{Kaelynn}
For what felt like the thousandth time, I placed back and forth in my room. This has to be the absolute worst thing that could happen right now.
I heard a knock on my door, but I barely had a chance to react before it came open. I'm so glad my dad came up instead of my mom. It feels kind of weird to call him my dad, but we have gotten much closer than we were. I'm trying not to be so hard on him anymore. His relationships don't concern me in any way, so it's not right for me to hold them over his head. I can tell he still doesn't know what to do. He doesn't know if he wants his wife back, or of he wants to get back with mom.
"Kaelynn I thought we were good?"
I'm sure he asked that because of how I completely ignored him and mom when I came in. I dashed up the stairs quickly.
"We are dad." I gave him a brief hug before going to sit on my bed. "I was just trying to hurry and put my phone on the charger before it died."
"Are you okay Kaelynn?"
He doesn't understand the type of week I've had. Since we are on winter break at school, I've been at the salon more. A lot of women like to get their hair done for the holidays, so we have been extra busy. Since last weekend, I've been throwing up every single morning. Since the shop has been so busy, it was easy to hide it from them.
It wasn't easy at all to hide my sickness from Kelly this morning though. I tried to just ignore the strong smells of the food, but it began to be too much for me. I don't know why the smells bothered me so much, but Kelly followed me right to the bathroom and held my hair while I threw up. I came up with a random excuse, then I got out of there as quick as I could.
"Oh my God. I know what it is." My heart almost skipped a beat when my dad said that. "You and Jahmir are having problems?"
Yeah, and now we may potentially have an even bigger one. I truly feel like I may be pregnant. It's been over three weeks since I've slept with both my boyfriend and his cousin. I've done some fucked up things in my life, but this is the absolute worst. And not only that, but I know this isn't a mistake that can just be brushed off. Betrayal like this isn't easy to bounce back from.
I want to ask my dad about this situation, but I don't want to insinuate anything that he may pick up on.
"He didn't cheat on you, did he?"
I could see my dad getting mad, but I had to come to Jahmir's defense quickly.
"No way dad. He would never do that to me." In my heart, I know he really wouldn't. He loves me too much, and I just took it for granted. I'm the dumbest girl alive.
"I just... have you ever did all you can do to get with someone, just to realize you two were better as friends?"
He sat beside me then placed his arm around my shoulders. "That's how I felt about your mother at some point, but I fell in love."
"So do you think it's possible to only be friends with someone when they're in love with you?"
Me saying that seemed to make something click in his mind. Maybe I should have worded it better.
"It's okay that you aren't in love with Jahmir just yet. I remember my mother used to always say that, in order for any relationship to be successful, the man must love the woman more than the woman loves the man."
Lord knows I sincerely do love Jahmir. I have since the day we met. I just don't ever see myself falling in love with him. I just feel like we weren't meant to be together. Maybe I'm just telling myself that because I know our relationship won't last.
"Kaelynn, you both are still young. You have your whole life ahead of you. If one relationship doesn't work, it's not the end of the world. You two have been good friends for so long. Learn from my mistakes baby: always be honest. The truth may hurt, but honestly is way more acceptable than lies."
Shortly after those words, mom called him back downstairs. His words linger in my mind as I stare blankly ahead. The more I wanted to be nothing like him, the more we are the same.
*
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*
*
Even though I was far from the Christmas spirit, everyone seemed so happy and cheery at the Phillips' residence. My parents, Kiyah, and I came over to celebrate with them. We would usually go visit my grandparents, but the whole Mikayla thing is still fresh. I facetimed her earlier, and she really seems way more happier now though.
As I scanned the room for Jahmir, Mr. Phillips and I made eye contact, so I went over to greet him.
"Hi Mr. Phillips." I have him a side hug. "Merry Christmas."
"Merry Christmas future daughter in law."
His words made me frown. Mr. Phillips is such a nice person. He is always so kind to me. If he knew what I've done to his grandson, he wouldn't want to see my face ever again. And neither would Jahmir.
"What's wrong? You don't wanna be my future daughter in law?"
I don't know if I want to be or not. It really doesn't matter, though, because I know I'm not going to.
"Of course I wanna be. I'm just curious as to where my future husband is." I said in a playful manner.
"Oh." He smiled. "He, Sam, Harvey, and Eric are in the den playing cards until the food gets done."
I thanked him, then I hesitantly made my way to the den. Just as I expected, Eric's eyes glared at me. Harvey looked at me with so much hatred, but I don't know why. It's not like I fucked myself. He can't blame anyone but himself for his own actions.
"Hey babe." Jahmir greeted me as I stood behind his chair.
The other three dryly spoke. This leads me to believe Eric told Sam what happened. She usually interacts with me way better than that.
"Hey boo. Sorry I couldn't get here earlier."
"It's cool Kae."
After we made small talk, I was planning on going back to the living room, but Jahmir insisted I stay with them. I pulled up a chair and sat close to him.
They played the game for a whe until Eric broke the silence.
"So Harvey, seen Willow lately?" He smirked. "Where she at?"
