After everything that happened, I couldn't sleep. I stayed up for hours staring at the ceiling, replaying everything that happened in the span of a couple of hours.
Seeing Kevin happy with someone else nearly killed me. I couldn't understand why he couldn't just be honest with me, especially since he knew my fear of being alone and threw that right out the window.
I kissed Joey and actually enjoyed every single bit of it. Vulnerable or not, I knew exactly what I did, and I felt things I've never felt before. I couldn't understand how I could feel such things for someone like this and like it. I don't know if I misread him comforting me or if I'm just an idiot, but I felt something. I hated myself for even wanting more of him, but he rejected me, and it hurt.
I hated myself even more for betraying my best friend. She'd invited me to spend the summer with her family in this beautiful house, and she trusted me. She trusted me to stay away from her brothers, and I couldn't keep my promise to her. She's been nothing but amazing to me since I met her, and I destroyed that.
After hours of crying, I threw on a hoodie and jeans and made my way downstairs. I hoped Joey wouldn't be awake and decided on getting some air. I put my hood on and stepped outside to walk around the block. The cool air hitting my skin felt refreshing as I forced myself to continue walking without getting lost.
After battling with my mind, I picked up the phone and instantly dialed my mom's number. I listened while the line continued to ring as my legs shook uncontrollably. I held the phone against my ear tightly. When she answered, my heart dropped.
"Good morning, baby girl." I felt my nerves calm, hearing her soft voice.
It almost brought tears to my eyes. How could I lie to her? The only person that never left me, no matter how hard things got. "Mom," I moaned into the phone.
"Riley? Why does it sound like you're crying? What's wrong?" She kept asking questions. I could hear the worry in her voice as I sobbed.
I hiccupped. "I lied to you."
"Lied about what? You know I don't like when you take forever to finish a sentence." She said.
With a sigh, "I lied, mom. I'm not in Europe."
"Not in Europe? I saw pic—"
I cut her off, knowing she hates that. "I didn't want to upset you because you were so happy for me. You told everyone at work about this amazing boyfriend I have and how he's taking me across the country. I'm so sorry I lied to you." I put my head down, pressing my phone tightly against my cheek.
"What happened, Honey?"
I admitted. "Kevin broke up with me the day after graduation. He doesn't want me; I just couldn't see it. And I feel so stupid."
"Where are you? Why aren't you at home?" she asked before continuing. "You could've told me, Shelly. You could never upset me. And as for Kevin, he'll realize that he lost an incredible woman. Don't feel stupid about his decision."
"You remember Sam? The girl I met freshman year I got close with? Well, she invited me to her beach house in Florida." I told my mom how Kevin's apparently back with his ex-girlfriend. She knows nothing about social media, but she told me to block him. It's not healthy to creep on someone and hurt my own feelings, and I agreed.
"Please tell Sam I'm grateful for her taking care of you. I really wish you would've come home, sweetheart." She muttered.
I pressed my swollen eyes closed. "I betrayed her, Mom. She's going to hate me."
"Why do you say that?"
"When I arrived, she told me she had one rule. That rule was her brothers are off-limits, and I promised her. I promised her I wouldn't even think of her brothers in that way. Well, last night—" I hesitated. "I kissed one of them."
"Just talk to her, Honey. I'm sure she'll understand. Just make sure it doesn't happen again. You're just hurting, Riley, it's okay."
I nodded as she could see me. "It won't happen again. I'll make sure of it."
"You'll be fine, Baby. You know I'm only a call and flight away." My Mom said in a mothering tone.
I breathed out. "I know. Again, I'm sorry for lying. I should've just told you." She agreed and spent some time talking me out of my miserable mood. She told me I need to start making better decisions and never think I'm not good enough for anyone. We exchanged I love yous and hung up before I headed back to the house.
I felt mentally, physically, and emotionally drained. After quickly making my way back into the house, just my luck, everyone was awake. I probably looked like shit with my hair covered and my hood draping over my face, but I didn't care. I attempted dragging myself up the steps, but Sam stopped me.
"Riley?" She called out.
I slowly turned around in the direction of Sam's voice. Everything in my body wanted to see Joey's expression, but I avoided him.
"Good morning," I spoke in a low voice before clearing my throat, hiding my face so they wouldn't see that I was crying.
Sam took a bite of her bacon. "You don't want to join us? Are you okay?"
I lied. "I don't feel that well. I'm going to lay down for the day."
Sam believed it. "Oh, Shark Week?" It was our code name for our time of the month. We didn't want anyone knowing our business, so it worked.
Dylan cocked his thick brow. "Shark Week? Movie marathon or something?"
I couldn't help but laugh. "Something like that."
"Never took you as a shark person," Joey added. How dumb can these men be?
"I hope you feel better," Sam added before speaking again. "I'll leave you a plate down here for whenever you get hungry."
