One week later...
I've spent the past week trying my best to avoid Lukas at school as much as I can. He said he didn't want me in his life anymore so that's exactly what I'm doing. As much as I want to try and talk to him again I know I shouldn't. He didn't believe me the first time I tried to apologize and tell him I'm pregnant. I know if I tried again he would probably tell the principle I'm harassing him and everyone would think I'm crazy. I already know I'm crazy and how impossible this is but it's true. There is no other explanation for any of this that I know of.
I know I should probably tell someone and I want to but I don't know how or who. How can I just simply say I'm pregnant to someone and not have them look at me as if I'm crazy? Lukas thought I was going crazy so I can only imagine how other people would react, especially my dad. My dad always laughed when my mom told stories to Haley and I about kissing leading to pregnancy. I can only imagine what he would think of his own son actually believing he was pregnant.
I can't tell anyone it's that simple and it scares me every passing day that I know it's not going to just go away. I wish every night before I go to sleep that I will wake up and it will all go away but it doesn't. I wish Lukas never even kissed me because none of this would have ever happened. At least I know what kind of person Lukas is now. He's a person that will be there for you whenever you need him but once you tell him something he doesn't want to hear he won't speak to you. Not a very good friend like I thought he was I guess.
"Hey," Travis says standing next to the table I'm sitting at outside the cafeteria.
"Hey," I reply dryly.
"So why are you sitting outside all alone?" he asks taking a sit across from me.
"I just felt like being alone." I answer wishing he would just leave me alone.
"Every day this week?" he asks raising his eyebrows.
"Yeah, why is there something wrong with that?" I reply getting annoyed already.
"No, but I can tell something has been on your mind. You know you can talk to me Razor." he says as he looks into my eyes.
I look away and answer, "Nothing is wrong I just felt like spending time by myself that's all. Is there a crime against that?"
"No, but will you tell me what's on your mind?" he replies.
"Will you leave me alone if I do?" I say getting aggravated at his pestering.
"Yeah, then it's decided then I'll meet you after class and we can go to my place. My parents won't be home anyway they have something to do so you don't have to worry about them listening in. Well I got to go see you after school Razor." he says as the bell rings for lunch to be over leaving before I have a chance to say no.
Great now I have to go to Travis's house after school, instead of going home and lying down and sleeping all weekend like I originally planned. It isn't like I hate spending time with Travis I just don't want to answer his million unnecessary questions right now. Especially when I'm not in the mood and I just want to go home and go to sleep. Sleep, that's about all I want to do lately because it never seems like I have enough. Knowing Travis he will probably be right outside my class as soon as the bell rings waiting for me so there isn't any way out.
I get up from the bench getting my garbage from the table and throwing it in the trash nearby. Last period, how I wish I was home already. I walk towards the school building past other kids hurrying to their classes like they can't wait to learn whatever subject they have next. Well I rather not hurry because I'm not in a huge rush to learn geometry right now when the teacher hates me. What can I say I'm not a straight A student.
***
I walk back into the living room from the bathroom and take my seat on the couch staring at the tv screen in front of us. "So are you going to tell me what's wrong now?" Travis asks pausing the movie I haven't really been paying attention to with everything on my mind right now. I've been trying to avoid this question for a few hours and managed to until now. I should have known he wouldn't give up on asking. I laugh at his question getting a weird look from him. "What's so funny?" he asks.
"You wouldn't believe me even if I told you." I reply as I decide to tell him the truth.
"Tell me and I'll be the judge of that." he says.
"Lukas kissed me at the party and now I think I'm pregnant. Actually I know because the day we went to the store I got a pregnancy test and it came back positive. All of them came back positive. You think I'm crazy right? No one can get pregnant from getting kissed especially not a guy." I say ready to get told the same thing Lukas told me that it isn't possible.
"No," he replies vaguely to what I just said.
"No, what?" I question.
"No, I don't think you're crazy because it is possible." he says.
"How?" I ask curiously.
"I heard stories as a little kid about some people that were similar to the seahorse when it came to reproducing. The males are able to get pregnant and give birth. As teens the males were more prone to getting pregnant from a kiss like you I guess." he says and I immediately know he has to be joking.
"Very funny but I know you're just making a joke out of this and I'm not in the mood to be made fun of Travis." I say getting up from the couch ready to leave when he grabs my wrist.
"I'm not joking Razor and I wouldn't make this up just to make fun of you. We've been friends for three years I wouldn't do something like that. My mom told me those stories that's how I know all of this. She told me all of this because she didn't want me to kiss anybody before I turned eighteen especially a boy. Girls don't have this problem it's only males which is why we're told not to kiss. Your mom told you the same before she died didn't she?" he says.
I stand there speechless as Travis gets up still holding my wrist in his hand. "I didn't understand it either when I was little and thought it was a lie until my mom showed me. She introduced me to others that are like us that blend in as if they are just like everyone else. You're parents never really explained how it all works did they?"
"No," I say.
"That's why you've been distant and avoiding everyone? You didn't understand it? You can trust me Razor can I see?" he says.
I nod my head yes nervously and watch as he moves his hand closer pulling up my hoodie up revealing my expanding abdomen. He lets go of my wrist placing his other hand on me. "Who else knows other than Lukas?" he asks.
"No one because I didn't think anyone else would believe me." I answer just as I feel a movement inside me.
"You really are one of us I just felt the baby kick." he says with a smile before moving his hand away.
"One of what Travis, because right now I feel like a freak." I answer.
"We're not freaks Razor. We're just different, special I guess. All I learned is from what my mom told me." he replies.
