NINETEEN SEVENTY-NINE
Michael
Ricky was right; I am selfish.
I'm an asshole, manipulative, and I do not deserve
to be with Abhaya but she mines, and I'm not letting her go. Never in my life have I felt the way that I feel with Abhaya. I am loved. No matter how imperfect I am, she loves me.
Abhaya always had my back since we were kids.
Now that we're young adults, she has my heart and spirit that I feel is very much connected to hers. Soon enough, she will have my child. It's a matter of time.
Maybe what I've done was wrong, but what else can you do when your back is against the wall.
When the girl you love with all of your heart is
falling for another man, what the hell can you do besides become irrational? I was crouched down beside Abhaya, rubbing her back in small circles as
she leaned her head over against the toilet to puke.
She was sick from all the alcohol she had consumed last night. For some reason, as Abhaya was puking her guts out, I was pretending like she was throwing up because of pregnancy symptoms and not shots.
I guess you could say I was preparing myself for
our future. A future where everything will be how
it's supposed to be. She and I. One kid. This is all
we needed, and we were almost there.
"Are you alright, sweetheart?" I asked.
Abhaya leaned her head up and slowly nodded."I am not drinking for such a long time!" She said with a slight laugh. It was only a matter of time, and I was more than ready. I was prepared to leave Indiana.
I was ready to leave my secrets of Lily behind. I was prepared to leave the one and only Ricky behind so he couldn't snatch Abhaya away from my grasp so easily.
I was ready to leave everything and take Abhaya
with me. We would go and start over and it was only
a matter of time.
—
"How do you feel?" I asked Abhaya while slurping
on a chocolate milkshake. We were at this burger joint downtown. I read somewhere that greasy foods helped with hangovers, so it made sense to bring her here.
Abhaya dipped some fresh fries into a small cup of ketchup and ate them. "I felt better!" She said.
I sighed to myself as my mind wandered back to last night's events. Her calling me Ricky was making my fucking skin crawl now. I was damn near on the verge of hating Ricky. He was making my life too fucking complicated. All I want is to be happy and in love with Abhaya, but for some reason, we keep having these damn setbacks. It's was always something.
"Did you have a good time last night?" I questioned.
Abhaya was midway into sinking her teeth inside
a greased-filled burger, but she stopped herself.
"Yes! I had a great time. Ricky was so good!"
Sigh.
"You remember everything from last night?" I asked curiously.
I wanted to see what was still fresh on her mind. Did she remember calling me Ricky? Did she remember me asking her to have my baby? Let's find out.
"I remember some things. I was so wasted." She
shook her head and slightly laughed. "What I do remember quite a lot is us doing it. You were an animal last night, Michael! Rawr!" She winked at
me as a little flirty smile graced her lips.
"You remember when you called me Ricky as we
were about to do it?" I questioned while folding my arms across my chest. Her calling me his name was bothering me too much to ignore. If we were going to leave Indiana with a clean slate, we had to get all of this shit out of the way now.
Abhaya's smile suddenly dropped. Different
emotions appeared on her face. The one that seemed to stay on was shock. Like a did I call you the other guy I love name kind of look? Yes, yes, you fucking did, Abhaya, but that's okay because we're going
to get through this together.
"M—Michael I..." Before she could lie and tell
me that she was just drunk, I was going to give her
the opportunity, to be honest, to be real about this.
"Abhaya, I know you have feelings for Ricky. I'm
not blind, alright. I could see it in the way you two
were looking at each other last night. You called
his name only put the icing on the cake."
She lowered her head down in shame.
It's alright, Abhaya. We're going to get through this.
"It's okay if you love him. With all the things that
I have done, I'm not the one to judge. I'm just trying to have some common ground here. I want us to make this as insignificant as possible, but first, we have to talk about it. So what's going on with you and Ricky? Tell me everything..."
I was a bit afraid to hear what she was
going to say, but I needed to know. I had to ease
this feeling of brokenness inside of my heart.
