolded him.
He shrugged. "You're cute when you squeal."
"Should I be concerned that you think I'm only cute when I squeal?" I bit my lip, holding in a giggle.
"Haha, nice joke," He squinted his eyes at me. "And for your information, Miss Holland, I think you're cute when you do anything. It's just a speciality you have and can never be taken away."
Okay... maybe I have a little crush.
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