Of course he refused to tell me, where the date would take place. I had asked him all week long, like the child I was, but every time I got the same answer: Its gonna be a surprise. I hate surprises. I love them, but I also hate them. Sorry, but I am way to impatient for that shit. We set the date for Friday, as we didn't have school the next day and I kind of promised Amelie and Luke to make up for all the times I had to ditched them for practice. Or Romeo. But of course I didn't tell them, that I was hanging out with Romeo Brooks more than I had to. Maybe they would find out why we hung out and I was so not ready for that shit.
I mean, we didn't hang out, just the two of us, since that day in the park, after I had slept over. There wasn't really a chance without Cody or our friends finding out. So I waited, more or less patiently, for our date, Friday after school. I was nervous as fuck. Not like the last time, where I wasn't sure, if I even liked the guy and he had me all freaked out, because, well.. he has a dick and I didn't mind that as much as I though I should have. Now I'm at peace with the fact, that I'm dating a guy. Well, at least more at peace than at the beginning. Because now my worries were, if he liked me the way I liked him and if it would work out between us. I kind of really fucking hoped it would.
Again, I had no clue what to wear. I mean, we could be going to a fancy restaurant, just stay home and watch movies or anything in between. The only clue he gave me was, to think of the Tv-show Euphoria. The fuck do I know about that show! I just heard, there was a lot of sex and a lot more drugs shown in each episode and heck, I wasn't too sure which one Romeo wanted to do with me or if that was even the clue. I hate riddles. Again, I'm way to impatient.
This time, I had warned Romeo not to even fucking dare looking at my doorbell! I didn't need the heart attack he gave me last time and nearly had us caught. So when I stood in front of my large mirror, trying desperately to style my mess of a hair, I was checking my simple yet kind of sexy outfit, consisting of a grey t-shirt, some dark blue jeans and a necklace. It was pretty cold outside, after all, it was the end of October, but chances were good, that the date would take place somewhere inside, so why carry the burden of a heavy jacket?
I was hella nervous and still trying to fix my fucking hair, when my phone buzzed.
Romeo: Parked a little down the road ;) Should I come and get you?
Me: Don't you fucking dare!
Romeo: Ok cutie calm your tits. I'm gonna wait here, don't worry
I rolled my eyes, but couldn't help but smile. I loved how Romeo just knew when to take things seriously and when to just have a laugh. It was just very...easy with him. I didn't have to try so hard to hold a conversation with him, it just came naturally. I grabbed my wallet, keys and phone and made my way to my date. I have never been this exited for a fucking date before. But then again, I was never really that interested in the girls I had dated. Not because they were girls, I'm not lying when I say I'm not gay, but because I never had a real connection with any of them. It was never exciting, but also nerve wrecking like it was with Romeo. And I mean that in the best way possible.
I quickly snug out of the house, before either Cody or my mom could ask too many questions. I already told them, I was going out and that's pretty much all they need to know. I was still so nervous as I made my way down the street, for different reasons that is. First, the obvious: I was nervous about the date with Romeo. I just wanted it to go well. This evening could decide everything for us. If we wanted to continue our little.. affair or not. Secondly, I was nervous that somebody could see us. I mean, yeah, Romeo and I were friends in public, but still, maybe somebody would put two and two together. It wasn't that hard to find out. Hard to believe, maybe, yes. I mean, I still couldn't believe it.
And lastly, I was fucking nervous walking down an empty street alone at night. I know it sounds dumb as fuck, considering that I was a football player and a grown man/boy. Still, I couldn't help but feel uneasy being so open for an attack. Ever since the incident I was constantly anxious and right now, I was pretty fucking close to having another panic attack. My heart was beating so fast in my chest. Excitement, stress and fear, that was a little too much for me.
When my eyes met those deep green ones, the world finally stopped spinning so fucking fast. I always felt safer when I was with him. I picked up my pace, to be as fast by his side as possible. His sexy smirk didn't make it any easier for me to calm down. But this time, it was for reason number 1. He was leaning against his famous black car, a cigarette in the corner of his mouth, of course, his black leather jacket on and packed in some tight black ripped jeans. So no fancy dinner then. But on the other hand, Romeo would probably be totally comfortable with walking into the most expensive and exclusive restaurant in the world, in jeans and think that there is nothing wrong with that.
