Author's Note: I'm a little late uploading this, so I'm sorry about that! I started back at university earlier this week to do a master's degree so I'm having to get used to that at the moment. Unfortunately it means I might not be able to upload as often as I'd like.
I do have In Love With A Charmed One and Dating A Charmed One finished already, however I haven't made much progress with Charmed Ever After and because of university, feel that rewriting the final book won't happen as often as I'd like it to. We'll see what happens.
Anyway, enjoy the upload and please let me know what you think! :0
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It was lovely just being able to sit outside in the early morning sunshine with the birds tweeting overhead and the wind rustling the coloured leaves on the trees in the back yard. The green was starting to fade from the world as the leaves turned into the beautiful red, orange and yellow colours while the flowers started losing their colourful petals. The world was getting reading to go through Fall to welcome the Winter months. I had to admit that I did enjoy the change in seasons and didn't really have a favourite season, unlike Mel and Amy who preferred Summer. I believed Wyatt preferred Fall and Chris preferred Winter.
I sighed at the thought of Wyatt, placing my pen down on the page I had been writing on and letting my gaze wander around the yard while I curled my legs up against my body since I was sitting on one of the white lounge chairs that Piper had had in the back yard for what I believed were decades.
We hadn't spoken to each other much after arguing last night. Amy, Mel and Chris had encouraged him to find me while I was looking through the Book of Shadows, hoping to find something there that would help me understand what was going on with me. Wyatt had listened to his siblings and girlfriend and they'd all found me thumbing through their family book. We'd tried to talk things through, but Wyatt hadn't understood why I wouldn't tell him what I was hiding from him and he wouldn't admit to himself that he was angry with me, which meant he'd repressed those emotions because of his guilt. I couldn't get through to him and he felt like he couldn't get through to me either. This created issues between the two of us, issues that had never been there in my nearly sixteen years of knowing him. It scared me but I also knew that I was doing it for the right reasons. I had to protect my heart and I had to protect them from the real knowledge because I was scared that if they found out the truth, that my family would be torn apart by my lies. But it seemed that I was doing a perfectly good job of that myself.
Wyatt hadn't spoken to me this morning, not even to say goodbye. Chris and Mel had told me to just give him time and Amy said that she would speak to him but she wouldn't be much help because she was back home for the rest of the week since she hadn't seen her dad at all over the weekend as usual. After my family had left for school, Piper made me breakfast and talked to me like she usually would, as though yesterday never happened. When I asked her about it, she said that she was used to Wyatt and I squabbling. Our arguments with each other were alarming but she said that we couldn't take back what had been said, only move forwards.
Piper then sat with me and told me about a time where Aunt Phoebe, Aunt Prue and herself had argued, even actively, knowingly and willingly using their powers against each other. It had broken the Power of Three temporarily until they had talked through their problems. That exact fight had been the result of bottled up emotions and demon intervention, back when Cole was alive and working for the Triad as Balthazor. Her story had made me feel better and after thanking her, she disappeared for work, with Leo already at Magic School and so I had the Manor to myself.
After the events of yesterday, everyone agreed that I should be kept at home. First because even though my ankles had been healed, my family were worried in case there were problems that hadn't been properly healed, though I believed that idea was ridiculous. Aunt Paige and Wyatt's healing abilities were the best. Everyone worried about the possible emotional and mental trauma of knowing I could've potentially died as well, if not been seriously injured by that fall yesterday and so that was another reason as to why I'd been told to stay at home. I knew Piper and Leo were also worried about the argument that Wyatt and I had had, just like they also knew that not having my elements was something that was bothering me with each day that went by and I hadn't regained my Elemental connection. So I stayed at home and didn't argue with anyone because I didn't want to make things even more difficult.
I'd been writing in my journal for the last few hours, recording everything that had happened over the last week. I was usually pretty good at keeping my journal up to date but with the stress of losing my elements, I'd completely forgotten.
I'd been keeping journals since my mom had died and I'd moved in with the Halliwells. The earlier ones were more so pictures I'd drawn and little notes on how I'd been feeling since I didn't write pages and pages of information like I do nowadays. As I grew, I started to include spells and such that I'd used, since I tended to record every single day, especially if it contained revelations and demons so I guess my journals were a type of Book of Shadows? Piper and her sisters had recorded what had happened to them by writing down their experiences in their Book along with further spells. I guess a witch's Book could be whatever she wanted it to be, though they typically seemed to be bound in a luxury binding and my journal was a glittery notebook, though I'd need to buy a new one again soon.
