Patrick
Unknown Number, 17:03pm: Hey, it's Lindsay Irvine. I just wanted to let you know I'll be back in North Bridge on Monday for my great aunts funeral, she died this morning. If you wanna grab a coffee or something let me know. It was good catching up with you the other day, you helped me more than you'll ever know.
How did Lindsay Irvine get my number? Whatever. I shrug that off and reply to her straight away.
Me, 17:04pm: Hey, sorry to hear about your great aunt. Of course, coffee would be good. I hope you don't mind me asking though... Why aren't you coming back into town sooner?
This is Friday. Her family are all gonna be sitting around drinking tea with the curtains drawn, mourning. If she doesn't wanna be a part of that, fair enough. But she came into town pretty quick when her great aunt was terminal, so why not now? I'm curious.
Lindsay, 17:04pm: My car is in the shop, the guy told me I won't get it back until Monday morning at the earliest. My parents are busy with everything too, I don't wanna bother anyone so I just told them I'll see them Monday. It's no big deal. I'll see you then too!
Me, 17:05pm: I can pick you up tonight if you want? I'm not doing anything. Seriously, it would be a welcome distraction.
Lindsay, 17:05pm: A welcome distraction from what?
Shit, did I actually say that? Fucking moron.
Me, 17:06pm: Let me pick you up and you'll find out. I've always wanted to see Cornell, what do you say?
I've never wanted to see Cornell. And I can make up some excuse about being preoccupied by some shit at school or something. I really wanna do this, though. Because it will be a welcome distraction.
Lindsay, 17:07pm: Okay, I'll tell my mom I'll be home later tonight. Thank you, Patrick!
She adds in some details about how to find her dorm, and in no time I'm picking up my keys and heading out the door.
I went to classes today, met Dale Forbes for a coffee after, got into the apartment, read that text from Lindsay, and now I'm in my car heading to Cornell. Amanda wanted to hang out tonight, but I told her no. I'm kinda keeping my distance from her for now because she always asks me about Jamie, and I can't do it. Not right now. So this is perfect. Keeping busy is good. And I genuinely had no other plans tonight, so Lindsay's text couldn't have come at a better time. Jay asked me to go over to hang at Jamie's again, and I was going to... But, not until later. Now I have an excuse for not going to her house at all, which is great. I need to start getting over her properly. Talking to Amanda about her and being in her house all the time is not achieving that. Driving to Cornell is a much better idea. Awesome.
I pull up outside Lindsay's dorm around an hour later, and as expected, she's sitting on top of a small suitcase patiently waiting on the sidewalk outside her front door.
She smiles at me as I get out of the car to greet her. She looks fine, for someone who's recently learned that their great aunt has passed.
"Hey, sorry for your loss. How are you?" I ask, because what else can you say in situations like this?
"I'm fine. Honestly. It's like I said before, she was not a nice person." Lindsay gives me a small smile as she wheels her case over to the curb. I pick it up for her.
"Wow, chivalry isn't dead." She says sarcastically and I laugh.
"Rumours of my assholeish nature have been greatly exaggerated." I reply lightly, while slamming the trunk closed, her case safely inside.
"I can see that." She replies, and we both get in. "I was actually wondering, are you in a rush to get back to North Bridge?"
Not. At. All.
"Nope. What did you have in mind?"
"Well, you remember that guy I told you about? Charlie? I have a huge crush on him?"
I do remember. "Yeah, he's British? You said he has a charming accent or some shit?"
She blushes a little and tucks a strand of hair behind her ear.
"Yeah. He's chairman of the Freshman Chess Club actually, and they're having a Social tonight. Do you wanna stop by before we leave? We wouldn't have to stay long, it's just...he sort of invited me."
I smile at her. "Of course I wanna spend my time with a bunch of chess dorks drinking sparkling water at a college party, let's do it. Where do I go?"
She rolls her eyes at me and laughs before directing me to the party. When we arrive, I have to bite down on my lip ring to stifle a laugh, because I was completely right. They are chess dorks. And I doubt one person at this party is drinking alcohol. It's still early though, to be fair.
