A/N: WARNING: This next part can be very triggering as it involves rape, homophobic slurs, mental illness and physical abuse. People who are sensitive to these topics are advised to read with caution.
(PS: double update, who is she? In all honesty this was very hard for me to write and I know it must be hard to read, so if you guys ever need somebody to talk to, I'm here for you, truly. I love and respect all of you. Best - Hanna xx)
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"Yeah... but thats not the end of that story... unfortunately" I said and that he was shocked, horrified and worried doesn't even begin to describe Romeos expression.
"There is more?" he asked, frowning.
"Yeah... there is"
-
"Because it all got worse when I got better, ironically. I managed to keep that dark thought of what might have happened that night in the back of my head, locked up from the rest of the world, even myself and I was beginning to feel better. Nothing happened that night, was what I told myself and suddenly, I believed it. I still didn't want to face Ray, I knew that much, but I started to join the dinner table again and even went outside. I really wanted to go back to training, but Ray was on the team and I didn't want to see him so soon again.
But one morning, when I opened our football group chat, I saw that Ray had announced that he was sick and couldn't make it to practice or school. That decided it for me. I could finally go back to school and afterwards to practice again. At first, I was anxious and didn't know if I should believe him, but when I got to school, there was no sign of Ray. And why should he lie? He was a good guy, right?
School went great, I got back in the game pretty fast and my grades would probably not have any damage from my one week "vacation". My friends were still my friends and I was basically back to normal. At practice, I was still the great quarterback my team knew and loved and we had a good training session with our coach that day. It was like nothing had ever happened. I was almost happy, you could say and everything was basically back to normal again. But then practice ended and we were all changing in the locker room.
I didn't rush, since I was the one who was supposed to close up after us. Our coach was pretty old and he trusted me, so he gave me the responsibility of the key to the locker room, gym and even his office. I never used it for anything else than to actually close up, even though the guys often came up with immature prank ideas, as it was a known fact, I was the one closing up. Cody didn't go to practice that day, because of a math test he had coming up, otherwise he would have waited with me.
The guys said their goodbyes and I began my route to close up. First the coaches office, then I closed the gym and finally, I went to grab my bag and close the locker room behind me. But I didn't come that far. When I entered the room and went to grab my stuff, the sound of somebody shutting a locker behind me startled me. When I turned around, I saw the one person I didn't want to see, ever again. Ray."
A/N For better experience I will use a flashback. This will make the whole scene more intense, so I advise for you to read with caution.
*Flashback*
"R-Ray" I said, my voice sounding weaker and more afraid than I actually was. What the hell was he doing here? He didn't attend practice today or school, so why the heck was he waiting for me? Did he forget something the other day? I did not have a good feeling about this situation, especially.. after the party. No, nothing happened that night, it is all in your mind, you guys are good. Stop acting like a little bitch! Ray wore his usual charming smile. God damn that smile made me mad for some fucking reason. It just seemed weird. And for some reason, that made me even more nervous.
"What are you doing here?" I asked, trying to sound as calm and collected as possible. But in reality, my heart was beating a million miles per hour and I felt like I was face to face with a lion. What the fuck was he doing here? I gulped. I wanted him to leave or at least not make this any worse, so I could leave.
"Why are you avoiding me Blake? Did I do something wrong?" he asked, now a sad smile on his face, as he looked at me with his damn puppy eyes, that everybody loved so much. Strangely this relaxed me a little bit. Yeah he was taller than me and a little bit better build, but it was Ray he could never... but the party... I didn't know what to believe anymore. It was like somebody was playing a fucked up trick on me.
"N-No honestly, I was just s-sick the past couple of days... Today I felt better. Shame that you couldn't make it to practice today.." I stuttered, still frozen in my spot. Please leave, please leave!
"Yeah.. a shame" he said, but something changed. The puppy eyes were gone and he suddenly wore a strange smirk. I have seen Rays smile a million times in my life, but never that kind of smirk. I'm not gonna lie, with all that had happened, it scared the living shit out of me. He just stood there, leaning against a locker, blocking my way to the door. A strange feeling made itself noticeable in my stomach, as if I was afraid, but deadly afraid.
"I- I'm gonna go now... My family is probably waiting for me already." Lies, lies. They weren't waiting for me, Mom and Dad were probably on date night and Cody was god knows where. As he didn't say anything, I grabbed my sports bag and wanted to walk past him. Fuck locking this door, I'm out of here. But when I got to Ray, his hand met my chest and stopped me from leaving, as he pushed me further into the room.