With a sigh, I closed my journal, keeping my pen tucked into the pages I had been writing on as I sat up, crossing my legs and placing my journal on the seat in front of me, its glittery cover standing out against the white furniture. I stood up and walked around the yard, feeling the grass beneath my bare feet since I enjoyed walking around bare foot when I was in nature. I felt connected to Earth by doing that, but the colder temperatures were making it harder because my feet were freezing if I wasn't wearing socks at least. In another few weeks, it would be too cold for even my stubborn personality to handle walking around bare footed and so I'd have no choice but to wear socks. By that time in the year though I wouldn't even think of leaving the house without at least wearing my converse.
I picked up my journal on my way back through the house and decided to shimmer upstairs to my room. It wasn't very often that I used my ability to shimmer and I was worried that I would end up losing control of it. It was a basic demonic power and so I wasn't worried that using it would send me tipping over the edge and into evil. It was good to exercise it since it was the only demonic power I ever let myself use. The rest of my demonic powers were stored safely in a locked box anyway and so I couldn't use my other demonic powers freely since it took a lot of anger to unleash them or a lot of concentration where no anger was involved.
I tucked my journal underneath my mattress which is where I'd always stored the journal that I was writing in at that point in time. My other journals were boxed under my bed but I'd placed a spell on them to protect them from anyone who wasn't me from seeing them. My journals contained all of my darkest secrets, including my demonic half and my thoughts on that side, as well as my anger towards that side. Even though my journals would probably make my family aware that I hated that side of myself, I still didn't want them finding out. If they ever found out who I was, it would be because I'd told them about my heritage, not because they'd accidentally stumbled across the information.
I rubbed my lips together in thought, deciding that there was something I needed to do today, especially since I would have peace and quiet to myself so no one would bother me or suggest I have company with me. I needed time to myself and more importantly, I needed time alone with her. With a firm nod of happiness at my decision, I got myself ready to go out, making sure to pull some thicker socks onto my feet to wear with my converse. I brushed my hair, leaving it to flow down around my shoulders and waist before pulling on my second favourite sweater, since my actual favourite had been burned during the demon attack from Drogba and Piper hadn't had a chance to get me another one yet. I didn't mind because I'd decided that if I had any birthday money left over from buying my witch items from Evaline's shop that I'd buy myself a new sweater as a present. I usually got money from Aunt Paige and Aunt Phoebe as well as Piper and Leo. Wyatt, Mel, Chris and Amy tended to put their money together to buy me a birthday present. We all did the same for Chris's birthday as well, which reminded me that I needed to buy him something. We were turning sixteen this year so I wanted to make sure I bought him something special, something to always remember me by as well as something he would treasure forever. What could I buy though? Perhaps I could meditate on it later. I hadn't meditated much recently which could explain my emotional outbursts since my meditation always helped to keep me grounded.
I headed back upstairs to grab my cell and shoulder bag, happy to see that my purse and house keys were in there before I opened the door to my closet to check how I looked in the mirror on the inside of the door. I'd chosen to wear my bright blue converse with black leggings and a printed, Aztec looking dress. I rarely wore clothes like these but felt as though I should make an effort and dress up for today. I wore my usual silver locket around my neck as well since I never took it off, not even when I showered. It was simple, with space for four pictures with pretty leaf and vine-like patterns on the front.
With one final nod at myself, I closed the door before taking a deep breath and shimmering to the cemetery where my mom was buried. Shimmering was a little like pinpointing Chris and Wyatt's location in that I knew where I needed to go to and my body reacted automatically by taking me there through my demonic ability. Finding Chris and Wyatt's location was just as simple because I could turn to the direction I knew I would find them in and my eyes would instantly land on them. Instead of my eyes finding my target, however, my body found the place that I wanted to go to.
My power had placed me right at the entrance to the cemetery, with the black, iron gates surrounding the place. The cemetery keeper had opened the gates this morning ready for visitors and they stood open, leaning against the rest of the gates either side of the entrance. There were painted, bronze looking balls on top of the black, iron gates and while I knew they were there for a pinch of colour, I thought the decoration was tasteless.
