FEBRUARY, 2019. CONT.
Valentine's Day has never felt lonelier.
River had to leave to New York for some movie meeting and I was stuck in LA filming. Not to mention, things are still awkward between Blair and I. So, on set I mainly stuck around Maude and Jacob.
I could tell she wanted to say something. She usually makes this one apologetic face and stares at me until I notice and approach her.
Frankly, I was the one who was upset now.
How dare she call me weak?
I love Blair but trust me, when she said that shit about watching me heartbroken, it was complete bullshit. She stuck around for a day and then went off to party with other people. I never got mad at her for it. I understood.
No one wanted to be around the sad girl.
I just find it ironic she mentioned that.
I was the one who picked myself back up. I was the one who cried myself to sleep. I was the one who lost someone. It was me who had to go through this utter heartbreak on my own.
Losing Harry had to be one of the hardest moments in my life. He was just more than a friend. He was my whole world.
Yet I still made it when I didn't think I would.
Weak my fucking ass.
The drive home is quiet. Usually someone is in the car with me whether it's Blair or River. But it's just me and the soft sound of The Beatles playing through my speakers.
It gave me a lot of time to think, though.
Why am I always so fucking miserable?
What's wrong with me?
I must have issues or something.
When I get home, I sit in the car for a long time. I don't want to go inside that empty house. I mean, I have Blue, but she can't physically talk to me.
Sighing, I get off the car and unlock my front door, jingling my keys to call Blue to me. I wait by the door for her to come running.
But she never does.
I drop my things and look around, trying to find where she's hiding.
She's in her bed. My heart begins to race as I realize she's not breathing. I quickly lean toward her, trying to feel for something, anything.
I panic, rolling her lifeless body over. She doesn't move and her eyes don't open.
"No, Blue." I whisper, my eyes wet with tears.
What the fuck do I do?
I pace the room, debating what to do. I feel so sick to my stomach.
My mind is cloudy. I click on the first contact I can think of. I could have called anyone else. Anyone else on this day.
"Soleil?"
But he didn't have to answer, either.
"Harry." I sob out, not able to control my tears.
"Soleil, what's wrong?"
"It's Blue."
-
He's here in a matter of minutes.
From what I could hear in the background, she wasn't too happy about it. I felt guilty ruining their Valentine's plans, but when she called him a piece of shit, I didn't feel so bad anymore.
Harry comes through the front door, immediately falling down beside me. I had been sitting with Blue ever since we hung up. I didn't dare move.
"Oh, Blue." He softly says, petting her soft fur with his knuckles.
"I'm so sorry. I didn't know who else to call and I realized it was stupid to call you but I was panicking and-"
"Soleil, it's alright. I wanted to come. I wouldn't have answered the phone if I didn't think this was important." He grabs me by the shoulders.
I nod, more tears falling down my cheeks.
"Okay, just um...just sit on the couch and I'll call you when I figure it out."
I don't argue, I just silently tread to the couch and sit down.
My heart is broken. I had lost my own daughter. Not to mention the last thing I had in common with Harry.
I'm finding it harder and harder to wrap my head around this. Blue is gone. So when I truly feel alone, I will be. She won't be there to curl up in my lap and make me feel better.
Harry returns to me after about twenty minutes. His hair's a mess and he has dirt all over his clothes and arms. He waves me over to follow him.
In my backyard, under the large tree, is a small grave. There's a picture of her on top.
I wipe the tears from my eyes and throw my arms around him tightly.
"Thank you." I whisper.
Harry rests his head onto mine, holding me. I stare at the small grave, feeling my heart crack in half.
"You should uh...you should go back home." I sniff, wiping my eyes and pulling away from him.
"Are you kidding? We just lost our daughter. I'm not leaving you alone."
I can't help but laugh through my tears. He's grinning at me as he wipes the wetness from my cheeks.
"What about Grace?" I question.
He shrugs, "She'll understand. If not, she'll have to."
We spend the rest of the night on the couch, watching a random movie we put on.
I glance over to Harry after some time. He's focused on the TV before us. Eyes locked with the actors on the screen that frankly weren't doing a too well of a job in my opinion.
He looks tired.
He notices my gaze and shoots me a smile. He sits up quick and turns his whole body so he's facing me.
"Guess what?" He pokes my arm.
"What?" I poke him back.
"I'm hosting this year's Met Gala with Lady Gaga and others."
My eyes grow wide in shock. I sometimes forget how successful he really is. And how proud of him I'll always be.
"Holy shit, H! That's amazing!"
"You're the first person I'm telling. But don't say a word, no one is supposed to know yet."
"Lips sealed." I promise.
"River's on the list. So I'll be seeing you there."
"If he chooses to have me there."
"He'd be a fool not to."
-
Harry leaves early the next morning. He slept in my guest room while I spent my night in my big, empty bed. River texted me late, wishing me a well sleep. I had told him about Blue and he promised to come home and help me feel better.
I get out of bed to see the guest room bed empty. He had gone before I had even woke up. I'm pretty sure he had things to do.
There's a note on the kitchen counter, beside a plate of pancakes.
I'm always a ring away.
H.
I grin and grab some syrup out of the fridge.
A knock on my door interrupts my breakfast. I expected Blue to come running alongside me to the door, but she didn't.
I think it's starting to hit me bad.
Behind the door is Blair. She's holding a small box with a ribbon on top and has a apologetic smile on her face.
I blankly stare at her.
"Can I come in?"
I silently pull the door open far enough for her to enter. I shut it behind me and follow her into the kitchen.
She's unwrapping the box to reveal macaroons.
"Flown in from Paris." She says, turning to me.
I cross my arms, "What are you doing here, Blair?"
"I said some things I shouldn't have. I know I hurt you and I'm so sorry, Mona. You're not weak. I get it. Being away from him is hard. I know how happy you are around him. I understand. I just hate seeing you so hurt over him especially after what he did."
"He's one of my best friends. He always has been. Even before things got messy. I can't just lose that." I tell her.
"I know. Which is why I'm apologizing. It's your life. I can't tell you how to live it. I'm just asking that you be careful. You guys are both seeing someone and it's dangerous. It's only a matter of time before you guys crack again."
"We're won't. I love River and he has feelings for...Grace."
Still leaves a bitter taste.
"Well, okay. I was wrong. I admit it."
I nod.
"I forgive you." I murmur.
Blair grins and throws her arms around me.
"Oh, I've missed you."
I laugh softly and hug her back.
"I missed you too."
**
It would be sort of foolish to NOT post the V-Day chapter on V-Day so double update!