"Ray? W-What are you doing?" I asked and now my brain fully registered, what was going to happen. What had already happen. I was raped. By Ray, who was.. well not my friend, but a friend. H-He raped me. That night at the party, I didn't give my consent. He probably even drugged me or something. And he wanted to do it again. Suddenly, the nice happy and soft creature the whole school knew and loved was gone, but a monster came to replace it. He walked over to where I was standing and gently grabbed my chin with his two fingers, making me look up at him.
"W-Whatever it is you are doing, please... please stop. Cody is waiting for me outside a-and I d-don't think, you really want to do what you-" I stuttered, tears forming in my eyes, as I was now really deadly afraid. But Ray leaned back, letting go of my chin. Does he pity me? Am I now free to go?
"But Blake, we had so much fun at the party" he smirked coming closer again, putting his arm around me, as he went for the crook of my neck with his nose, inhaling my scent. I held myself together, but on the inside, I was shaking. "I know you remember. Stop lying, we are all alone. You know what happened. I drugged you and then I fucked you in the ass like the little bitch you are" he chuckled. That had it for me. I took all my strength and courage together as I pushed him off of me, throwing a punch right at his face. He hissed in pain and I quickly grabbed my sports bag, making my way to the door as fast as possible. Unfortunately, two strong arms got ahold of my shoulders, pulling me pack, as I fell to the ground. I grunted when my back hit the stinking old floor of our locker room.
"Oh Blake, Blake, Blake. You think, you are better than me? And you think, you can get away with that? I will show you who I am! I am Ray fucking Hobbs!" he laughed, as I felt his fist colliding with my cheekbone. I yelled out in pain, but quickly tried to get up again. Ray wasn't having any of that, as he punched me in the stomach and kicked me right in the kneecap, twice. The stinging pain shot through my whole body. I just wanted to cry and the worst part, that he had planned, hadn't even started yet. Another hit in the face and suddenly, I felt an adrenaline boost, as I took my chance and kicked him right in the groin, making him yell out in pain. I got up and knew I would only make it out of here alive, if I fought back. I needed to, even when I was scared beyond believe.
I leaped forward, taking Ray to the ground with me. I straddled him, so he couldn't get up, while I threw punch after punch at his stupid ass face. I wanted to rip out his throat, I wanted to cry and I wanted to die. But most importantly, I wanted to get out of that hell, right now. When I thought he had enough for a bit, I quickly jumped to the door, but two strong hands grabbed my foot, slamming me to the floor again. Was this hopeless? How did he even have so much strength anymore? He seemed to have gained some from all my punches. Fuck shit fuck!!
"Please! No, Ray let go of me! Stop, please!! I'm begging you, let me go!" I cried, and I couldn't care less, that tears were running down my cheeks. Ray stood up again, grinning through blood covered teeth. It was a scene from a horror movie. My personal horror. He kicked me in the stomach. Hard. I grunted as all the air seemed to run out of my lungs. He kicked me again and again, throwing a punch here and there and that was, when I lost hope. I wouldn't make it out of here. Whenever I tried to crawl away or make any attempts to fight back, Ray was faster and stronger, making me regret that move so much, with another punch.
After what felt like ages, that he kicked and punched the living shit out of me, he stopped. And there was a glimpse of hope again. Maybe he was finished, maybe he just wanted to teach me a lesson and I could go home now. Beaten up, yeah, but at least he wouldn't have done the unspeakable to me. Thats when I heard him unbuckling his belt. That fucking sound. It send chills down my spine as I remembered the last memory of that night at the party. If I would have been stronger and my body, including my face wouldn't have been that swollen and bruised, maybe I could have run. But my strength was merely enough for me, to lift my head and see what he was doing.
"P-Ple- Please don't" I cried unable to move one inch.
"Get on your knees" he demanded, not even looking at me. A whimper escaped me, as I knew what was coming. I didn't get up, I couldn't, even if I wanted to. Everything just hurt too much, but nothing was as hurt as my mind, which knew what was about to happen. And I was fully conscious this time. "I said, get on your fucking knees you worthless piece of shit!" he said through gritted teeth. Still, I was frozen in fear. He pulled me up by my shirt and a mixture of cries, grunts, hisses and moans made it past my lips. I was in so much fucking pain and the tears wouldn't stop. He held me up by the collar and only then I realized, that he had his dick already out. I gaged, as I wanted to vomit so much, but he got a grip of my face, squeezing my cheeks with his fingers, forcing my mouth open. I tried to say something like 'No!' or 'Please stop!', but I couldn't, as he had my mouth gaping open. Just panicking sounds made it out of my throat, but they didn't do much good. I tried to wiggle out of his grip, my fight instinct kicking in once more, but I was already too weak and somehow, Ray only gained even more strength from beating me to a bleeding mess.
