"and then i was like, no! like is she crazy? that shade makes me look sick!"
hannah [kim] was telling us all these random stories as jada, gabby, hannah [rylee], addy and i awkwardly made comments on them.
"damn you guys don't talk that much but i think i like that. it gives me more opportunities to talk because no one in my group really listens to me"
"wow, really?" addy says sarcastically,
"yes really! you girls really get me aw"
i felt bad for hannah [kim], she was annoying as fuck but she seemed like she didn't have any good friends that were genuinely good people.
the night anthony slept over at jaden's house made jaden feel sorry for him.
he then came to me and asked if i could include hannah in our group because it would make her happy, which would make anthony happy, which makes all the guys happy.
"but anyway hannah [kim], i think you should go with the kylie x balmain palette. those colours suit you better than the anastasia one" i say.
"you're so right! it's official, you guys are my best friends now! where do you sit and lunch?"
"we don't-" addy says.
"we sit with the guys now" i say.
"darn it! i'm kind of feeling the whole saturday's are for the girls vibe!"
"we don't have school on-"
addy really doesn't like hannah [kim].
"no i like that idea too" i say.
"perf!"
"princess, i'm leaving!"
"wait for me, my prince!"
my eyes widen as hannah [kim] quickly stands up and slides her shoes on.
"anthony's waiting for me downstairs. i'll get him to send me all of your numbers even though he really shouldn't have them" she says.
"we'll walk you to the door" i say.
we all walk downstairs.
the guys stare at us as we stare back with a look.
"bye girls!"
hannah [kim] hugs each one of us, even addy who pulled a face.
after she leaves, addy closes the door behind her.
"shit mars, do we really have to be nice?"
"look, i know she's not the best person but we can make it so that she can be!"
"alright fine but if she becomes a bitch and decides to control all of us-"
"you can have a go at her, fine"
"good doing business with you"
we walk into the living room and i go and sit on jaden's lap.
"ewwww mars!" elmo says, patting his lap for hannah [rylee] to sit on his.
"ewww elmo" i say.
"sorry to interrupt your small sibling feud but how was hannah [kim]?" yousif asks
"alright" i say.
"terrible! i can't stand her" addy says.
"me neither but i'm doing this for anthony" jada says.
"same. i feel sorry for him but i think if we fixed up hannah, the relationship between them would be much better" gabby says as i agree.
"yeah, she doesn't even seem that bad. like i think she genuinely likes anthony now too" jada says.
"but like we said before, if she treats us like shit addy's gonna have a go at her" i say.
"that's hot" noen says as addy blushes.
all of us have our individual conversations as jaden whispers in my ear.
"thank you so much, doll"
"it was nothing"
"trust me, it was something. anthony was so happy today and you know how happy we all are when he's happy"
"i know"
"you're doing a good thing, i hope you know that"
"because of you, i do. thank you jaden"
i lean down and kiss his cheek as he grins.
-timeskip-
"no way!" addy says with a laugh as we all join in.
hannah [kim] is actually funny?
i don't think she's intentionally trying to be funny but just is to ourselves and everyone around us.
"i know right, i don't understand why she did that!"
"me neither honestly. something similar happened to me except that a bitch ripped my earrings out!" i say as we all laugh.
we're talking about times bad things have happened to us in fights. hannah kim's hair extensions got ripped out, my earrings, addy's cardigan, jada's fake nails and the craziest of all, gabby's shorts!
hannah [kim] honestly wasn't the worst. she still doesn't treat anthony the way she should but that's why she's sitting with us.
"so like let's talk about the guys. how are you and yousif going?" i ask jada.
"we shared our first kiss together last night" she says as everyone aw's.
"what about you and noen?" jada asks addy.
"i think i kinda like him" addy says as we all 'aw' again.
"how are you and jaden?" hannah [kim] asks.
"amazing. i couldn't ask for a better boyfriend"
"oh. how does he treat you?"
"amazingly. i couldn't imagine a better boyfriend"
"and what do you do for him?"
"what do you mean?"
"like what do you do that makes him be a good boyfriend?"
i looked at the other girls and we all genuinely felt bad.
