"Cause everybody knows
What she does to please
She's such a little tease"
1.
FEMME FATALE
2018
LILY'S P.O.V
"Married. Can you believe it? I'm getting fucking married tomorrow!" I nearly give Naomi whiplash with how crazily I shake her shoulders. I'll be the first to admit that I didn't think Caleb and I would last, he was just so simple. So nice. But time proves me wrong and four years later nearly to the day I am ready to call myself his wife.
"I know, I know, Lils. Relax, you're going to make my head explode." Naomi's laughter fills the bathroom of the venue of my rehearsal dinner. We were finishing our last touches of makeup before we got distracted by just how crazy the fact of me getting married truly was.
"Guys, everyone's waiting." Em peeks her head through the door, waving for us to hurry up. "Also my plus one is here, my bubba, want you guys to finally meet!" She's quick to depart and Naomi and I both share a confused look, laughing afterward.
"She's a nut, I swear." I push on the bathroom door and I'm met with those damned green eyes. I'm speechless to say the absolute least.
"Guys! This is my bubba, bubba these are my girls! Naomi and Lily. It's Lils' wedding, duh." Her words sound like murmurs through the same pounding coursing through my ears as three years prior.
I'd recognize him anywhere. Somehow, he's taller. His eyes? Maybe even greener. He's softer now, beautiful. A big shift from his prior hard, masculine, frat boy look. His hair is longer and it flows effortlessly, and his nails are painted a soft lavender. Despite being soft and pretty, he still holds that devilish smirk and it sends chills down my spine. "Bubba? Didn't know you had a brother." I did know she had a brother. Duh. I just didnt know that said brother was Harry and that I had let him wreck my insides in a club bathroom on my twenty first birthday.
"Lillian."
"Oh, Harry! I guess I'm just used to calling him bubba." They say at the same time. It's like time stopped for him, too. Like maybe seeing me made him forget everything but him and I even just for a second. He remembers my name. The name only he ever called me. And Emma, she realizes that maybe it'd be best to introduce him with a name rather than just 'Bubba'.
"We met once before." He speaks and I swear my heart is in my throat. His voice alone almost brings me to my knees. Snap. Out. Of. It. "Her birthday, remember? Mum made me tag along so we'd spend 'quality time' while I was visiting the states?"
"Oh, yeah! I didnt realize you guys met face to face that night, I would've said something sooner!"
"It was no biggie, we were in line next to eachother for the bathroom, I believe. Remember, Lily?" His voice is heaven to my ears, really. I cant stop staring at the faint pink glitter covering his eyes and how it gleams under the dim lights. Or the remnants of what appears to be a gold shimmery gloss. He's so incredibly handsome yet so breathtakingly beautiful at once.
"Yeah, yeah. Something like that." The words come out but I cant even comprehend what I am saying. I'm getting married to the love of my life tomorrow but when I lose myself in Harry's eyes I wonder why I've never felt this strongly towards Caleb.
"Speaking of, will you ladies excuse me? The bladder waits for no one." He smiles wickedly at his poor attempt for a joke and I laugh so hard it's embarrassing. I'm surely going crazy, that's what this is.
"Yeah, I have to too. I'll meet you girls in there. Remember, table two." I say like Naomi and I weren't literally just in the bathroom. They give me an unsure nod and are on their way.
Okay. All alone.
I gently knock on the men's door and hope he was waiting to be alone, too. He immediately opens it and pulls me in. "I didn't peg you for the marriage to a prude type girl but when Em invited me I had to oblige." He gives me a shy smile and for the first time in three years I feel like I'm home.
"You look good. Super good, really good." This man makes me act a fool, someone please interfere. "You look happier, I mean." My eyes trail all around his face, landing on his perfectly glossed lips. God, I'd drop dead for him if he asked.
"Mm, would be happier if you came home with me instead of that douche. I mean, come on, a girl like you with a guy like him? Just think of all the fun we could have, Lillian." The way my name dances off of his tongue is music to my ears and I am so utterly tempted to fold and let him take me anywhere he wants, let myself be his. I'm getting married. I love Caleb. Right?
"I'm getting married, Harry. I love Caleb." Maybe if I say it out-loud it will convince me. Hopefully, at-least. I wait but it never comes. Do I love Caleb? Yes. But... in love?
