I wanted to say something because I forgot the last time and posted without a note. The Authors and their books/series I posted in the last chapter are all real Authors and those book/series are their own. If you've never heard of them and would like to check them out, feel free to do so, I give my full endorsement. Or just need some recommendations, message me any time. I'm not sure if Sandrine's estate is settled yet and her books are back out in digital form but I just want to say that she is one of my favorite MM writers of all time. She has given me advice in the past and was just all around a great person.
"Mae, are you ok?"
She looked over at her son on the bed with a blank face that made him feel so very uncomfortable. Other than crying a little when he woke up, she hadn't said or done much and that was never a good thing. She needed to get whatever this was off her chest.
"What do you mean?"
"Well... Your awfully quiet and I'm worried about you." Ae said slowly because there was a sort of look on her face. A look like she was an egg shell and the wrong word could crack her. She had looked like that... well Ae couldn't really remember the last time.
"Quiet? How do you think I should be?"
"That's not for me to determine." Ae said delicately. He could see the door opening behind her back and sensed it was Pete but he didn't stop the conversation. "I can only tell you that I feel like you might just explode. I don't mean like get angry but like emotionally explode in some way. I don't know if you_"
"I understand you Ae." She suddenly stood and held onto the bed rail. "I am angry actually. I'm super pissed."
Now her voice was shaking so hard that Ae thought the bed would as well but it remained surprisingly steady. "I'm so pissed off because you boys are just quietly being happy and some lunatic isn't so they have to make you suffer for their unhappiness. But somehow, I feel like at the same time I don't know who to be angry with and I don't want to accidentally let loose that anger on either of you because it's unfair. It's so unfair." She covered her face and was surprised to feel it was wet. Once that feeling registered it was like the dam cracked and a sob escaped.
Ae blinked and reached out but she moved away.
"I can't be like this. Not right now. I feel like if I do this, I will just destroy everything."
Then suddenly his name came out in a wail, "Aeeeeeeeee! I feel like they need me. They are such fragile people. Do you know how he sounded when he called me to tell me? Like his world was destroyed. He sounded like he was panicking and trying not to let me know! He sounded like he needed me to be calm or else he wouldn't be able to function."
"I see." Ae said softly and glanced at the door quickly.
"But now I don't know what to do! I don't know how to cry and scream or who to beat. I don't know anymore!"
"Mae. Do you know what I got from you? My steady disposition and my blunt nature. Do you know what Pete got from his mom? A fragile exterior with a backbone of steel. He may have sounded like his world was imploding but he would have held it together. Don't think that you have to shoulder this all on your own. Don't think that he wouldn't be able to hold up with you. Do you remember, every time he came to the house, he would do every chore you gave him and he would sweat and turn red and insist he was fine even though he wasn't used to it at all."
She nodded with a glimmer of a smile. "And you would chastise him and he would tell you he was fine." She said through what seemed like a never ending flow of tears. Those were some of the best memories she had of the two of them under her roof.
"I didn't chastise him because I thought he was weak. I did it because I wanted to show some form of love and concern. I just didn't know how to do it properly. I love his soft hands and I didn't want his to feel coarse like mine. I love watching him turn red but only because of me." Mae swatted Ae when he said that and Ae was glad to see her fully smiling now despite her constant wiping.
"Don't hold back for him. Please." Ae softly begged. She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. Then another one. Let it out even slower.
"Ok I wouldn't."
"Do you promise?" Pete's voice suddenly startled Mae and she whipped around to see his cute, tear streaked face looking at her earnestly. Her breath seemed to catch as she nodded and then the two of them fell on each other in a storm of weeping. Ae sighed and watched as Cassie headed off a concerned nurse who came to investigate the sudden sounds.
He watched them cry and hug, watched as Pete slowly maneuvered hiss Mae to the couch and they sat, surrounded by their shared emotional storm. It didn't distract him though. Instead, it seemed to make the pain in his arm throb sharply in a counter beat to every sound they made.
There was a dark edge that seemed to lance through his brain with every beat. It was crazy. He felt like he could see into his body and his heart was steadily pumping blood into his arm and his veins tried to push that blood through, tried desperately to find a way, only there was a block. His arm seemed to be closed off from the rest of him, a limp, lifeless, dead weight.
"Ae!?" The shock of hearing his name suddenly made him blink, dazed and just staring at his Mae and lover.
"What the heck is wrong? You keep doing that!" Mae said heatedly. She felt her son was acting weird.
"Is something happening? Are you in pain?" Pete asked with soft worry but his eyes were carefully blank and that made Ae feel strange.
