If Pain inflicted inside him was bearable, Shivaay wanted to kiss all of Annika's pain, right now. But he couldn't muster up the courage, the heaviness inside was unbearable. Of all people she was one he wanted to secure; one person if he can put up a fight with god, is her. Now, in this situation, he could only face shame and hurt because he failed her.
Raising hands is most unforgivable act to be done by anyone. Shivaay believed that, but never in life he thought someone will hurt Annika like that. Those bruises on her skin are now on sketch inside his heart. He'll never forget this failure, inability to protect her, this nightmare will haunt him now.
Another thing which is bothering is, How can someone be so cruel? Hitting a girl is such an unmanly thing to do. A man of this grandeur, name and pride, how can be so insensible to do it. Off course, he isn't mistaken to identify that person. Annika will never hide truth, if it has been anybody else- the status, position senior Kundra held is respectable and Annika knew consequences. She was trying to keep the respect between two individual , which Shivaay broke; again failed to keep Annika's belief on him.
Shivaay was broken to the core but Annika sat strong, engulfing him in a strong hold. She will never let him fail or collapse like this, whatever the reason. It is against their upbringing, it's wrong in many ways and Shivaay has a right to react that way, but she knew this isn't an easy way out for him.
Shivaay's concise will be battling right now, blaming himself for the entire incident so she had to be standing by him at any situation. Because mostly it's her mistake.
Unashamed and proud, she hugged tight, peppering a few kisses on his head to sooth the pain. Assuring that eveything is fine. Yes she is hurt, but it's okay, there's nothing to be worried about, and if she knew him well, then she knows he'll take eveything upon himself, which isn't acceptable. She could sense people around too, they aren't concerned over them but she can feel their eyes on them. For her they don't even count, not now.
Accepting eveything, without voicing the wrong doings. It's like living a life like a pest! Respecting someone is an important thing but accepting wrong, not voicing opinion is equal to the wrong. And even if they are weak in the hands of male majority of house, they aren't right on not saying anything. And Annika is done with them.
"Why?" Shivaay's meek words hid between his hiccups.
"W...Why didn't you tell me? Why did...did you stayed after all of this?.." his eye flickers around the injuries. Annika shakes her head in disapproval but couldn't voice out, Shivaay is vulnerable and still dazed with eveything happened.
"Annika, I am sorry...it was my responsibility to safe guard you. It was my responsibility..... Sargam aunty took words from me...and I failed, I failed her and you. I am sorry. But you should understand...I can't do it alone.... Just look at you. You have to help me some way. J...just....look at you.... It's so painful to see...I don't.... can't....It's breaking me pieces. Bloody hell....what am I? I can't even save one! Not one of my family? First Om now you! I don't deserve you. I can't meet your eyes........ you don't deserve this inefficient person..... I ...am sorry Annika....I am...so sorry." He said weeping on her shoulder. Annika was trying to calm him but the guilt was building inside of her too, she knew he'll blame himself.And she can't stand it.
"No. Its not true... Shivaay.. listen to me." She asked but Shivaay was too much broken to even say a word.
"Shivaay.... look at me.!"
"I can't. When I look at you, I want to die or destroy eveything. I can't do both.....I .... can't." She cups his face and make him look into her eyes.
"I said look at me." Conviction in her voice made him do what he didn't desired.
"I am fine. When you're with me I am good. I know this isn't acceptable to you, I am not telling you to forgive him, no.... Infact I want you to take revenge of this. Yes, I am telling you to do it but Shivaay...not like this. I wanted to avoid this, you can't make me feel guilty. You have to stand strong and be what you are. My Shivaay, strong and courageous. That's what I want you to become. " Annika tried put some sense into him.
Shivaay just knelt with a casted head and listened to eveything she had to say. With a long pause of silence they stayed like that for few minutes. When A sudden commotion spread across the place, Shivaay felt a trembling hands on his shoulder.
Nani looked at him with concerned eyes, weak, timid and translucent brown orbs were filled with water, she was ashamed, apologetic, not because she did something but she knew whatever happened here was unfortunate and uncalled for. Shivaay's eyes when diverted towards her. He found a solace. Owned an apology to her as well, He has no right to raise hand on her husband.
And most importantly, in the battle of principles and love, he failed to hold both of them together. If dadi would have been present here, she would have guided him, told him where he went wrong. Why all of this happened? and may be because he needs an assurance for actions, Shivaay felt on her arms. Crying again like a child.
Shivaay is made from the ethics and principles of his family, it's most important part of his existence. While Annika -She is his priority, love and reason for his existence. How can he let anything happen to her? But in this battle of right against right, he felt weak. His love for her won over his concise, not that he Regrets it, but he wanted to be equal with both ideologies.