I gulped when I saw him. He looked so fucking manly and so fucking hot. Me on the other hand... I had tried very hard to look good for this date, but basically ended up looking like your average air-headed jock from any high school you have ever seen. Damn, but he looked good as hell. I was now so excited for the date, but had still no idea where he would take me.
When I reached the car, Romeo pushed himself away from it, threw his cigarette to the ground and walked to the passenger side to open the door for me. Well that was just cheesy as fuck. And if somebody saw us... you could not mistake that gesture for anything other than a romantic one, right? Nevertheless, I couldn't already act like the closeted asshole I was, so I just sucked my pride up and got into the car without protesting. I forced a smile as I sat down in the comfortable leather seat and Romeo closed the door behind me, before walking around the car and got in on the drivers side.
When he closed the door behind himself, he glanced over to me one more time, his face plastered with that amazing smile of his, before he started the car and we drove away, leaving everything behind, just for one evening.
"So can you finally tell me where we are going?" I asked, breaking the silence.
"What? Was my hint the other day not enough?" Romeo smirked, as he focused on the road.
"I already told you, I don't know shit about that show" I grumbled.
"Well, it's a good show, we should watch it sometimes" Romeo chuckled. I loved his laugh, it made everything so much brighter. Even now, when it was dark outside, the world seemed to light up with every laugh Romeo was spreading into it. God, when did I become such a wuss. It was true though. I let my hand rest on Romeos and squeezed it lightly.
"Is that where you're taking me? To watch a show?" I asked with raised eyebrows, which he probably didn't see, due to the fact that he was focusing on driving, as he should. That was one of Romeos only flaws I had ever discovered: he was a shit driver. I mean, yeah he was pretty smooth on the streets, but way over the speed limit and very fucking reckless. For real, in the future, it would be me driving us everywhere.
"Fuck you, I'm not that cheap!", Romeo chuckled. "Ok, so second hint then: Its going to take us about an hour to get there. I figured, we could only properly enjoy this date, if we wouldn't have to worry about other people seeing us. Also, where I'm taking you, there isn't one of those closer to town right now"
"Ok ok, good hint Brooks, you just forgot one thing: I just fucking moved here I don't even know our own town, the hell should I know what is waiting for me an hour from that!" I said saracstically.
"You want anouther hint?" he asked playfully and I just rolled my eyes, but nodded in response. "Ok, its pretty much just outside." I looked down to what I was wearing and groaned. "Well shit" I muttered to myself, so Romeo wouldn't hear me. Well damn, I made a mistake, now I had to stand up for it. I was a man, after all, a little bit of cold wouldn't kill me. It was going to be fine.
"You know your hints are really shit. I'm starting to think, you are doing that on purpose"
"No, you are just an idiot who can't figure it out" he grinned.
"Just tell me already!" I whined. Romeo just chuckled. Oh he was enjoying this shit SO MUCH. Sadistic asshole. Hot, sadistic asshole.
"Ok Ok, stop pouting. We're going to a carnival" he finally said and glanced over to me, his deep green eyes fixating on mine. My jaw immediately dropped as I heard the word carnival. I fucking loved carnivals! There was nothing in this world, that I used to love more, than going to a carnival. When I was a kid, my parents used to take me and Cody every occasion they got. At least mom did. They were my happy place, where I made so many good memories. Not one bad one. Whenever my parents fought or I was mad at Cody, it was all gone the moment we entered a carnival. Of course, when I got older, the regular visits became less and less. Maybe once a year. After the incident, it all stopped.
"How did y- you- how-" I tried to find the words, but I was speechless.
"Your brother. He told me how much you used to love them when you where younger. And then all your happiness was taken from you. Don't worry, he didn't say anything else, the last part he basically whispered to himself" Romeo said, a smile on his face to see me this excited.
I still stared at Romeo in complete and utter shock. This guy was so fucking perfect, just kill me now. Not only did he pay attention and actually thought about where he could take me for our date, he understood how important it was for me.
"I can't even- Thank you. Thank you so so much! But I know carnivals can be lame and childish, so if you don't really want to go, we don't have to." I said and I meant it.
"Blake, I wouldn't have planned this whole trip to a carnival, an hour away from town, if I didn't want to go there with you. I know they mean a lot to you and actually, they are kind of cool. I had a birthday party themed as a carnival once. It was so sick, you would have loved it" he smiled.
