~ ~ ~ ~MEGAN’S POV~ ~ ~ ~
After I had dropped Sam off at her house Monday afternoon I hadn’t been able to stop thinking about her. I was worried, mostly because I didn’t know if she was okay or not because she wouldn’t be in school the rest of the week. There were so many things worrying me that were specifically linked to Sam and it was really managing to stress me out.
And she had only been absent for two days.
The Tuesday had passed painfully slow, and with that on top of me having to teach over a hundred students, well you could say I had been having a bad Tuesday. Now it was Wednesday afternoon and I was really getting anxious over Sam.
There were too many things on my mind for me to actually focus on teaching, and the biggest one was Friday night. Sam hadn’t told me anything about why she had showed up in the first place, but I knew it had to be for something important. The only bad thing was that she was entirely too upset and angry with me to bring it up again, and I was afraid she was going to shut down on me from now on.
And the thought of her doing that upset me.
I remembered the look on her face whenever I had caught her just before she had gotten into her car to leave that night. She had looked so hurt and defeated, and I honestly had no idea why. Did her simply seeing Nikki at my house do that? And if so, why? Sam was never the one to break in the presence of something she hated, if anything it just made her madder than she already was.
But Sam had been angry and so sad, which meant there was something I was missing.
I just needed to talk to her, and that was kind of impossible whenever she was stuck at home and I was here.
The only comforting thing I found within the two days she had been absent was the fact that Blair was gathering her material she was missing and bringing it to her. Not that Sam would do it anyway, considering she never did any school work, like ever.
So it was a lose-lose.
I was currently wasting away my free period thinking and worrying about Sam and I knew the rest of this week would be complete hell for me. I hated thinking that way but I knew it was the truth, and denying it to myself was impossible now.
But admitting that to Sam, well that was never going to happen.
I forced myself to focus again on the task at hand, which was putting grades into the system. I continued typing away as I listened to my clock tick by, reminding me that the softball girls were off of games all this week so practice after school was unnecessary.
I was so grateful because this week’s weather really sucked with all the rain.
Then my phone’s ringing scared me out of my work as I glanced down and saw it was Shawn calling me, which was weird.
I answered, “Hey.”
I heard him sigh on the other end, “Hey Megan, how’s your day?”
I shrugged, still confused as to why he was calling, “Going by awfully slow, why?”
“Look, I need a favor from you.”
I nodded, “Yea, anything.”
“I’m leaving on another business trip in a few hours and I need someone to check on Sam for me. Would you do that for me? Since you’re the only one I can trust with her?”
I didn’t know how I felt about being with Sam alone again, but I had been dying to talk to her, so maybe this was a good thing. I agreed instantly, “Yea, that’s fine. I think she needs someone to go over all the work she’s missing anyway. How long are you going to be gone?”
“A few days, but I should be back Saturday morning.”
“Yea, I’ll go over after school to see how she’s doing.”
“Thank you so much Megan, I owe you.”
I responded, “No you don’t Shawn, have a good trip.”
“Bye Megan.”
Then I hung up, realizing I would have something to do after school and maybe I would be able to get something out of Sam.
Hopefully she would be happy to see me.
~ ~ ~ ~
“What are you doing here?”
I rolled my eyes as I stood at Sam’s door, hoping she was planning on letting me in considering it was forty degrees outside. I responded, “Shawn wanted me to come check on you.”
She nodded, rolling her eyes, “Well as you can see, I’m fine. Bye Megan.”
She began closing the door but I shoved my foot in-between the door and the doorframe, “Let me in dammit.”
She groaned, throwing the door open as I watched her storm back into her house in a fit of rage. I figured she would be sort of happy to see me but I was obviously mistaken, and it hurt knowing that I had been the only one looking forward to getting together with Sam.
I rested my things on the counter as I looked her over. She was laying on the couch in a pair of sweats and a muscle shirt, the bruise from Monday was slightly visible but all in all she looked fine. Then I looked at the counter where her homework was sitting, realizing she probably wasn’t even going to look at it.
I spoke, attempting to get her to talk to me, “How’s your head feelings?”
“Like shit.”