"If you even think about biting me, I will kill you" he chuckled and my eyes widened in horror, as his hips arched forward, shoving his dick in my mouth. I gaged immediately, as he went too far too hard. He thrusted in and out of my mouth and moaned like he actually got pleasure out of this. Tears streamed down my cheeks, while weird grunts, faded cries and gang sounds came from my mouth, trying to get him to stop. I wanted to die so badly, but I didn't have the courage to do as he forbid and bite him, so maybe he would be merciful enough and just kill me. He went faster and deeper and my gang reflex hit so hard, I could already feel the vomit coming. Suddenly, he let go of my face and collar, letting me fall to the ground like a piece of shit.
I coughed and gaged on the ground, shaking like crazy. All I was thinking about, was not vomiting right now, that would only make things worse. He could get pretty mad and maybe do even worse, so I tried to keep the vomit down, which felt so much worse, than just letting it out. "You're pathetic" he laughed, his dick still hanging out, watching me fight for my life. Or at least my saneness. After a while of coughing and gaging, I tried to stand up, with trembling hands. The worst was over. I would go home now and.. say what? But I didn't even get that far, as a foot stomped on my back, making me fall flat on my stomach with a grunt.
"Where do you think you are going? We are not done here Blake, or did you get to swallow my cum yet?" he said as he kneeled down between my legs, his fingers on the hem of my sport shorts.
"N-No Ray I- *cough* I-I beg you. S-Stop p-please! Please, please, please, please!" I said, my voice raspy, from undergoing such a rough two or four minutes just now. I tried to crawl away again, but of course Ray wouldn't let me. He punched me square in the face again, which would have normally knocked me out, but for some torturous reason, it didn't. I couldn't move my body anymore, it was basically limp, although I could feel every wound every bruise and every touch. Just my face could let my emotions out, as I sobbed my heart out, right then and there on the floor of the locker room. My pants were being pulled down and there was nothing I could do about it. So I was laying there, my shorts and briefs around my ankles, while Ray hovered over me, spreading my legs a bit.
"Not gonna lie, this going to hurt" he laughed as I felt him at my entrance. I whimpered and I wanted to beg again, but there was just nothing I could do. Then he thrusted into me. Hard. Deep. And the pain... I thought the after pain from the first time at the party was bad, but it was nothing compared to that. I screamed out in pain, when he thrusted out and back into me again. Tears rolled down my cheeks while I cried like crazy. "Fuck" Ray moaned behind me and I wanted to vomit again. The pain didn't get better, it just seemed to increase somehow. It felt like I was giving birth to a watermelon, but from my fucking ass. I didn't give my permission to this.. What did I ever do to Ray? What did I ever do to deserve this?
Ray went faster, thrusting into me and earning himself grunts of pain from myself, since I couldn't even cry anymore. Thats when I broke. Completely. My heart was shattered and my soul left my body, looking at it through the outside. At least thats what I wanted to do so badly. This was happening. Ray was raping me, who was bleeding on the old and sticky locker room floor, naked humiliated and hurt.
This is not my body. I was numb. This is not my body.
"Oh fuck you're so tight" Ray moaned.
Thrust
This
Thrust
is
Thrust
not
Thrust
my
Thrust
body
Thrust
anymore
Thrust.
When he came inside of me, I was basically already dead, on the inside at least. He got out and off of me, putting his pants back on, leaving me naked, bleeding and maybe dead on the floor. "Clean yourself up, you look like shit" he laughed with the same charming and nice laughter he showed to everybody else. And that irritated me. Ray took his jacket, kneeled down beside me to get one last good look at his masterpiece and left the locker room. And I stayed.
*End of Flashback*
"I can't tell you how long I just stayed there on the floor, too afraid to move again. Even though he left and the worst was over, I was afraid to get back to reality. To feel, that that body was indeed mine and what just happened actually happened. It hurt to just lay there, how bad must it hurt, when I would actually move my body... After probably half an hour, I finally found the courage to try and get up again. He wasn't coming back for more and nobody would come and help me. Maybe I was badly hurt and as much as I wanted to die that day, I knew I had to fight. If not for me, than for my family..." I said, tears running down my cheeks. I didn't sob, it just happened while I had to tell my boyfriend, for the first time and my brother for the hundreds time, what had happen that evening in the locker room of my old school.
