"Steve please!" You start sobbing and tugging against him the second Bucky is out of your sight. "We have to go after them! I need to know what's wrong with him!"
But your fighting him is no use. He's a fricken super soldier and doesn't even struggle to hold you against him.
"(Y/N)." He grunts as he keeps his arms wrapped around you. "Just wait. If we go there it will just make the space crowded and affect there work. They don't even know what's wrong with him yet. Just give them a minute and we will be allowed in when they say."
You stop fighting. He's right.
"Can we at least go find where they are? I just need to know as soon as possible." You whimper weakly.
He nods and gives me a sad smile, taking my hand and leading me down the hall in the direction they went in. It's not even that far when we start to hear a whole lot of commotion and sure enough find them in this room which is like a big open space. It looks almost like an area that's prepped for if a whole lot of people were rushed in all at once after an incident and needed to be checked over easily and immediately.
I gasp as we look through the window. He still lays there looking lifeless and covered in blood but they've now cut his shirt off of him to reveal deep purple, circular bruises all over his torso and I can see a small but strange looking wound on his rib cage that is an angry red colour. But the weirdest thing of all is how bloated his stomach appears to be.
As one of the nurses starts to examine him, poking and prodding at his stomach it appears that he starts to stir. Screwing up his face and groaning, his head whipping to the other side and his arm which hangs off the gurney twitches a little too but he still doesn't wake up. God he must be in so much pain whatever the hell they've done to him for that to bring him too.
Steve must sense me tense up and my breath hitch because he grabs me before I even have a chance to try and move. One of the doctors looks up and lays eyes on us. She comes striding out of the room and over to us.
"He's got severe internal bleeding so we need to operate on him immediately to find out where it's coming from and if we can stop it. You can come in and see him quickly now." She states seriously before turning and rushing back in with us in pursuit.
I pause and hesitate right by him. The whole thing is so overwhelming. But then I proceed.
The doctors and nurses step away for a moment and finally the whole room settles down. Steve stands on his other side and looks over him worriedly.
"B-buck?" I sniffle and go over to him, taking his hand. "You're going to be okay."
I take a moment to look him over. He looks even worse up close. Now I can see that there is another one of those wounds in his other side too, almost identical to the other one. They look like literal holes have been burned deep into his skin and have red streaks running out of them. The bruises are some of the worst I have ever seen and are an array of spotty colours. Judging by the size a lot of them look like they may be about the size of a boot print. And his stomach which seriously looks like a balloon about to pop I'm now guessing looks that way because of the internal bleeding filling up his gut. It's nothing like the trim torso and chiseled abs that I'm used to.
I stroke my thumb over the back of his hand sadly. At my touch his brow furrows again and his eyelids flutter a little but don't focus. I can tell he's trying to draw in a deep breath but struggling.
"You're going to be-" I go to repeat but am suddenly cut off by him.
He bolts upright with a panicked look on his face, gaging before frantically leaning over the edge of the bed and vomiting... blood. And a whole lot of it at that.
"Ah! Buck!" I can't help but shriek in horror, leaning forward to him but suddenly I'm pulled back by a nurse.
"Okay, we need to do this surgery right now or else he's going to choke on his own blood!" Someone shouts.
"Doll!" He gasps weakly and reaches for me but is cut off as his body starts to convulse with coughs.
"What? Wait!" I exclaim but am pushed backward away from him through the hoard of nurses. "Bucky!"
I can hear him coughing and making a rasping noise and worst of all crying out in pain as they start to wheel him out of the room. Once again in my mess of tears, Steve holds me back.
"No! No! Bucky!" You sob.
"(Y/N)." Steve grunts. "Let them go. They're going to help him."
"He was trying to talk to me." You wail.
"He's probably delusional from the amount of pain that has in." He sighs and pulls me into his chest where I just continue to ball my eyes out, stroking my back softly. "The best thing we can do is wait."
~~~~
"Excuse me, Mrs Barnes?" A timid voice wakes you and someone shakes your arm softly.
At first you frown and stir groggily. But then as your eyelids flutter open to reveal the bright hospital lights you bolt upright remembering what's happened.
You must've fallen asleep on one of the chairs in the waiting room at some point last night. God how did you manage that one with all of your anxiety? Probably because you were waiting for so long and exhausted from crying the whole time.
"What's wrong? Where is he?" You state urgently.