I rolled my eyes again, realizing this wasn’t working. I walked over to the couch and sat next to her, forcing her to move her legs to allow me to sit. I stared at her, knowing she could see me in her peripheral but was still choosing to ignore me. I didn’t blame her, simply because I knew she was still slightly upset over the whole Nikki thing, but it was still confusing to me.
If she would just open up and explain to me instead of icing me out.
The she mumbled while still staring at the TV, “You know you staring at me doesn’t bother me at all.”
I smiled slightly, “Are you going to talk to me or ignore me the entire time I’m here?”
“I’m most likely going to ignore you.”
I exhaled heavily, wishing she would just give into me like she had so many times. I didn’t know why she was refusing and it was really managing to bug me considering she had been icing me out for exactly five days now.
It was really driving me crazy, and I had a feeling she knew that.
I pleaded, “Sam, what did I do wrong?”
She stayed silent.
So I tried again, “Sam, please answer me.”
The silence continued, and it seemed like she wasn’t even listening anymore.
I got up, grabbing the remote to the TV and turning it off, then taking my place in front of her. She rolled her eyes, “Shawn honestly couldn’t have picked a worse time to leave me with a babysitter.”
I responded, “I’m not babysitting I’m trying to talk to you.”
She looked at me, throwing up her hands, “Is it not obvious enough that I don’t want to talk to you?”
For some reason hearing this stung a little, and I wasn’t used to letting Sam’s mean and hateful words get to me, but this did. I just looked at her, not sure if I should even stay and try anymore considering she had just said that.
What was I trying for anyway? Sam wasn’t the Sam I knew right now, she was turning back into her old mean and sarcastic ways.
She was tough, she wasn’t opening up, and she was refusing to even acknowledge that I was here specifically for her.
Like she just didn’t care anymore.
I nodded then, walking to the counter to grab my things I had literally just set down. I hadn’t even been here ten minutes and she had already iced me out completely. I spoke, “I’ll be here the same time tomorrow.”
And I left, waiting for Sam to at least mutter a bye but silence was all that I heard before the door slammed behind me.
~ ~ ~ ~
I was sitting in my classroom thinking about my encounter with Sam yesterday, wondering if her attitude would be any better on this very slow Thursday. I still wanted to talk to her, and I still wanted her to open back up to me after now six days of icing me out, but I knew better than to get my hopes up.
I just didn’t understand why she was so mad.
I thought about Friday, and how upset she had been after seeing Nikki in my apartment. Why would she be so mad? I mean I knew I had told her me and Nikki were done but, she honestly couldn’t be thinking we had done anything sexual… right?
Maybe that was her whole problem. Maybe she just thought I was going back to Nikki, which was obviously not the case, but why would she care anyway?
Then I thought back to New Years, how we had kissed and how she had told me I made her happy. What exactly had that meant? Was she trying to tell me she cared about me or something?
I figured Sam wasn’t good with those types of things, and looking back on what she had said I felt immediately guilty. The things I felt for Sam were different, so different that they really managed to frustrate me.
Maybe that’s what was wrong with her.
The only logical explanation I could come up with as to why she was being such a bitch was because she was jealous. Sam hated Nikki, and for the longest time I always thought it was because Nikki was a bitch to her.
But maybe I was wrong.
Maybe Sam was jealous because Sam…
No, Sam wouldn’t be stupid enough to let herself do that… would she?
I leaned back in my chair, feeling as if I had honestly read everything all wrong with Sam. I never imagined this actually happened, but maybe Sam… maybe she actually cared for me.
That had to be the reason she was so bitchy now, because when she had come over to tell me whatever she had planned on telling me that night, Nikki was there instead of her. She had been so hurt and pissed off because I had promised her Nikki and I were done for good…
Oh God, I felt like complete shit.
The bell rang, dismissing me from my school day and allowing me to actually leave as my last hour got up to go home. I began packing my shit quickly, knowing I really needed to talk to Sam today, and if she had other things in mind, like ignoring me again, well she was going to have a rude awakening.
A serious talk between the two of us was well over done, and it was happening today.