I stepped through the gates, feeling the sorrowful change in the air almost instantly, something that I'd always picked up on and it didn't matter if it was a cemetery or just a place where people had died. I began to learn that that was because of my Spirit connection and even despite my lack of element at the moment, I was still so used to the difference by now that I noticed it. My mom had been confused when I was younger because she used to visit a grave though I never remembered whose grave it was and she would often bring me with her. One day she'd been carrying me on her shoulders while I clutched at the flowers feeling scared. I'd felt the change in the air just a few feet down the road, even before stepping into the cemetery. I'd wiggled around until my mom finally settled me on the ground, on my feet and I could still remember the worried look on her face as I explained that I didn't like the sad, sombre feeling around the cemetery. I'd only been around three at that time and so we hadn't known the extent of my Spirit connection. It was only through Leo that we learned about my connection to Spirit as he had consulted with one of the Elders who told him what my weird feelings meant. Strange to think that even back then, the Elders hadn't been aware that I was the last descendant of Harmon Melvyn.
I sighed as the grass swished around my feet and I let my body quieten, just feeling the sadness that people's sorrow and grief had left behind. However unlike the times when I was younger, I made sure to keep my own feelings separate from the feelings left behind because otherwise I wouldn't be able to function. The feelings people left behind from their visits, were nothing compared to the feelings of grief, sadness, sorrow and anguish that people could feel during their visitation. I'd also learned this the hard way.
Unlike the times with my mom visiting this exact cemetery- to pay her respects to someone she never told me about- the times that I'd visited Aunt Prue's resting place with the Halliwells was much different. My mom had been very careful to not let me feel her grief, of course the odd bit drifted through to me but thanks to our telepathy abilities, she'd always made herself aware of my own thoughts and feelings, especially when I was younger and didn't always know what that horrible feeling was. The first time that I'd visited Aunt Prue's resting place was after I came to live with the Halliwells. I was seven, as was Chris- although we would be turning eight that year- and Wyatt was nine whereas Melinda was five and despite being young had always been quite wise for her age, something that was the same even now. We'd all joined Piper, Leo, Aunt Paige and Aunt Phoebe in the May of that year for the anniversary of Aunt Prue's death, something that we did every year. Unlike my mom, Aunt Prue had been cremated and we visited her memorial plaque though I'd never asked Piper if Aunt Prue's ashes were kept there or not, since it was a sore topic.
Anyway, unlike my mom, Piper hadn't quite been aware of the extent of my telepath/empath abilities and so she had grieved her sister of course as she did every time until then and every time afterwards. I also hadn't realised until that day just how much Piper and Aunt Phoebe missed their sister. I also hadn't realised until that day how much Aunt Paige missed and grieved for the sister that she wished she'd known. It was why I was always aware of their feelings whenever Aunt Prue was mentioned, worried in case speaking about her made them all upset. That day I'd been overcome by all of their emotions while Wyatt, Mel, Chris and I just stood there, not knowing what to do or say. Leo had made a point of staying with us but I knew that he still held a lot of sadness over Aunt Prue's death because she was there when he married Piper and he did so love her like a sister, just like how he had always loved Aunt Phoebe and how he'd loved Aunt Paige when she became part of the family. Their emotions had made it difficult for me to breathe and only Aunt Phoebe had been able to figure out what was wrong with me, thanks to her empath abilities.
Every year we went on the anniversary of her death from that point, I made sure to block myself off from everyone's emotions so that they would be able to mourn and grieve. That way they wouldn't have to worry about me passing out from their grief like I nearly did that first time. It didn't really matter where a person was buried and if they'd been cremated or not, their family's grief still lingered around their place of burial.
I stuffed my hands into the pockets of my leather jacket since the air was quite chilly today, not that I minded because I did prefer the colder weather to the warm weather. Luckily we had A/C at home in case it got too hot so the Manor was always cool even in hot weather but I avoided being outside for too long because the heat made me cranky.
I walked along the graves, reading off the headstones as I went, just happy to be outside in the fresh air, even if the air was heavy with sorrow here. One particular headstone caught my attention so with a frown I walked over to it.
The headstone was grey and in need of being cleaned up because vines wrapped themselves around the headstone. Even so I could still read the name of the person who was at rest here.