"He made it through the surgery. Ten hours to be exact." The nurse crouching in front of you smiles softly, but then her face falls. "They've just finished operating. They managed to stop the internal bleeding but he's still critical. With things as serious as this there could be all kinds of complications. We will be monitoring him closely. Also, it appears that he was electrocuted which has the potential to cause breathing problems. He is in fact not breathing on his own at this moment so we have put him on a ventilator and also don't know the extent of damage which may have been caused by the electrocution yet either."
Your world immediately comes crashing down. Sure they've stopped the bleeding but this doesn't sound like good news at all.
"Wh-what kind of potential damage?" You whimper.
She cringes. "Organ failure."
Your breath hitches in your throat and you feel sick to your stomach. You look around frantically and realise something.
"Where's Steve?"
"I'm right here." His deep voice answers for you, sounding exhausted and disheartened.
You look up and can immediately tell that unlike you, he hasn't managed to get any sleep. It looks like instead he's been pulling his hair out and trying not to cry but failed at that recently at least judging by the glassiness of his eyes.
"Where did you go?" You ask, feeling hurt in a way that he would leave you during this time and scared that you've missed some important news or a chance to see your husband. "Did you see him?"
He shakes his head and looks down. In front of you, the nurse stands up and steps aside, looking solemn as if she knows what he's about to say as he walks towards you.
"I was ringing Peggy." He starts hoarsely. "I told her to bring the kids down."
"What? No! Why would you do that? They can't see him like this!" You exclaim.
"Incase they have to say goodbye (Y/N)." His voice cracks and his eyes show sorrow and defeat as you look at him in disbelief.
Your jaw drops. He's always the one to say Bucky will pull through. Always the one to help you remain hopeful. But now he's saying this?
"Why-why would you say that?" You whimper.
"It's what the nurse said to do." He explains, his voice breaking again and looks on the verge of a breakdown; tears brimming his eyes and his shoulders starting to shake.
You turn to her in shock and she nods gravely.
"I'm sorry. He may have got through the surgery but there is still a long road ahead. He's badly hurt and there are so many potential complications that may still arise that we can't control for so we can't guarantee anything. We just have to wait and do all that we can when anything does happen.
You don't know what to do. You just sink back down into your chair. Bucky always pulls through. With all of the shit that he has gone through, he always manages to pull out the other side. But why does this time feel so different? Why do you feel like you may have said your last goodbye? It was supposedly such a simple mission? How the hell did this happen? It feels like everyone had their guard down a little and now Bucky could be paying the ultimate price. It just shows that you can never slip up in this job. As always you find yourself wishing you'd said more upon your goodbye, and making sure that he knew that you meant every single word that you said... not to mention everything else you should've said now too just incase.
"I'll leave you guys to process that for a while and come get you when you can see him." The nurse mumbles and walks away but all you see is her feet because by now you are hunched over with your head in your hands, sniffling as tears blur your eyes again.
You feel Steve slump down beside you.
"That wasn't the only reason I wanted them to come, (Y/N)." He adds, his voice dark.
You look up at him to see that he has collected himself somewhat. You frown, waiting for him to go on.
"They know where you guys live," he says looking worried.
"Wha-"
"There's no way Bucky got himself home, they dumped him there, he'd already been unconscious for a while. That's why they left the note too. He didn't escape. They brought him home." He explains.
"Oh my god." You gasp as you realise.
"I want your family out of there now. You guys can stay with us or whatever you need for the moment and we will sort something out as soon as we can. I will protect your family. I've already caused them enough trouble."
You nod in dismay, just agreeing with everything he says because you know that he will know far more about how to deal with situations like this than you will and also realising that you've got two things to worry about now instead of just one. But when are you not worried about something?
~~~~
All you and Steve can do is sit and wait, which is agonising of course. It's early in the morning so Steve said that Peggy was going to bring the kids down once they had woken up. Part of you wishes that they don't come because you can't cope with them right now but part of you wants them to hurry up and get here so that they can distract you.
"Why can't we see him yet?" You ask Steve weakly as you stare off into space with your head on his shoulder. "If the surgery is done shouldn't we be allowed to see him?"
"I think they're still stabilising him him and stuff. They probably want some time to check that the surgery went as planned and his ventilator is working as it needs to and all that before they have his family in there fussing over him. Plus they must be cleaning him up... all the blood, and stuff." Steve huffs sadly.
