Jamie
In the morning, I wake up first, and for a split second I feel panicked in case everything that happened last night was just a dream. But when I see Patrick lying sleeping in front of me, I know it was all real and I smile as I watch him sleep. He really is so gorgeous, I can't cope with how good he looks first thing in the morning, laying there sleeping with his hair all messed up around my pillow. He looks so peaceful, and as much as I wanna leave him to sleep, I can't resist reaching over and kissing him lightly on the cheek. He smiles without opening his eyes, before saying "Good morning." His voice is all low and sleepy, he sounds so sexy.
"Good morning." I whisper back. "Sorry for waking you."
"Don't be." He reaches over and pulls me into him with one arm while kissing me on the forehead. I wrap an arm around his waist and feel his belt and jeans. I forgot we completely crashed in our clothes last night. We were both in such a daze.
"I can't believe you slept in your jeans, that can't be comfy at all." I comment as he sleepily opens his eyes at last and looks into mine. I feel my heart skip a beat.
"Jamie, if you wanna get me out of my jeans, all you need to do is ask." He grins down at me and twirls his lip ring with his tongue.
And that's it. I'm pulling his belt off with both hands while kissing him, and he's sliding his hands down underneath my sweats and grabbing my butt. I remember laughing when he did this at the hotel in South Bridge on New Year's Eve, but it's not so funny this time. It's not funny at all. All I feel right now is want for him, no humour.
I get rid of his jeans and he discards my sweats. I pull his t-shirt up over his head and toss it onto the floor next to his jeans. I can't even take a moment to admire his perfect body because I want him now. There's no time to waste. And I know he feels the same way, as I feel him undo my bra clasp from underneath my band t-shirt. I can't believe I slept with my bra on, I never do that. I was just so caught up in everything last night, I guess I didn't really think about it.
I roll myself on top of him, straddling him and allowing him easier access to take my top off. He looks so turned on as he slides his fingers up my sides, underneath my top, up higher... I close my eyes and gasp. Then I hear something.
Shit, Benji is jumping around downstairs. And the kitchen door just opened. Fuck, someone's here.
It's muffled, but there's no mistaking the voice talking to my dog. Jay is in my house right now. Just down the stairs from where Patrick and I are practically naked, moments away from fucking each other's brains out. Shit, shit, shit! Patrick looks just as panicked as I do now. This is not how Jay finds out about us, no chance in hell!
I leap off of Patrick and scramble around for my sweats, shoving them on before reaching my hands around my back to re-do my bra clasp. I look around and see Patrick pulling his jeans on quickly, but he's still topless. I can clearly hear Jay's footsteps coming up the stairs, and I can clearly hear him say "Is she still in bed, Benji? Let's wake her up, huh?" and fuck, we don't have time to make this look normal! Patrick's still hastily trying to fasten his belt around his waist and he's still topless. Panicked, I open the double doors to my closet and practically push Patrick inside. He looks confused, but this is the only option because my bedroom is right at the top of the fucking staircase and I can hear Jay pushing the door open. I'm reminded of a time Shaun Campbell hid out in my closet when Erin came by unannounced. Christ, does this happen a little too often with me? Whatever, maybe if my friends respected boundaries and didn't just waltz into my house all the time I wouldn't need to hide boys in my closet!
I shove the closet doors closed quickly just as the bedroom door opens. I turn around to greet Jay with a forced smile. Patrick's shirt is lying next to my bed on the floor in front of me. Fuck!
"You are up." Jay says, walking around to sit down on my bed. I casually kick Patrick's shirt below the bed before Jay notices it. "How was the flight home? How was Scotland?"
"Good, good. All good." I say awkwardly. I'm still standing in front of my closet, and Jay's looking at me weird now. Shit, I'm acting strange. Get away from the closet, don't draw attention to it. I move over to the bed and sit down next to Jay. "We can catch up properly later, I'm a little...out of it, right now."
Yeah, I'm out of it. I was unbelievably turned on a couple of minutes ago and now I'm sitting on my bed talking to my brother from another mother. Not okay. He needs to leave. I hope Patrick is okay in the closet... Jesus.
"I guess the time difference is catching up with you. I thought you would have gotten up early though, Scotland's ahead, right?" He asks me curiously.
"Yeah. Um, I was just about to get up, actually." I say stupidly. I have no defence for why I've stayed in bed for so long, other than the truth. "I haven't been out with Benji yet."
"Cool, I'll come." Jay says casually, standing up.
"No!" I call out automatically. He can come for a walk with me I guess, it'll get him out of my house at least. But I wanna stay with Patrick... "I mean - don't you have class?"
"Jamie, it's almost 2 o'clock in the afternoon." Jay laughs at me. "I'm done for the day. Come on, get dressed and we can go. I'll feed Benji while you change."
I look over towards the closet and see that Benji is wagging his tail and sniffing around at the bottom of the closet door. He knows Patrick is in there. Shit!
"Okay, come on, Benji!" I snap my fingers at him to get him away from the closet before Jay notices.
"Oh, how did it go with Patrick last night anyway? Were you nice to him?" Jay asks as he walks over to the bedroom door, closely followed by myself and Benji. He needs to get out of this room.
"Of course I was nice, I'm always nice." I say, and I'm sure I just heard a muffled laugh coming from my closet...
"Cool, I was worried you'd be pissed that I didn't come to pick you up. I had an early class, though. And Patrick offered." Jay explains while opening my bedroom door.
"No, it's fine. It was fine." I say, trying to usher him out of my room quickly. I don't wanna talk about Patrick when I know he can hear everything.
"So, where is he?" Jay asks, and my heart almost stops. Oh my god, does Jay know!? Fuck!
"Wh-what?" I say, feeling a little sick.
