APRIL, 2017. CONT.
I'm not happy.
I know that now.
Things with Wesley were good for a while. At least, in the beginning. He was nice and caring and anything anyone would like in someone. And I fell for him. Hard.
Then, time passed. He became more and more controlling and odd. Me being friends with someone I was friends with even before dating them, was suddenly the worst betrayal in the world.
But, I felt like I was betraying Harry. I was ruining a lifelong friendship for someone who I knew wouldn't stick around for too long because let's face it:
I will always love Harry.
No matter how long it's been. No matter how far he is. I will still love him.
I knew dropping Harry would hurt him. Yet, I did it anyway. Because I was so...infatuated.
Yet, so stupid.
Wesley doesn't know of the time I spotted him making out with some girl at an LA party. He doesn't know of how I cried myself to sleep that night because he had taken her back to his hotel, leaving me at the party, drunk.
I let him walk all over me constantly. I hated myself
for it. And I know I'll continue to let him do whatever.
It's better than to be lonely.
I miss Harry.
Hearing that he wanted to check on me was enough to send me to his doorstep with open arms. Then again, I doubt he'd invite me in.
Our breakup was mutual. We had been friends before lovers. Friends that had just fallen in love with each other and acted upon it. But, he was so famous and his fans were becoming too much.
I was able to handle it for a while. Until, fans started coming to my apartment to harass me. And then it started to tear me apart.
He hated seeing me hurt. There was nothing more in the world that he despised. He'd take a bullet if it meant I'd be okay.
And I would do the same.
Chances are, he wouldn't anymore.
Eventually, we sat down and talked it out. We decided we were best off being friends again. It was becoming too messy and it wasn't worth losing each other over forever.
And we were young. Maybe, we'd find each other again.
Maybe.
Until I messed it all up. I met Wesley and I was so into him. And Wesley didn't like how Harry was around so much. He hated the way he looked at me. But really I think he hated the way I looked at him.
I didn't really warn Harry. I kind of just...disappeared. I knew that hurt him. I spent so long thinking about it during sleepless nights.
Knowing he texted my Dad was a sort of relief. I was surprised to say the least.
Maybe he still cares. Maybe I still have that chance.
Life in LA is better. I don't feel as suffocated as I do in Wesley's home. Rumor has it, Harry just purchased a rental home there.
I need to shut up.
"Have I done something to upset you?" Wesley asks suddenly one morning.
I've been here four days.
Four days too long.
"Nothing at all." I shake my head.
Wesley pokes his fork at the eggs on his plate. He doesn't seem to make eye contact with me. Which is better for me so I can lie easier.
"These last few days, you've seemed...off. I just wanted to know if it's something I did to bother you."
"You haven't done anything, Wes."
"Then who has?"
"No one! I'm fine, seriously. Just kind of homesick." I shrug.
Homesick for a home that isn't in LA.
"Okay..." He murmurs.
"I should uh...probably get packing. My flight is at 5." I clear my throat, grabbing my dish to carry it to the sink.
"I could have sworn you weren't leaving until Sunday." Wesley speaks up.
I may have bought a ticket back home last night when he was out partying.
"Not that I can remember." I shake my head before disappearing down the hall.
He watches me pack from the doorway. It's a familiar feeling.
Like deja vu.
Except this time, I don't feel anything but numb.
<<
"I think that's the last of it." I quietly said to him.
He hadn't moved from the doorway in twenty minutes. If I hadn't known he was sad, I'd be concerned.
"I'm going to miss you here." Harry told me.
Tears welled up in my eyes quickly. He noticed.
"I'm going to miss me here, too." I cried out.
He didn't hesitate to lunge forward and hug me.
"I don't know why you're crying, sunlight. We're always going to be friends."
"I know. It's just hard. I got used to it here."
And I did. Waking up to him, brushing my teeth next to him, breakfast in bed with him...
"It's going to be okay. We'll be alright." He reassured me.
And I believed him.
>>
"I'll miss you." Wesley says to me.
We're in a crowded airport. There's a lot of space around us. Yet, I still feel like I can't breathe.
"I will, too." I manage a soft smile, placing a hand on his shoulder.
The least romantic gesture out there. Great fucking going, Monet.
He notices. He looks absolutely uncomfortable. He knows something is up.
"Well, okay. You'll call, yes?"
Probably not often.
"Of course." I nod before passing him.
I swear, I'm not acting like this because of the recent events. Things have been good in my life. But, anytime I'm near Wesley, I feel so empty inside.
Now that I know Harry still somehow cares, I only feel worse. It just makes me miss him more than I ever have.
Damn him.
He has such an impact in my life. In my heart. There's just something about him that will make me care forever. He's just that person.
You know, that one person you'll always love and care for. Even if things aren't going good, you know nothing will change the way you feel about them.
And no matter how much pain you're in, they'll still manage to make it all go away. Like some sort of drug.
That's what he is to me. A drug. I take him to feel better and end up addicted. And once he's gone, I'm a mess all over again.
But he's so much more than that.