"Okay, just try to blend in." Lindsay whispers while her eyes frantically scour the room in search of Charlie.
Blend is? Is she fucking kidding me? These dudes are all wearing sweater vests and chinos. They all have trim, sensible hair cuts. I can see absolutely no ink or metal on anyone. I cannot blend in at this party. Well, I'm not consuming alcohol, so that's one thing. But my hair's a mess, the stubble on my neck and chin is longer than it usually is, and I didn't bother putting on a hoodie or a fucking coat before I left to pick up Lindsay, so most of my tattoos are on full display. Fantastic. I'm getting more than a few curious looks from these kids, but it doesn't bother me. Like I said, it's all a good distraction.
"Oh, hey Siobhan!" Lindsay starts waving at some conservative looking girl with shoulder length black hair and a very intimidating gaze. I'm happy to note that Siobhan is holding a wine glass though. Wine. How adventurous. She'll be off her ass in no time.
"Hello, Lindsay. Who's your mate?" Siobhan asks as she approaches us, and I visibly startle at the sound of her accent. Her lips turn up into the slightest of smiles as she sees my reaction to her.
"Another American. I'm surrounded by bloody Americans." She says, or at least I think that's what she said. Her accent is mad. Lindsay laughs anyway.
"Well that will happen when you come to America for uni!" Lindsay says with a warm smile.
"Charlie's playing in the back, he'll be done soon. I'm sure he'll be right over when he spots you." Siobhan says before throwing me a raised eyebrow and wandering off back into the party.
"What the hell?" I say to Lindsay. "Was that British?"
"Yeah, she's from Liverpool, same as Charlie." Lindsay informs me. Oh Christ, that's how this Charlie guy talks? How the fuck can Lindsay listen to more than five minutes of that?
"So that's Scouse." I comment, and Lindsay nods her head at me enthusiastically.
"It's beautiful, right?" She says, before walking towards a drinks table. I follow her, shaking my head in disbelief. If she thinks that accent sounds beautiful, well. She must really have it bad for this Charlie dude.
"So, what's it gonna be? Soda? Coffee? Herbal tea?" I say to Lindsay sarcastically as we peruse the drinks table.
"Shut up. So these guys aren't into partying. It's not a bad thing."
"Never said it was!" I hold my hands up and Lindsay laughs at me before helping herself to a glass of red wine. So sophisticated. I pick up a can of Coke. Kinda wish there was some Jack to go along with it, might make this party less dull. But hey, I'm driving tonight anyway.
"Hello there." A couple of formally dressed girls have approached us. They look very uptight, even though they're smiling at me. They're hot, actually. Just very prim and proper. I bet they're virgins too, same as Lindsay.
"Hey Claire, Tanya. This is my friend Patrick." Lindsay introduces me, so I raise my eyebrows at the girls before taking a swig of my Coke. They don't say anything, they just watch me curiously. I feel like a monkey in a zoo, but it's cool.
"Do you go here?" One of the girls asks, a little...eagerly?
"Do you play chess?" The other girl asks. She definitely sounds eager. Um...
"No to both." I reply, watching as they look me up and down with absolutely zero subtlety. Jesus, maybe they aren't virgins after all.
"Patrick's just here visiting. We're heading back to North Bridge soon, actually." Lindsay informs them, her brow creased a little. She's picked up the vibe too, good.
"Tonight?" One of them says, her voice thick with disappointment.
"Yes." Lindsay replies firmly, before glancing over at me. Her expression softens suddenly and she turns back to the girls. "Um, well, no. Actually. I guess we could stay the night. Just whatever."
What the fuck?
"Oh, awesome. I'm Claire, by the way." Claire bats her make-up free eyelashes at me. Even without make up, she looks good.
"And I'm Tanya." Tanya shoots Claire a very obvious look. It's a back the fuck off look.
"And there's Charlie!" Lindsay exclaims happily. "I'll catch up with you later."
She gives me an extremely unsubtle wink before rushing off across the room, leaving me with Claire and Tanya. Shit.
"So, how old are you? 21? 22?" Claire asks, looking me over again.