"It's okay beta....It's okay. You're not at fault. Actually nobody's at fault. You know human being reacts according to its nature, like animals we want to protect our loved ones, even in the cost of others life. But we are humans and we have a concise too, which enables us to control our animalistic nature. I can understand how you feel, and also know nobody here will understand it. Nobody." She sigh a deep breath of failure.
She made him sit on the sofa while Annika sat by his side to calm him down, she can't even imagine how greatful she is of nani to make Shivaay calm this way, his devasted state was beyond her control. Holding his shaky yet strong hands sat with him. The talk was going to be long, she knew and was ready to hear all of it. And Shivaay need to know what happened!
"Don't complain about why Annika didn't tell you, why and with what thought she held this important information from you is very obvious, she was avoiding your breakdown, also my dignity. Shivaay beta, this house is not a home. I have been married for a lifetime here, wrong right nothing matters to me now, but those who sees things in light of it, will know nothing is right here, like you saw and she did it too. Well, this family is so use to being wrong, they don't know what is Right.
Even I lacked this quality.Honestly, we have eveything of material but we don't have basic human nature- love, sympathy, empathy and care, without that we are not humans."
" The Day before marriage I had a bad day, my illness took over me, I forgot a lot of things, one of which was my earrings, I felt it was lost and mistakenly questioned the man who bought me here as his equal, well I also forgot that I was not, o shouldn't question him. One thing led to another and he raised hands on me. And...Annika, as she is true to her nature stood by my side. Frustration they held for you, out poured on her. Not that it's your fault. No,when you show mirror to a beast, it will not question himself, it attacks the mirror and same thing happened. It was the most unfortunate thing..... I swear, I tried and stopped him after one slap, but damage was already done. Sorry, I couldn't keep your Annika safe." Nani said disappointed.
"I know how disgraceful it sounds but Shivaay you knew this will happen, you were already aware of it and I guess that's the reason you were concerned about her.....but believe me she is stronger than you think. Don't worry too much about her. She understands things, she can handle herself. I know after eveything that happened here, you'll not believe me but it's true"
She looked at Annika and smiled a proud grin, a look Annika always imagined from her mom. Now familiarity of her face made her think her mother is saying this.
Shivaay looked at the old lady calm, and a little relaxed, first thing which soothed him was the reason for attack on annika; she stood for Nani and he believes he can't argue with that second, was the assurance that someone was there by her side and third, nani understands him. It's more than enough for him. The Silence in the open room was so haunting it felt chilly to think about it, as if storm has just passed from it.
"But.... Nani this is wrong. Totally wrong. How can someone be so headstrong? They can't see right or wrong. I know how it is because I stood that ground once in my life, arrogance and stupidity corrupted me but even as a teenager I understood, who she is, and what kind of a human. I was aware that I am wrong but they....." Showing towards Mr. kundra and his family.
"They don't seem to feel guilty about anything...Tell me....." Shivaay shutters a little in attempt to ask.
"Tell me.... holding on to something so stupid and unreasonable and humiliating someone who isn't wrong! Someone so pure like her, just because her mother did something which was unacceptable to them? And surprisingly what it was.....love she loved someone. That's the only mistake she did, if it's even a mistake to say the least." Shivaay can't understand the whole hatred thing they showed for her.
A calmed but sad smile erupted on Nani's lips " We people teach our children that love is the ultimate power, love conquered world but we don't practice it, it's not about only us or few people like us, majority of our generation fears love, instead of embracing it. You know why? Because it's very powerful, more powerful than fear or religion. And like human nature we fear what is strong. But love is not merciless, its love afterall. And we forget that. So.....beta don't worry About love and how it will get it's due credit in world because how much people try to destroy it, till the time earth lives love will sustain."
" I want you to think about yourself, specially you Annika..... " She said looking at her Now, "Not many people are lucky enough to get love, also this kind of selfless and infinite, your love is strong enough to fight the world for you, then it's your duty to cherish and love it back. Whatever happened here is not new, specially with me...don't worry about it, I see it as my atonement but you have a lot of things to do. A lifetime to live, love to Cherish. So go from here this isn't place for you. Your coming here itself was stupid but....I want to say you came, you made me happy and now it's time for you to leave....I am not saying this because of this incident. No. But I want happiness for you and you'll never be happy here."
She roams her eyes around the hall, " can you see happiness here? In anyone's eyes? They are deficient in love, and happiness is far away from them, people rots in places like these.... so Shivaay even if she disagrees I want you take her away. Understand!" She says sternly.
If the incident didn't shook Annika, she would not have agreed to any of this but this time she won't oppose. Nani is correct, however it hurts to leave her back, Annika can't live here, specially now when Shivaay's fears has come alive. He won't leave her for a second now and currently he can't afford to leave his family. Annika can't make him suffer like this, partitioned between two important aspects of his life. Also, what nani saying is correct too. this place isn't for her.
