Surprisingly enough, yes, I am still alive.
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San's eyes shut tightly against the flood of terror that was bombarding his vision. He could only sit against the corner with his legs tugged into his chest. He questioned why he answered with a yes. He questioned why he was so alone, why his name was so important.
He swore at himself.
He should've been more careful.
There was no security here, it was technically a public place. San had forgotten with the luxuries of the company dance room how it felt to be recognized when he was working.
But maybe that was part of the issue. He didn't feel like he was working here. He felt like he was improving. Like he could survive without the fear of another comeback looking on his shoulders. He felt like home here, which was a lot more than he could feel anywhere else.
Was it because of Wooyoung?
Was that why San chose to call for Wooyoung in his mind when he sensed that he was in danger?
San was drowning in his mind, in his thoughts, and the black of his vision was doing nothing to keep the sensation of violated privacy at bay.
But the flashes were starting to go away.
San, his body pressed so violently against the wall that it was now warm to the touch, could hear the people were getting pushed further and further away. The hallway fell into something that resembled the underwater feeling and for a moment, San believed that he had drowned.
He slipped, lost his touch with reality and fell backward into nothingness.
But if he slipped, the hand that grabbed onto his arm ever so lightly was the hand that pulled him back.
It wasn't a tug.
It was a soft pull, a persuasion to return to the state he had previously been in. It was admirable, beautiful, and comforting.
San became conscious of his surroundings slowly and began to release the tension that was in his body. He opened his eyes to see Wooyoung kneeling next to him.
Wooyoung had given enough distance between him and the idol so that San would feel comfortable, so he wouldn't feel cornered and trapped. His eyes radiated nothing but intense worry.
"....Wooyoung?" San questioned, his eyebrows knitting together as he looked at his dance teacher, "Where are..."
"Hongjoong called the police, they're going to take care of the people," Wooyoung explained, "Mingi and Yeosang and Jongho took them outside. Don't worry about it, we have it under control."
San looked around at the empty hallway and for the first time felt a sense of peace flow over him. He could feel tears swarm his eyes in an unescapable surge of emotion and his hands went up to cover his eyes.
He didn't want to let Wooyoung see his tears.
He wanted to catch them all and let the shame that they brought disappear into his skin.
"Sannie, hey," Wooyoung cooed, quickly moving closer and putting his other hand on San's other arm.
He coaxed his hands away from his face slowly, slick with tears, and Wooyoung's heart grew painfully tight at San's face. It was flushed red with heat while even hotter tears made his face wet and his eyes bloodshot.
It was a sad sight, a terrifying sight that Wooyoung never wished he had seen.
"Sannie, you're okay," he whispered, then said it again to convince himself that it was alright.
Wooyoung had only ever dealt with one other person being in a state like this and it was painful to imagine going through the process of calming him down in the same way.
Hongjoong returned quickly to check on his friend after greeting the police outside. Mingi had volunteered to tell them everything that happened and hopefully get more security with the dance studio now.
It was either that or San would have no choice but to practice with Wooyoung and Mingi at the company, which isn't what any of them wanted. Hongjoong didn't mind the company but he knew there was something about the building that felt very wrong to San. Something that wasn't quite right.
Whatever San had gone through during his trainee days wasn't something that he talked about willingly, if he ever talked about it at all. Hongjoong didn't even know what happened in the company most of the time, he was too busy.
"Wooyoung..." Hongjoong breathed out softly.
The other male looked at Hongjoong for a brief moment but it was all that was needed.
Hongjoong was in the same position as Wooyoung. Neither of them knew what to do at this moment in time, San had never shown this side to anyone, or at least not to them. And it was quite frankly terrifying, that the only thing either of them could do was stand there watching as San had a full breakdown.
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San sat with Wooyoung, his head against the chest of the dancer as Mingi and Jongho talked with Hongjoong about where they were with the choreography. Wooyoung brushed his fingers through San's fluffy hair lightly, knowing the younger was still sensitive to his surroundings.
San had calmed down but he had yet to truly come back to reality. He had lost his motivation for the day and it was worrying to Hongjoong.
The idol had only a few weeks before his comeback, not a lot of time, and he had yet to master the choreography that Wooyoung was teaching him. And with the rest of the choreo unfinished, he was beginning to think that maybe allowing the teachers to reinvent San's entire dance to his song was a bad idea.
The song had been recorded, thank God, but the dance and San's overall performance needed to be perfected before the rest of the album dropped.
"We don't have everything finished," Mingi spoke, looking at San's manager, "Just give us a few more days."
"Days? Mingi, we need to find him some dancers. If the dance isn't even done for the idol, there's no way the company will find back-up dancers in time," Hongjoong argued.
"Please, Hongjoong," Yeosang chimed in, "We'll teach him whatever we have finished when we finish it. We can finish on time."