He knows. He's keeping it from you. A tiny, dark voice said in a corner of Ae's subconscious.
Ae shook his head at it and smiled softly. "I'm fine. I actually feel like I dozed off there for a bit."
"Oh! Sorry we woke you then. It's time for me to head home. Did you want anything tomorrow?"
"It's that time already huh. I must have been really out of it. Can you bring Yim? I would love to see her."
"Ok. We'll pack the family tomorrow. She can miss lessons for one Saturday. Besides coming to see you is all she's been asking about."
"I miss her too. How is P'Nut and the baby?"
"Fine. She is coming along well. Almost 8 months now though you wouldn't guess it. She was much larger with Yim."
Ae grinned and nodded. She had been about 4 months along when Ae and Pete had come by to see Yim that first time. Now little Yam was almost here. Time just flowed by so quickly. Once his Mae left, Ae slipped into another long silence. After a while Pete couldn't take it anymore and slipped his palm against Ae's, causing him to look over.
"Talk to me? What's going on with you?"
You can't tell him. You can't let him know. He'll leave you!
Bullshit! Pete would never leave me even if I couldn't walk. He's not that kind of person!
The dark voice receded and Ae felt like he could breath again.
"Ae? Ae?!"
"Nothing. I'm fine," Ae smiled and he did look fine but Pete couldn't forget what Dr. Phana said especially since he took so long to answer.
"Are you sure?" The worry in his eyes was, strangely, soothing to Ae. The dark seemed to be saying something but looking into Pete's eyes made it seem even further away.
"Yes. I'm sure." Ae nodded firmly and Pete finally took an easy breath. Still he thought to say one more thing.
"Ok. Even if Ae doesn't want to burden me in the future, don't forget that there are so many people who you can talk to. Even Dr. Phana and P'Forth. Ok?"
Something inside of Ae, a separate dark knot that had been hardening against Pete, an entity he didn't even know he had been creating, suddenly melted away and he felt such an ease that his eyes reddened and watered.
"I love you Pete. I love you so much." His voice was deep with emotion and Pete felt something inside him clutch painfully. He managed to still smile softly though, eyes shining with feeling.
"Ae. I love Ae too. Always and forever."
Pete leaned forward and they kissed softly but deeply. As their lips moved, a voice cleared their throat, making Pete jump. A rumble of annoyance escaped Ae and he looked over, expecting Pond.
"What the fuck?! When did you get here? What are you doing here?!"
"Asshole! Is that how you greet me after a couple of years?"
"You don't call, you don't write and I have to follow your Facebook page to know what the hell your doing cause I can't even seem to get you when I call."
"You call?" Manx asked, surprised.
"Your my friend, asshole!" Ae shot back. "Of course I call. Fuck head! Where's my phone?" Ae turned sharply and winced. Pete eased him back softly on his good since and handed it over. It was still open on the game Pete sometimes played on it."
"Thanks babe. Here. Isn't this your number?"
"Yep." Manx took the phone and called himself, but his phone didn't ring. They stared at each other is confusion.
"Must be something in my settings?" Manx suggested and Ae shrugged. They both poked up Manx's phone but couldn't figure it out. Cassie's tiny hand took the Phone to Manx's shock, pressed a couple of things then offered it back.
"It's fine. You have the option to mute calls from some of your contacts. When Ae calls the little phone icon shows up on the notifications bar at the top but not on the full screen and it doesn't ring."
"Oh. That's a thing? Can I get rid of it?"
"No. Here. Just go here and here and you'll be able to monitor who you've muted which is no one currently."
With that cleared up, Manx looked sheepishly at the very unamused Ae. He had been prepared to ream his friend for failing to call when he heard from Diew that Ae called him often. Now learning it was accidentally his own fault made him feel guilty for holding this precious friend in bad mind.
"By the way. We tried to contact Diew about this but he's unavailable. We assume he's on an assignment and left a message for him to call as soon as he could." Unlike Ae, the others thought Jiew worked for a big company which handled smaller companies and owned several chain companies such as restaurants, malls, brand stores and so on. When he fell off the grid, he would say they sent him on a trouble shooting assignment.
"Ok. So what are you doing in these parts? There are way more Americans than their are Thai. You have to come here to look for men for your Bl movies."
Pete who had just assumed that Manx did some indie type movies based on books was obviously startled.
"Wait. So the novels you use for your movies are BL novels?"
"Yes. My Author friends write BL and I take their novels and turn them into movies."
"Oh wow! Cool. Now I'm really more invested in watching them. Ae. Can we watch Sinner's Gin tonight? Please?"