I wanted to thank him again. I wanted to show, how much this meant to me. But words were powerless in that moment. They couldn't grasp how lucky I felt to have him next to me. To have him plan this date for us. I used to be this reserved football jock with too many fake friends to count and too many girls hanging on my sleeve. And I was so unhappy. Then, everything went downhill and I understood, that before I wasn't unhappy I was just not.. happy. But then I was depressed. I still am. But Romeo made it better, he made the world livable for me and he gave me a reason to wake up every day. It was only the beginning of our second-first date and I was already in deep shit. To show him all of that, I smiled weakly but truly, took his hand stroke it.
We talked a little more light hearted for the rest of the ride. I even took the opportunity to get the aux and play some of my awesome music. The car ride alone was a full date, without Romeo having to spend his money on anything else but gas. Finally, I could see the bright and shimmery colorful lights from the carnival, shining into the darkness. My eyes probably grew as wide as the ones of a child, entering Disney. I knew I was behaving like one, but Romeo reassured me many times on the ride there, that I should enjoy myself and stop caring what anybody else thought of me. Because he, for one, only thought the best of me, even when I was acting like a five year old.
After we had parked, I basically jumped out of the car. Romeo was quick to catch up with me, took my hand in his and I slowed down. My gaze shifted from his eyes to our intertwined hands and back to his eyes again. He gave me a cheeky smirk and I responded with a grin. Finally, for the first time ever, I could hold his hand in public and didn't have to worry about other people finding out. After all, we were an hour away from home and no one we knew would be at a fucking carnival on a Friday night.
As soon as we entered the carnival, my mood lightened even more, although I didn't think that was possible. The lights, the cheerful screams from the rollercoaster, the sweet smell of candy and fast food, it all brought back so many good memories and fought back the bad ones. I looked over to Romeo and met his gaze. A smile creeped its way to my lips.
"What do you wanna do first? " he asked.
"You wanna do my routine?" I grinned. Oh boy, he wouldn't know what hit him.
"Sure. I wanna get to know every part of you" he smiled.
"I'm warning you, it's pretty crazy"
"I like crazy" he smirked.
"Let's do it then" I grinned, taking him by the hand and making my way to the rollercoaster. My routine was for years the same one: first rollercoaster, then some food, then free-fall-tower, some candy, then going to one of those little stands, where you can trow some balls against cans and knock them over, preferably winning, drinking a soda, hop on the ferris wheel, candy again and then the rollercoaster. Yeah, I know... its dumb as fuck. But I was only a kid when I developed it and that kind of stuff just sticks with you. It wouldn't be a carnival for me, if I didn't have my routine to go with.
Luckily, Romeo agreed and had a strong enough stomach to not throw up after the rollercoaster. I actually think he enjoyed it too. The food was amazing and the rides were fucking fun as hell! Who though this little town in nowhere knew, how to organize a great carnival? Also, Romeo paid for everything. I tried to protest and tell him, that I could treat him at least for the food, but he just wouldn't let me. Not gonna lie, at first I was pissed. Heck, I'm still new to the whole 'I'm on a date with a guy' thing. But after he had promised me, again, that the next date would be on me, I was back to cloud 9.
When we took turns at the little stand, where you trow a ball against some cans, we both won. And that romantic asshole, of course, gave me his teddy bear, so I gave him mine. Wow, we really were gay for each other, weren't we? Not to sound even gayer, but I will treasure that bear forever. At some point, Romeo realized that I was shivering from how cold it was and he gave me his leather jacket. I wanted to protest, again, but apparently he was wearing a long sleeve shirt under the jacket and didn't mind the cold. Fucking man. But he saved my ass from catching a cold.
After we had our sodas and a quick smoking break (that, of course, wasn't part of my routine) and went on the ferris wheel, there, we finally had some quiet time. It was one of those pretty old, two seated ferris wheels that was slow as fuck. I still loved it, sitting there right next to Romeo and looking over the carnival.
I kind of expected Romeo to lean in when we stopped at the top, it would have been super romantic, but instead he chose to have a talk. Fucking men am, I right?
"So. Are you enjoying yourself so far?" he asked his perfect eyes piercing into me again. A shiver ran down my spine, like always when he did that. He just had a way of looking at me, that made me feel so fucking special. Like he saw right into my soul and still liked me. For real, other people probably thought it was intimidating as fuck, but to me, I just melted.