"No," Hongjoong stated firmly, "Give him the original choreo--"
"Absolutely not," Wooyoung stated firmly, making the manager turn to him.
"I'm sorry?" Hongjoong asked, trying to understand where Wooyoung's confidence was coming from.
"Pardon my professional and quite frankly, my personal opinion, but I refuse to send San out there with that disgrace of a choreography," Wooyoung explained, "It's embarrassing to him and we can make it so much better."
Hongjoong shook his head.
"We don't have the time, don't you understand?" he argued, "We're in the prime of comeback season, every dancer in the city will be hired for a different idol before you guys even finish the choreo. We won't have anyone to fill up the stage."
"Then hire us."
Hongjoong turned to Jongho.
"What?"
"Hire us as his backup dancers if you're that worried about him having dancers," Jongho spoke calmly.
The dancers and even the manager in front of him looked at him as if he had lost his mind. All of them had sworn off back-up dancing for idols after high school, the only exception when they were desperate.
"Just hear me out."
"Are you insane?" Mingi questioned, "Do you know what Yunho and Seonghwa will do to us if they find out?"
"Well sucks for them because they're not in Korea at the moment," Jongho replied, "Listen to me. San's got four dance teachers and no back-up dancers. If we design the choreo, there will be no issue with trying to find dancers and then take the time to teach them the moves. We know the choreo already. And San trusts us, so why can't we?"
The room grew silent and Wooyoung glanced down at the boy that was lying against him. He looked broken.
Did he really want to entrust San to a bunch of dancers that he didn't know?
"What about the part of the song where San has to dance with a girl?"
The heads turned to Hongjoong.
"You know, the part that Wooyoung and San have been working on so...diligently," Hongjoong commented, "That has to be done with a girl, at least on stage."
Wooyoung rolled his eyes and Mingi, noting this, started to think for a moment before an idea came to him.
"What if we got Kim to do it? She's good enough at dancing, she'll learn the moves soon," Mingi spoke, and got a nod from everyone in the room but San and Wooyoung.
San was exhausted and Wooyoung didn't want to give San to anyone.
The only reason that he'd kept that dance move in was that he got to teach San it. To dance with a man like that...it made Wooyoung's heart pound at the very idea.
He had to admit when Hongjoong said there was sexual tension in the room, he was remarkably correct. Wooyoung had never felt that way with anyone when he was dancing, or when he was with them in bed. It was intense and Wooyoung felt addicted to it.
But on the other hand, Hongjoong was also right about San having to dance with a girl.
And after thinking about it, Kimberly would be the only person that Wooyoung would even think about trusting to do this with San.
He groaned and ran a hand through his hair.
"Fine," he sighed, "Can we be done for today? It's been...exhausting."
The manager nodded and moved to help San up, only for Wooyoung to shoot him a glare. He was going to protect San, at least for a little while longer.
Hongjoong, annoyed at this, rolled his eyes and left the room with the other dancers, heading upstairs to have drinks and relax for a little bit before he and San had to head back to the company.
Wooyoung looked down at San and his face grew soft with the tone of his voice.
"Sannie~" he cooed, "How are you feeling?"
San said nothing but shifted into a sitting position and looked at himself in the mirror. He let out a soft sigh and glanced at the dancer, who was watching him diligently.
"That's okay," Wooyoung spoke, moving onto his hands and knees and crawling behind San. He knelt behind him and wrapped his arms around the idol's waist.
San was relaxed in Wooyoung's arms but he was not happy with the present feeling in his heart. The anxiety that had been there, the absolute terror he felt in that moment, had yet to leave entirely and in his head, he knew this was his fault.
"Should I have listened to Hongjoong?" San asked with a whisper.
"No...none of us listen to him most of the time, anyways," Wooyoung replied gently, putting his forehead on San's shoulder.
"None of this would've happened if--"
"If you hadn't walked through that door, your pathetic excuse for a manager would've kept you stapled down to the floor until you died," Wooyoung interrupted, his words toxic toward the man that had treated San so horridly.
San's mouth shut quickly, he didn't know what else he could say to that.
"Walking through those doors and into this room was the best thing that could've happened to you," Wooyoung continued, lifting his head to look at San's face in the mirror, "To both of us."
The idol's eyes met Wooyoung's in the mirror and a hot flush of nervousness washed over him at the intensity of his eyes. He blushed, turning away when Wooyoung pulled him tight against his body. He glanced down at San's neck, allowing his eyes to trail up to the face where he had to bite his tongue hard.
Control wasn't the issue here, but San was a big ball of sunshine and temptation that was getting way too bright for Wooyoung to continue ignoring it.
"Do you want anything to drink?" Wooyoung asked, his voice quiet.
San nodded and Wooyoung stood up, releasing his grip on the boy, and offered his hand to help him up.
"C'mon, then. Hongjoong is waiting upstairs."