"His cars still parked in the driveway." Jay replies casually, and I relax a little. "Did he crash here then walk to college this morning?" Fantastic, Jay. You do the work for me.
"Yes, that's exactly what happened." I say enthusiastically, trying to move away from my open bedroom door, but Jay has stopped and turned to face me.
"I'm glad you're being cool with him." Jay says seriously. "He told me some stuff the other day, and... I don't know. I think he's been having a pretty hard time lately. I'm totally good with him now too, by the way. He needs us right now."
What the hell? I can't help but ask the question. "What did he say to you?"
"Don't laugh, because he was being totally serious. This is gonna sound so stupid, but you know how big of a deal this is coming from him... He thinks he's in love." Jay smiles and rolls his eyes, because with any normal person, being in love isn't a problem, it's a good thing. But I understand why Jay would think it's a problem for Patrick. This news would normally shock me. I should act shocked.
"No kidding?!" I say, looking over towards the stairs longingly. Why isn't Jay moving?! I don't want Patrick overhearing us talking about him like this.
"No, he was dead serious." Jay says. "It's not Amanda though, he said they're just friends now. I don't know who else it could be though, and he didn't wanna tell me. But he talks to so many girls, it could be fucking anyone, right?" Jay laughs, and I force a laugh too.
"We hung out with Lindsay Irvine the other night though, you remember her from High School? She goes to Cornell now." Jay says, and for the first time in this conversation I am genuinely startled. "So I think it might be her. He said it isn't her when I asked him. I don't know though."
Jay shrugs his shoulders dismissively and finally begins walking down the stairs. "Just be nice to him, okay? This has gotta be fucking killing him."
"I'm always nice, Jay!" I call down the stairs. "Just let me change real quick. Feed Benji!"
I rush back into my bedroom and slam the door closed. Jay knows I'm changing, so he won't barge in here. We have some time. The closet doors open and Patrick stumbles out. I find myself completely forgetting about my current situation and openly gawking at Patrick's body for a few seconds. He's still topless obviously, and he hasn't fastened his belt buckle properly so the waistband of his Calvin Klein boxers is just visible. I'm staring, I know I am. I can't stop.
"Yeah, yeah, you wanna fuck me right now, I know." He says jokingly as he kneels down to retrieve his shirt from underneath my bed. He throws the shirt on, covering up his abs and his Jamie tattoo. I pout. "But I need to get out of here. That was really close."
"Right." I agree, snapping myself out of it. "I'll change then take Benji for a walk with Jay, you can slip out after we leave."
I automatically pull my t-shirt off and shimmy out of my sweats. I need to change my underwear too, but I can't do that in front of him. Can I? He's seen it all. But I don't want him seeing me naked this way for the first time after we've finally admitted we love each other. I wanted something a little more romantic. I turn to face him and see that he's looking me up and down. His eyes linger on my tattoo on the left hand side of my ribs and I smile.
"Want some help?" He asks, pulling me into him by the waist and reaching his hands around my back. He undoes the clasp of my bra for the second time this afternoon, before slowly pushing my bra straps down from my shoulders. He's giving me chills, but Jay is downstairs in my kitchen waiting for me! We cannot do this right now! Patrick moves to take a step back from me (presumably to get my bra off), but before he does I pull him into me by his waist, keeping our bodies connected, and keeping my bra firmly in place!
"Jay." I whisper to him, raising my eyebrows and sorting my bra straps so that they're secure on my shoulders again.
"It's Patrick, actually." He says with a grin, before nodding his head. "You're right."
He steps back from me and watches while I redo my bra clasp (again!) and grab a new t-shirt, hoodie and a pair of jeans. I start throwing the clothes on quickly, because I've decided I'm not getting naked in front of Patrick. I'm turned on enough right now as it is. And the way he looks at my naked body... it would be too much. I'll worry about changing my underwear later, when I get back from my walk with Benji and Jay.
"What he said about Lindsay Irvine, by the way..." Patrick starts, as I pull a pair of converse out of my closet. "Obviously, I don't love her. I have hung out with her a few times since you've been gone, though. As friends. I'll tell you about it later."
I straighten up and smile at Patrick. "I didn't ask."
He smiles back at me. I have absolutely no reason not to trust him. I lean forward and lightly kiss him on the cheek, then I whisper into his ear; "I know who you love."
He grabs me by the waist again and kisses me on the top of my head, we smile at each other one last time before I rush out of my bedroom and downstairs into my kitchen. I feel a weird tug at my heartstrings as I realise that Patrick's gonna be gone when I get back. I don't want him to be gone. I want him all to myself right now. This day should be about me and Patrick and our new love. God, that sounds so soppy. But, it's true. I can't wait to see him again already.
I see Jay standing in my back yard smoking a cigarette and watching Benji sniff around the garden. He's holding Benji's leash, so I make my way out back and close the patio doors behind me. Fucking Jay, he just had to come over here and ruin my alone-time with Patrick. I glare at him involuntarily, and he raises his eyebrows at me.
"What's the matter?" He asks, as we walk down to the gate at the bottom of the garden.
"Oh, nothing." I say. Jay hasn't done anything wrong. I just wanna be alone with Patrick, that's all. "So, you wanna hear about my trip now?"
"Totally, fire away." He says as we get out on to the street with Benji.
So I tell Jay about my trip, minus all the details about everything in Scotland reminding me of Patrick. And as I talk, I realise that I haven't even brushed my teeth or eaten anything yet. I totally could have brushed my fucking teeth before I came downstairs just now, but I didn't. That is so not like me, and I feel gross all of a sudden. What is wrong with me?
Well, I know exactly what's wrong with me. I'm in love, for the first time in my life. And it's not wrong at all, everything feels right.