CHAPTER 1
RAMCEL
Ramcel’s dream was threatened, the day she had lunch with Victoria at the restaurant beside the lake. Nakita nya kung paano nagliwanag ang mga mata nito nang makita si Hector. Pakiramdam nya may parte ng puso nya ang unti-unting nagkalamat nang makita nyang masayang nagtatawanan at pinaglalaruan ng dalawa ang mga pintura sa classroom. Her heart almost shattered when she saw them kissed in the garden. The pain she felt, when she saw them naked, nearly made her heart stopped beating. It was as if life was being sucked out of her.
The taste of forever was luscious but it suddenly got bland, even bitter. She had control whenever she write stories. She could kill one character and let the other lived. She could decide whether it was a happy ending or a tragic one. It was like playing god.
Now that her happiness was about to be snatched away from her, she couldn’t help thinking if her characters cursed her. Parusa ba ito sa kanya dahil pinaglalaruan nya ang buhay ng mga tauhan sa kanyang kwento? Or was it life itself reminding her that nothing was constant?
Bata pa lang sya si Victoria na ang iniibig nya. Alam nyang imposibleng mahalin rin sya nito kaya pinili nyang itago ang damdamin at nakuntento na lang syang maging kaibigan nito. Akala nya wala nang pag-asang magkaayos sila nito nang iwasan sya nito dahil hindi nito matanggap ang pagkatao nya.
Sobrang kaligayahan nya nang muli silang naging magkaibigan ni Victoria kahit malapit na silang magkahiwalay noon. Nalungkot sya nang malamang aalis na ito patungong Amerika kaya lalong tumindi ang paniniwala nyang wala nang pag-asang matutunan syang mahalin ni Victoria higit pa sa isang kaibigan.
The night before their graduation, naglakas-loob syang puntahan si Victoria para ibigay ang souvenir na matagal na nyang binili. Hindi nya sinabi ritong aalis na sya nang gabi ring iyon paluwas ng Philippine Academy of Arts and Music. She hated goodbyes. She even promised to get in touch with Victoria even if she intended to break it.
She didn’t know where she got her confidence that night. She kissed Victoria. It was wonderful. She never forgot that kiss. She never forgot that moment when Victoria kissed her back; that revelation that she might have feelings for her.
Kahit alam nyang baka may pagtingin rin sa kanya si Victoria, she had to be realistic. They were young at that time. They were on their way to forge their own path towards their dreams. She didn’t communicate with Victoria. She tried to forget her. She tried to focus more on honing her writing and directing skills but most of the time she failed.
Si Victoria ang laging laman ng isipan, maging ng mga panaginip. Sinubukan nyang ibaling ang tingin sa iba. Maraming interesado. She could even bend straight girls but it was always Victoria. She took Lauren’s advice. Ramcel smiled more and she conquered many girl’s heart, but her own heart remained Victoria’s captive.
Instead of a distraction, she made Victoria her inspiration. Every stories, every project she created, Victoria became her motivation. Bawat papel, bawat script, bawat idea na nireject at itinapon ng mga professors nya sa basurahan, nilunok nya. Every hurtful comments and criticisms that her storylines were garbage, she took it all and turned it into an opportunity to improve herself until she achieved excellence.
When she wasn’t writing, she was spending her free time with her friends. When she wasn’t busy, she was wasting her free time with her flings. She had a lot of them. But everytime she tried kissing them, or took them to bed, she could only see Victoria’s face. She could only utter Victoria’s name. Most of the time, her flings left frustrated.
She finished her degree in Screenwriting & Directing and joined Studio 11 officially. Determined to prove herself na hindi lang nya nakuha ang unang project sa network dahil sa koneksyon nya kay Olivia, she concentrated on her work and she was able to produce a beautiful storyline na naging patok sa masa kaya naman mataas ang rating mula umpisa hanggang matapos ang teleserye.
“Congratulations!” Olivia said and drank her champagne straight after their glasses chinked for a toss.
Nakaupo silang dalawa sa gilid ng pool ng Victorian style house ng mga San Victores. Katatapos lang ng victory party ng teleseryeng ginawa ng team nina Ramcel. The TV series was over and it ended with a mind blowing rating. The network gave a dinner party but Olivia and Ramcel left early to have a private after party together. They just both love the quiet.
Their legs were dipping on the pool while sipping champagne. It was a beautiful night. The stars were twinkling above which made Ramcel remember the times she laid peacefully on the roof outside her room with Victoria.