Abhaya sighed. "A few days ago, Ricky confessed
his feelings for me, Michael. He poured his heart
out to me, and it was genuine. He...he made me
think about some of the things you've done and
question if us being together is a good idea..."
"Like what? What has he made you question?"
"He made me question if you value the things that I value. He talked about how you would always miss my art events because you were out with other girls. He said that you were selfish..."
I stared at Abhaya for a few seconds.
Whatever I was about to say had to win her over,
or else Ricky was going to swoop right in and take her love away. I had to make her feel confident in her decision to pick me. Reaching my hand across the table, I grabbed hers, kissing them both.
"Abhaya. I haven't always been the best person in
the world to you. Ricky was right about some of the things he had said. I did miss your events because, at that time, I was immature and only cared about things that should have never been more important than you.
The truth of the matter is that I fucked up so
many times with you. I fucked up so much, and you continued to love me. You continued to show me the meaning of true love, and all I ever want to do is show you that same love back." I sighed but continued.
"Before we came back to Indiana, I made a promise
to you. I said I wasn't going to hurt you anymore, and I haven't. I have been trying so hard to be good for you. I've known you for all of my life Abhaya. You're all I know. Life without you in it wouldn't make sense.
The world wouldn't be the same. We've come too
far to be together for you just to doubt our love like this Abhaya." My eyes were filled with worry as I looked at her with desperation.
The way Abhaya looked at me was as if she had internal battles within her heart. I knew Abhaya loved me but did she want to be with me was what the big issue was here. Did she want to come to Atlanta with me and start over? Did she want that? God, I hope so.
God, please...
God, please just make her see that I am the one.
"Michael..." She breathed out. I felt my heart about
to explode from how anxious I felt. Whatever she was going to say next would change my life for the best or the worst. It was all up to her.
"I'm sorry for calling you, Ricky. Michael, I love
you, and I love Ricky too...but you and I, we've been through so much, and I would be a fool not to want to be here until the end. I trust you with my life Michael, and I know that you will never hurt me anymore. I know that you have my best interest, and I know that us being together is how it should always be."
She gave me a reassuring smile while giving my
hand a slight squeeze. She meant her words.
The weight that was on my heart
suddenly disappeared. She chose me.
—
Author
Later that night
Abhaya pulled up in front of Ricky's house with a heavy heart. To her dismay, He was already outside, sitting on the front porch with his guitar in his lap.
She wanted some time to practice how to execute her words internally, but nothing was the right thing to
say when you were about to break a person's heart.
As soon as Ricky saw Abhaya in his driveway, he smiled though it was very random for her to show
up at his place at this time of night.
He didn't care, though.
He didn't care at all because it was her.
Ricky stood up and placed his guitar down
against the cushioned porch chairs with ease.
He jogged down the stairs and made his way over
to car before getting in.
"What a pleasant surprise," Ricky said with a slight smile. Abhaya slightly smiled back. "I know, right..."
Ricky could already sense something wrong, but
he didn't address it yet. He was going to let her do that.
"So what did you think about my song from last night? I hope you liked it."
"Ricky, I loved it...you were phenomenal last
night, and I'm so proud of you for living out your dream. I know you're going to do big things out
here in this world. I just know it."
"Thank you, Abhaya. I appreciate it. I was thinking maybe tomorrow I can take you to the recording studio and show you the process of making a song? After that, we can, you know, go like to a restaurant or something."
Ricky cleared his throat before awkwardly scratching the back of his neck. He was trying to ask her out on
a date but wasn't able to execute it properly.
Abhaya was the only girl who could make him feel nervous at times.
Abhaya's saddened eyes lingered on Ricky for a few seconds before she sighed. It was so hard for her to do what she was about to do, but she had to do it. "You know Angel likes you, right Ricky?" She asked. Ricky slowly nodded. He didn't understand where she was going with this, but he didn't like it.
