JOEY
COLLINS
I heard a sudden knock on my door, hoping it's not some fucking girl Dylan sent over. I felt like an asshole going off on him but I can't break out of the mood that had taken over my personality. "Joey, it's me, Sam."
I froze before hopping off my bed and quickly opening the door. I don't know if I've been awake too long and now I'm hearing shit. It was damn sure Sam, in the flesh. I wasn't sure how to react or feel. I wasn't sure if I should hug her or beg for her to forgive me. She's never gone this long without talking to me and again, but I understand.
I can't keep beating myself up, I can't. "Joey, we need to talk." I pushed away from the door and let her enter my filthy room. I probably haven't cleaned or put anything away since I came back to the condo. I haven't cooked anything either. I've been eating junk food and takeout for a few weeks.
It's been two weeks since I've basically died inside. I tried swatting some of the clothes and pizza boxes off my bed so Sam could sit. "This is...disgusting. What's wrong with you?" Her face scrunched as she glanced around. I'm usually the cleanest out of my siblings. I couldn't stand a dirty room, so it always had to be spotless. This is so unlike me.
I quickly fought back. "Don't even go there when you were a teenager, you'd leave spoiled milk in your room all the time."
She rolled her eyes and set herself and her bag on my bed, cautiously. "I was like fourteen, seriously?"
I adjusted my stand and crossed my arms across my chest. "Whatever."
She breathed out and eyed me. "What's going on?"
"You tell me? You ignored me for two weeks."
She raised her voice, "Joey, what did you expect? You hurt my feelings, okay? I'm allowed to be hurt and grieve in silence. I just expected so much more from you."
I shrugged. "Everyone does and I always fuck it up, right?
"Don't fucking do that! You're the only one that fucks up. Only YOU can change yourself, Joey. I just asked one of you and look at my friendship. I've been crying and miserable for fucking weeks."
"And you think I'm not?"
I watched her jaw clench as she stood up. "What are you miserable for? Because I didn't talk to you?"
I breathed out and took my vision off Sam. I tried focusing on anything but her. I didn't want to answer that question because I didn't know how. "I don't know! I can't fucking do shit. I've been in my room since and I—."
Sam's entire expression changed, "Oh my God."
I jerked my neck back, "What?"
"You like her."
I instantly tried lying. "No, I'm just mad...mad you ignored me."
"Bullshit!" She stood closer looking deeply into my eyes, "You're heartbroken right now. You know that?"
"No the fuck I'm not."
She nudged me softly. "Watch it. I'm the one that should be mad, not you. Explain this...then?" She smartly eyed me and my room.
I swiped my tongue across my teeth before I wet my lips in denial. I waited a few seconds before saying, "Alright."
"That means?"
I groaned and gripped my hand on the wall. "You win. I guess...I like her, alright?"
Her mouth dropped with a confusing look on her face. I couldn't read her and I don't know if that's scary or not. Her pupils quickly scanned my face, "I don't know what to say. I've never seen this side of you."
I admitted as my voice cracked, "I apparently haven't either. I can't do shit without her popping in my fucking head every second."
"Why did you let her leave?"
I yelled by accident. "Are you serious? After you fucking went off on us, what did you expect? Sam, you must not understand that you're the ONLY women in my life. I damn near believe whatever the fuck you say and I agree, I'm a pig! I don't want to hurt her and I really didn't want to hurt you either."
Sam's pupils dilated. "I went off because it hurt me. I had no idea how you felt about her. I thought you were just fucking her."
I gripped my hands on both sides of my head while I breathed out. "I don't know if I should be happy, or scared. I was extremely mad with you, but I needed time. I'm not sure how my friendship will last because Riley blocked me, I think."
"And Sam, I'm so sorry for what I did to you. I didn't expect anything to happen and now—"
"Now what?"
I choked on my words, "I lost her. I thought I lost you, too."
"You could never lose me. I'm never going to leave you like they did."
Sam spoke again. "How do you know you lost her?"
I glanced down at the ground. "She told me if I walk away, she won't forgive me. I don't deserve her. For some reason, I don't think I'm capable of loving anyone I feel like."
Sam slowly parted her lips. "You love me. You love Dylan. And you grew to love Cameron, right? You're capable of love and don't even know it. Just because our parents can't love us, we have each other. I know you'll do anything for me and that's love. It hurts me so much that we're so broken because of them and they're probably fine every day. Don't let yourself suffer anymore. I allowed myself to fully open up to Cameron, and I've never been happier. It's time to forget about them and worry about you."
I carefully processed what she said and replied, "You're right. What do I do?"
Sam exclaimed, "Call her!"
I quickly picked up my phone and attempted to call her. It didn't even ring once before being sent to voicemail. I didn't want to feel desperate, so I didn't attempt to call again. Well, I guess I'm still pretty desperate because I texted her. I just wanted to see if she blocked me, and I guess she did.
I shook my head. "She doesn't want shit to do with us anymore."
Sam quickly composed herself. "Do you want her, Joey? Like, will you hurt her? Please look me dead in my eye and tell me the truth."
I brought my focus to her big brown eyes and said, "I'm not going to hurt her. I'm not. Yes, I do want her."
"Then, let's get your girl."
As she tried walking out of the door, I stopped her. "What about your friendship? You haven't talked to her at all?"
"Oh, I'm getting her back, too."
I arched my eyebrow. "How? We're blocked and Dylan doesn't even have her number. I'm sure she blocked Cameron, too."
"You'll see."
Before I could speak, she cut me off. "Get dressed and pack clothes. I'm going to talk to Dylan." She turned around and spoke again, "Oh, take a damn shower! You smell like Cheetos.
When I finished my hygiene routine, packed a bag, and headed downstairs, Dylan and Sam's eyes followed me. He looked at me deeply. "If I talk, will you go off?"
"I'm sorry for that. I've been in a messed up place."
Dylan cocked a smile. "I can see why. I'm shocked."
I playfully sighed. "Alright! I get it, I like someone. Can we please not keep mentioning it?"
Sam giggled. "Nope! That's your punishment."
I accepted it. "What's the plan?"
Sam sucked her teeth. "A flight to Ohio is a little under three hours. You bitches wanna go on a journey?" I smiled seeing Sam actually smiling again. Shit, I felt...something. I wasn't fully at Sam's level, not until I knew I could at least get her back. Well, not back. We were never together, but at least get her. I don't want anyone to have her, but me. I know that now and I admit that to myself.
I can't believe the thoughts I've been having. I can't believe that one girl can change everything. One person that I haven't known long, feels like I've known forever. Riley happened to consume all of me and I can't seem to forget her. I meant it when I said she's unnoticed. It's better now than later when another guy sees what I saw in her.
Our entire ride to the airport, Sam kept asking me a million times if I wasn't going to hurt her. In a way, I feel like she's trying to get me to prove it to myself. I had the shakes every second until we boarded the plane.