I mumbled. "Thank you," and headed back up the steps.
Honestly, I had no clue what to do in my room all day. I figured it was the safest way to avoid confrontation, but I didn't want to do this the entire trip.
~~
The next two days went by, slower than usual. Why? Because I haven't done anything but sleep. With all the crying and staying up during the night, I took it upon myself to sleep during the day. When I would go downstairs for food or coffee, I paid no attention to Joey. Cameron has been waking up around the same time as Joey and I would, which prevents Joey from mentioning anything that happened.
Thank God we haven't had a moment alone.
Honestly? I just didn't know what to say to Joey. I'm embarrassed and beating myself up about it, knowing it's not that serious, but it is to Sam.
Samantha knocked on my door before entering. "You haven't been yourself in almost three days. What's going on with you?" She questioned, and I knew she wouldn't stop until I said the truth, partially.
I turned around to face her. Before I said anything, I pulled up the picture of Kevin and his now-girlfriend and showed Sam. I remained quiet as she flipped the fuck out. "What? Oh, hell no. Didn't he say the red-headed bitch cheated on him?" She yelled.
I told myself I wasn't going to cry anymore. I wasted so many tears in three days that I'm not sure I have any left.
I nodded. "Left me for someone that cheated on him! 'Figure out what he wanted,' my ass."
Her voice raised. "You've got to be kidding me." Sam examined the picture. "Her makeup looks extremely blotted, her hair is poorly dyed, and her clothes. God, her clothes." She made me laugh.
"You don't deserve someone like him. You're one of the most beautiful women I know. You're smart, funny, and you'd do anything for the people you love. Don't give your love to people who don't see the kind of person you are."
I wrapped my arms around Samantha and planted my head in her neck. Yes, this makes me feel even worse, but it's never happening again. Neither of us will mention what happened.
"He downgraded big time! That's on him." I shrugged, pulling away from her comfort.
"I'll kill them both!" Sam seriously said.
I laughed. "I'll handle them both. You just bail me out, okay?"
She agreed. "Is he blocked?" I nodded.
My best friend huffed. "I wish you told me sooner, Riles."
I apologized as she let me vent a bit. It was nothing I haven't said before and things I should've known. After she ranted about how she wanted to kill them both, she headed back to her room for a shower, leaving me alone again.
Needing water and something sweet, I casually strolled out of my room but stopped as soon as I saw Joey almost walk down the steps. I quietly turned around, hoping he wouldn't see me, but he did—typical Joey.
"Riley? Wait up." He whisper-yelled for me.
I rolled my eyes and sighed under my breath. I stood outside the door as he stood in front of me. I forced myself from getting caught in the trance of his spicy cologne and green eyes. Almost like clockwork, I felt my stomach tingling, and I wanted it to stop.
"Riley, we need to talk," he said with a stern, almost demanding voice. I wanted to melt and submit to him at this very moment, just thinking of how good of a kisser he was.
What the fuck am I saying? I quickly broke free from trailing off. "No, we don't. Whatever happened was a mistake. You said it, vulnerable," I whispered, suspiciously looking down the hallway in hopes no one would appear.
"Okay, I get it was a mistake, but—"
I quickly cut in. "No buts, Joey. Please, let's not bring this up again. I can't lose my best friend because I can't control my hormones."
"How the fuck do you think I feel?" I jumped at his tone.
"You can't lose your sister," I said out of anger.
He sarcastically laughed. "Like hell, I can't. I lost my parents, Riley. You think that can't happen with Sam? They abandoned me my entire life. Don't call or text, or even send a fucking letter. I also promised I would stay away from you, and you know how promises mean everything to that girl."
I chewed down on my cheek, with a long sigh, "We're not having this conversation right now." I stammered.
"So, you're going to keep avoiding me while we stay in the same house?"
I answered, honestly. "If that's what I have to do, then yes." Painfully, I backed away from the door to close it. I felt like shit closing the door in his face and not wanting to talk about what happened, but what good would it do?
So I can admit that I get butterflies when he looks at me. When he kisses me? That his sexual comments are starting to grow on me? That I just want to experience that kiss one more time, maybe more if I can? So I can hear about how I can't get what I want ever because it can never happen? I don't think so.
He spoke through the door. "Well, I was just dropping this off. I guess I saw you reading something like this a few days ago. Fuck it."
I heard something crash at the bottom of the door. I listened to Joey's footsteps trail down the hall before I slowly opened the door. I grabbed a bag with my favorite author's book in it, The The Best Of Me, by Nicholas Sparks.
Even though I'm already an owner of this book and have read it about ten times, the thought was sweet. Almost too sweet for Joey. I held the book in my hands, forcing myself not to smile at this adorable action of his.
I guess he does pay attention.