AUTHOR'S NOTE: I love the fact that Sam ended up with the shield in the MCU and I think that that was the perfect choice for that story line, but I think that for the way that I have written this story, a different recipient is better suited and makes more sense here.
Five Years Later...
Luke's POV:
Isla, Theo and I sit on the picnic blanket and lean back against the trunk of the large tree behind us while we watch mum and dad in front of us as they dance slowly to the tune playing on our little radio in the moonlight near the waters edge. Mum's head rests on dad's chest, no doubt her eyes closed and a content smile on her face while dad rests his chin atop her head and stares at the crystal clear reflection of the moon on the water as he sways slowly back and forth.
Just off to the side of us Lilly and Blue laugh and shriek excitedly as they play rough and tumble games with each other. Lilly always dominates Blue of course, but Blue does have the smarts to give her a challenge; despite that virus he got when he was just a newborn, we found out that he still kept his super intelligence, it was just the physical enhancements that he lost.
Today is the five year anniversary of Steve Roger's death. This is how we have spent it every year so far. On the first year, dad decided that he wanted to get away from it all, just pause for a moment and take a break to reflect on everything and how things have changed since Steve has been gone. Ever since then it has turned into a sort of family holiday tradition of sorts where we come out and stay in this cabin in the woods near this lake. Dad was the one who showed it to us, said he'd spent some time here a while back and thought that if we all gave it some TLC that it could become the perfect little holiday house for us. So after spending a few weekends out here doing renovations, it did.
We still get sad and think about him all the time of course, but we try to make this time of year as happy and positive as we can because that is what Steve would have wanted. He deserves for his happiest memories to be remembered, not for us to be wallowing in grief about everything awful. This just helps us remember him that way more.
On the second year anniversary of Steve's death, dad re-proposed to mum like I remember he always said he would after he was brain washed.
"I want to be able to remember the happiest day of my life. But right now I can't." He said.
That's one of the few memory's that he can't seem to get back at all. He has some like that still, and some that have been contorted completely beyond recognition.
"Plus, I want to remember this date as a good one, the start of something new, not a bad one."
At first Peggy and Sarah and Eliza used to come with us on these holidays. There was no way we could leave them alone at such a hard time of the year for them! Plus, I think dad and Peggy have some sort of pact to do with everything that has happened about sticking with each other and helping each other out.
But slowly their little family found their own coping mechanisms and ways of dealing with their grief. Peggy has been so strong throughout the whole ordeal, soldiering on for her two daughters. There's no doubt that Steve would be so proud of her.
She met this guy recently, called Daniel Souza.
He genuinely does seem like a really nice guy. Howard employed him to work at S.H.I.E.L.D but there is only so much he can do due to an old war injury that causes him a bad limp so that he needs to use a crutch. He's so kind and down to earth and really what I personally think Peggy needs in her life. He treats her like a queen, only wanting what's best for her and can read her so well - well, after she laid a few ground rules first of course, in true Peggy Carter fashion; knowing what she has been through and the kind of life she leads so that he can give her space when she needs it or be there for her if that's the case.
At first she didn't know what to think. She felt guilty about moving on and wasn't sure if it was the right thing or if she was being selfish. But dad assured her that at one point or another it was probably going to happen, she deserves to be happy if this is what makes her happy. He told her that he seems like a really nice guy and he can guarantee that he would get Steve's tick of approval. That of course helped her make the decision and although they are taking things slow, so far everything seems to be going well and they seem really happy together. The girls seem to like him too and he's a natural with them.
Dad too is gradually learning how to move on from everything that has happened in his past and accept it as what it is. He's still got a long way to go and I don't know if that's something that he can ever truly, completely leave behind. But he's getting better at not blaming himself and feeling such a heavy burden on his shoulders all the time. He copes better with criticism now but also takes praise more graciously too.
A lot of that learning has come with the pressure he now has that comes along with being the new Captain America. A few months after Steve was gone Peggy called everyone to S.H.I.E.L.D for what she said was something important. Once everyone was there; our whole family, her whole family, Howard and his family, Sam and Nat, Howard handed Peggy Steve's shield, fully repainted and polished to look brand new. It wasn't buried with him because Peggy and Bucky wanted him to be remembered as more than just Captain America and thought that it could be memorialised in another way.
Everyone had watched confused as she walked straight across the room and handed it to Bucky with tears in her eyes and a sad smile. Everyone gasped, clicking on to what was happening, but dad took a while to get it.
