One year later
Bridget and I walked along the shops, casually looking around. The cold wind nipped at my cheeks but I had grown accustomed to southern Germany's erratic weather and learned to love it. Though I still hadn't learned the language, I could pick up on social cues and get around with Bridget. The girl was incredibly smart and she was well-versed in several languages already. She was eight and I was nineteen and I could still only speak one language; broken Spanish that I learned in high school didn't count, in my opinion.
"Can I buy a dress today, Anna?" She asked.
"Which one do you want?"
"I don't know yet."
I laughed lightly. "Then why do you want to buy one?"
"Because I want one."
I shrugged. "Sounds logical."
Richard and Donny stayed close to us but gave us a little room to breathe. Since the mysterious death of Liam's parents, Bridget wasn't allowed out much. Liam tended to keep her under lock and key but every once in a while, I was able to convince him to let her go out. It wasn't often but it was better than nothing.
"Why didn't Liam want to come?"
"He wanted to but Mariah's flying in today so he had to meet her."
"I don't want her to be here," she pouted.
"Why not? She's nice to you."
"Yeah, but, I don't want Liam to marry her."
"They're not engaged yet," I reminded her.
"He's always grumpy when she's here."
I couldn't deny that. He was instantly in a horrible mood when he heard she was coming. He was grouchy and snapped at everyone, especially me. I tried to avoid him as much as possible when I knew she was coming. I didn't know why he hated her visits so much because I enjoyed them. I loved talking to Mariah; I loved more that she wasn't interested in Liam. Even though I knew she wanted nothing to do with this, I still envied her. Liam wasn't just some guy or boss to me. He was everything and I wished my position was different but it wasn't. I had accepted the fact that my social standing would never be good enough for him and I pined for him in silence. He couldn't have known what I felt for him because I buried it deeper than he would ever look. I never wanted him to know what I felt. I never wanted anyone to know. It was just as stupid now as it was when I first met him.
"He's just stressed."
"He's mean to you."
"Sometimes, but I am a servant."
"So? He doesn't have to be mean to you."
"Go easy on him. He's having a hard time."
"He's still mean."
I laughed lightly. "You're so stubborn."
She smiled up at me. "Just like you."
"Hey, Anna, you wanna stop in here for a minute?" Donny asked.
I turned to see him looking up at a small bookstore. I hadn't pegged Donny for a reader but I never spent much time with anyone except Liam and Bridget. Lisette, Donny, and Richard were the only others I really cared about. Crystal and the maintenance staff could jump off a cliff for all I cared.
"Sure. In the reading mood?" I asked.
"I always read," he fired back with a smile.
"Why don't you get a couple books today instead of a dress?"
"Those are boring."
"Not if you read the right one. I'll help you pick a couple."
"I wanna read the book you're named after."
"It's a poem but I'm sure we can find it in here."
She tightened her grip on my hand and stepped inside the small shop. Dust particles floated in the late afternoon sun, enhancing the feel of an old bookstore. The scent of leather and wood coated the air and reminded me of home. I loved being in my mother's library while she researched countless books. She would sit at an old redwood desk, clicking her pen as she concentrated. I always sat on the floor, my tiny back pressed against one of the walls of novels, and watched her work.
I hadn't thought about my family in awhile; it was too painful to think about them. I knew I would never see them again even though I spoke to my mother once every couple of months. I would have rather cut all ties with them.
An older man greeted us and asked something in german. I looked to Donny for a translation.
"He wants to know if he can help you find anything."
"Annabel Lee," I said.
He nodded vigorously and disappeared into the aisles. He emerged moments later holding a large book which I assumed to be Poe's complete works.
He handed me the book but I noticed it was in german.
"English?" I asked.
"Nein."
"He doesn't have anything in English?" I asked Donny.
Donny translated but I got the feeling the man told him no. That was to be expected. I had just hoped they might have something in English so I could read to Bridget. I knew the poem by heart but it would still be fun to read it to her along with some of my other favorites.
"He doesn't have anything in English."
"Alright."
"Come on, Anna. I'll read to you."
Bridget pulled me through the aisles of books, scanning them closely. I watched as she read the titles and moved on.
"You can't just read the title and pass them up."
"Why not?"
"Because it could be a good book."
"Then they should have made a better cover."
I laughed at her logic.
"Have you read Treasure Island?"
"No."
"Try to find that and the Grimm fairytales."
She ran off to look for the books, leaving me to walk alone. I traced the bindings of the books I passed, realizing how much I missed reading. I hadn't read at all since I had been here which was weird because I constantly read at home.
"Liam called," Richard said as he approached me. "He wants us back at the castle now."
"Something wrong?"
"I don't think so. You know how he gets when Mariah comes around."
"Yeah," I trailed.