Lisa Greenford
Born 1964. Died 1989
Loving Daughter, Sister, Friend
Will be greatly missed
I frowned at this as I calculated her age in my head as I felt my mouth turn down out of sadness. I'd worked out that this woman had been 25 years old when she'd died which compared to how old people could actually live until in today's society, was extremely young. Based on the message on her headstone, I guessed that she'd never gotten married or had children although for all I knew she could've found her soulmate but had never been able to take that final leap. The idea of her leaving her soulmate, her parents and sibling behind was something I found incredibly sad. Based on what message had been chosen for her headstone, she seemed to be someone who had been loved in life and was probably still loved in death, assuming she had relatives and friends still alive who missed her.
I placed my hand on her headstone, bending slightly to look at her name as I felt the sorrow in my heart for this woman's shortened life. Living was a hard enough experience especially when people were so corrupt. However the life of a witch was even more difficult because as well as dealing with everyday life as a mortal would do, we also risked our lives to keep innocents safe. I wasn't sure whether this woman had been a witch or an innocent, she might not have been anything other than someone who had passed away before her time. It didn't matter, because her passing still made me sad. I closed my eyes and bowed my head.
"I'm sorry for your passing, Lisa Greenford. I wish you peace in your afterlife. May you look down upon your loved ones with happiness and guide them in their sadness. Blessed be" I said aloud, the wind snatching my words and throwing them across the cemetery.
I bowed my head a little further before straightening up and removing my hand from Lisa's headstone and with a deep breath, walked away from this woman's resting place and towards my mom. I wasn't sure why I'd stopped at Lisa's resting place. I just felt as though I had to pay my respects to the woman even though I'd never known her. Was Spirit at play here?
I walked past all of the headstones and towards the one at the very end on the right hand side. This was where my mom had been buried all those years ago. I'd come here so often at the beginning that I could find her with my eyes closed but as the years went by, I came here less and less until finally I only tended to visit her on her birthday and the anniversary of her death. I'd be coming here quite soon for the anniversary because she'd been killed by my father nearly two weeks after I'd turned six. We'd been lucky to have her funeral before Christmas since she'd been killed quite close to the holiday season. That year had been difficult, because I'd had Christmas presents from her that she wasn't here to see me open. That was also the first year I had Christmas completely at the Manor. Usually my mom and I would join Piper and her family the day after Christmas and have food together as well as exchange presents we had for each other. The year my mom had died, we did it all on the same day. I didn't leave my room for the entire week afterwards. Though I still had to deal with Mel back in those days because she also shared the same room as I did, just like we did nowadays.
Before I knew it, I was stood at the end of the patch of grass my mom was buried beneath. I pressed my lips together feeling them wobble already before I walked to sit beside her headstone. Just like Lisa's, my mom's headstone was looking a little unloved. I probably should've brought something with me so that I could clean her up a little. I hadn't thought of that though when I'd made the decision to come here this morning.
"Hi mom" I said, placing my hand on her headstone, trailing my fingers across the message that Piper and I had created together. My lips wobbled further as I read my mom's headstone.
Jezebel Irina Anderson
Born 1973. Died 2010
Loving Mother, Daughter, Sister, Friend
Will always be alive in the heart of her daughter
We will miss you dear one
I let my hand fall back into my lap as I crossed my legs, settling myself next to my mom as I had done so many times before as I felt the tears fall silently down my cheeks. I just stared at my mom's name, remembering how much she had hated it and that was why everyone called her 'Bel'. Apparently her middle name had been passed down from her great-grandmother- so she'd mentioned the once when I was younger- but her parents had always loved the name Jezebel. She'd gotten bullied for it at school because apparently there was a woman in the Bible called Jezebel who had been Queen of Israel. Apparently Queen Jezebel was known for her cunningness, evil nature and whorish ways. Piper had told me not too long ago that because my mom had originally gone to a Catholic Elementary school, she'd been bullied because of her link to the Queen of Israel. She was later transferred to the Elementary school where Piper and her sisters had attended and hence their friendship was born. Piper often said that if it hadn't been for my mom's name, she may have remained at that Catholic Elementary school- which was no longer around- and so as a result, things may have ended a lot differently. I knew that if that had been the case, my mom would've still been killed by my father, but I wouldn't have had anywhere to go. As a young witch, growing up under the care of social services could have been catastrophic for me and everyone involved, especially with how unstable I was in those days. Besides talking to my elements, when no one understood what I was doing, may have ended in me being labelled as crazy if I'd been in social services.