Romeos eyes were red and tears were welling on the surface, while Cody was full on crying. I took a moment and pulled my brother into a hug, where he let it all out. "I'm so sorry, I'm so fucking sorry" he sobbed into my chest, while I patted his back.
"Its alright. Cody, it is not your fault, really. Maybe if I had said something right after the night of the party, this could have been prevented, but nothing else would have stopped him. Hey, stop crying, I'm alright, ok? I survived and I'm here" I said softly. I glanced over at Romeo, who looked like I had just told him his son was dead. It hurt to see the two people, who meant the world to me, this broken, but I knew it was only because they loved me so much. After Cody had recovered enough to sit up again, I continued.
"I was right, moving did hurt like hell. Not only... down there.. but my throat, my stomach, legs, arms, face, everything hurt so much. I just left my sports bag, since I couldn't carry it, just my keys and phone, because I needed them. I started to limp to my car and after sitting in the drivers seat for another 20 minuted, I started it and drove home. I cried the whole time. To be honest, I was more angry than sad. Angry, that this asshole got to do, what he got to do. Angry, that I wasn't able to stop it or prevent it. The bruises on my body weren't nearly as painful, as those he left behind inside of me. I knew, that I couldn't go back to normal, not after that. When I finally got home and limped into the house, I immediately met Cody, who rushed to my side, every color draining from his face when he saw my body and face.
I immediately broke down in his arms, sobbing my fucking soul out. He rocked me back and forth and gave me enough time to say that... that Ray raped me. Again. But this time I was conscious. I remember how you didn't say anything, Cody, you just listened. You didn't ask questions or didn't believe me, you just let me tell my story and held me until I had no tears left to cry. You did good Cody. And you did also good, when you called mom and dad on their date and, with trembling voice, told them what had happened. They immediately rushed home, leaving their dinner behind. Well, mom rushed, dad tagged along. I remember how worried, angry and sad mom was. She couldn't decide if she wanted to kill the guy herself or hug me till the end of time.
Finally we decided we should go to the police. Well, they asked me if thats what I wanted and I merely nodded. So thats what we did. We drove to the police and I was questioned for hours. They took pictures of my bruises, after they ran some medical tests. Luckily, they could still find... his.. you know.. sperm and match the DNA. They believed me, of course and around 3 in the morning, after treating my wounds at the hospital, I was free to go. They apparently arrested him right away, so I had nothing to worry about. We drove home in complete silence. That night, Cody stayed with me and I knew you were crying, Cody, I heard you. It must have been very hard for you to go through all of that and I'm sorry you did" I said.
"Are you kidding me? You went through hell and back, my pain is nothing compared to that... please Blake, never apologize for that again" he smiled through tears.
"I'm trying my best, but I can't promise anything" I smiled, sniffling. "Anyways, the next few weeks were pretty hard. I didn't go to school, I couldn't properly eat for three weeks, since my throat was still soar, and I would get the gag reflex every time food touched the back of my throat, from what I had experienced. I get that once in a while, but once I pull through it, I am able to eat again. I started cutting.... I think two days after the incident, as I call it. I cried nearly every day and had panic attacks probably three times a day and a lot of night terrors. Once in a while, I had to be questioned by the police again, but they were preparing for court, so that was a plus. My mom and Cody cared so much about me and even stayed home most of the time to care for me. Dad went to work again the day after it happened. But what did I expect from him. At least he got me a good lawyer.
Most people from my school didn't contact me, but if they did, it was either to pity me, ask weird questions or to call me a fag. It was weird to me, that they insulted the victim, but people are crazy, so what can you do. That didn't bother me too much, I just wanted to go back to normal and forget what had happened. Finally, the trial started and at first, it was just my side of the story. My lawyer told the judge and the jury exactly what happened, they showed the evidence and all of that was pretty hard, but nothing would ever be harder than my own hearing, when I had to tell the whole courtroom, including my family and in front of Ray, what had happened. I needed a lot of breaks and mom too. Ray didn't seem too fazed by everything, which was weird, but on the other hand, he was crazy, so I didn't think about it too much. Dad only went, because mom dragged him there to support his son, but he didn't seem to care really.