"Yeah...Yeah, I know that. Your point?" He asked.
"My point is that she likes you, and I'm with
Michael. The universe is not aligned for us to be together, Ricky....." It suddenly grew quiet.
Ricky looked out of the window to see grass.
He wished something interesting could take his
mind off of this heartbreaking conversation.
He felt Abhaya's hand on his shoulder.
"Please understand..." She said.
Ricky looked back at her. "What happened to
you giving me a month to show you how much
that I loved you, huh? What happened to that?"
He questioned. His voice was unusually soft.
You could hear his pain.
"I can't do that to Michael. I'm not leaving him."
Ricky began to shake his head. It's been a long
time since Ricky felt like crying, and right now was
one of them, but he wouldn't allow that to happen.
At least not in front of Abhaya. He didn't want her
to feel guilty about her decision. If Michael was who
she wanted, he would respect it no matter how painful it was. "You love him, huh?" Ricky questioned.
He watched as a few tears began to trickle down
her cheeks. "I do...I love him a lot Ricky."
Ricky looked down and sighed. He felt a lump
in the back of his throat. The kind that makes it
hard for you to talk. Ricky's heart was broken.
He looked back up at Abhaya with watering eyes.
"Can I...can I just kiss you one last time." He asked.
This was Ricky's goodbye to Abhaya because he
could no longer be just her friend after tonight.
It was too painful to bear. Abhaya slowly nodded.
She needed this too. She needed this last kiss.
The two of them began to lean in until their
lips connected slowly.
Every spark in the world went off inside of Abhaya's heart, but she ignored it. Her mind was made up of who she wanted, and that was Michael.
—
Abhaya opened the door up to her home and
sniffled. She had been crying on her entire way
back home because, in her heart, she knew that
the deep friendship she shared with Ricky was
now over. It was over forever.
She didn't want things to end that way, but
life is all about sacrifice. Abhaya did just that
to keep Michael in her life. She gave up Ricky.
It was dark in her home, and Abhaya sighed.
Her family didn't feel like family. Her dad
was barely home anymore. Mohini was out doing
god knows what, and Jillian was still upset about
Abhaya's choice to go to Spelman, so their relationship had been on the rocks. Abhaya was just sad.
Her head was hanging down low as she walked
up the stairs. She believed at first that she was
the only one home, but the light that was on
in Mohini's room told her otherwise.
Abhaya debated if it was best to go and confront
her sister about what she found in her room or just tell her parents first. Abhaya decided to confront her sister herself. She walked towards the front of Mohini's door to see it slightly opened. She knocked on the door before pushing it open. Mohini was lying on her bed staring up at the ceiling. She was high. Her eyes were wide, and she was even laughing. "Mohini..."
Abhaya said before walking in.
Mohini didn't respond to her sister. She was too
high to tell who Abhaya even was at the moment.
Mohini had been battling with drug addiction for two years now. It all started when she went off to college.
She met some guy who was a drug dealer. He gave
her her first high. He placed the pipe to her lips and took her on a trip she would never come back from.
Mohini began to smoke the hard stuff more often.
It came to the point of her dropping out of school and moving in with the drug dealer.
The drug dealer became highly abusive towards Mohini. He would just use her as his punching bag, and she would take all those hits just to get that high that he provided. One day the abuse almost became deadly. The drug dealer she was dating stabbed her in the chest. It was close to her heart, but she survived. Jillian and Johnny were there every step of the way.
They gave Mohini all the love a parent could provide, and when Mohini was released from the hospital, she moved back to Indiana to stay with her family.
She was on track to getting her life back together,
or that's what everyone else thought, at least.
Everyone thought Mohini was doing fine, but she
was in her room high as a kite while her little sister watched. It was tragic.
—
It looks like Abhaya chose to be with Michael.
What are your all thoughts on that? How do you
feel about Mohini's story? Drop a comment!
Remember to vote, and thanks for reading!
Xoxoxoxo.