The flight home wasn't terrible, and I made it back. I couldn't help but listen to music that made me feel even worse about myself. I wasn't sure how I felt being back in Ohio. The only thing I have here is my mom and I never wanted to see her as badly as I do now. She's the only one that can calm me down and make me feel better. I've done some terrible things and I don't want to continue beating myself up about it.
Knowing she would be at work, I took an Uber straight there. I just needed her more than anything. I didn't want to wait until the next morning, either. I miss her scent and her beautiful smile. I miss the ridiculous cute things she'd say to make me feel better or the trips we'd make to get ice cream in the middle of the night.
I bit down on my lip as I walked through the confusing hospital. I've been here so many times and still find myself getting lost every time. I glanced at the time and it was eleven on the dot. It's late, but my mom usually works overnight. I hope she's not busy.
When I finally made it to her floor, a familiar face noticed me first. "Riley? Oh my God! It's been so long." Lisa, my mom's friend, rose from sitting behind the desk as soon as you got off the elevator. She was dressed in her light purple scrubs with a welcoming smile on her face. "When did you get back?"
I forced a smile. "A few minutes ago. My mom doesn't know. I was hoping to surprise her."
She squealed, fingering through her pixie-cut blonde hair. "She's going to be so excited. She never stops talking about you. By the way, how was Florida?"
I sighed, not really wanting to talk about it right now. "Florida is beautiful. It was definitely a learning experience."
"I'm calling your mom down here now, sweetheart."
I nodded and casually waited. I picked at my nails and glanced around the third floor of the hospital. I remember when I was a kid, I'd have to sit here and wait for my mom to get off. It was probably the most boring thing I've ever done in my life, but it was just us. Most of my childhood was spent in this damn hospital.
"It better be a good reason you made me wa—" My mom stopped talking when she saw me standing in the middle of the hallway with a shit ton of bags, "Is today Wednesday? Riley?"
I immediately smiled and paced towards my mom for a hug. Once my arms swung around her body, I breathed out in relief. I didn't realize how much I missed her until I actually saw her face. She smelled like vanilla mixed with cucumbers or something,which made me think of Joey. He lives on the cucumber Dove soap.
When she pulled away, she met my eyes, "I thought I still had two days! I should've been home. Oh my God, why are you back so early?" I took a glance at her face and studied her. She had medium length wavy brown hair, almost the same color as mine, but a tad darker. She also dressed in lavender colored scrubs, with the necklace I bought her last year for her birthday.
She stood tall over me. "I-I just...missed you. I wanted to come back home." I nodded rapidly until I started to cry. I dropped my face towards the ground, feeling my body go limp. I quietly sobbed, trying not to cause a scene at her work. It's bad enough Lisa won't stop looking over.
My mom breathed out and lifted my head back up. "Why are you crying if you missed me?" She latched her manicured hand onto my shoulder, "Come on baby." I followed behind her as we walked into a vacant room. She waited a few seconds before speaking and pushed my hair towards my back.
Her breath hitched. "Talk to me. What's wrong with you?"
Her sweet voice rang in my ears. I broke down again, mad I brought this to her job. I wanted to surprise her and just give her a hug until we got home. I didn't want to worry her. I've been so emotional lately and this just breaks me. I told my mom about Sam's rule again and how I got too cozy with her brother. I told her that I fell for someone that didn't want me because he thinks he doesn't deserve me. He thinks I'm too good for him, but I'm not. My mom listened with such a sad, teary eyed look on her face. I then broke down even more, telling her about how badly I hurt Sam.
"Is this the guy that you kissed and called me?"
I nodded. "This wasn't supposed to happen, but I really like him. I like him more than I've liked anyone. More than Kevin. I knew he'd hurt me and I fell for it."
"If Sam is exactly how you tell me she is, she'll come around. You don't always find good friends honey. I think it's good to give her space. She can't hate you for following your heart."
"I know, mom. She's madder I lied and betrayed her."
She pulled me back into a tight embrace and rocked us both lightly. "Trust me, it'll be okay. I know it hurts honey. I know. Sam will come around; they always do. As for this guy, if he really likes you, he'll realize how much he can't stand another day without you. Just be patient, sweetheart."