"Oh, yeah, you're probably right." You mumble. "Do you think his abilities will help? Like at all? Perhaps it might give him a better chance than someone normal and the doctors just don't realise it?" You add hopefully after a while.
But Steve just shrugs. "I don't know sorry (Y/N). Only Erskine knows the extent of our powers... and mine more so than Buck's because his are slightly different again. I hope they help and give him more of a chance. I really do. But I don't know for sure."
Thankfully Peggy and the kids arrive soon after that. Luke Isla and Theo all come racing up to you looking half asleep but very confused and worried.
"What's going on?" Luke asks with complete terror in his features.
"Mummy? Peggy said that dad's badly hurt! Is he going to be okay?" Isla whimpers and looks up at you with massive teary eyes.
"Where's daddy?" Theo looks around frantically.
Sarah totters cautiously along at Peggy's side as pretty much always, while she carries the twins in their car seats. Steve gets up to help her by taking Blue off of her hands.
You don't know what to say or how to explain the sight that you saw last night or what they could potentially be walking into soon. But thankfully Steve comes to your rescue.
"I'm going to tell you guys what I always tell you. You're dad's a strong man. He always finds a way to surprise us. And I have a feeling that this time it's gonna be by managing to pull through agains the odds, he says making you smile at him gratefully.
"What actually happened?" Luke asks. "How bad is it?"
"Your dad got beaten up by the bad guys real bad. They made him bleed a lot and electrocuted him which is really not good." Steve explains.
They all gasp.
"Is he okay?!" Isla exclaims. "Where is he? I want to see my daddy!"
"I-I thought it wasn't meant to be a bad mission?" Luke stutters looking as confused and caught off guard as you feel.
You haven't seen him show this much emotion in god knows how long.
"It wasn't," Steve says and looks down. "But I should've thought of the exact reason why it obviously was a risky one."
"What do you mean?" He frowns.
"When we got rid of your father's trigger words that would've made Hydra mad. Sending him out there on his own might be one of the stupidest decisions I've ever made." Peggy interrupts guiltily, looking like she might cry.
"I agreed with you Peg." Steve sighs.
"It's not like you could go Steve." You point out. "It's all of our faults. We are all to blame for Bucky being like this."
"Not you (Y/N)," Peggy says with her voice trembling. "You tried to stop me from sending him."
"I could've done more." You shake your head.
"No you couldn't. Don't you dare blame yourself for this (Y/N) you had no part in this." Steve interrupts. "Bucky's stubbornness and willing heart would be more at fault than you."
You just look at him hopelessly before feeling someone wrap their arms around your legs.
"Mummy?" Isla whimpers as you look down at her sad, scared expression. "It's going to be alright, right? It always ends up okay. So it'll be just the same this time won't it?"
You want to nod and smile at her encouragingly but you just end up shrugging and nearly breaking down.
"I don't know sweaty, I hope so." Is all you manage in nearly a whisper as you lean down and wrap your arms around her.
Just then you feel Luke and Theo leaning over you and doing the same. You can't help but start to cry silently as your three eldest hug you tightly and do the same.
"You can - oh." Someone interrupts.
You look up to see the same nurse as before.
"You can go see him now if you'd like," she says more softly. "Sorry to interrupt."
"No it's okay." You sniffle and straighten up, wiping your eyes and trying to tidy yourself up a little.
"(Y/N), did you want me to go first? See what he's like so that you can brace yourself a little?" Steve offers as he places the carrier down with Blue in it.
You nod gratefully and squeeze your eyes shut. "Yes please."
"I want to go with him." Luke states.
You look at him wearily. "I don't think you sh-are you sure?" You ask carefully.
He nods. "I want to see him. Please."
Steve puts a hand on his shoulder. "It might not be what you want to see bud."
"I know."
Steve looks at you. "I'll look after him?"
You sigh and nod. "Okay."
"What's happening mumma?" Theo frowns confused once they are gone.
"We are going to see daddy soon, but Uncle Steve gets to go first. That's all." You swallow and explain.
They are back in a matter of minutes, Steve's brow furrowed and Luke looking pale. You can tell by this that Bucky mustn't be in a good state.
"How is he?" You manage to get out.
"He's, ah, he's okay. I think the ventilator is the most shocking thing." Steve mutters.
"Are we okay to go to him?" You press, suddenly urging to see him.
Steve shrugs. "I suppose you're going to have to at some point, right?"