“She’s reacheable you know,” she heard Olivia said. Inalis ni Ramcel ang tingin sa mga bituin at bumaling sa kaibigan, na noo’y matamis na nakangiti. “Victoria, I mean.”
“Malabo yang sinasabi mo,” malungkot nyang sambit sabay ubos ng iniinom.
“It’s not impossible as you think. Nasa U.S lang sya, Rayanne. Kayang-kaya mo syang puntahan.”
“I know that, Liv.” Matagal na nyang iniisip na puntahan si Victoria. “But she might reject me.”
“Hindi mo malalaman yan hanggat hindi mo sinusubukan. Saan na napunta ang confidence mo pagdating sa mga babae?” Olivia gave her a teasing smile.
Inirapan ni Ramcel ang kaibigan. “Victoria is not like any other girls.”
“I know.” Olivia held her hand and squeezed it gently. “I want you to be happy, Rayanne. You are on your way to fulfilling your dreams. Career wise, you are on the right track. It’s time to go get one of your heart’s desire. And that’s Victoria,” she added seriously. “I have something for you.”
Kinuha nito ang isang long envelope na nasa tabi nito kanina pa saka inabot sa kanya. Curious na binuksan ito ni Ramcel at nagtatanong ang mga matang napatingin kay Olivia nang makita ang laman niyon. “Why?”
“Because you deserve it. Consider it as an incentive from Studio 11.” Olivia winked. “Hitting two birds with one stone. You get to enhance your writing skills and have Victoria too.”
Napailing na lang si Ramcel but her heart was beating fast. She was suddenly excited and nervous at the same time. Suntok sa buwan ang gagawin nya but it’s what she always wanted. Binigyan sya ng all expense paid na 1 Year Scriptwriting Program sa New York Film Academy at kapag tinanggap nya ito, may chance na syang makita si Victoria.
“Liv, why are you doing this? You not in love with me or something, are you?” Kunwari seryoso nyang tanong.
Sinamaan sya ng tingin ni Olivia. “You’re so full of yourself!” Sinabuyan sya nito ng tubig sa pool kaya natawa si Ramcel. “If I’m in love with you, wala nang makakalapit sayong babae.” Inakbayan sya ni Olivia saka pabirong sinakal. “Seriously, Rayanne. Take that opportunity. Go get Victoria.”
“Why are you so good to me?” Seryosong tanong ni Ramcel rito.
“Because you’re not just a friend, to me you are my sister.” Olivia answered and planted a kiss on Ramcel’s forehead. “I can’t do much for Pris, but at least I could do something for you.”
“Thanks, Liv.”
Matagal na nyang pangarap na makapag-aral sa New York Film Academy so Ramcel accepted the Scirptwriting program. But her main goal was Victoria. All these years, ito pa rin ang mahal nya. She didn’t have any idea what to do once she get there. What she only wanted was Victoria to love her back.
Walang kasiguraduhan ang pagpunta nya sa New York. Ang pinanghahawakan lang nya ay ang unang halik na pinasaluhan nila noong huli silang magkita. Nakita nya sa mga mata nitong mahal din sya nito. Kahit hindi sila nagco-communicate, alam nyang tinatanong sya lagi ni Victoria kay Jenny.
When they saw each other again, it was very evident in Victoria’s eyes that she loved her too. The more they spent time together, mas nakikita nyang mahal sya nito but she had to be patient because Victoria was indenial. She waited until Victoria admitted her feelings for her.
Everything was very smooth after that. Tanggap sila ng bawat pamilya nila. Pareho na nilang tinutupad ang mga pangarap. Sya bilang writer at director, at soon to be chef naman si Victoria. They got married and decided to settle in the Philippines.
The path to forever was visible and clear. All they had to do was walked towards it together, until they reached an invisible wall and didn’t know how to get pass it.
They just got married. They just had their honeymoon. They were only starting their life together as a married couple but the challenge was too early. Victoria seemed to have fallen in love with someone else.
Ramcel saw how Victoria’s eyes lit up when she looked at Hector. How her lips curled naturally into a smile when talking to him. How her laughter filled the air when she was being playful with him.
She had always felt scared that someone better, someone more deserving would take Victoria’s heart away from her. She never felt so threatened her whole life until Hector, who’s so charming and mysterious at the same time.
Kahit nakitaan nya ng pagtingin si Victoria sa lalaki nang una pa lang nyang makita ang mga ito sa coffee shop, Ramcel trusted their love for each other. She didn’t allow herself to be bothered.