"well. i always make time for him and i always listen to him and what he has to say"
"keep going."
hannah [kim] has never been more focused than right now.
"um, i always play with his hair and let him come with me to the nail salon because he loves seeing me get my nails done. what he loves a lot is when i slide my hand-"
"okay, no too much info!" hannah [rylee] says as hannah [kim] shakes her head.
"no, i want to hear this! do you slide your hand down his pants or?"
"no no no, i slide my hand up his shirt and scratch him with my nails"
"he really likes that?"
"loves it"
"weird, but noted."
the bell rings for class as i stand up and walk over to jaden.
"how was she?" he asks as we start to walk to class.
"good, i think"
before bed:
"you're so gorgeous, you know that?" jaden whispers into my ear as i blushed.
i place one leg on either side of him and wrap my arms around his neck.
as i connect my lips with his, i run my fingers through his hair. jaden then began to remove my sweater. i lift my arms up and he pulls it over my head. he gazed over at my body and locked eyes with me once again.
"beautiful"
he slid his shirt off and i pushed him down on the bed, continuing to make out. his hands played with the hem of my shorts.
i wanted jaden so bad.
i pull away from jaden and he flips us over so that he was on top.
"can i?" he asks as he looked down at my shorts.
i nodded. he began to kiss down my neck and collarbone as he slid my shorts off.
i leaned forwards and unbuttoned jaden's jeans.
"are you completely okay with this mars?" he asks.
"i am. i want you jaden"
something changed in jaden's eyes. it went from what looked like love to pure lust.
he slid off his jeans, leaving the both of us in our under garments. he then leaned over and whispered in my ear.
"you're gonna have to keep quiet for me yeah?"
i really did have to keep quiet because all the boys were downstairs having a boys night. the only person that didn't show up was anthony.
"the only person that's gonna hear me moan your name is you, jaden" i whisper back.
jaden immediately crashed his lips on mine and began to slide down my underwear.
this was it. this wasn't my first time having sex but it was with jaden, which made it so much more meaningful.
jaden placed kisses from my mouth, to my neck, to my collarbone, to my stomach and then around my thighs. my heart was beating so fast, it felt like it was gonna explode. before jaden could reach my inner thigh, we hear a door slam downstairs.
i pull away from jaden as we hear quick footsteps and sobs running upstairs.
"is your door locked?" he asked.
"did you lock it?" i ask.
"no, I thought you did!"
"shit!"
we scrambled to find my underwear that he had thrown somewhere in the room.
"found it!"
he helped me slide it on and before i could put my shorts on, the door opens.
hannah [kim].
"hannah? what are you doing here?" i asked.
i turned to jaden and he looked furious. it wasn't an angry kind of furious, it was a sexual one. hannah just cockblocked our first time together badly.
she runs over to me and pulls me into a tight hug.
"what happened?"
"i heard you all talking about me yesterday after school, about how you guys didn't really like me and that you guys thought i was a bitch to anthony so i tried to do what you do to jaden and it didn't work and-"
"okay, slow down. what did you do?" i ask, pulling away to put my clothes on.
we didn't mean for her to hear that conversation. i felt kind of bad now.
"you said that jaden liked when you put your hand under his shirt and scratch him"
"i do like that" he says.
"i did that and it didn't work! anthony didn't like it at all and got mad and i didn't know what to do so i left and ran here!"
"did you scratch him? like actually scratch?"
"that's what you're supposed to do aren't you?"
"oh no oh no oh no. lightly scratch, like in a gentle way" i say.
"what?"
"did you full on scratch him? like a cat?" jaden asks as hannah nods.
oh no.
hannah started to sob even more.
"listen, it's okay! i do stupid stuff all the time!" i say as jaden nods.
"yeah, like um"
he couldn't think of anything, which made my heart warm.
"sometimes i go a whole day without kissing him!"
lie.
"really?" hannah asks, wiping her tears.
"yeah! and that really breaks my heart so i think i would prefer if mars scratched me instead" he says.
"ok that does make me feel better. mars how shit is that! you can't even kiss your own boyfriend, how dumb"
i furrowed my eyebrows and glared at her.