"I miss you" I whispered to the headstone, wishing with my entire being that my mom could hear me and could reply but I knew that would never happen. I'd tried time and time again in those first few years after her death.
"I really do miss you and I'm still so sorry for what happened, even ten years later. It haunts me, knowing that in your final moments you couldn't recognise me as your daughter because of what I did. I don't think I killed him, but I do know that if I had to do it all over again, it would still happen in exactly the same way. I would still use my demonic powers in the hopes of saving you. I'm just sorry that I was too weak to save you. I'm sorry that I couldn't get away fast enough to call for help. Perhaps if I'd been able to get Piper, you may have lived" I rambled, feeling the tears falling faster as the liquid clouded my vision and made it difficult to see my mom's name.
My heart and soul ached with the knowledge that if I'd been stronger or faster, I could've escaped and gotten help from Piper. There would never be any way of knowing if that was true and the what ifs were always brilliant ways of making my entire body ache with wanting what could never happen. Piper often told me over and over that what happened wasn't my fault, but it was. If I hadn't been born, my father wouldn't have killed my mother to get to me. That was something that no one would ever be allowed understand and know about.
"It hurts every day, knowing that in your final moments you despised what I was but I can't help how I was born. No child can ever help the way they are born. You should know that better than anyone. We didn't choose to be Melvyns, we were just born that way. Just like we are born to guide and protect the Warrens and Delaines, even though it always ends in our deaths or the loss of our powers." I sighed at this and bowed my head slightly.
"You may not have loved me in your final moments and I understand your reasons for that, mom. But I want you to know that no matter what, I always loved you and I will always love you, just like I will always miss you" I rambled before looking back at my mom's headstone and scrubbing my eyes with the sleeve of my jacket, dispersing the liquid that had built up and had blurred my vision. I focused once again on my mom's name.
"That's why I hope that wherever you are, you are looking down on me but that you hopefully no longer hate me. I hope that you can see that I try my very best to keep my demonic self hidden so that I don't hurt anyone else, especially the Halliwells. I hope you're proud of me for that, for not letting that side gain control and taint me anymore. I hope that you can see that I truly do love Piper and Leo and that I really love Wyatt, Mel and Chris for who they all are. I cherish them and I completely understand why you've always loved Piper, Aunt Phoebe, Aunt Paige and Aunt Prue. They're all wonderful women and I've always promised that I would never hurt them and I will continue to promise that I will never hurt them. I love them all too much to do that so I hope that you aren't angry at the fact that I've stayed with them, even though my entire existence could be putting them in danger. I promise I will always try my hardest to look after them." I nodded to myself as I said this, knowing that this was completely true because I would always protect my family as much as I could.
"Although," I sighed before continuing, "-if you are watching me from your afterlife then you'll know that at the moment I can't protect anyone, including myself. I've lost my connection to my elements. I mean, I know they're still there because they would never leave me. I know that my elements love me just as much as I love them but it's because I can't love myself that they've left me, just like you did." The tears started pouring again and I shook my head at myself, feeling annoyed that I was crying so much as I tried to blink the tears away. They only fell harder.
"But how can I love myself, mom? I know that only through that will my elements return but how can I love myself? I'm an actual monster. Half of myself is born from a monster who took pleasure in killing people and collecting powers from witches by killing them. I don't want to be like that and I'm so scared of what that side of me can do. I don't want to hurt those who I love. I'm scared that I might lose them so I refuse to open up but I still can't love myself. Just like I know that without knowing who I really am, the Halliwells will never fully love me either. They only love half of who I am and I wouldn't blame them if they refused to love the other half. Who would ever want to love a monster? Even you stopped loving my father when you realised who he really was and what he was capable of. It took you losing an innocent to his murderous ways to revaluate everything you knew about him. Because of that I'm not angry that you felt the same about me." I had to stop talking so that I could just cry. I wanted my mom to be able to hear me and she wouldn't hear me if all I did was sob through talking.