"25?" Tanya guesses, Jesus. "It must have taken years to get all of those tattoos."
"Um, I'm 19 actually." I inform them. "I gotta go...do a thing. Later."
I walk after Lindsay quickly. I don't need that. Not tonight. Those girls were pretty, and they were clearly eager. The word threesome flashes through my mind for a nanosecond. I think it would definitely be a possibility. It's always the quiet, reserved ones. But hell no. How could I even entertain the idea? I can't. I don't.
I don't know if I ever will again. Sure, it's probably gonna happen sooner or later (not a threesome, obviously. Just sex. With a girl. A girl that isn't the only girl I wanna have sex with...) but it's not happening tonight. Or tomorrow night. Or any night for the next year probably. Long time without sex, yes. But I already know the next time I fuck someone is gonna be awful. I'm not looking forward to it at all. I'm kinda dreading it to be honest, because I know I'll compare. And I know it won't stack up to her. It won't even come close. I shake these annoying thoughts off. I don't need this, not now. Today has been okay so far, filled with distractions. I don't need the distraction of potential sex with another girl. It just doesn't bare considering.
I don't know if it ever will. But that's an issue for another day.
"Lindsay, hey." I approach her where she's standing next to a bookcase (a fucking bookcase) and an unfamiliar blonde boy. He's looking at her in that unmistakable way. We just can't help it. I know this is Charlie.
"All right mate?" He greets me with that god awful accent of his. But he can't help how he talks, so I smile at him and introduce myself.
"So you see, Patrick offered to give me a ride, and I accepted." Lindsay finishes off explaining things to him, and while he's listened to her story intently and smiled at her all the while, I haven't missed the sideways glances he's been throwing me throughout.
Who could blame him? He obviously likes Lindsay, and here she is, showing up at his lame chess party that he invited her to with some uninvited, tall dark tattooed guy she's known since she was a kid. I know exactly what he's thinking, but poor Lindsay is oblivious, so I'll help her out.
"Yeah, my girlfriend is busy tonight so I had nothing better to do." I throw in casually.
"Girlfriend?" Lindsay and Charlie say at the same time. Charlie sounds relieved, but Lindsay sounds scandalised.
"Yes, Lindsay. Remember, I told you about her?" I widen my eyes at her, hoping she'll get the message. "We've almost been dating for a year, come on. Sarah's the love of my life, you know all this."
I laugh casually, and Charlie joins in too. Lindsay stares at me blankly for a second before understanding washes over her and she joins in on the laughter. What a good time we're all having at this awesome party.
"She's such a scatter brain, this one." Charlie comments, smiling over at Lindsay. "The smartest girl I know, though."
"Aww, I am not." Lindsay blushes and turns her head away while sipping her wine.
"You are! You'll see when I start teaching you how to play. You'll be a natural."
"Play?" I ask. "You mean chess?"
Lindsay was the best chess player at North Bridge High. She was the fucking chess team captain. He doesn't know this already?
"Yes, Patrick. I've never played before. Charlie offered to teach me."
She shoots me the same look I shot her a minute ago, and I get it. She wants him to teach her how to play chess, even though she's already a pro. It means spending time with him. Sweet.
And the night goes on. Eventually I break away from Lindsay and Charlie because I feel like a complete third wheel. It's so obvious how much they both like each other, so I give them some alone time. As soon as I'm on my own, Claire and Tanya approach me again. But I'm prepared this time, I mention my girlfriend Sarah and they back off almost immediately. Turns out this is a great party trick. The rest of the night, every time a girl tries to talk to me I say something about my girlfriend Sarah. I even tell some girls about how I met Sarah in a bakery in Philadelphia. I tell some other girls about how Sarah and I have a long distance relationship, but we're in love so it works. I pretty much turn myself into Joel for the night, and it's actually kinda fun. I'm never gonna see these people again so it's all good.
As Lindsay and I leave a little before midnight, I realise I haven't checked my phone since before I left town earlier. Wow, this really has been a good distraction. I walk over to my car and pull my phone out as Lindsay says goodbye to Charlie by the front door. And my good spirits sink as I see the notifications on my phone screen. Shit. I swipe the messages open straight away.
