After we finished dinner and I helped Cody clean everything up, I went outside to smoke. Nick and Jaxson immediately laid back on the couch, because they overate themselves. They said the food was too good to just stop because you are full. True, moms cooking does that to you. It was a miracle that Cody and I weren't fat as fuck!
I closed the terrace door behind me and set on our baby blue bench. Of course now that it was already dark out, I could barely see the beautiful color. It was just so nice out here. There were some fairy lights lit, as always, and I snuggled myself into one of the big cushions of the bench. How was I supposed to quit smoking, when it was so fucking nice and comfortable out here? This was a little piece of heaven.
I pulled the hood from my hoodie up and lit my cigarette. It was only September, so it wasn't too cold outside, which only made the situation even better. For a second, my mind was empty and it felt so fucking good. But that didn't last long.
If you thought I forgot about the knee incident with Romeo just inside, you are very wrong my friend. It was on my mind the whole dinner. His knee touching my knee and looking into his eyes was... well it was something.
Although we were both wearing jeans it still felt very intimate. So intimate, that it shut me up the whole dinner while I bit my lip nervously.
Although he didn't try anything again, I was in constant fear he would. Ok "try something again" is a bit harsh. I mean, our knees just touched. That wasn't that bad, right? It felt intimate but was it? I mean when you like your friends, you could touch their knees right? That didn't mean anything other then that he was ok with my existence, right? Yeah it was totally friendly, not.. flirty or anything. Yeah totally...
And its not like I hated it. Sharing something so electrifying and intimate with Romeo was actually a pretty good and exciting feeling. Scary, but nice. It still confused me tho. I mean, I don't want anything from him, I am not gay. I never desired any sort of romantic relationship with another guy, I think. So why should this be different? I didn't want to be with Romeo or anything like that.
But for some reason, I didn't mind him touching me, in fact it shot so electrifying shivers through my entire body, that it felt like I had just been touched by an angel. And that scared me. I didn't want to confront that feeling any longer, as I didn't know what would expect me on the other side. So I locked the thought in the very back of my mind up and tried to think of better things, or maybe even nothing at all.
My cigarette was already at the end, but as I didn't want to go back in just now, I lit another one. I needed a little time to not think about Romeo and what had happened inside, so I would be ok seeing him again and not overthinking every little shit detail or look he gave me.
I was acting like I was a little girl with a big crush on some celebrity. Just fucking chill. So I closed my eyes for a moment, inhaling the smoke.
"Can I have one?"
I jumped around, seeing Romeo leaning against the doorframe. He looked as cool and chill as always, with no readable expression. What was it with this guy? I coughed out the smoke I was still holding in for some reason. He made me forget about it completely.
"Sure" I said as cool as I could. I offered him my pack and lighter and watched him take it slowly out of my hand. Our hands didn't touch and a feeling of slight disappointment overwhelmed me. I faced the garden again, inhaling my cigarette once more.
I heard the click of the lighter. It all felt like it was going in slow-motion. Suddenly, I felt my foot tap nervously. Stop it! Pull it together for gods sake. Why was my body reaction so strongly all of the sudden?
Romeo inhaled the smoke and sat down next to me. There was enough space between us, so no body parts could possibly touch by accident. He also faced the garden as we sat there smoking in silence. Feeling his presence beside me was driving me nuts.
"Sorry 'bout that" he said without even facing me.
"What do you mean?" I asked, knowing exactly what he meant. I really didn't like confrontation. I mean I was even unable to think about what had just happened at the dinner table without getting freaked out and dropping the subject. And I certainly wouldn't be able to talk about it with him.
What was there even to say? Sorry I touched you, Oh no problem Romeo I actually liked it, do you want to touch some more, no homo though?? Was Romeo even gay? Was I overthinking something that couldn't even happen even if I wanted to? Probably, yes.
"I didn't mean to overstep a line back there" he said exhaling the smoke.
Wait.
W-Was the Romeo Brooks apologizing to me? What was going on??
Act cool Blake.
"No hard feelings" I said, taking another hit with slightly shaking hands. I mean, it could just be that I was cold, but really, it was because of him. What was my body reacting to?
"I liked how you reacted tho", he said with the trace of a smile on his face. Good lord that husky voice! " and I don't think you minded it"
Oh no, I know confrontation when I hear it! Now I can definitely not admit, that I don't know, if he feels the same way. That would be straight up lying.
"W-Well I don't .. sorry I am not gay or anything.. I mean I-" I stuttered. I didn't know what I mean!! Where was I going with this rambling? It was just hard to put into words!! I mean, I knew that I wasn't gay, for sure, but I also knew that I didn't mind him touching me and that I couldn't stop thinking about him, although I have only known him for two days!
Suddenly, he put his cigarette out and faced his body into my direction. Oh god what was he doing? His eyes glanced down to my lips and then back up to my eyes. W-Was he going to kiss me? A-And the more important question, would I let him? Did I even want this? Should I maybe scream for help or just say no? Did I want to say no?? Did I want to feel his plump lips against mine? My breathing became heavy as all those thoughts rushed through my head.
He suddenly leaned in. Ok here was the moment! What would I do! Think fast Blake for fucks sake!! I didn't move away.