I dug my head in the dent of her neck. "I'll always be here for you. You know what, let's go home? I'll make us dinner and we can chat. I was supposed to be out of her an hour ago because we're over staffed and I have more seniority."
"You sure? Can we go to Rosie's Diner?"
"Whatever you want, love. Let me get my stuff."
~~
"Now does that top anything you've had in Florida?" My mom glanced over at me with both hands on the steering wheel. We used to go to Rosie's every Friday when my mom worked the early shift. This was honestly my favorite place to go because the man that owned it always snuck me donuts to take home. It was incredibly sad when he passed away a few years ago.
I faintly laughed. "Nothing can top that. I mean, how's a little mom and pop diner better than most four-star restaurants?"
"Some secrets will never be told! They'll always be lit."
I put on my serious face and paused. "Mom, please don't ever say that again."
"You don't think I'm hip? I used to be so popular in school."
"Okay, enough." I arched my eyebrow as we pulled into the driveway of our two bedroom home. God, I've been at this house for longer than I remember. I know we moved when I was like five, or around that age. It was perfect for the both of us. Even though I had hopes of moving out soon, I loved this place. It was your normal family home, gray with white boarders and single garage. My car always remained parked on the pavement because my mom called 'dibs' in the garage. Sometimes we'll switch, depending on her mood. There was one single window in the very front of the house that my cat used to wait until I got home and peak her head through. And stone outlined the bottom half of the house.
"Home sweet home," I mumbled, opening the door to retrieve my suitcases.
My mom sighed, "You don't sound too....happy about that?"
It's nothing like the beach house but this house has more memories than anything. It's where I came from and I'll never forget that. "I'm happy to be back."
"Good! Now let me help you." We both took a suitcase and bag and headed into the house I've been absent in for a few months since I've last been home.
Every time I came home, my mom always had the house smelling like jasmine and cookies. It was a very odd mix, but it went well together. It was a little after midnight, and I was extremely exhausted. Everything that happened today was still pretty fresh in my brain and I really just wanted to sleep.
"Do you want to watch a movie or something? Like old times?" She had so much energy. I'm guessing overnight jobs do mess up your sleep schedule.
I still held onto my bags. "I think I'm going to call it a night. I'm exhausted. Rain check?"
"I know you are, honey. Get some rest. I love you."
"I love you, too."
I gathered as much as I could carry and headed upstairs to my room. When I opened the door, I smiled. I'm acting like I haven't been home in years, but there's no more leaving. I'm here until I move out, which will possibly be a while from now. I don't even know what I want to do with my life.
I closed my door behind me and fell onto my full sized bed. I slightly closed my eyes and all of my miserable thoughts came into light. I thought about Sam and if she even saw my letter yet, or Joey. If they did, I understand if they didn't want to text me. I'd probably just ignore it anyways and give myself space. I tried to jump into something WAY too quickly and it bit me in the ass.
I opened my eyes for a split second, feeling a headache appear. My temples throbbed and I felt terrible. When people say they are actually heartbroken, you feel that deeply. It's like I don't want to do anything. I have NO energy for nothing.
Not thinking, I grabbed my phone and went straight to my camera roll. I wanted to look at the pictures I took in Florida and happened to come across a picture Joey and I took.
I'd turned over and faced Joey. "Want to do something that will make me happy?" My eyes grew big, waiting for his response.
"I'll do anything to make you happy."
I smiled, grabbing my phone from under my thigh, "I hoped that was your answer. Take a picture with me."
He moaned and groaned but had a big smile on his face, "I look like shit."
I playfully rolled my eyes. "Shut up! You look amazing. Besides, I'm the one that looks like shit."
Joey slouched over and lay his head on my chest while looking up at my camera. "You could never look like shit, Angel."
When I took the picture, Joey snatched the phone to look at the picture.
"Damn! Who's that fine ass mother fucker?"
I lightly slapped the back of his head. "Don't call me that."
"You're not the center of the universe. I was talking about myself."