I started to get nervous. It seems like she would be here already if she was coming. I wonder if Harvey told her what happened between us. I don't know her well enough to know what her reaction may be. She doesn't seem like the confrontational type though.
"She's with her family. She said she would come if she could."
"Oh word?" Eric chuckled. "When was the last time you had a deep, truthful conversation with her?"
Jahmir looked at him oddly when he said that. To him it was a random question. To me, not so much. I know exactly what he's getting at.
"Yeah, I wanna know too." Sam said as she mean mugged me. "Honestly is a must."
Yeah, she for sure knows.
"Damn Harvey." Jahmir looked up from his cards. "What the hell you done did?"
This would have been the moment Eric was waiting for, but by the grace of God, Mr. Phillips came to the door.
"The food's ready boys and Kaelynn."
"Why you always do me like that granddad?" Sam asked as she got up and walked towards him.
"Baby it's just in me to tease you." He laughed. "You know I love you." He placed his arm around her shoulders on their way out the den. In that moment I was so thankful he'd interrupted the conversation. I have a feeling Harvey was about to confess what happened.
We all went to the kitchen to fix our plates. When we went to the dining room, I avoided sitting anywhere near Harvey and Eric. Jahmir sat beside his cousin Marco, so I sat between Jahmir and one of his aunts.
"Aye what's up cuz?" Marco questioned as he and Jahmir dapped each other up.
They engaged in conversation while I looked all around the room. Sam and Eric sat close to the top of the table, while Harvey sat near the middle. I'm just glad Eric is far away from me. He is becoming obnoxious with this whole truth thing. I understand it's important to tell the truth, but he is acting like he never wanted me. He never actually said it, but actions speak louder than words. If anything he's just mad because Harvey had me and he didn't.
As soon as Mr. Phillips came to the table, some people got their phones out and started recording him. To me that's so unnecessary though. He says the same type of things every year. I don't get the excitement or humor.
"Testicles one, two. Testicles one, two." He said to gain everyone's attention. Some people laughed as if that was the funniest thing they ever heard.
"Here we go, here we go again." He sang before clearing his throat. "Nah but foreal." He chuckled. "It's so wonderful to have my family here today. I'm glad to see some different faces aside from the Thanksgiving dinner. But I just find it funny how some of y'all came through in the same thing y'all had on in the club last night."
One of his brothers started looking nervous as hell, which caused him to laugh.
"Reminds me of the good old days. Ya boy wasn't always as fly as he is now, bu-"
When Mr. Phillips heard his brother's seemingly forced laugh, his whole mood changed.
"Boy don't try me. I ain't have it all, but at least I didn't rock the same pair of cat heads until they turned to turtle backs. Even when I wasn't that nigga, I was still that nigga."
"You was lame then and you lame now."
"Ain't no lameness in my body boy. See I think you forgetting just the type of dude I was. I'd pull up to the club VIP. Now my gas tank was probably on E, but you better believe all the drinks was on ME!"
A lot of people busted out laughing at him as he popped his collar a few times. He then cleared his throat and got everyone settled down. He told us all to hold hands and bow our heads for prayer.
"Lord, I just wanna say that I am so blessed to have my beautiful family here with me today. I see this as a luxury, given the fact that some people don't even have family at all. Lord I ask that you bless this food and let all the salt and carbs nourish our bodies."
That was the jist of his serious prayer. Mostly everyone opened their eyes, but of course he still had his closed.
"Lord I pray that both brother Tevin Campbell and brother Kirko Bangz found out what her name is. That way they'll know what to say when Beyonce and them tells them to say it. Speaking of Beyonce, I just wanna pray for brother Jay Z. Ray Rice's little niece almost showed out on him in that elevator. She about whatever man, forget what Jay Z was talking about. His opinion didn't count. Beyonce was the only thing that mattered."
At this point some people actually started eating.
"Lord I pray that Drake and Chris Brown learn to be a bit more playful. I pray that Kanye West goes on Rick Ross' pear and diced pineapple diet. I pray that I'll forever be able to walk past a mirror and say oooh damn I'm fine. I pray that I get a car where I can drop the top and take a selfie because the car will drive itself. And also Lord, I pray that all of my family takes a shot, make a friend, and just enjoy every moment in this new year that's coming up. A... Oh I forgot one thing. Last but not least, Lord I pray that everything stay kitty because you know that I love when it's hot. Amen."
"Amen!" I rolled my eyes, glad that he was finally done.
{Jahmir}
Everyone loves coming over here for Christmas. After dinner, everyone opens their gifts. Aside from the gifts other people bring eachother, pops gives out a lot of gifts. Sometimes he will buy gifts, but he's well known for regifting gifts he didn't like the year before. He doesn't even try to deny it at this point. Nobody really cares, because everyone loves the fact that he doesn't want anyone to feel left out.
As we open gifts, we listen to Christmas music, drink eggnog and eat candy, and hear a bunch of random stories about "back in the day".
Earlier I was in a fucked up mood, but I'm glad I got over it. This has been the best Christmas in a few years actually. It's nice to see everybody getting along and having fun. Even pops and uncle Joe have been joking and laughing with each other.
Even though this day didn't start out too great, I have to say it ended well.