"Of course. What's it about?"
"Just watch the movie with Pete and stop asking for spoilers. Anyway. Explain this all to me. This so exciting I might just make you guys into my first original movie. In fact I think I'll start with your college love... Love By Chance because lets face it, Ae was at the right place at the right time. Then maybe Reunion In Love. Has a nice ring to it."
Manx looked pleased with himself while Ae and Pete just stared at him.
"Do you want to hear this or not?" Ae asked after a long stretch of silence.
"Ok fine. Tell me...
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Pete ran a soft hand over Ae's forehead. He was sweating but it wasn't because his temperature was high.
"He has to be dreaming." Pete muttered. "What do I do?" Was it ok to wake him like he would have in normal situations? What if he reacted badly and hurt himself more?
He looked over at Cassie who had her headphones in. He walked over and touched her softly. She looked up.
"Sorry to interrupt you but I just want some advice. Ae's dreaming I think. He's cold sweating. What do I do? Do I just leave him or try to wake him? I would normally try to wake him but I don't know if that's ok here."
Cassie looked over in her silent way. She got up and read his vitals then looked at him. "Try waking him. Speak to him first."
Pete leaned over and called Ae softly. His head turned but he didn't get up. Pete kept calling and he frowned. Instinctively Pete took his hand and continued to call out to him softly.
After a bit, Ae gave Pete's hand a soft squeeze, then a firmer one. Pete waited and finally Ae spoke even though his eyes were closed.
"I can feel your hand. Last night. when you held that hand I couldn't feel you. I couldn't feel anything. Now I can feel you. I can feel you Pete." Tears slowly slipped from the corner of his closed eyes as he concentrated on just feeling Pete. He didn't feel so disconnected from himself anymore. He didn't feel like his heart was fighting, struggling to give vital life blood to that broken part of his body. Everything was flowing as it should. Everything felt normal.
"Ae. Oh my gosh! Why didn't you say anything?" Pete was started by this admission though he shouldn't be really. He had sensed something was going on with Ae but he trusted his lover. He didn't think Ae would hold it in for long. He wasn't that kind of person.
"Because. I just thought it was because I was operated on. But this morning I didn't feel much either. I kind of got scared. I got scared and I wanted to tell you but then I felt like, I don't know! It's so hard to describe. Like everyone around me knew why and they were keeping it from me and I felt like I couldn't trust you even though I know that was stupid. I opened my mouth to tell you a million times but then Mae came and then Manx came and I got tired."
"I love you Ae. Do you know why? Because you are such an open and honest person. I felt you were thinking about something and I trusted that you would talk to me when you were ready. I wasn't sure what to expect and this was the last thing I anticipated from you. So thank you for trusting me and for telling me. I'll send Dr. Phana a message and he can talk to us when he has time."
Pete lightly ran his hand over Ae's arm before lightly touching the bandage. Ae opened his eyes finally and they locked on to each other. Both smiled softly and Cassie looked away because she always felt like a voyeur.
"You know. I think it's not just Mae who needs a reminder. I need to remember that despite your strength, you can also feel hurt and weak too. You can also have doubts and self-conscious moments. You are always so strong and confident. My pillar, the one I lean on. The person who spoils me and takes care of me. I need to do a better job of taking care of you."
"I think your doing great." Ae whispered.
"You would. Your biased." Pete teased softly. "But I think there are so many ways I can improve and still be your spoiled lover."
Ae chuckled a bit because, who was he kidding, spoiling Pete gave him so much pleasure because it gave Pete pleasure. It wasn't one sided though because Pete spoiled him too. Whatever he asked of Pete, he got and no questions asked. He made the rules and Pete followed them because he wanted to. Because he loved Ae.
"Pete. Do you remember that special outfit I bought you? The pink, lacy one?"
Pete choked and looked over at Cassie to see her listening to her music again. He looked back at Ae with a red face and pouted.
"Why are you bringing that up now?" He hissed, trying to hide his excitement.
"Because I got you a rose coloured one. I snuck it into the house yesterday morning. When I'm healed, lets play with it, ok?"
"Ae is so bad." Pete whispered as he tried to look anywhere but at his lover. He was already semi-hard just remembering and there was nothing he could do about it at the moment.
"You like when I'm bad." Ae smirked.
Pete turned and looked at Ae again. A smile bloomed bright even when his cheeks got redder. "There's no doubt about that."
Also I have the cold. I'm so pissed. This chapter was supposed to be out last night but I was so stuffy and then I took my meds like a good little girl and fell asleep. Now I'm behind my schedule. Oh well, what's new... Sigh.