"I love it. Really, thank you" I smiled at him.
"No problem. I'm enjoying myself too, you know. But truthfully, we could be at a morgue and it would still be fun, as long as you are there with me"
"Jesus fuck, that was so fucking cheesy", I laughed and Romeo joined me.
"True, that was cheesy as fuck. But I'm glad you enjoy it. I really wanted to make this special"
"But why? I mean, we kind of had our first date already and if you are planing on going all out for me, every time you screw up, I'm here for that shit "
"Don't worry I am not planing on screwing up again any time soon. But actually, I wanted to ask you something.."
He was looking nervous. Romeo fucking Brooks looked nervous! Shit now I was nervous. I had no fucking clue, what was going on behind those beautiful curls of his. Maybe he wanted to ask me to stay away? Maybe he wanted to ask if its ok to see other people? Maybe he wanted to ask me about my past?? Maybe he wanted to fuck on the ferris wheel?? I had no fucking clue and I was freaking out!!
"So you know, that I like you. Like a lot. Its crazy to think, that I have only known you for a few weeks. But I really really like you. I like to hang out with you, I like to kiss you - god you make me go crazy. And to think that I had almost lost all of that- I don't ever want to feel that again. So, yeah, what I am getting at is ... Blake Jenkins do you want to be my boyfriend?"
I held my breath. What had just happened? Did- Did Romeo just ask me to be in a relationship with him? My heart was beating so fast, I was afraid it would pound out of my chest, like in the cartoons. A guy just asked me to be his boyfriend. Not any guy, but Romeo! The man that made my heart hurt, in the best way possible, whenever I saw him. The guy, who liked me for me. The guy, that went all out for me. The guy, that I'm falling for, so hard, falling wasn't even the right word anymore. The guy, that made me realize the world wasn't just full of fuck ups. The guy, that made me act like a little school girl. The guy, that helped me discover my sexuality - whatever that actually really was. The guy, that witnessed one of my weakest moments and didn't leave. That same guy wanted me to be his and only his.
"Blake? Listen, if you don't want a relationship, especially with me, I understand. I don't have the best reputation when it comes to dating and maybe you are not that into me and it's ok, don't feel pressured or -"
"Yes" I quickly cut him off.
"Yes? In, like, yes you want to be my boyfriend?" he asked, now with that beautiful smirk on his face.
"Of course, you air headed dumbass!" I groaned.
"Fuck you, that was the least romantic way to respond!"
"Well, let me show you just how happy I am" I grinned and slowly began to leaned in. Romeos gaze fell onto my lips, as his face too began to come closer to mine. This wasn't even remotely the first time that we would kiss, but it was the first time as boyfriends. Stuff like that used to not matter to me at all. But this time, it was with Romeo. I could already feel his hot breath against my lips. Our lips didn't even brush, as the Ferris wheel started to move again abruptly, shaking our seats and making us rock forward a little. It wasn't scary or dangerous, but it definitely killed the mood. Fuck you Ferris wheel.
"We'll continue this later" Romeo smirked. Good god, that smile will be my end. I can already read my tombstone: Well have you fucking seen his smile??? Would be pretty dope if you come to think about it.
"But, uhh Romeo... I know that is dumb as fuck, since we are .. like, together now and everything, but uhh... god, that's so fucking dumb.. shit- I-" I stuttered scratching the back of my neck nervously.
"We can keep it a secret, don't worry. As much as I want the whole fucking world to know Blake Jenkins is mine and off limits, I respect that you want to come out on your own terms. I get it, really. I would keep us a secret until we die, just so you feel comfortable. I want to be with you and a relationship isn't about going around and shoving it into other peoples faces. So don't worry babe. We can keep it a secret for as long as you need to" Romeo said.
I smiled weakly at my boyfriend, who had already proven that he is fucking good at being that. For real, how did I get so lucky? "Thanks... I really appreciate that. And don't think it's because of you or anything, its just the whole... gay thing. Or bi. Whatever the fuck I am. Oh and also babe?? For real?"
"What? You don't like it?" Romeo grinned, as he put an arm around me.
"I am not sure, maybe I have to get used to it babe" I grinned right back. We spend the rest of the evening finishing my routine. There wasn't really another moment to have that first kiss as a couple, I mean, coming right of a rollercoaster basically throwing up, wasn't too romantic. We took one last stroll around the carnival, before we made our way back to the car. I was kind of sad, that we already had to leave, but I was also very exited about having Romeo all to myself.