"Steve might be gone but the world still needs a Captain America," she says sadly.
"What?" Dad frowns in disbelief and looks down in the shield that he now held loosely in his hands. "W-why me? Are you sure?"
Peggy nods. "He wouldn't want it to go to anyone else."
Dad shakes his head. "No, I-I can't. There's no way I'll be as good as him. A man with a past like mine can't be Captain America... what about Sam? You'd be perfect." He points at him and Sam's jaw drops.
"Man are you stupid? Nobody knew Steve better than you. I've only known him about a year. The person who the shield goes to needs to be someone who has known Steve their whole life... it needs to be you Bucky." Sam insists.
Dad looks around the room in shock to see everyone smiling and nodding at him encouragingly.
"Bucky," Peggy says quietly as she nudges the shield into his hands more. "I promise you there is no one better for this. Steve has told me on many accounts that if something were ever to happen to him, he would want you to take up the shield. There is no one else that knows the responsibility that comes along with it than you."
So ever since then, dad has been known as Captain America. If we thought our lives were crazy enough before that, they just got ten times more crazy. The publicity and expectation that come along with that title are something else. Not to mention the fact that everyone already knew at least bits and pieces of what had happened to dad in the past so all eyes were on him to see if he would crack under the pressure or rise to the expectation.
But on his first mission under the mantle, sporting a new and improved suit that is more suited to him, he infiltrated a Hydra base all by himself, capturing all Hydra agents present and freeing at least one hundred slaves. Ironically rather similar to Steve's first mission as well.
Burying Steve on the day of the funeral was definitely the hardest thing I've seen my family go through. Once he was gone, he was gone. It was final. There was no turning back. We were never going to see him again and we knew it too, felt it. We always knew the risks and potential consequences of this life that dad and Steve lead but you just never think that anything will actually ever really badly go wrong, especially not in your home town.
But Steve's death has taught us all so much, that's for sure.
It brought me back down to earth very, very quickly. I realised that I needed to stop behaving like a brat and not waste a moment with my family because they could be taken away from me at any moment. Looking back I can't believe how awful I was being for my parents and rude to everyone around me. My parents were only trying to do what was best for me each and every day while having to deal with their own crap and I just continuously threw it back in their faces. I'm so lucky that they didn't kick me out or anything like that. I really do and I really did love them, I just started taking it for granted.
They really needed me after Steve died, especially for those first few months so that they had some time to do deal with their grief. So I got my act together and started behaving like the son that they deserved.
Getting away from the crowd that I'd gotten myself involved in wasn't that easy. They kept trying to peer pressure me into doing things with them that I didn't actually want to do. For so long I thought they were the coolest guys and the best friends I could ask for in the world but in hind site I realise that they were just taking advantage of me to be their little bitch boy and do everything for them that they couldn't be bothered to take care of themselves or run the risk of getting themselves in trouble.
I was such an idiot and i will never forgive myself for the fact that I nearly got Petra wrapped up in it all too. I've had a few slip ups over the years and done some stupid things still. But the last straw was when they had me steal dads motorbike and take it for a ride because they thought I was too pussy to actually do it.
I was fifteen. I had no license. I took Petra with me. It had been raining that day so the roads were greasy. We didn't wear helmets. Unsurprisingly we spun out and lost control on a corner. But thankfully we both walked away with nothing but some serious road rash and a sprained wrist on Petra's part. Not great but it really could have been a lot worse when you think about it. A car saw the whole thing happen and stopped to help us straight away and drove us back into town. The worst thing about the whole situation was the angry parents I had to deal with; both mine and Petra's. I guess you could say that I definitely lost some brownie points with her parents to say the least and it took a long time to earn their respect back.
I don't know what in the world I was thinking. I was so stupid, all because of a dumb dare to prove that I wasn't a pussy. I put Petra's life in danger because of my pride and I will never forgive myself for that. Needless to say I have not spoken to those boys ever since that day.
The truth is I just wanted to be like my dad. He's so cool. All the others get powers like him except for Isla a I. Sure they're too young to go on missions or anything yet, but it just left me feeling so useless. Though now I realise that there are other ways just as important that I can make a difference in the world. When I leave school, I want to join the police force or maybe be a firefighter.
We have a pretty amazing life. The things our family get to do, no one else can say that they get to do that stuff or see that sort of stuff. Sure, it has its down moments, but isn't that all part of life? We really are very lucky to be gifted with what we've got.