Then Ray and his lawyer got a chance to speak, as he pleaded not guilty of rape and assault. And his story was completely different from mine. He told the whole courtroom, where the press was present as well and my family and some friends, that I made the whole thing up. To explain the evidence, he told this little story: Apparently, we were dating for a year in secret, as I wasn't out yet and he didn't want to pressure me. In his words, we were pretty happy and the night of the party, I was blackout drunk and we didn't even have sex, he just brought me to his room to sleep. Unfortunately, we couldn't show evidence of the drugs anymore, since it was too long ago. In his little story, after that he was getting more and more eager to tell everybody about our relationship and I refused every time, which hurt him, as he loved me and shit.
So I avoided him, when he threatened to tell everybody about us, if I wouldn't do it myself anytime soon. He tried to contact me, but I didn't answer any of his calls and didn't even go to school for a week. When he waited for me in the locker room and told me he was mad, that I avoided him like a little child and he would tell everybody what a coward I was, I punched him. I apparently got so angry, that I punched and punched into my helpless little loving boyfriend, until he had to fight back. He didn't mean to hit me that hard, but I just wouldn't stop trying to fight back. It was self defense. When I stopped after a while, I apparently said, that I was sorry and would come out to everybody and we had rough sex in the locker room. The next thing he knew was, that two police men were standing in front of his door and arrested him.
It was a stupid story and when we waited for the jury to make their decision, I was mad at Ray, but I didn't think too much of it. Unfortunately, everybody believed his little tale of the poor boy who was forced into the closet by his crazy boyfriend. They let him of guilt free and even asked him, if he wanted to press charges against me, for assaulting him. He said no and he still loved me and hoped, that I would get some help. The car ride home was long.
My mom cried the whole time, dad didn't say anything and Cody kept repeating, that they couldn't do that and that it wasn't true and all of that. I was just too shocked. The next thing I knew, my phone was blowing up with death threats and insults, like that I was crazy or a cocksucker and shit like that. They believed him, because it was Ray. He could never hurt somebody, right? Even my so called friends turned against me. The few people that did believe me didn't know how to talk to me or thought I wasn't worth social suicide.
When we got home, mom kept rambling on and on about, how the system was at fault and that we had to fight back and how they could believe the rapist over the victim and Cody joined in, but my Dad and I were just sitting at the table in silence. When my mom finally asked him, what we should do, he said: He has to leave. He believed Ray as well and as it turns out, my Dad was a homophobic prick. He didn't want his son to be a faggot, not that he cared about the rape part. When my brother and mom argued with him to be rational and believe his own son, he said: And if it is true, Blake, that he did rape you... why did you let him do that? Only somebody who would enjoy such a disgusting act would let it happen. Any man would have rather let that guy kill him or he would have killed himself before any dick would come near them in and unholy way. He said I should be dead. But I wasn't, so that meant I was a faggot and he couldn't have one of those in his house, so he wanted to throw me out on the street.
I couldn't believe it. All those years my dad didn't care if I got straight As or if I had a girlfriend or not. He didn't come to my games and he didn't care if I was having a good day. I always thought he just didn't care if I lived or died. But apparently, he cared enough to hate me now. Cody and Mom where furious. They yelled at him all day and I just sat there, my mind blank, as I had lost everything, even my own body.
When he said, that they had to choose between him and me, they packed their things and mine and we went straight to my grandmas house where we stayed for a couple of days. That evening was the time, I tried to kill myself. Well, not really, I wanted to slit my wrists in the bathtub, but I guess I was too afraid as well, so when I slit the first one and thought that was enough, that small cut would do it, I waited and waited but sweet death didn't come and I didn't have the strength to cut again. I guess I didn't really want to kill myself, but my own dad had told me to do it.. so I guess I was just depressed. Cody found me and and ambulance was called the same minute.
I stayed at the hospital for about one week, then I had to see a therapist for another two, before I was free to go. Mom had moved all of our stuff out of the old house and bought a new one, here, where she found a new job. We moved the next day, after I was released from the hell they call therapy. I mean, it can be helpful, but I didn't want to talk about my problems, so I literally just stared at another person in silence for two weeks. We settled in here, changed numbers and started a new life, but I guess I left the old one broken..." I said wiping away the tears.
We sat there, on the steps to our school, in silence, three broken boys. Suddenly, Romeo pulled me into a tight hug and I could finally sob, which I had been holding back since I said that awful name. Ray. Cody soothed my back and I knew right then and there, maybe I was going to be alright?