The moment after that went on silence, abiding by Nani's wish, Shivaay and Annika started packing her stuffs, though very Little she possessed right now, they took a long deliberate time for it. Not because of sadness or pain, it's something vacant, the gap or the vacuum in emotions. Shivaay was not meeting her eyes, he avoided it because he couldn't muster the courage. She gave him, his time to recover. When two people are in love, pain of one carves on another, like their own and current Shivaay is in more pain than her. Shivaay was having a difficult time handling himself.
Goodbye's were as usual formal, except for Nani nobody actually came forward to bid them goodbye and Annika isn't complaining.
Drive from haveli to airport was a quick one too. The day was setting off, darkness hugged the living in its scary but warm blanket, silence which sometime shooks a person is now healing wounds. Annika covered her face to avoid any kind of suspicious eye and for Shivaay's sanity. If emotionally they are detaching themselves physical they are inseparable right now. Few minutes of security checking at the airport felt like years to them, eyeing eachother for evey single second as if something will happen in these distances between them. Annika's right part of body clinging to his left, while Shivaay's left hand on her small of her back, he led her everywhere, his hands never her touch. While sitting on the seat, adjusted himself to an uncomfortable position to engulf her into his body. Silent but aware she is with him, Annika isn't tiny but suddenly she felt the need of holding something and she felt too weak to be by herself, may be the distance of three days made her too weak to let go of him. One hour in flight was something they spend breathing eachother's breaths, his lips over her head while her cheeks rested on his heart, that's how they spend their time on flight.
*****
Checking in hotel, Shivaay called Rudra enquiring about the happenings. Rudy assured that eveything is fine and no need to come back to hospital. He is planning to spend the night there itself. Shivaay can rest for the night. And given the condition Annika is in, also for his own sanity, he didn't pressed the topic more. Shivaay needs to stay by her at least for tonight because from tomorrow he has a family to handle. Annika's wounds were still visible and visiting Om at this condition was not appropriate, whatever happened was unfortunate but Om doesn't need that stress right now. Both agreed to postpone the visit for tomorrow.
After ending the call, Shivaay sat by the edge of the bed contemplating eveything that happened in these days, such a mess it was from the day Annika left the Obeori mansion nothing actually worked right for him. Though his biggest happiness came in these few days but if he evaluates he has lost so many things that happiness seems so distant. But he is greatful, now Annika is with him, safe and his. He pledge to keep it this way, close and safe. Just keeping her happy is his now new aspiration.
He feels Annika sitting by his side and leaning on his shoulder. She has changed already, but the tiring day has not ended yet, however strong she behaved in front of people he knew her broken heart is yet to exposed, now it's his turn to be strong for her. As she doesn't shed tears in front of others, it's time for her to do it, and as expected, she cried her heart out. Holding him for support she let herself drowned in the pain she felt all this while. Hiding her face on his neck, Shivaay held her close, tightly hugged and cradelled. He can't stop these tears because it's the proof what she is been through. Shivaay let her empty herself, but after some point he couldn't handle it, guilt was eating him.
"Ssshh... Okay Okay....It's enough, don't make me cry. Don't...do this to me Annika !"
He said smoothing her hair. His palms over her cheeks while eyes on her water filled orbs, he can see the pain she was holding and he couldn't make that go. And it's painful.
"I am sorry, it's my fault I shouldn't have left you there, but please don't break me like this. Please I am trying to hold myself with your strength, if you'll do this than how.... could..." He said peppering kisses all over face and lips, places where there are dark patches of hatred is incarved. He wished he could make them invisible but he couldn't.
"I am sorry Shivaay.....It's not your fault, it mine. I shouldn't have left you. I should have trusted you. This is my doings and I paid enough for it. I want to forget eveything, please make me forget eveything. Please. Love me so much that nothing comes into my mind. I want tk forget eveything, I want only you as memory. Shivaay...I love you......" Annika says in whispers.
The moments after that fell into oblivion, hazed memories of soft touches and kisses diluted those painful moments. Their kiss was to assure love and care, the smoothness of breaths were indication of safety they felt with eachother and passion was proof they are meant to be together and are eachother's solace.
They made love in a different way, there was pain to remove loneliness, there was love to feel loved. They felt each and every bit of it, removing bad memories with passionate love they shared and finally winning eveything with their love.
In the deepest of night, they stayed silent in eachother's arms, this wasn't they have planned but it was beautiful and needed. Every skin kissed, sooth they lay silent on the bed. Looking at distant without any aim but sinking the reality they are now in. The reality where there's so much pain but have their love to move on......
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Hey dearies. Sorry for the late update. Please wait for a note from me.
Love
Krishna