"But despite all of that. Despite the fact that I was born a monster even though I keep the monster hidden and on a leash, I still love them. Wyatt and Melinda are the brother and sister I've always wanted and after living with them and forming relationships with them, I can't imagine my life not having them in it. Wyatt is not only my brother but my soulmate. He understands me thanks to this bond we have and without him I'd be lost. He's my sanity and my logical side. He keeps me happy and upbeat and is always there, ready to save me from demons or myself, which is ironic since he does keep me safe from my demonic half. I know that if I ever revealed myself, he'd be the first to vanquish me, especially after the argument we had yesterday. He hasn't looked at me in the same way since and so I pay extra attention to keeping my demonic half sealed away. I am so happy that I earned Mel and Wyatt's trust and I don't want to do anything that would harm the relationships we have. I love them so much.
"Then there's Piper and Leo. Like I said, if you've been watching me then you'll know what my relationship with them is like. Leo is the father I would've always wanted to have and since my own father was never around, I don't feel guilty when I think of him as my dad. I just feel sad, knowing that he isn't when I've seen how wonderful of a dad he is to his own children. He seems to treat me as a daughter though which I'm so grateful for. Actually, Piper and Leo have never really treated me any differently to how they treat their own children. When I eventually got used to the idea that I would be living with them for the rest of my life, I opened up a little more and they've always loved me and thought of me as a daughter. I'd always known that but I guess I didn't want to admit it to myself? It took the potential idea of me dying or getting seriously injured for me to realise that it was time I admitted how I felt. I guess that means you're probably aware that I called Piper 'mom' yesterday? I thought I should probably call Leo 'dad' as well but I didn't want to take the excitement away from Piper at hearing me call her that. I didn't realise how much she loved me like a daughter until I finally called her 'mom'. I honestly thought she was going to cry for the entire day, but she managed to keep herself calm. Now I want you to know that just because I called Piper 'mom' doesn't mean I don't love you any less. It just took the events of yesterday to help me realise that while it is okay to mourn you, I shouldn't push everyone away, especially when my own Godmother and guardian was already another mother to me. I couldn't begrudge myself or Piper that any longer.
"Melinda made me realise a few weeks ago that Piper loves me but she's always been so scared about scaring me off or stepping on your toes. You know how much she loved you after all. I think, the fact that I've always called her sisters my aunts was something that was painful for Piper. I'd never called her Aunt Piper... whoa that just sounds weird... because she never felt like an aunt. I think, now I realise that she was always supposed to step into the mother role for me when you died. The fact that I didn't have anything to call her, I think made her scared to approach the subject because after we'd both learned to accept your death, she did see me as a daughter. The fact that she seems to want to pass Halliwell's to me at some point is proof of that. She's ready to groom me for it, in the way that only a parent would groom their child to take over the family business." I took a deep breath here as I looked away from my mom's name and instead up at the sky, which was covered with thick, white clouds as I closed my eyes and imagined my words travelling to my mom in the heavens.
"I love you, mommy. You will always have a place in my heart and through your death, you've given me a family. I won't ignore Piper or Leo any longer because it isn't fair to them. Wyatt and Mel think of me as a sister anyway and all three of the siblings know how much I adore their parents. I guess I never really hid my feelings about Piper and Leo from anyone, when I thought I actually had. Calling Piper my mom or Leo my dad, doesn't mean that I'm forgetting what you did for me. You looked after me as a baby, taught me to walk and talk. You introduced my powers to me and you even taught me to tie my laces, something that Chris was always jealous of because no matter how much his parents taught him, he couldn't do it. Without you, I would not be the person I am today, but the same is true of the Halliwells. Without them, I wouldn't have grown into the teenager I am today. I am blessed that I've had such a wonderful family, full of strong women to help me become the woman I know you would want me to be. I just hope that despite everything that happened that I'm making you proud and I promise that I will always save those in need. I will not give in to my demonic half but should that ever happen, I hope the Halliwells vanquish me. Though I have a feeling you probably wouldn't want me to find you in the afterlife, anyway."
I stroked my mom's headstone before returning my hands to my lap and linking my fingers together since my fingers were a little cold. My mom's headstone was cold, something that she had never been. She was always full of love and warmth and happiness, although she did suffer with poor circulation at times and so her fingers were always cold in winter.
I decided to sit in silence for a little while, enjoying the sound of the wind rustling through the leaves on the trees around me as the grass tickled my legs through my leggings. I was glad that I hadn't come out in just a dress because I would've been freezing. Without my elements, I seemed to be more aware of the change in temperature, even if it was only a tiny change. With my elements, I didn't notice the change in temperature unless it was a sudden increase or decrease. My elements had apparently been providing a lot more protection than I'd realise throughout all these years. I sighed, deciding to talk to my mom about the other thing that was bothering me.
