"Come on Hayley! Push harder!" Steph shouts at me as we're in the gym for training today.
I set the bar back down and let out a few deep breaths feeling the burn on my muscles.
"That was great Hayley, come on were going to the bikes now," Steph says making me groan.
After realising that moping around and feeling sorry for myself wasn't going to change the fact I didn't make the team, I went straight to Stephs' house and asked her to help me train more.
So that's currently what we're doing, training finished an hour ago but we're still in the weight room.
"I'm not going to be able to walk tomorrow and that's not even an exaggeration," I say but climbing onto the bike anyways.
"were you not the one to ask me for help last month anyways," Steph says raising her eyebrows at me.
"Sorry, mom," I say and start cycling hard.
We do this for 20 minutes and I feel like stabbing Steph multiple times but I know she's only doing it to help me.
"Right, come on you, let's get out onto that field," She says dragging me towards the locker room
"put your boots and shinnies on and we'll get started," She says before leaving me on my own.
Once I know the coast is clear I sprawl myself onto the floor and lie there looking up at the ceiling.
I've been doing all this extra work for a month now and as much as I can see the changes in my performance and body I do have moments when I think what's the point of doing all this anyway, but you never know what curveball life might throw at you and I've been thrown plenty to know things can change in the snap of a finger.
I get my phone out my bag and text Kelley.
Steph is kicking my butt again
and I won't be able to feel my legs
tomorrow.
Aww poor you! I'm eating pancakes
with Christen so...
I hate you, bye
Love youuuu! Xxx
"Why are you lying on the floor Hayley," Steph says making my head shoot up in shock.
"stretching?" I say as more of a question than an answer really
"well since you've finished stretching let's get started, I've set out the drills already," Steph says offering out her hand for me to grab
"Okay, let's get this done with then," I tell her giving in to the fact she's not going to let me skip this.
"I know you really don't want to be doing this but you were the one who asked me," She says making me let out a deep sigh
"It's just sometimes I don't know why I even try and put all this extra effort in, I thought that I was playing my absolute best at camp and that wasn't good enough" I explain to Stephtelling her how I'm feeling
"that's because you're doing it for the wrong reason, you're doing this for Jill when you need to be doing it for yourself instead. Make yourself a better player and then Jill will come because otherwise every match you'll play, there'll be a little thought in the back of your head that you need to impress Jill. Play to enjoy yourself like I know you used to do because that's when you are one of the best footballers I've ever met" Steph tells me
"Thanks Stephy, that really helped" I reply now looking at the situation in a whole new light.
"that's what I'm here for," She says smiling at me.
"How are you feeling about the news by the way?" I ask since we haven't been able to properly talk since everyone found out Team GB wouldn't be able to compete in the Olympics
"I'm a bit pissed, to be honest, all four nations agreed and we had the team list and everything, and the next thing you know Wales decided to refuse so FIFA said we couldn't compete, I really thought we had a chance this year too" Steph complains to me which I don't blame her
"I think it's so weird how for the Olympics all of England, Wales, Ireland and Scotland combine to form like this elite squad, quite cool actually," I say making her laugh at me
"It did kind of feel like that last time te be fair," She says cracking a smile.
"well we can mope about not going to the Olympics together now," I say cheering
"you're unbelievable Hayley," Steph says but still laughs anyways
"let's get you started shall we," She says rubbing her hands in excitement
"oh God, save me now please," I say to no one in particular.
- - - -
"you've looked, better" Ryder says poking his head into the bathroom as I sit in a tub full of ice
"I'm dying," I say shivering to death practically
"sure you are, I thought me you and lily could go out for dinner tonight, what do you reckon?" My brother asks me
"Yeah of course, where were you thinking of going?" I ask climbing out of the ice-cold water.
"maybe that new Indian restaurant around the corner, people have said the curry is good," Ryder says
"well I'll be the judge of that" I reply smirking
"Great! I'll go book a table now" He says and practically skips out the room, weird child.
I dry myself off and actually get in the shower this time, letting the warm water run over my body and turn my toes a little less blue.
Once I'm all clean I get out the shower and put on a nice outfit for a change deciding I need to look a little more respectable for Ryder and Lily.
When I'm all dressed and done my hair and makeup I go out into the living room to find my brother eating a bowl of cereal.
"Why are you eating cereal, we are literally going out now to get food," I say not understanding the logic behind his decision
"because I'm hungry," He says shrugging it off and continuing to devour the bowl of breakfast cereal
"you have a problem," I say walking off and getting a bowl out myself
"but so do I" I reply and fill my own bowl up of fruity loops
We stand there in silence for a bit, both of us enjoying the food and each other a presence when the front door opens all of a sudden and Lily walks in
"Why are you both eating cereal?" She questions as the spoon is midway to my mouth.
"We got hungry?" Rider says as more of a question than a reply
"He started it," I say pointing at my brother
"That's not fair! You still joined in" He shouts back in protest
"both of you just clean up your plates and put the fruit loops away, we've got to get to our reservation soon," Lily says pointing her finger sternly at us
"Yes mom," We both say sarcastically which ends up making us laugh at each other
"honest to God, you two are ridiculous" Lily says as Ruder and I clean up our mess.
Once that's done, we all head out to Ryder's car where I somehow ended up cramped in the back seat while Lily rides shotgun. Unbelievable.
We finally pull up to the new Indian restaurant and get multiple stares from people around probably because of my brother's ridiculously expensive car he drives everywhere.
"why do you have to drive this bloody car everywhere" I sign to him not liking all the attention we are receiving
"Sorry it's out of habit now, I forgot you were with us," He says apologetically and I know he means it.
"let's just get our seat, I made sure Ryder got one in the corner," Lily says and I smile gratefully at her.
"So, how's school going Lily?" I ask my brothers girlfriend
"good actually, the medicine course is really getting hard but we've just been given this interesting case study so I've been nose deep in my books at the minute" Lily explains and I can't help but smile at how excited she sounds.
"That sounds super fun, you'll have to explain it to me some other time" I say genuinely finding it interesting
"really? You'd want to listen to that" She asks me confused
"oh trust me she's the biggest science wizz out there, she used to spend hours as a kid reading books on the most random stuff," Ryder says laughing at me
"It's not random stuff Ryder, it was very educational and I enjoyed learning about it," I say in protest
"I don't mean to sound rude but how come you never went to college and studied it," Lily asks me
"I got bullied a lot during high school and ended up dropping out at 17 so I never really had the right qualifications to study science so when I went in on my soccer scholarship I could only take the basic classes" I explain to her
"that must have been really easy," She says to me
"It was, I finished it in the first year and then just focused on soccer but I dropped out of the team the second year, they still kept me in school and I took loads of random courses" I tell her
"I'm sorry you dropped and couldn't take the subjects you wanted to, I can't imagine myself not doing medicine" Lily says looking at me sadly
"I just went into business instead and I've done quite well in that field so I can't complain much, plus I'm a soccer player now right so who says I can't be a scientist one day too," I say smiling to myself at the thought
"you'd probably beat Ryder out on his degree" She says making us both laugh
"so now my sister and girlfriend are ganging up on me, not fair," he says crossing his arm over in a sulk
The rest of the night is spent making conversation about life, the Olympics isn't brought up and I'm grateful for not having to think about that for once.
Ryder just stares as Lily with so much admiration in his eyes it reminds me of how I look at Kelley and I know I'm going to marry that woman one day so I know for a fact, Ryder is probably thinking the same thing.
He finally looks happy with his whole life and that is all I want for him.