I went to find Bridget but she was standing at the counter with four books, talking to the man in german. She handed over her money and pulled the books off the counter. She came over to us and handed the books to Donny.
"What'd you get?"
"Grimm, Treasure Island, Annabel Lee, and Huckleberry Finn."
"Nice. We can start those tonight."
"Can we go to the park?"
"Sorry, Liam wants us at the castle."
She groaned but complied. I knew she wanted to stay out but I couldn't go against Liam, especially not when he was in this kind of mood. I wasn't going to face his wrath.
"Can't he just marry you?" She asked.
I laughed as we walked back to the car. I wanted him to even remotely want that but he didn't. If he was interested in me on any level, he would have told me or at least made it known.
"He wouldn't want to marry me."
"Yeah he does. He loves you."
"I'm his servant, Bridget. You know that."
"You're our friend."
"I'm your friend," I corrected. "Your brother is king. He wouldn't want anything to do with me even if it was allowed."
I didn't relish in that fact but it was true. He wouldn't have wanted me in any fashion.
"But he loves you, Anna."
"No he doesn't."
"Yeah he does. I can tell."
"Please, Bridget, drop it."
She pouted but stayed quiet for the duration of the car ride. I didn't want to hear her talk about Liam being interested in me. It was false hope and I didn't need that in my life.
"What do you want to read when we get home?" I asked.
She shrugged. "Can you read me the Bible?"
"You want me to read you the Bible? What about the books you just bought?"
"You can't read those and I want you to read to me."
"Um, sure. If that's what you want."
"The whole thing?"
"Let's just read one book a night. The Bible is huge."
"Okay. Can Liam read with us?"
"If he wants to and he's not busy. Don't try to guilt him into it."
"I won't."
We rode in silence. I watched as Bridget thumbed through some of her books, hoping that she liked them. I wanted her to see that reading was fun if she found the right book.
The gates parted and we pulled up behind another black car that I assumed held Liam and Mariah. I could understand his frustration with the situation; after all, he was backed into a corner, but I didn't understand why he was taking it out on me. I never did anything wrong but more often than not, when Mariah showed up, I was on the receiving end of some heavy criticism from Liam. It was never so bad that I couldn't handle it; it was more annoying than anything, but I still hated that the one man I loved was such an ass for absolutely no reason.
Sure enough, Liam stepped out of the car first, followed by Mariah. I had known her for a year, but her beauty never ceased to make me jealous. Her entire situation made me jealous. She was in a position that I could only dream of and she was going to marry Liam, even though he had yet to propose to her. Everyone knew it was just a matter of time before he did it but no one knew what was holding him back. I only asked once and I was greeted with one of his infamous "mind your own damn business" lines that he so often used on me when she visited.
"Liam, look, I got books today," Bridget said. She held her books out for Liam to look at.
He forced a smile and handed them back to her. "Did Anna help you out?"
"She can't read german, Liam," she said as if it was obvious.
"Right. Which one are you going to start with?"
"I want to read the Bible."
His eyes darted to me for a moment. "Is that so?"
"Yep. Anna said she'd read it to me."
"Anna," he said firmly.
I knew I was in for it when he spoke like that. I internally groaned because this was not my fault. I hadn't said anything about it but I was going to be blamed.
"Yes?" I asked.
"Bridget, go wait for Anna in your room."
Bridget ran off, not realizing what I was going to have to deal with. I wished she wouldn't have said anything until Mariah was gone but she was oblivious to just how irritating Liam could be.
"Just because I allow you to have certain beliefs, doesn't mean I want you spouting them off to my sister."
I almost fought back but what would be the point? He was in one of his moods and I knew that picking my battles was better than fighting an all out war with him. Usually, I would have it out with him but I simply didn't have the energy to do so. I was so tired of wanting someone I could never have. It was draining to pretend like I didn't care about him, to pretend like every time he acted like this didn't bother me. Honestly, it did bother me. I hated that he was like this with me and I didn't understand it. I wanted him to love me the same way I loved him. It wasn't easy to love him, especially like this, but I somehow managed to pick the one man that I could never have and I had to deal with that on my own.
"Yes, Your Majesty," I mumbled.
He paused for a moment. I knew he was confused by my lack of fighting but he didn't understand how mentally and emotionally drained I was.
"That's it?" He asked, clearly confused.
"Yes, Your Majesty."
I felt his eyes on me but I didn't dare look up.
"May I go now, Your Majesty?"
"Yes."
I turned and walked inside and went right up to Bridget's room. She was already sitting on her pink sofa under the biggest window. She had what appeared to be a Bible sitting on her lap.
"Um, why don't you pick another book, Bridget?"
"But you said you'd read this to me."
"I don't think Liam will like that."
"But why not?"
"I don't know. He just doesn't."