"i'm sorry! i totally didn't mean that!" hannah's sobs got even louder.
"fuck this dumb fucking relationship dumb love stupid shit! i'm breaking up with anthony!"
"wait, what?"
we turn and see andre storm into the room with the rest of the guys.
"you can't break his heart like that!" noen adds.
"yeah man, we're not letting you dog him again!"
"fuck you guys!" hannah cries out, choking on her words because of her tears.
"no, fuck you! you shouldn't have let anthony fall into your little trap again!" elmo says.
"elmo!" i say.
everyone agrees with him, including jaden which broke my heart.
the guys all start berating her all at once. i mean, i know 'bros before hoes' but this was too much. i send a look to jaden as he shakes his head and continues.
"shut up you guys!" i say.
"no, don't act like you're on my side!" hannah says.
"i know you don't like me, you don't have to keep on lying to my face you fake bitch!"
the bitch comment angered me but she was hurting so i tried to not take offence to it. she is so lucky addy isn't here right now.
"i'm gonna let that last comment slide because i understand what you're feeling but i'm so sorry. i'm here for you hannah, i want to be your friend, maybe even best friend! you need the girls and i to help you not only heal yourself, but to heal anthony too!"
"what are you trying to say?" she says.
"that the both of you's are toxic! you both are great people on your own but you just need to learn how to work together in your relationship!"
"how would you know what to do?"
"i've had past relationships before. they were terrible so i know what it's like to feel the way you do right now"
"fuck this, we can talk later. i need to talk with anthony!" hannah says.
"yeah!"
the guys all cheer, which made my ears go red in anger.
"no no no. i think the both of you's need space" i say.
"you sure?"
"positive"
hannah wipes the tears that fell down her face and nods.
"just go home. i'll talk to you at school tomorrow"
"are you sure you want me to sit with you's? you guys hate me"
"we don't i promise. we all want to help you!"
"i'm not some charity case."
"i know but we're your friends now. friends help each other"
she leans forward and whispers in my ear.
"i was going to tell anthony that i loved him tonight but couldn't because i messed up the scratching thing"
that sentence broke my heart because not only did i feel bad but she had to whisper this in my ear so that the guys couldn't hear and act like asses again!
"you'll get to it again one day, i promise"
she smiles and turns to walk away, then stumbling back as she remembered the guys in my room.
i grab onto her shoulders and walk with her out of the room and downstairs, then towards the front door as the guys follow.
"see you tomorrow hannah, stay safe"
"i will. thank you mars"
she leaves the house and as soon as i close the door, the guys stare at me.
"you guys are the biggest assholes i've ever seen. i always say that as a joke but now i'm actually serious"
"and we should listen to you because?" elmo says as all the guys laugh.
"you're just a little junior. you act like you know everything but guess what princess, the world doesn't revolve around you and never will. you don't know shit!"
"shut up elmo, at least i'm responsible enough to not insult someone when they're clearly in need of a friend"
"what was that? an irrelevant junior talking to me again? shit mars, you're really fucking stupid"
all the guys laugh, including jaden, which broke my heart again.
"fuck you guys"
"are you hannah? she said the exact same thing. maybe you're turning into her, or maybe you've already been like her this whole time. hannah only cares about being pretty and skinny, which is the exact same as you, except you don't fall into either category"
tears welled up in my eyes. my own brother making fun of my body in front of my boyfriend and a bunch of senior boys. if i wasn't already insecure, i definitely am now.
i push past all of them and run upstairs, before i could slam the door of my room, a foot gets in the way.
"don't talk to me"
"don't you remember? whatever you're going through, we can go through together"
"you know what, fuck you jaden! the way you and the guys acted was disgusting! i thought you were the mature one of the group, i'm now starting to think that it's chase!"
"chase is the dumbest guy ever!"
"chase is a good person. he didn't open his mouth or laugh at any stupid joke!"
"what? you're gonna fuck chase now?"
oh he did not go there. once you go there, you can't go back.
"honestly i don't know why it would matter to you anyway, it's not like i'm fucking you!"
"it matters to me because i'm your boyfriend!"