"Will you tell me then because no one ever told me." I say interested to know more.
"We're born looking like everybody else on the outside but inside the males are born with both a male reproductive system and female reproductive system able to bear a child. We have limited eggs of our own to produce a child if we wanted to with another male. My parents like yours did it the old fashion way which is a man and a woman. The woman puts her egg in the male just like seahorses do. When the baby is about to be born then well things adjust down there so the baby can be delivered naturally." he says making me a little scared by what adjust means.
"What do you mean by adjust? None of that makes sense Travis or even explains how I got pregnant." I say cutting him off before he can continue.
"It does if you will let me finish talking first. You only get pregnant by a kiss if you're a male under the age of eighteen and happen to kiss another boy. Hormones are everywhere during our teens it makes it easier for us to get pregnant even by just a kiss. After we're eighteen it doesn't matter if we are kissed because by then we will find our soul mate, the person we will be with the rest of our lifes. Trust me though Razor you don't want anyone finding out otherwise it will be bad. If the wrong people found out you would be taken away and stuck in some hospital for doctors and scientists to experiment on. None of us want to be discovered or else our lives will be destroyed. You need to tell you dad though so you can see the doctor." he finishes.
"Doctor Brooke?" I ask.
"You know her?" he replies.
"Yeah sort of. I remember my mom talking to her on the phone a few times before and her stopping by." I say remembering the last time I heard of her or seen her which was four years ago almost five.
***
Flashback: Four years ago...
"Razor I need you and you're sister to be on your best behavior. I have to take your dad to see Doctor Brooke but don't worry everything will be fine." our mom says as Haley and I sit on the couch.
"What's wrong, is he going to be okay?" I ask scared.
"Nothing is wrong darling everything will be okay. Hannah is going to watch the both of you and hopefully I'll be back by the time you wake up. Don't worry your dad will be okay." she says trying to force a smile but I don't believe her. I watch as she walks out the door with Hannah reassuring her. Something is wrong I know it is but she won't tell us. Dad was fine until just an hour ago.
We were in the living room playing a board game laughing and having fun. Mom was taking her turn rolling the dice and dad was in the kitchen getting the drinks. That's when we heard a glass shattering in the kitchen and I rushed inside seeing the glass on the floor. Dad had one hand on the counter and the other clenching his stomach. He was in pain and I yelled for my mom to come. She was laughing with Haley thinking dad just dropped a glass until she saw him. Her expression changed quickly as she rushed over to our dad.
"What's wrong Jake?" she asked.
"I think you should call Dr. Brooke." is all he said.
I helped my dad to the couch to sit down as our mom frantically hurried to grab the phone dialing the number. As he sat down I could still see he was in pain but no idea what was wrong. "I'll be fine Razor." he said trying to reassure me and him.
From the look on his face I knew he was scared too probably even more than I was. Not a minute later mom came out asking dad where the pain was and how bad it was. He complained about sharp pain in his lower back and stomach. Then our mom leaned in whispering something in his ear Haley and I couldn't hear. Dad nodded making mom almost cry but not say another word.
"Everything will be okay Razor." Hannah says walking over to the couch.
"How do you know? Do you know what's wrong with our dad?" I yell.
"Razor, you don't have to be so mean to Hannah she didn't do anything. She is just trying to make us feel better." Haley says defending Hannah.
"It's okay Haley, Razor is just scared and worried about your dad. Yes, I do know what's wrong with your dad but that isn't for me to tell you. Just know your dad is going to be okay because I know he will." Hannah says.
The tone in her voice how she can be so calm and sure of herself makes me want to just smack her across the face. How can she tell us she knows what's wrong but not tell us? Yeah, it doesn't matter as long as he is okay but I would like to know what's going on. What is it that she can't tell us? Why would my mom possibly be so sad after whispering something in my dad's ear?
***
I get home an hour later shutting the door behind me. "Where's dad?" I ask Haley as she greets me at the door.
"In the kitchen and from the looks of it I think he's really mad which is why I'm leaving. Have fun getting punished." she says as she hurries out the door.
I ignore her walking towards the kitchen. I knew he would be mad that I texted him I was going to Travis's house without asking ahead of time but not this mad. I think he's still mad though from the last time I did the same thing three months ago. As I enter the kitchen I see him washing the dishes but he stops once he sees me. "Razor we need to talk." is all he says.
"I know we do but can I ask you something?" I say.
"What?" he replies not expecting what I'm about to ask.
"Why didn't you ever tell me, tell us the truth?" I ask.
"I don't know what you're talking about Razor." he replies giving me a confused look.
"You never told us what happened four years ago but it all makes sense now. That day you said you were in pain and mom had to take you to see Doctor Brooke. It was all because you were having a miscarriage." I say.
"I don't-" he says before I cut him off.
"You can't lie to me I know the truth now. I found it out today without your help. It would have been nice to know what I am and everything before maybe then I would have taken what mom said more seriously. So are you still going to punish me now?" I say.
"Razor we had every intention to tell the both of you but you have to understand it wasn't something that can just be said. Yes, I did have a miscarriage and if I didn't we would have explained everything to the both of you then and there but things happened. We put it off until later but then two years later your mom died. I was grieving, can't you cut me some slack? A lot happened in those two short years and I was trying to deal with it the best I could. Your mom has always been the one that was good at having those conversations not me." he says making me regret being so harsh.
"Can you at least tell me what I'm supposed to do?" I ask scared and nervous at what he might say.
"Suppose to do about what?" he replies.
"I'm six months pregnant." I say.