Serena
I'm clearly inclined to make some stupid decisions in my life, and they all seem to be taken where my love life is involved.
After Lola's visit to the shop, her words just stayed with me. She left Will, so that he wasn't burdened with the thought that he could lose her and be left with a overwhelming sense of grief.
I couldn't even be mad at someone like that, especially since it was the kind of decision that I would make.
I had the rest of work to make my decision, but that was already made before Lola had even walked out the door.
She just wanted a chance and she had also come to me first, thinking that was the right thing to do. If it were someone else, they would have just gone straight to Will, there was no real need to even speak to me about it.
I guess I kind of appreciated the heads up from her, but it also brought it a lot of pressure.
When I came home that evening, Will was already at home, in the kitchen. He was baking, something he liked to do when stressed.
As I walked into the kitchen, Will smiled at me. I knew in that moment, I couldn't keep this to myself. So with a deep breath, I told him about Lola's visit. I didn't tell him all that she told me, since it was her story to tell, but I told him she wanted to see him.
Will was taken aback by the information, and hugged me so tight. I knew it was relief and joy he was feeling. Because she was back.
He took a few days to gather himself and process the information, then he was ready to meet her and I let her know the same.
Today was that day.
I couldn't be home at wait. It felt as if the walls were closing in on me. So I spent the day, running errands, shopping, anything that would keep my mind off of their meeting.
It wasn't really helping, but I just couldn't stay at home and pretend it wasn't happening.
After a long day out, my feet were killing me. The lights were on when I got home, so I knew Will was already here, despite the eerie silence.
I couldn't see him in the living room, so I then walked into the bedroom and found him sitting on bed, with a box in his hands.
He was looking down at it, with saddened expression on his face.
"Hey," I said, placing my bags down in the room, but he didn't really acknowledge my presence.
I don't even think he knew I was in the room.
"Will, are you alright?" I asked him, taking a seat beside him on the bed and placed a hand on his shoulder.
From the way he stiffened, I knew he was aware of my presence, but he still didn't turn to look at me.
"This is my box of-" he began to say and I smiled at him.
"Lola's things?" I asked.
Will sighed and nodded. "I don't know why I kept it. I didn't want to, in fact I wanted to get rid of all reminders of her, but for some reason-"
"You couldn't let go," I smiled softly.
I laughed. "You're probably talking to the queen of not letting go. I have my own box, too. It's more of a memory box. To make me think of the happy times, the hurt, good laughs and so many other things."
There were quite a few things in my box, that I kept hidden away, from myself mostly. It wasn't right to treat it like a dirty little secret, because it wasn't. It was just memories.
Will then finally turned to look at me, with guilt in his eyes.
"Did you-" he began to ask.
"I knew about it," I nodded, placing a hand against his cheek. "You're many things, Will, but a good hider isn't one of them."
There was amusement in my tone, but he clearly wasn't really feeling it, when I saw his eyes well up with tears.
"Will-"
"I'm sorry, Serena. I'm so, so sorry. You don't deserve this," he began to say.
I held his face in my hands. "Will, you don't-"
He shook his head out of my hand and leaned away, looking ashamed.
The fear of the worst built up in me. I knew in my heart he was the Prince Charming kind of man and he wouldn't do anything to hurt me. Yet, from the way he was looking away, seemingly unable to look me in the eye, my mind was coming up with the worst possibilities.
"Hey," I said and then tried to get his attention by grasping at his hands, but he put the box on the side and got up instead.
He pulled away from my hands, with his back turned towards me.
"Did you-" I began to whisper, not even wanting to finish the thought, because this was Will. My Will. He'd never hurt me like that, but I just couldn't help but ask.
Will didn't turn to face me, but I saw his fists clench by his side.
"No," he then replied after some silence, only I still didn't feel relieved. "However, I still cheated on you," he said, leaving me confused.
My eyes were fixed onto his back and I so desperately wanted him to turn around, just so I could look into his eyes.
"I wanted to kiss her," Will confessed.
I felt this cold feeling in my veins all of a sudden.
"She was there," Will spoke up again, before I could even think of a reply. "After all this time, she was right there in front of me. I wanted to pull her into my arms and hold her, until everything just stopped around us, and it was only her and I-," he carried on, his own voice sounding pained.
I didn't feel like I was drowning, but the feeling was still the same and overwhelming. The way he described it. It was hard to not hurt, and a lot more harder to not feel his pain.
From his voice alone, he sounded like he was in anguish.
"I didn't cheat on you, but I still cheated you," he said and when he turned, my breath hitched.
His eyes were reddened with unshed tears and raw emotion, that I had never seen before.
This wasn't Will. He was all smiles. I cried, he didn't. And the sight of him like this broke my heart.
Was holding onto him, the cause of his pain?
"You're still in love with her," I whispered, mostly to myself, but when Will's face softened, he gave me my answer.
The silence between us was so revealing, that no words needed to be uttered. I knew it, so did he.