She frowned but tossed the book to the side and stormed passed me. I knew what she was going to do and usually I would stop her to keep the peace but I wasn't going to. It was stupid for him to deny her books whether she wanted to read the Bible or not.
"I want Anna to read me the Bible," she nearly yelled.
On second thought, perhaps I should put a stop to it. There was no use in taking him on when he was in this bad of a mood.
I went upstairs to his room where I found Bridget in a power stance in front of Liam.
"Bridget, come on. We'll read something else," I tried.
"No! I want you to read me the Bible and he can't tell me no."
"Yes, I can, Bridget."
"You're not Dad, Liam! You can't tell me what to read!"
Oh, God. Not again.
"I am your guardian and I can tell you what to read."
"No! Anna spends more time with me than anyone! She can tell me what to read!"
He looked over at me, clearly blaming me for her outburst even though I had nothing to do with it.
"Go back to your room, Bridget. We will talk about this when you're calm."
"I don't-"
"Come on, Bridget. Do what he says," I said quietly.
"But I don't want to!" She protested.
"Just go calm down for a little bit."
She looked angry but listened to me. I knew Liam was going to have it out for me, accuse me of turning Bridget against him even though I was only helping him.
"What the hell, Anna?" He asked, angry.
"I'm sorry," I whispered.
"Sorry that my own sister hates me because of you?" He demanded.
"She doesn't hate you."
"She only listens to you! I don't know what kind of religious crap you're feeding her but it stops now. No Bibles, no religion, none of that."
"Yes, Your Majesty."
"And why the hell do you keep saying that? Do you really not have an answer for any of this?"
"No, Your Majesty."
"Stop it. That's the most irritating thing right now."
I bit my tongue to avoid firing back at him. It wasn't my fault that he didn't spend enough time with her. I was with her every day for hours, and I mean hours. I spent more time with Bridget than I ever did with my own family and he would accuse me of teaching her something incorrect or damaging?
"I'm not sure what you want me to say," I responded tightly.
"I don't want an excuse, I want you to stop."
I felt my blood boil. I had had enough. I wasn't going to take this crap from him a moment longer.
"I'm not doing anything."
"Clearly you are."
"How is it my fault that you don't spend any time with her?"
"I spend time with her!"
"Not like I do. What did you expect? That she was never going to be curious? You don't talk to her about anything that happened! When your parents died, she was left with me--a total stranger--and no answers as to what happened. She's lost, Liam and she's looking for answers anywhere she can."
"She's fine. She doesn't need your bullshit religion to help her understand the facts of life. People die and you both need to learn how to deal with that."
I was caught off guard by his comment.
"What?"
"You heard me."
I shook my head absently. "Why are you being so mean to me? What did I do?"
"You're trying to convert my sister. I think that's enough to be angry."
"No. It's every time Mariah comes to visit. You're frustrated and you take it out on me."
"No I don't."
"Yes you do. You asked why I kept my answers short? It's because I'm afraid of your reaction to anything I say."
He scoffed. "When have I ever given you reason to fear me?"
"I don't fear you. I hate dealing with you. I feel like I'm walking on eggshells when you get like this."
"Then why do you bother? Go spend your time with Bridget and stay out of my way."
"I try! You always come looking for me!"
"I do not. It's not my fault that you insist on messing up all the time."
"I don't even know why I bother," I muttered.
"Bother to what?"
"Nothing. It doesn't matter."
"Tell me or I'll search for it."
"You're such a-a-" I exhaled roughly. "You're being such an ass!"
He looked shocked that I had actually said that to him. No one ever spoke to him that way but I couldn't stand it anymore.
"Excuse me?"
"You heard me! I've only ever cared about you and you treat me like I'm stupid and incapable!"
"I do not! I treat you with more respect and kindness than anyone else in this damn castle."
"When Mariah isn't here, yeah. But when she's here, it's like you try to hurt me."
"You're being ridiculous."
"I just don't understand what I'm doing wrong," I pleaded. "Just tell me so I can fix it."
He stared at me for a long moment, his eyes taking in my look of desperation. I wanted to please him, honestly, but he was making it so difficult. I couldn't figure out why me, of all people. He could have taken it out on anyone else. Maybe it was some cruel, cosmic, joke on me. I found a man that I love and want to be with but he's supposed to be getting engaged to someone else and he's a complete ass to me when his future fiancé comes around. Thanks, God.
"You're not doing anything wrong," he finally said.
"But it's only me. You're not like this with anyone else."
"Because no one else means as much to me. I don't care about them the way I care about you."
I hated when he said things like that because it gave me false hope.
"Don't say that."
"It's true."
"Don't. I hate it when you say that."
"Why?"
"Because it gives me false hope that you could actually care about me the way I care about you."