Jes
"This was a fucking terrible idea." Cal says rubbing his eyes as he lays beside me in the amazingly comfy resort bed. The white comforter a stark contrast to his caramel skin. He turns his head and leans down to press a kiss to my temple and sighs.
"Would you hate me for saying maybe we should go home?" I question. It's not like we're not having a great time here, we are. We really, really, have enjoyed our brief stay in Bali. But today is Christmas Eve. Tomorrow is our babies second Christmas and it was stupid of us to think we'd be okay celebrating a few days late since she's still too young to know the difference.
"Not at all. I think I agree. We'll lose out on some money but it's not a big deal. I don't wanna miss out on Christmas with P. I think we both overestimated our ability to be away from her."
I reach between us, interlocking my fingers with his. I roll onto my side and raise my eyes to meet his. "Let's go home." He pushes himself up swinging his legs off the side of the bed before turning around and offering his assistance in getting me up as well.
"I'll pack the bags, you work on a flight." I say moving past him towards the closet of the suite. He nods and pulls it his phone.
•
"Did you tell them we decided to come home early?" I ask Cal as we wait by the luggage carousel. It's already Christmas morning, but the wee hours. I hope if he has told everyone we're coming, he's told them we could manage a ride ourselves.
"No, I figured we'd let it be a surprise."
I nod and grab our bags as they come around on the moving platform. Cal immediately takes them from me and I roll my eyes but thank him for his gentlemanly gesture. He throws our carryons over his shoulder and wheels our massive bag behind him reaching his free hand out to grasp mine.
No one had been the wiser of our honeymoon plans so we'd managed to move quietly out of the country a few days ago and back in this morning with no fanfare. Cal looks for the Uber he'd ordered and throws our bags in the trunk before falling into the seat beside me. I lay across the seat my head in his lap. He stares down at me and runs his fingers through my hair. I close my eyes enjoying the sweet gesture and his gentle touch.
"You're not upset we came home early, right?" I ask. I know we'd discussed it before we'd made the arrangements to come home but I need the reassurance that he's not upset with me.
"Not at all, sweetheart. I'm ready to see our princess. I miss her so damn much."
"I don't know how you do it." I say softly. "Like, I know music is your passion and tour is part of that and I know you love being onstage. But at least at first, and now with our baby, it's gotta be hard—always being gone."
"You have no idea." He mumbles shifting his gaze to the, for once, quiet, streets of LA. "It's so hard now. It's like I'm being torn in two when I have to leave. Part of me gets excited and can't wait because I know how high being on stage makes me feel. It's like I'm invincible. Like everything I say matters. It's a feeling I've craved since I was like 15 and we got started. Except now it's different, because now there's another way I can get that high." He brings his gaze back to meet mine. His squishy cheeks flushed, like he's embarrassed, like he's admitting some big secret. "You and P give me all of those same feelings and more. So when I have to leave it's like I have to replace one version of me with another."
I reach out to squeeze his fingers and he traps my hand before lifting it to press a sweet kiss to my hand. "I love you."
"I love you more, Cal."
"Anyways, I don't have to leave you guys at all for at least six more months so let's talk about something else." He sniffs and turns to stare out the window for a moment and I lift myself up and lean my head against his shoulder.
The rest of the car ride is filled with a comfortable silence and the feeling of Cal's rough hand clasped against mine.
We thank our driver as we step from the car Cal lifting the trunk and grabbing our things before handing him his tip.
"Merry Christmas, baby!" He says against my lips as his hand snakes around my waist and he pulls me in for a kiss.
"Merry Christmas."
I tug at his hand and lead him up the front walk keying in to the front door quickly.
As soon as the door swings open I hear the happy tapping of little paws and look down just in time to see Duke arrive at Cal and I's feet.
Cal dips down to grab him up covering him in kisses.
"Hey buddy. We missed you. Where's sissy? Is everybody asleep? Should we wake 'em?"
I lean over to kiss our fur baby and pet his head. We're distracted from Duke by the sound of padded footsteps moving towards us from the hall.
"What the f—oh my god you guys came back early!" Mali nearly screams and I giggle and open my arms in time for her to crash into me.
"Mum and Dad are going to be thrilled you guys are back for Christmas! Also, remind me to text Luke because he owes me $20."
"You guys had a bet on us being able to make it our whole honeymoon?" I laugh.
She shrugs her shoulders, "easy money really."
I just roll my eyes and glance anxiously down the hall.
"Alright, Alright. Go see your kid I'll get our parents up and call yours to tell them to come over."
"Thanks" I call behind me as Cal and I practically sprint down the hall and up the stairs to Paisley's nursery.
Cal throws the door open and only then do we realize what we're doing. It's five am, we should probably not wake the sleeping toddler. Our eyes meet and we seem to agree that we shouldn't wake her but we both have missed her too much to simply close the door and leave. I walk over to her crib, stepping softly so as not to wake her, Cal trailing close behind with his hands resting on my shoulders.
I set my elbows on the guard rails and look down at my sleeping baby. She's not so much a baby anymore though. She's almost as long as her mattress now, her little legs strong enough to carry her wherever she wants to venture. Her curls are a mess at the moment but they've grown so that they hang nearly to her shoulders. Her baby chub seems to lessen everyday as her personality grows, her chubby cheeks and legs losing their squishiness. She's changing and becoming her own person and while it's beautiful to watch it hits me all at once that she's growing up. One day she won't want me and Cal to hold her all the time. One day she won't come screaming to the door for us. She won't need us to fix her boo boos or tell her princess stories and sing her to sleep. She'll be little a while longer, but then she won't be, and we'll have to be okay with that.
It's a lot of emotion to process and it takes me a moment to realize the muffled crying is my own. Cal pulls me against him and shushes me but he doesn't ask why I'm crying, maybe he's having the same thoughts.
I can't help it anymore, I don't care what time it is. I reach over the railing, the barrier separating me from my baby girl and grab her up pulling her against me. It isn't lost on me that she seemed to fit differently in my arms than she did even a few short days ago. I clamp my eyes closed and try to fight back the tears.
I tilt my head so it's resting against hers, thankful she seems too lost in her dreams to be bothered by her mother needing a cuddle, and walk with her into our living room. Cal sits first and I sink down into the space beside him, falling against his chest and letting him hold us together.
•
It's not long after my mini-meltdown over my daughter's impending aging that Cal's and I's parents appear at our front door. They're surprised and excited to see them and I'm grateful that, at least once, we'll all be together on Christmas.
Paisley wakes up slowly. Rubbing the sleep from her eyes and stretching a handful of times before she's actually able to wake up. When she does she's content to simply rest in my arms her head on my shoulder. In future years our Christmas morning will probably hold earlier, more energetic, wake up calls but for today, this is perfect.
We enjoy a pancake breakfast and small talk by the fireplace. Finding warmth in the conversation and love in our home. At one moment I reach over to Cal and squeeze his hand hoping he knows it's my way of telling him we definitely made the right choice by coming home.
An: happy happy family times for several chapters now so we should probably mix that up soon right? 🤔
Y'all puh-lease go check out my one shot book so it's not a flop. Check it out then tell me what you wanna see me write for it!
I love you
Sav 🖤