"What's got those wheels turning, sweets? What are you thinking?" His fingers traces my jaw all the way down to my chin and he lifts my face to look up at him. I hadn't even realized I looked away. We're inches apart now and I could completely and utterly lose myself in him. I can't let him know how completely and utterly at his mercy I am.
"About how I've got you completely wrapped around my finger. Four years later and after one fuck you're trying to convince me to leave my man at the alter. I'm that good, huh?" Better. More confident.
"No. More so just trying to have you realize this will be the biggest mistake of your life. He is small, he is modest, he is holding you back. He is close minded and I hope you know your worth to see just how much you could flourish without him. You are the sun and he is a mere grain of sand at the bottom of the ocean." My jaw is on the floor at his words, I'd honestly would've rather he said I was just a good fuck. He's thought about this. It's a feeling.
"You think so?" I smile. It's a genuinely smile and it feels so good.
"That and every time I pass the club on the way home I think of you wrapped around my co-" I press my finger to his lips before he can finish his vulgar sentence. His words make me want to jump his bones. He's so, very hot.
"I've got to go now. I'm late. I'm getting married. I love him." My words fumble and I run out of there as fast as I can. I crash into a body and the force knocks me to the ground. Fuck, ow.
"Lillian I'm sorry I was just kidding, I think of more than just you wrapped around my co-" Harry's words stop when both of our eyes land on him. Fuck. Fuck, shit, no.
"Lils? What's going on? Why were you in the men's room? Who is that?" Caleb bombards me with questions and he looks like he's going to explode with rage. "Dare I ask for him to finish that sentence?"
"Caleb, I can explain. It was just once, four years ago! On my birthday. He's Emma's brother, I didn't know-"
"Four years ago? We've been together for four fucking years, Lily. What? Your birthday? When? What?"
"I'm so sorry, I promise we were only talking."
"Do you think I'm dumb? What the fuck is wrong with you?" He steps closer to me.
"Hey, hey. I think we should pipe down a bit, yeah?" Harry chimes in. I'm truthfully scared for both of our lives with the way Caleb's face twists in anger. "Lets not say anything we'll regret, yeah? She loves you, man. I was just pulling her leg." Do I? Could I love a man as simple as him? My eyes move back and forth before the two men in front of me and I nearly get dizzy from trying to see a futue with either of them.
When I think of Caleb I think of safety, I think of watching movies every night and eating roast chicken for dinner. I think of a small suburban home with one or two kids, a soccer mom.
When I think of Harry? I think of beautiful blue oceans. I think of tasting the most delicious food all around the world. I think of dancing dances I only dreamed of dancing in places I've only seen through a phone screen. I think of little curly headed babies playing in the sand of the Caribbean or cycling through the streets of the small town we end up in.
I barely know the guy. I'm not even being asked to choose. What is happening?
"Tell me. Tell me you love me, Lily." Caleb demands.
I want to. I so badly want to but nothing comes out,
"Lillian.." Harry warns. This won't end well.
"Stop calling her that. Lily, say it." Caleb spits.
"I-... Caleb.." I hold my breath and anticipate the screaming but instead I feel an impact and my cheek is left in flames. What the fuck.
Silence. Complete fucking silence. All I hear is the sound of his palm colliding with my cheek echoing in my ear. It's like it's burned there.
Caleb looks just as shocked with himself as I'm sure I do and the three of us are completely dumbfounded.
"Baby, I'm sorry." He tries to reconcile me but I flinch beneath his touch.
"Get away from me." My words are frail and small but I mean them with everything in me. "How could I ever love a cowardice monster like you?" I'm on my feet and out of there before he can even respond.
"Lillian!" Harry calls after me and runs to catch up. My mind can't even comprehend what's happening right now. I just wanted to be honest with him.. and he hurt me. "Please stop walking so fast, let me get you some ice. Please calm down sweets." He grabs me by the arm gently, pulling me softly.
I turn back to him and I feel the tears start pouring and his face softens even more. "Harry.." I let myself cry. I feel so weird, confiding in this man I don't even know.
"Is this a bad time to ask a question?" He speaks so softly it's barely audible.
"Go ahead." A laugh breaks through my sob and he looks me right in my eyes.
"Why did you tell him you loved him?" The glimmer in his eyes almost makes me choke. I feel warm, nervous. Is that hope?
"Because I don't think I do." I finally say it out loud and I feel free. "I feel terrible, but it's true. I love him... but I'm not in love with him."
He nods and takes me by the hand. "Let's get out of here. I'll text Emma." Who am I to say no?