JUNE, 2019. CONT.
I am officially empty.
Nothing compares to this hurt. Not even losing Harry the first few times. Because deep down, I knew we'd make it. I knew we'd get through it and it'd all be okay. Like the universe told me itself we'd be fine.
But this time, I don't think that's happening. Because the way he sees it, I betrayed him. I made an empty promise.
To him, I told him we'd finally be together. That we'd run off to a place we've fallen in love in. To be together for the rest of our lives.
And I can't even hear the universe anymore.
I don't even want to imagine how he felt seeing the headline. Because when I saw it I felt utterly sick. And then it was everywhere before anything could have been done.
The media wasn't too happy. They wanted me and Harry to be the ones to get married.
Hell, so did I.
For the past few weeks, I've tried to think of any way to get out of it. I can't marry him. I don't love him. Not to mention he's fucking insane.
I need to speak to Harry. I need to tell him everything. Even of the video of us having sex. Just so we can figure it all out. I can't do this without him.
I had my chance with him. My last and final shot at actually being with someone I genuinely love. But it was over now. And I don't know how to cope with that.
I spent a long time in bed. Acting as if I had food poisoning. Blair freaked out and decided to stay with me for a while so I could pick myself back up.
It hurt me not to tell her. I want to. But I know it could end poorly. Chances are River would find out I told someone and leak the video anyway.
I can't do that to Harry. I can't let the world see him like that. Not in his most vulnerable state.
Even if it means having to marry River. If it meant Harry would be okay, I'd do anything for him.
He hasn't answered my calls. Or texts. I couldn't visit because River would find out. There was no way of seeing him. Not without a risk.
He went home, I think. There were photos of him all over Twitter arriving at the airport in London. Chances are he needed to be around family. Around his mom who can put him back together. I don't blame him. I look completely evil.
His mom and sister surely hate me. And that devastated me. They wanted nothing more but happiness for me. I'm sure they're bad mouthing me now.
I never thought he'd hate me. He told me he could never no matter what. But now even I hate me.
"All packed?" River breaks the haunting silence.
It's been like that since he proposed. Just silence. Nothing to speak about. Nothing I wanted to speak about.
I nod, keeping my gaze on my phone. Maybe he'll wish me good luck for fashion week. Or maybe my number is blocked and he's forgotten my name.
I miss him so much.
"You're going to have to talk to me, Monet." He huffs.
"What is there to talk about?" I snap, turning to him.
River crosses his arms and shakes his head.
"I did what I had to do because I love you. I had to know you were going to stick around."
"You're fucking insane."
"Well, you better work on that attitude. We're going to be surrounded by the media this week and nothing can look out of order."
"Two days that is. I'm not staying the whole week. I can't tolerate it." I deny.
"We have to stay the whole week." He grits.
"I don't. I'm walking once. I can leave whenever. And I choose to leave as soon as I step off that stage."
"You know I have to stay."
"I don't care."
"You're my fiancée."
"To them, yes. But between us I want nothing to do with you." I snap.
River silently exits the room and I hear a door slam. I roll my eyes and lie back against the sheets. Tears roll down my cheeks as I pull out the photo from under my pillow. It's been there every night with me.
I stare at it for a moment before holding it close to my body. I wipe my eyes and sit up, sliding it back under to return it to its place.
I look around for the box of tissues that should be on the dresser. There's none. I turn to River's bedside table, opening the drawer. He usually has the small packages in there.
I search the drawer, pausing when I see a manila folder lying there. In bright red ink, it reads:
Soleil Monroe.
Gulping, I lift it and open the cover, my eyes glued to the first page. It's all about me. My likes, my dislikes, my hobbies, lists and lists of things about me. Down to my family members. Even ones I didn't know about.
The next page contains logs of where I've been and even photos included. All done by a private investigator.
I trail my eyes down the list of dates and locations, my chest lifting up and down in sudden fear as I continue on. One date catches my eye the most.
June 15th.
The day I met River.
I flip the page, my entire body growing cold when I gaze at a single contract. My eyes scan over it, trying to get the gist of it. And I swear I could hack up everything in my stomach all over myself and this bed.
This was all a scheme to get to me. River had made it his goal to get to me and get with me. All for publicity.
All to look better.
I may not have been big back then, but they saw my potential. Not to mention, I was labeled as Harry Styles' ex and love of his life. The one the songs were about. Anyone who came next would clearly get a lot of attention.
And that's what he wanted. That's why he refused to let me get away. Because it was his plan all along.