I got to my car and sped down the road, contemplating what exactly I was going to tell her. I mean, I couldn’t just barge in there and demand her tell me her fucking problem and to admit her feelings. She probably didn’t even know what she was feeling, which is why she was so pissed off.
Because if she did care about me she was probably confused, and when Sam was confused and angry you didn’t want to hit a nerve.
But how was I going to bring this up? I knew she was going to try and ice me out again, I just knew Sam that well. So how was I going to get her to open up and talk about whatever the hell her problem was with me?
I could always demand it or threaten to fail her for the semester, but that was harsh. I wanted her to tell me, but I also didn’t want to force it out of her. But I needed to hear whatever she had to say, and she needed to get whatever was on her chest off and lay it all out on the table with me.
I pulled up to her apartment and took in a deep breath, silently preparing myself to face whatever Sam’s problem was. I knew I would need to be open and understanding but stern, and I needed to let her know I wasn’t leaving without the answer.
I got out my car and walked swiftly to her door, knocking and waiting outside for her to open up.
I heard footsteps and then the chain-lock fall, then Sam opened the door, “You know, do you have to come in? I’m kinda busy.”
I rolled my eyes, pushing myself past her and looking around, “Busy doing what? Laying on the couch and eating Cheetos?”
She let out a slight breath and her usual rolling of her eyes, “Megan, I’m fine, please leave.”
I turned around to set my things on the counter, “I’m not leaving till we talk out whatever the hell your problem is.”
“Are you serious?”
I turned around to face her again, “Do I look like I’m joking?”
She leaned against the door and stayed silent, allowing me to quickly take her in. She had fixed her hair this morning and applied a slight amount of make-up, and not to mention her short shorts and muscle shirt.
What was I doing?
I pulled out of my trance and looked at the growing stack of school work she obviously hadn’t touched. I rested my hand on it, “Are you planning on doing any of this before Monday?”
She raised one brow and tilted her head, “What do you think, Megan?”
I crossed my arms, attempting to come up with a clever way to get her talking to me and eventually landed on something. I responded, “You want me to leave?”
She nodded, “Obviously.”
I let that one blow past me, “Well, you have two choices. I’ll leave if you either do all of this homework, or, you have that talk with me about Friday night.”
Sam would never choose to do homework, so I knew I had her in the palm of my hand.
She walked up to me, “Looks like I have some work to do.”
She grabbed a pencil and sat at the counter, moving the stack of homework in front of her. I knew it would take her hours to compete this, and this had obviously backfired. I knew it was bad whenever Sam chose homework over talking to me, which only annoyed me further.
I placed my hand on top of the stack and pushed it away from her, grabbing her attention, “Sam, we need to talk. It’s not an option anymore.”
She pointed to the stack of homework with her pencil, “That’s not what you said a few seconds ago.”
I sat next to her, “Sam please, I know there’s something going on and I want to help. I apologized for Friday, I just need to know what is going on with you.”
She shrugged, “There’s nothing going on with me.”
I felt myself growing more and more frustrated the longer I argued with her, but I knew better than to give up. I pressed, “What do you want from me Sam?”
“I told you this, I want you to leave me alone.”
I shook my head, “Well, that’s not going to happen.”
She rolled her eyes, “Obviously.”
I tried not letting her bitchiness get to me but it wasn’t working anymore, and I was getting fed up with her immature shit. I didn’t understand who she was turning into, and I didn’t like how she was continuing to ice me out.
I grabbed her hand, “Sam, I’m not fucking leaving till you talk.”
She looked at our hands and then at me, “What do you want me to say, Megan?”
I figured it was a sarcastic question but I answered her anyway, “I want you to tell me what you were going to tell me Friday.”
“No.”
“Why?”
“Because I’m past that and I’m not going back to it.”
I knew she was doing this to drive me crazy, I knew she was doing this because she knew I knew the truth. At this point in time I just wanted to hear her say it, I wanted her to admit the one thing she had been keeping inside for the longest time.
But her actually admitting it wasn’t looking to good now.
I pleaded, “Why can’t you just be honest?”
Her hurting blue eyes then switched to me, and she shook her head, “Megan, you wanna know why I won’t be honest with you?”