Will then turned instantly at me words and dropped down to his knees.
"I do love you. You know that, right?" He asked, gripping onto my hands, as if he were scared I would slip away.
I smiled at him. "I don't trust easily, nor am I sure of a lot of things. But one thing that I am undoubtedly certain about and would bet all the red velvet cakes in the world on, is that you love me," I told him, and turned my hands within his grip, to hold onto him. "You just love her a teensy bit more."
Will dropped his head into my lap. "You must hate me," he whispered, so softly, but I could still hear him.
He then looked up at me, gripping my hands and holding it against his cheeks.
"Hit me, scream, swear. Please do something. I don't deserve your kind words," he said.
Holding his face, I leaned forward and kissed his forehead.
"I love you, Will," I stated honestly. "You have a beautiful heart and soul. And whilst I made not be the keeper of it, I know that I have a place in it."
"You have a big place in my heart, Serena. You don't even know," he sniffled at the end and I saw a tear finally slip from his eyes.
"This isn't the end for us, you know. I won't let it be," I told him sternly. "Clearly, I have a lot of trouble letting go and if you even think for a second I'm just letting you leave my life, you're sadly mistaken."
Will chuckled. "I don't think I'll be able to."
I kept my hands on his face, making sure he was looking at me.
"Before falling for you, I found an amazing friend in you. Someone who was there for me, for a lot. You would always remind me how amazing I was, when I would doubt it, which was a lot," I said.
Will leaned forward, moving to kneel between my legs. "You are amazing. You'll always be amazing," he stated, as if reminding me.
I smiled back at him. "I guess I'd have to keep you around to remind me then, won't I?"
The small smile Will had on his face, fell once again.
"I'm so sorry, Serena. I promised to be there for you and now this-" his voice croaked.
"Hey, listen to me," I called out to him and he focused his blue eyes on me. "I don't need to have a ring on my finger or some elaborate celebration to know that you are there for me. So we're not getting married, big deal. I know you love me and I love you, and it will be that way forever. Lola has been through a lot and I think she deserves a bit of happiness too."
For everything she's been through, Lola did deserve a little bit of sunshine in her life. And Will was brighter than the actually sun.
"And you?" Will asked me, with a concerned look on his face.
"I am happy, Will." I said and he gave me a look that suggested he didn't really believe me. "I'd never lie to you. Yes. I am hurt. I love you a lot, and it pains to let you go, but I can't hurt you by keeping you with me. Maybe this is for the better."
Instead of replying to me, Will reached forward and pulled me into a bone-crushing hug.
"I'm not losing you. Will. I refuse to," I mumbled into his shoulder.
"You won't," he spoke. "I promise you won't ever lose me, because Serena, I can't lose you. Not being with you hurts, but not having you in my life would fucking kill me," he said.
I hugged him tight, before removing the ring from my finger, closing my eyes tightly as I did so. I couldn't wear this anymore, it wasn't mine to keep.
When I pulled back, I held the ring out towards him.
"I'm so sorry," Will apologised again, but didn't make a move to take the ring from me.
I placed it beside me and held his face. "I can't keep it," I told him and he nodded, understanding.
My hand had never felt as empty as this before.
Will then searched my eyes.
"Are we going to be okay?" He asked, looking terrified as if he was going to lose me.
I smiled at him. "We're going to be perfect," I confirmed.
"I love you, Will," I told him honestly.
He caressed my cheek softly with the pad of his thumb. "I love you too, Serena."
We sat in that room, holding onto one another, knowing the next time we do, he won't be mine, I wouldn't be his. I won't have a ring on my finger and we wouldn't be together like this anymore.
It felt like that moment, where you're holding onto someone's hand, and you were falling.
Your hand was slowing getting out of their grip, and soon, everything would just... slip away.
***
When I started writing Will's character, I already decided that he wasn't going to be a permanent fixture in the story. But then I felt like I made him too cute, and couldn't help but keep writing about him, and wrote him in a lot more than I originally planned.
I kept on emphasising in chapters how they were friends first, before anything.
Will was mainly there to remind Serena of who she is, and that she's capable of moving on, of loving someone else and more importantly, loving herself.
Will is one of my favourites, and I like happy endings. He was always going to get one. However I do appreciate your concern for him.
He was the kind of love she wanted and deserved, and now that she's had a glimpse of it, she knows what she wants. How she wants to be loved.
For those of you who are #TeamWill, I know you'll be disappointed, but this is how the story was meant to go. He was really cute to write about, and I definitely get why you were on his side. To be honest, I didn't even expect there to be any sides.
Maybe take a closer look at the front cover.
Of course, you're entitled to your opinion and views, on how this book should've progressed.
If you choose to stop reading because it didn't turn out how you thought or how you wanted it to, that's fine.
I won't stop you nor will I persuade you. But I do hope you enjoyed reading thus far.
We're past the halfway mark for this story, so there is more to happen, that's if you are still interested.
Hope you continue reading :)