She didn’t confront Victoria because it might be just a simple crush. Isa pa, walang nagbago sa mga ikinikilos nito. Ramdam pa rin nya ang pagmamahal nito sa kanya. Kahit may warning ang kanyang isip, hinayaan lang ni Ramcel si Victoria na manatili sa Batangas dahil may tiwala sya rito.
However, Ramcel’s heart was almost crushed when she saw Victoria and Hector kissed. She silently cried when Victoria refused to make love for the first time. Ramcel wanted to get out of that place and take Victoria far away but she didn’t do it.
Her whole world almost crumbled when she saw Victoria coming out of Hector’s room naked. Nakita nyang pinupulot ni Victoria ang mga nagkalat nitong damit sa sahig. Sobrang sabik ba nila sa isa’t-isa at hindi na sila makapaghintay makapasok sa kwarto?! Paanong nagawa ito ni Victoria sa kanya? Paano sya nito nagawang pagtaksilan?
She was raging inside but she had to contain it. She wanted to scream in anger but she had to compose herself. She had the urge to hurt Hector and even imagine herself murdering him but she stopped herself. Seeing Victoria looked so lost, confused and frightened, she reminded herself there must be an explanation.
Pinaglalaruan ba sya ng tadhana? Pinahiram lang ba si Victoria sa kanya nang pagkakataon at dumating na ang araw para bawiin ito? Kung kelan nakamit na nya ang kaligayahan saka mawawala?
Ano bang mali sa kanya para mapaibig sa iba si Victoria? Was her love not enough? Nagkulang ba sya? Kulang ba ang pagmamahal na ipinakita nya? She loved her since she was nine. She never stopped loving her. She travelled across the world to be with her. Hindi ba sapat yun para maging kanya si Victoria?
Ramcel could work under pressure. Kahit sigawan pa sya lahat ng boss, kaya pa rin nyang makapag-isip ng kalmado. But when she saw Victoria with Hector, her life seemed to be suddenly out of control. Hindi nya alam ang gagawin. She couldn’t think straight.
Nang makauwi sila ni Victoria sa condo, she locked herself in their room. Hindi pa nya kayang kausapin ito. She was still seething. Baka kung anong masabi nya rito. Baka kung anong magawa nya rito. Nilabas lang nya ito nang kalmado na sya.
Victoria looked so vulnerable sitting on the sofa. Gustong-gusto nya itong yakapin at halikan. Because despite everything, she still loved her so much. When she looked into her sad brown eyes, she was ready to forgive her. To forget about everything. But she stopped herself. Paano kung hindi pala sya ang gusto nitong makasama? Paano kung sa isang iglap nawala na pala ang pagmamahal nito para sa kanya?
Gusto nyang magmakaawa rito na huwag syang iwan. Na kung anuman ang kulang sa pagsasama nila, they could work it out. But when she opened her mouth, she asked something different. “Should we get a lawyer?”
Victoria was shocked. “L-Lawyer?”
“To file a divorce.”
“Ram please…no!” Victoria shook her head. Her tears streaming down her face. “Don’t do this.”
“Hindi bat ito ang gusto mo?” Ramcel said coldly.
“No! This is not what I want…”
“If this is not what you want then why did you cheat on me?” Ramcel clenched her jaw to prevent herself from shouting. Unti-unti na namang bumabangon ang galit sa dibdib nya. “Why did you sleep with him?”
“I didn’t…it wasn’t intentional. I didn’t know what happened. I remember falling asleep beside you but I woke up beside him.” Victoria tried desperately to explain. She kneeled down infront of her and held her hands. Her eyes were pleading. “I didn’t cheat on you. I won’t do that to you, Ram, because I love you. Ayusin natin to please. Pag-usapan natin to. Gagawin ko ang lahat para patunayan ko sayong mahal kita. If I have to prove myself to you forever, I will do it. Hindi ko kayang mawala ka.”
Bigla ring sumagi sa isip nya ang payo sa kanya ng Mommy nya the night before her wedding. That there would be trials. There would be a lot of it. Hindi puro sarap at kaligayahan ang isang relasyon. Dadaan sila sa maraming pagsubok hanggang sa mapagtibay ng panahon. Hindi pwedeng basta na lang bumitaw kapag nahirapan.
Staring at her wife’s anguished face was enough to melt Ramcel. Hindi nya ito kayang makitang umiiyak at nahihirapan. She couldn’t stop herself from reaching out and caressing Victoria’s face. Ramcel wiped her wife’s tears with her fingers then bended to kiss her lips.
“Okay, let’s talk,” Ramcel said while gently stroking Victoria’s face.