He was using me.
It was all a contract.
My phone buzzes beside me, and I reach over to grab it.
My body grows hot when I see who's calling.
I answer it in a heartbeat, not even hesitating. My hands shake as I press the phone to my ear.
"Monet?" Their voice comes out in a choked sob and I feel my heart fall to my feet.
"Gemma." I exhale, already feeling the worst.
"Oh God, Monet. It's Harry. He's in the hospital."
"I'm on my way." I rise to my feet.
"To London?" Her broken voice asks in shock.
"Yes. To London."
I don't wait for her to say a thing and I hang up and rush around the room to throw random clothes and items into a duffel bag. Running to the closet, I slip on a pair of shoes before grabbing my keys and darting toward the front door.
Before I leave, I grab the file, shoving it into my bag for safe keeping. There's no way I'm sticking around after this.
River is in the kitchen, eating chips. He chokes loudly, leaning forward to see me better.
"Where the fuck are you going?" He demands, charging toward me.
Before he can grab my wrist, I spin to him and push him back. I slide the engagement ring off my finger and throw it straight at him.
"Stay the fuck away from me." I growl before throwing the front door open and rushing to my car.
Inside, I dial Blair's number, my entire body shaking with fear. I start the car and pull out of the driveway, waiting for her to answer.
"Hey, Mona—"
"Blair?" I utter, my breathing becoming erratic.
"Mona? What is it?"
"Everything is so fucked up." I sob.
"What's going on, Mona. Tell me." Her voice is soft and coaxing, it only makes the hot tears pour out of my eyes and roll down my cheeks faster.
"I'm going to London. Something with Harry. It's bad. Everything is bad. I need to go." I know I'm not making any sense and I'm worrying her, but I don't even know how to think properly right now.
"London? Harry? Mona, what is happening?"
"Please don't ask me questions right now." I whimper.
"Okay. Okay." She repeats to herself. "I'll meet you at the airport."
She hangs up and I dial another number. It picks up within seconds.
"Hey, Mona!" Dad greets happily.
"Dad?" I croak.
"Monie? What's wrong?" He instantly murmurs.
"I need the private jet. Now. I need to go to London." I cry out.
"London? What about New York?"
"Fuck New York! Dad, please I just...I'm...I need to see him."
There's a slight pause. I can hear him tell Mom something before shuffling is heard on his side.
"I'll make the call. Mom will text you the details."
I hang up and search through my contacts. I need to call Gemma again.
My driving is definitely the worst right now. I'm swerving around this empty road trying to make calls and drive through my tears.
I pray to God I don't get pulled over. Not now.
My phone begins to ring and I answer it, not even looking.
"Why is River Woods calling me to tell me you just left him in a tantrum?"
Reina. My publicist.
Also a complete bitch.
"I'm not going to Fashion Week. Tell them to find me a replacement." I state firmly.
"What?" She laughs in disbelief, "Monet, this is the biggest moment of your career."
"I don't care!"
"What is the matter with you? You need to be there in five hours. With River. Happy as can be."
"I'm not going."
"This could jeopardize your whole career."
If I think about it, it probably won't. When people discover that River faked a relationship with me without me knowing and I ditched New York Fashion Week to be with the one my heart truly lies with, they won't blink an eye.
To them, Harry will always win.
"I don't give a fuck! Fuck everything!"
"Monet, I can't even be your publicist if you pull this. It's so humiliating."
"Good. Because you're fired."
I click the end button and speed down the road. My eyes are glued to the phone in my hand, trying to find Gemma's number.
It's not until I hear the sound of the actual crash in my ears that I feel it. When I open my eyes, I see a pole right in front of me.
Of course I did.
I kick the door open and double over, holding my pounding head. There's blood dribbling down the side of my temple.
Just my fucking luck.
I don't have time for this.
I call a tow truck and an Uber. I'm not wasting any time. Not now.
The Uber arrives and I hurriedly get into the car, shutting the door and leaning back with an exhale. That's when they look at me through the rear view mirror.
"Hey, you're Soleil Monroe!" She gasps.
"I am." I shoot her a weak smile.
"You know, I liked you better with Harry."
"So did I."
**
Writing the part where Mona just crashes and is like "oh wtf nah" made me laugh
Also with the recent events I advise everyone to stay indoors and stay safe!
And expect a lot from me in the upcoming weeks off. So if you haven't already, go check out Petal! I'll be updating that later today. Also working on a few other things 😳😳
xo