But he didn't go to my mouth, but went straight to my ear.
His lips lightly brushed it before whispering with his husky voice "Then why did you like it?"
His hot breath against my ear made me shiver. No words came out of my mouth. He sat back with a grin on his face. I really didn't know what to say to that. I didn't even know what to think to what he just said, no what he breathed into my ear.
So we just looked at each other. I really wished I could know what he thought. He was so hard to read! Was it lust in his eyes? Anger? Did he think this was funny? I couldn't tell.
He slowly got up to head back inside. Romeo stopped and looked at me one more time, before saying with his low husky voice and an amused smirk on his face "I don't know why Blake, but you bring out this side of me."
Then he went inside.
As soon as the door locked, I caught my breath again. Was I holding it this entire time?? Why did I like the knee touching, he had asked me. Well fuck, I don't know, how did he know?? Was I that obvious? Was I that easy to read? And I bring out his tiger. That sounded fucking sexual as hell. And what does that even mean? Was that a good thing or not and why the hell did I care?
I was fucking confused.
He had left me as an overthinking stressed mess in the cold and darkness. And he knew very well, that I had to go back inside and that I probably wanted to act like none of that had ever happened, as Cody and his friends could never find out.
And they would find out, if I would go back as the mess I was in that moment. Was there even anything to find out? I really don't know, but if there was, my brother should probably never know. His protective ass would ruin everything.
I exhaled sharply before putting out my cigarette, standing up and going back inside. Was I ready? Fuck no. Was I cold? Yep. And sometimes, that is more important.
-
Sitting back down with the guys ("the guys" fucking hell, I just met them) I felt Romeos gaze, but I refused to look at him. I could never keep my cool if I was to look into his deep eyes. I somehow always ended up loosing myself in them. They were like a beautiful forest and I wondered how eyes like that were even possible? Like, by nature!
No one seemed to have noticed that I was a bit shaken up. Did they notice me at all?
"Dude, Jaxson you can't fuck Damon again! He will get all sad and depressed again when you dump him and he will get worse at football, again! If that is even possible" Nick cried, snapping me out of my thoughts.
"You slept with Damon?" Cody asked in disbelieve. I didn't know who that Damon was they were talking about. Probably another football dude. "Like, the Damon who dates Jessika from the cheerleading team?"
"He doesn't really date her, they are an on and off thing. Not that I care, really. But he was a good fuck. Like really good. He talked too much though. I think he thought there was a connection between us, poor thing. So of course I had to dump him. I didn't think I had to tell a closeted angry football player who was in a relationship, that I didn't look for one. I do feel a little bad, he must have been so heartbroken" Jaxson said, eating an olive straight from the jar.
"Yeah and thats why you can't sleep with him again! Do you remember how he refused to come to practice and when he went, he cried all the time for, like, two months? I don't need that shit again" Nick said, shaking his head dramatically.
Jaxson just shrugged his shoulders and continued to eat his olives.
"What about you Cody? Anybody caught your eye?" Jaxson asked with a big grin on his face.
"Nah not really. It has only been two days" he said, leaning back in his chair.
"A lot can happen in two days" Jaxson said, eating another Olive with a cheeky smile on his face. Where did he even get those from? Nick chuckled like a little kid.
"Bro go easy on him. Love takes time, don't rush it" Nick came to Codys defense.
"I wasn't talking about love dipshit. I just mean raw passionate lust. And also, you are totally the right one to say that love takes time. You fall in and out of "love" in the course of a fucking day" Jaxson said, rolling his eyes at Nick.
"Thats not true!" Nick cried.
"It is" Romeo said catching my gaze. Oh no. Look away Blake why can't I look away??
"That reminds me, Romeo did Steff leave you finally alone? God they get attached so easily, how do you do it? Is it really just because you are this burning hot?" Jaxson said annoyed but a hint of a grin on his face.
Who the fuck was Steff? Did they hook up? Were they a thing? So he was straight. Or not. He fucking played my feelings. At least that was what I thought. I felt the anger rise, although I didn't know why. Nothing really happened and I was straight. So he could do whatever the fuck he wanted.
Who was I, to get angry at him? I just needed to calm myself down. I had no right to be pissed right now, really.
My eyes narrowed on Romeo. There was no expression on his face, it was like a blank page as always. A fucking handsome white page. I must have looked so angry in that moment. As if I wanted to jump up and rip Romeos throat out. My jaw clenched and my hands were forming fists, before I caught myself and did my breathing exercises.
7 seconds in, hold for 4, out for 8
Originally, I had to do them when I was about to or already having a panic attack, but surprisingly they also helped when you had anger issues.
Romeo clenched his jaw, before looking away from me and facing Nick and Jaxson. Why the fuck was he angry? He also had no reason to be angry, like at all!
"Nah not really. Maybe I'm going to fuck her again, but she just doesn't get, that I don't want a relationship" He said glancing over to me.
Ow. That stung like getting stabbed with a knife. Fuck.
So he wasn't the relationship type, pff who cares? I knew that, Camilla already told me, sort of. I wasn't looking for a relationship either, especially not with a guy. Whatever was going on between me and him had definitely just ended and I shouldn't be sad about that.