"no. you're not the guy that i'm dating. you're a stranger"
"don't be like that. i was just kidding"
"you hurt her feelings jaden!"
"and why does that matter to you anyway?"
"because i care about her! you're the one that made me do it but now I genuinely like her!"
"don't fucking lie to yourself!"
"i'm not! it's not that hard to be considerate of other people's feelings but you clearly don't know what that's like! elmo said some really hurtful things about me and you stood there and laughed!"
"he's my bro!"
"and i'm your girlfriend!" i exclaim.
"i loved my body so much because of finally being able to accept it and elmo came at me for doing just that!now i'm scared you and everyone else are going to judge me the way my own brother did just then!" i say, choking on my words the way hannah did when she was crying.
jaden's face softened.
"you really broke my heart today jaden. i didn't really think you would follow that stupid 'bro's before hoes rule' but now I'm thinking that i have to do the same and put the girls before you!"
"what are you trying to say?"
"what were you trying to say when you laughed at elmo's rude comment about me?"
"nothing"
"then i'm trying to say nothing either. i don't wanna even look at you right now, let alone date you!"
"mars. you're joking, right?"
"and now you think i'm kidding? get off it jaden"
"so that's it? we're over?"
"that's not what i meant"
"that's what it sounds like you're saying"
"i guess i want us to have a break"
"you know when a couple goes on a break, they always break up, right?"
"i just can't even look at you right now. call me when you're not a dick"
i push him out of the room, then close the door and lock it.
"you know what, fuck you mars"
"fuck you too jaden"
i hear him storm downstairs as i sit on my bed.
"hey siri. facetime hannah"
"which hannah? hannah smiling face with starry eyes or hannah kim?"
"first one"
it rings and as soon as i hear the sound of her picking up, i immediately spill.
"I literally have no words! come over, we can deal with the rest of the boys later"
i pack my school bag with clothes to wear for school tomorrow and slide a hoodie on, which just so happened to be chase's merch. the girls and i own every piece of merch the guys release.
i throw the bag over my shoulder and slide on my airforces. i tie my hair up in a ponytail and suck in a breath as i walk downstairs and go into the living room.
"where are you going?" elmo asks.
"hannah's house. hannah as in your girlfriend who's now mad at you"
"she's what!"
"oh yeah, i may or may not told her what happened. on the way to her house i might just call gabby, jada and addy to tell them what happened too" i say looking towards andre, yousif and noen.
elmo grabs his phone and quickly runs upstairs.
"you look good" chase says as jaden nudges him.
"you got a problem?" i ask, looking at jaden.
"of course i fucking do. i don't like when my bro's compliment my girl"
"he complimented me because of his merch. oh and don't forget jaden, i'm not your girl. not for now at least" i say as all the guys 'ooo'.
jaden stands up and walks over to me, grabbing my hand and dragging me down the hallway.
"i don't want to talk to you"
"please, hear me out" he says as i crossed my arms. "shit. this couldn't possibly be any worse of a time to tell you this"
he places his hand over the side of my face and leans down.
"i love you mars"
he places his lips on mine as i push him away.
"i can't do this"
i make my way towards the front door and unlock it with my keys.
"mars, wait!"
i shake my head and leave the house. it's crazy how he thinks he even has a chance of forgiveness right now.
"mars, please come back"
i clutch my phone and ran away. i wanted to get away from jaden as fast as i could. i ran until I was a few streets away from hannah's house. tears flowed down my face as i walked.
i seriously love jaden too.
i hear a car approaching me and the loud sports engine sounded familiar.
"go away!"
"no. let me at least take you to hannah's house"
"no. i don't need you"
"babe, come on. get in the car"
"jaden. leave me alone!"
"fuck this. i'm trying so hard to make us work right now but you obviously don't want that to happen. shit, maybe our break is over. maybe we just weren't meant to be."
"fine"
"you're fine? fine with actually breaking up?"
no.
"yeah"
"then i'm alright with this too. forget that i told you i loved you. if any dumb shit happens to you, don't call me. you can just call chase or whatever"
and then he sped off. holy shit that was brutal.
as soon as i went inside hannah's house, i broke down.
"we're actually over, like for good!"