When we finally reached the parking lot, Romeo told me, he quickly wanted to use the restroom before we left, as we had a one hour long drive ahead of us. I just nodded and he told me to go ahead without him. And so I did.
Walking down an empty street at night, with many houses, filled with families that were awake and ready to help, if something was to happy, was already freaking me the fuck out. But going down a dark parking lot, that was not even really a parking lot, just a wide field where cars were supposed to park apparently, with no person anywhere to be seen, was giving me a heart attack just thinking about it. But I had to do it. I couldn't just awkwardly wait around for Romeo to finish peeing, that would be creepy as fuck. And after he had taken me on a date for the second time now, yeah I was still not one hundred percent over that yet, I kind of wanted to prove, that I was, in fact, a grown independent man that wasn't weak or broken.
I know it sounds dumb, but I needed to do this for myself. No biggie, I can totally do this. Yep, Blake you can do this. I kept my head low as I was passing empty cars, trying to remember where we had parked. I began to panic, as I didn't immediately find his car, but finally spotted it, parked neatly between a big jeep and a small ford. Romeo had given me the car keys, so I didn't have to wait outside. I took them and tried to open it. He had mentioned that this car was pretty old, I mean, he actually had to use a car key for it, and that sometimes you needed a little patiences and sensitivity to open it. Apparently, his car was sometimes a bit of a bitch. Just like right now.
Panic began to overtake me slowly, as the damn door wouldn't open. I began to move the key more aggressively, but nothing worked. Damn fucking car. I didn't want to admit it, but I was full on panicking in that moment, like a little girl. Jesus, just breath Blake. Now try again. Slowly. I tried again, but it wouldn't work. Panic, fucking panic! Just then something, or better somebody, ripped me right out of my thoughts.
Two strong hands spun me around, pressed me against the car and soon after, I had two soft lips on my own. Pretty romantic, right? Wrong! My eyes widened in shock and my brain couldn't even comprehend, that it was, in fact, my sneaky boyfriend, whose lips were pressed against my own and whose hand was on the back of my neck. My body began to react, as the panic finally hit me completely. I was shaking like crazy and I must have looked like he molested me or something. Romeos eyes opened as he realized, I wasn't responding to the kiss.
"Fuck. Oh fuck- Blake I'm so sorry I-I forgot. Shit! Blake, baby, please calm down. Its just me! See? I'm gonna take a step back, I don't- I am so fucking sorry! I'm not gonna hurt you! Fuck I'm so sorry!" he said, now panicking as well.
It wasn't his fault. Yeah, it was kind of idiotic to attack your anxious boyfriend like that, but he didn't mean to. I tried to calm down, but all I could do, was fall to the ground, hugging my knees like a little kid and trying to breath. It didn't really work. Fuck.
"Blake! Hey it's ok, I'm here. Just look at me " he said, kneeling down and putting is hand on my arm. "Blake its ok. You are ok. Hey, look at me, please" I found the courage to look into his eyes. I think, only now he saw the fear and absolute panic in my own. "Oh shit. Do you need your pills? Hey it's ok! Blake where are your pills??" I looked into his now with worry filled eyes and I slowly began to calm down a little.
"Stay" was all I could spit out "J-Just say f-for a m-moment." And he did. He kneeled in front of me, his hand gently rubbing my back, while we just looked into each others eyes. After maybe five minutes, I was fully back. The panic was gone and I had my head rested against his shoulder as he stroke my hand.
"I'm so so unbelievably sorry Blake! I know I'm the biggest fuck up on this planet. I'm so so so sorry" he pleaded.
"Hey, it wasn't your fault. You were trying to be cute and I guess every other person would have loved what you did there. I just- I'm sorry. I'm sorry, that I'm broken and you can't act normal with me. I'm sorry, that I'm so fucked up and that thats never really going to go away. I understand if you don't want me after that."
"Are you crazy? Stop apologizing for having a fucking trauma. It is ok Blake. I'm not going to leave you for something like that. I truly want to be with you, even in times like this. I want to be there for you, ok? I really fucking like you Blake Jenkins" he said, smiling while stroking my hand.
I smiled before saying "And I really fucking like you Romeo Brooks"