As for dad's panic attacks and brain injury and that sort of stuff, he's not doing too bad. The medication seems to work for the most part. It's like he goes through phases of getting them. One time he didn't collapse or even get a headache for over a year, but then sometimes he will have two episodes in the space of a week or a steady amount spread out across a few months. Sometimes he falls over and wakes up on the couch after a few minutes, but others he wakes up days later in a hospital bed with all of us crowded around him begging for him to wake up. The scary thing is that the more time that passes, Howard seems to think more and more that one day he might not wake up from one which is why we get so worried every time it happens. We do all that we can to help him and prevent it and Howard keeps as close an eye on the trauma as he can but it just seems so unpredictable that we never really know what could happen and all he's trying to do is prepare us for the worst.
Even though dad going away on missions is super hard and we never know how long he's going to be gone for or what's going to happen - especially after everything that went down with Steve - it's all worth it in the end when he does make it home. I know that him and mum will never get tired of seeing us kids reactions each and every time.
The twins run up to him squeezing in delight and wrapping their arms around his legs in a hug so that he can't walk. Eventually he'll manage to lift them up and spin them around with a joyful expression on his face.
Theo goes leaping into his arms, almost always catching him off guard and making him stumble backwards with a grin from ear to ear as he shouts, "Dad!".
Nine times out of ten Isla will without a doubt cry when he comes home, whether he's gone less than twenty four hours or more than twenty four days. She gets so worried and is just so relieved that he is okay.
Whenever we get word that he is on his way home I can never help but wait out on the front doorstep so that I can be the first to see him and get a moment to spare a quiet hug and ask him how it went before he gets bombarded by the younger kids. No matter what I have on, whether it's an important school assignment due the next day or a date with Petra, I will put anything on hold to make sure I see dad get home safe. The way his face lights up no matter how beat up or tired he is looking is priceless.
And then he sees mum, waiting patiently in the doorway for the rest of us to get through our hello's before she does, the happiest smile she ever wears on her face. God, I hope that someday Petra will look at me with that much love because I swear that's how I feel about her. Although I'm not sure anyone could beat the love that my parents have for each other.
As I see them break apart from gazing into each other's eyes and hold hands instead as they walk back over to us, I glance down at the piece of paper Isla has in her hand that she's been trying so hard to make sure doesn't get crumpled.
"Whatcha got there Isla?" Mum asks as they come and sit in front of us on the picnic blanket.
"Ah, it's a picture I drew for you guys. I've been working on it for a while. Thought you might like to see it now though." She explains sheepishly, handing it over so that they can get a look at it.
I can see as they both hold it gently with a hand each and scan the image that judging by the slight crease to dad's brow that they register some form of familiarity, they just can't quite figure out what it is exactly. I know what it is already though.
"Remember that drawing Steve did of our family when it was just me and Isla around and we were a lot younger? And we were sitting around having a picnic?" She starts to tell them. "Well, I redrew it, only this time it's got all of us in it."
Dad's jaw drops and mum gets this kind of sad yet happy look in her eyes.
"Oh Isla." She whimpers. "This is so beautiful. You're so talented at drawing. I didn't even realise!"
"I got it from Steve. He taught me. Remember?" She shrugs.
"He would love to have seen this." Dad smiles and leans over to kiss the top of her head and then proceeds to ruffle my hair. "We're going to have to frame this when we get home. This is special."
"Imagine if you hadn't come home all those years ago Buck." Mum sighs and looks up at him. "Things would be so different."
"We wouldn't have any of this." He agrees with a nod.
"Life would be so boring." Isla chuckles as she thinks about it.
"Well, I'm glad I'm here to provide the entertainment in your life." Dad grins and leans over to hug her.
"Thanks dad." She goes along with it.
"Life would also be a lot less stressful." Mum remarks and looks at him pointedly but it's obvious she's joking.
"Hey." Dad pouts in mock offence. "You love it."
"I know I do." She sighs contently and leans into his side. "For whatever crazy reason that might be. I must really love you Bucky Barnes."
It really is hard to imagine what it would be like if dad hadn't come home from the war all those years ago. If he really had died on that fall from the train or if we never got him back from Hydra. I don't even want to think about what would have happened to him. It's weird to think that it would've just been mum, Isla and me. I have no idea what we would be doing today. But I certainly wouldn't want it to be that way.
We've been through a lot in life, our family has. But I wouldn't change a thing... except for maybe bringing Steve back if I could.
And to think, it all started with this one little secret...
Me.