Jay @ The Middle, 19:22pm: Jame, you totally got those lyrics wrong. You can literally hear the dude singing "someone you loved" in the video you posted! How strong is Jack Daniels in Scotland!?
Joel @ The Middle, 19:34pm: What? What are you talking about?
Jay @ The Middle, 19:37pm: Her Insta post.
Joel @ The Middle, 19:40pm: Right. Jay's right. I know that song. It's called Someone You Loved. Silly Jame! Lol
Jay @ The Middle, 19:41pm: She's fucked up, I'm telling you. Gig looked good though. What time is it in Scotland anyway?
Joel @ The Middle, 19:41pm: Almost 1am. She's probably asleep already.
Jay @ The Middle, 19:42pm: Or passed out drunk.
Jay @ The Middle, 19:42pm: What are you doing anyway, P? Thought you were coming to Jamie's?
Joel @ The Middle, 19:43pm: He's probably hooking up... You know how he is! Lol!
Jay @ The Middle, 19:43pm: Why do you keep writing 'lol'? Is it the 90s again?
Joel @ The Middle, 19:44pm: Shut up. Erin's bored. FaceTime her.
Oh, Jesus. Joel was clearly freaking out about that line of conversation. In our group chat. Our group chat that Jamie is a part of. Christ. I open Instagram immediately, because I need to know what they were talking about.
Okay, she went to a show. No idea who this guy is. He sounds fucking depressing. Lewis Capaldi? Must be some Scottish dude.
"I was getting kinda used to being someone you loved."
Wait, Jay's right. Her caption is wrong. She's written 'someone you could have loved'. That's not even a little bit right. It doesn't even sound like that.
She must have been drunk when she posted this.
"Ready?" Lindsay smiles at me brightly while walking around my car. I blink, a little thrown.
"Uh, yeah. Let's go." I unlock the car and we both get in.
"I'm so sorry for dragging you here and for staying so long. But when I get talking to Charlie it's like..." She drifts off. But I know. I know what it's like.
"Have you heard of Lewis Capaldi?" I ask her randomly. She screws her face up thoughtfully.
"I think I maybe have actually. He has a song called Someone You Loved?"
Jackpot. I open Spotify on my phone and look up the song. It starts playing through the speakers as I start up my engine.
"Such a pretty song. Kinda sad though." Lindsay points out as the dude starts singing. Wow, he has a good voice. "Why do you wanna listen to this? Because Jamie went to see him earlier?"
How does she know that?
Obviously, she must follow Jamie on Instagram.
"Where is Jamie anyway? Scotland? One of her tags said something about Edinburgh?"
Shit, Jamie chat. I shouldn't have put on this song. This was a mistake.
"Yeah she's in Edinburgh, she has family over there." I reply, because not talking about one of my best friends would be weird.
"Oh, cool. Scotland looks great. Charlie's been a bunch of times.." and just like that, Lindsay starts talking about Charlie again. I'm glad, but I'm only half listening, because I'm trying to listen to this Lewis Capaldi guy.
I get it. This is the kinda slow, sad shit that Jamie could get into. I can practically see her sitting around wearing a pair of fluffy socks, hair tied up in that crazy bun she does, wrapped up in a blanket eating ice cream, listening to this shit after a break up. I can actually see it.
She got the lyrics wrong though. That's not like her. That's weird. Someone you could have loved. Why would she write that? Do I 'like' the Instagram post? She never uses Instagram as much as she has these past couple days. This is a head fuck. Someone you could have loved. Is it about Noah? It couldn't be about me, could it? She knows how I feel about her, she knows I...
Well, she doesn't know I love her. I flat out told her I dont love her. So, I guess, maybe. Just maybe...
Me @ The Middle, 11:57pm: I'm at Cornell, actually. No hooking up involved whatsoever. I'll see you tomorrow, Jay.
Okay, good. That way she'll know I have no interest in having sex with anyone else. But why would I even want her to know that? Oh, fuck if I know. Whatever, time to drive back to North Bridge.