He was bad news and I should rather focus on getting one of the cute cheerleaders.
"Wow man", Nick said shocked, "maybe you should try the relationship thing. It is fucking amazing. To really fall for someone and give them your everything? It feels so great, believe me its addicting. And you should start to respect woman more. Just fucking them? They aren't objects, you know?"
"Shut the fuck up Nick. The woman Romeo sleeps with always know, that its just sex. If they can't handle it afterwards, well shit. But you are way worse. You tell these poor girls that you love them so fucking much, that they are the only one for you and that you would die for them and then you break their heart and start dating their sister with the same bullshit. Way more girls hate you, than they hate Romeo, to be fair. But you know what bro? We have been having this talk for years now, so I made my point, don't try a comeback, my head can't take that bullshit right now" Jaxson groaned at Nick.
Everybody fell silent. Even Nick. I think he felt bad, because he knew Jaxson had a point.
"Ok guys I didn't want to bring the mood down, jeez! Lets just move on. Oh wait! We forgot someone! Blake, my boy. Did you catch a fish in these two awful days?" he smiled.
I looked at Romeo. So he wanted just sex huh? Well if he wanted to act like a dick, so could I.
"Nope nobody. Nobody at all. I might hook up with one of the cheerleaders, tho. Camilla already very much offered to get down with me, but other than that, absolutely no one" I said with a cheeky smile on my face.
Fuck him. If he wanted to be an asshole and play a game, so could I. And to be fair, it seemed like I was fucking winning.
He clenched his jaw and rubbed the rings on his fingers in anger. Suddenly I became slightly afraid, that he would just run up to me and punch me in the face. But for what reason? For wanting to fuck a cheerleader? There was nothing going on between us, I didn't even know him. He couldn't just attack me, so I sat back in my chair, knowing I just fucking won, whatever it was we were playing.
"Anyway, thanks for the food and all, but I think we will head home now. I still have to see my girlfriend ...." Nick said, but stopped as he tried to remember the poor girls name.
"Melanie" we all said simultaneously and started laughing. Even Nick laughed. It was nice to see someone being able to laugh about themselves.
Cody escorted everybody to the door, as I went into the kitchen and began to do the dishes. I normally hated any form of chores, but I wanted to be on Codys good side, after he had agreed to let me play football again. I was really looking forward to it!
Leaving out the whole Romeo situation, the evening was pretty great. They were all nice and knew, that even though I was one year younger, I was just as strong as they were. I could already imagine running on the field with them, scoring and making everybody proud.
I heard Cody still talking to them loudly at the door. Jesus Cody, you will so wake up mom and maybe some neighbors. But thats your problem idiot, I thought to myself.
Suddenly I felt a hand on my waist, that spun me around. My anxiety instantly began to kick in, but when I looked into the deep forrest that were Romeos green eyes, I was calm again. My hands grabbed the counter behind me, as I gasped at how close he was.
"I forgot something" he whispered with that husky voice of his.
I froze. Should I do something? Should I say anything? My mind couldn't even follow what was going on right now. He took a step to me and I could feel my heartbeat against my chest. Hopefully he couldn't hear it, but it felt like my heart would fly out of me at any point now.
He placed a hand on my waist and lowered his head to my shoulder, where it stayed for a moment, before making its way to my neck. I stopped breathing again, as I watched everything he did with an open mouth. For fucks sake, I was a grown ass boy! I was fucking strong and tough, but in that moment, I was a weak shaking boy.
His nose brushed my neck and inhaled my scent. I had the sudden urge to closed my eyes and so I did. That felt fucking amazing. His lips brushed agains my skin, before pressing a kiss on my neck. I tried my best not to moan, but I really really wanted to.
"Is this ok for you?" he suddenly asked making my eyes widen in surprise.
Was he- Was he asking for consent? That was fucking sexy. Oh my fuck. I wanted to take him right then and there.
"Uhm yeah yeah" I said nearly voiceless. What the fuck was he doing to me.
He kissed my neck again and made his way up to my jaw, where he also placed a passionate kiss that made a moan escape my mouth. My eyes shut open at the sound that just came out of me.
He brought his face close to mine before groaning. He closed his eyes and leaned his head against mine. I could smell his scent coming from his hair and body. What fucking shampoo and cologne did he use?? He smelled like straight out of heaven.
"You make me go mad Blake" he whispered.
Hearing him use my name, made my knees weaken. I wanted to stay like this forever and ever. Suddenly he pulled away and looked deep into my eyes.
He smirked before saying "For a straight guy you sure enjoyed that"
He leaned back against the kitchen island, where he grabbed his sunglasses, that he apparently had forgotten, put them on and pushed himself away. He didn't break eye contact as he walked back to the door.
Just now I realized I had a fucking boner. For fucks sake.
A/N: Oh my... what a steamy chapter! I just love them so much! Also my apologies for a whole lot of swearing all the time! Its just really how I imagine them to talk. Sorry if that is uncomfortable for some of you.
Anyway I hope you enjoyed this chapter, I sure as hell did.
Love you xx
Hanna