It was unexpected, but it let me know that she knew exactly what I was asking of her. She wasn’t playing stupid anymore, and this realization only worried me because she looked so sad right now.
I asked, “Why?”
She leaned back in her chair and sighed, “I’m not going to be honest with you because I know you’re never going to be honest with yourself about anything pertaining to me, and that’s why I refuse to tell you the truth.”
I wasn’t exactly sure how she had meant that, but it almost sounded like she was accusing me of hiding things from her too. I wasn’t hiding anything from Sam, was I?
I shook my head, “What do you mean?”
She rolled her eyes, “This is what I’m talking about, Megan, this whole playing stupid act.”
She got up, pushing her chair out loudly as I just watched her walk to the door. If she really expected me to leave after her saying that she was sadly mistaken. She couldn’t honestly expect me to admit that I did in fact care for her a lot more than I should.
God, did I really just think that…?
I stood, watching her open the door, “You can leave now. I’m tired.”
I grabbed the door, slamming it shut and watching her light blue eyes flicker up to mine. I growled, “Sam, you came to tell me something important Friday night, something that couldn’t wait the entire weekend. You left so hurt and sad, and you can’t expect me to just forget about that.”
She was trying so hard to keep me out of her head, she was seriously struggling with something internally and it was written all over her face. I wanted her to open up to me, I had always wanted that with Sam. I didn’t understand why, and I don’t think I would ever understand why I wanted Sam to make herself vulnerable to me, but I couldn’t help it.
But she was never going to allow herself to be vulnerable to me if I didn’t do the same.
She continued to look at me, her strong exterior refusing to break under my glare. I knew I needed to do something to show her I cared, I needed to do something…
I grabbed her face, feeling her soft skin in the palms of my hands and pulled her into me. I had done it so unexpectedly that when my lips met hers they were stunned for a second and didn’t move.
As I held her face to mine I could feel her body relax under me, as if something had finally released all of the tension inside her. I had been so focused on her that I hadn’t even realized her hands were grabbing my waist, which was the reason I was pressed so tightly against her body.
I knew the reason I had kissed Sam, and I knew that this kiss was something that we had both been craving since our last. Every kiss was like this, intense, passionate, desperate, and never enough… and we both craved it enormously.
And I knew I only found this feeling with Sam, but I didn’t know if it was the same for her.
After what felt like only milliseconds of kissing, we pulled away for breath and her blue eyes were closed as she leaned her head against the wall.
She spoke softly, “I hate you.”
Her blue eyes refused to show themselves but I pressed, “I kiss you and that’s the response I get?”
She sighed heavily, opening her eyes and looking into mine, “I hate the way you make me feel, Megan.”
We were still pretty close, but I liked it, and in this moment I didn’t care if I was her teacher, or if she was only nineteen and the most narcissistic person I had ever met. I responded, “Well then, I guess I hate you too.”
She shook her head, “Megan…”
I knew she was trying to push whatever thoughts she had going on in her head out of her focus, she was trying to keep the truth from me, but she couldn’t do it if I kept breaking her walls.
And that’s exactly what I was going to do.
I stepped closer to her, tilting my head and whispering, “Please… don’t push me away again, Sam.”
She ran her hand through her hair, “I don’t want to… but now’s honestly not a good time to talk.”
I shook my head, “Why?”
“Because Blair’s coming over tonight.”
I rolled my eyes, realizing that every time we got close to actually opening up to each other something always fucked it up. I shook my head, “She’s coming right now?”
Sam sighed, showing me her phone, “She’s in the parking lot.”
I stormed to the counter, grabbing my things and heading to the door. I finally get close to her, I finally break her goddamn walls and this fucking shit happens. Blair just had to show up right at this moment.
I reached for the door but a hand caught my arm, pulling me back into the apartment. I looked at Sam’s pleading blue eyes, “Please come back tomorrow.”
I couldn’t help but hear the desperation in her voice, as if her life depended on me coming back to see her tomorrow after school. I could tell she meant it, and I could tell I had finally gotten through to her.
And I swore, “I promise.”