"So, even though I've promised to keep the Halliwells safe, I have potentially put them in danger by my silly, childish ways" I began before taking a deep breath.
"I've long believed that each person has a soulmate, someone who is the right fit for them and compliments them completely. I believe it's true, probably even more so for witches who have elemental connections. The soulmate is important for the witch to keep their own balance in order to be able to help keep the entire world in balance. It's always been something that has interested me but because of my demon half, I knew it wouldn't be possible because that side of me would make it impossible to get close to anyone. I developed feelings for someone at school. His name's Josh and we've been going out for a few weeks. But the moment I said yes, something didn't feel right and I couldn't understand why. I just assumed it was my own personal issues with myself but as time went on I realised that wasn't correct. While still being with Josh, I realised that Chris is someone I am deeply connected to and I am apparently extremely attracted to. I thought the connection we had was because of our bond, but lately I've started to think differently. I'm bonded to Wyatt but I've never seen him as anything other than a brother. I even see Mel as a sister, but I've never seen Chris as a brother. He's just my best friend and without him I'm incomplete.
"Talking to Wyatt made me realise this. I mean, everyone has always questioned both Chris and myself why we don't have the relationship that Wyatt and I have but we've never been able to explain that. It was only when I realised that Wyatt and Amy's relationship was destined because of her elemental connection, that I thought Chris and I might be as well. The bond gives us certain feelings about each other. Wyatt and I, despite how much we love each other, are bonded in a way where we must put the other before ourselves. We are meant to protect each other with every part of our being. But with how I feel about Chris- and how I think he feels about me- we were never meant to have the connection that I have with Wyatt. Where I feel as though Wyatt is my King who must be protected for the sake of the kingdom, Chris is someone who is an extension of me. He is my equal, my soulmate and without him I can't achieve my mission of keeping the King safe. He protects my back when I am vulnerable, he picks me up when I'm at my lowest. Chris fills in the deepest parts of my soul to make sure that I can keep functioning to my maximum ability to keep Wyatt safe from evil." I hummed to myself in thought as I frowned and looked back at my mom's headstone.
"It makes sense to me now, but I'm not sure if you understand what I mean? I'm the only Melvyn to have ever been bonded to another person, never mind two people. Even Harmon didn't have this gift, or at least not that I'm aware of. I had to date Josh before I realised that my soulmate was already by my side but our lives are never simple are they mom? We're meant to protect the Charmed Ones, not fall in love with them surely? Not that I can ever let that happen because Aunt Phoebe falling in love with a half demon never worked out. I think such a love would be forbidden though I have a feeling that if you were sat here with me now, you'd tell me that once upon a time Piper and Leo's love was forbidden, just as Uncle Coop and Aunt Phoebe's love was forbidden. That may be the case but their love was meant to be because without the other they are weak. I feel that way with Chris but I'm worried that together we would be hopeless because of the secrets I have to keep in order to keep him safe.
"Not that he is safe, because apparently Josh believes that Chris's entire existence is wrong and the reason as to why I broke up with him. It was only in that moment of clarity and of following my heart where I realised that while Josh wasn't my soulmate, the reasons for the horrible feelings I had around him all of the time was because he could possibly be a demon. Chris, Wyatt and Mel all felt it but I didn't because I guess I was blinded by the feelings I thought I had for him. But I'm scared because if my suspicions are true, then Chris could be in danger and I can't help him or protect him without my powers." I sighed again, quite loudly as I looked up at the sky, hoping to see my mom but she wasn't there. She would never be there and if she was even watching me and listening to me now, she wouldn't want to reply. I was sure of it. She probably still hated me after all of this time. I frowned as I thought of something.
"The one thing that is bothering me though mom about my feelings for Chris, are those dreams I had about our future selves in the Halliwells' past. Piper and Leo said that they watched our relationship blossom and become an unstoppable force. They've met those versions of Chris and myself a few times over the years, mostly because my elements apparently told me to pop in and update them on any issues which I'm sure should be forbidden but anyway, Piper and Leo told me that my love for Chris and his love for me was just as pure as what they believed their own love to be. Piper and Leo's love wasn't fated or destined but I believed it did actually become a fated union once their love was shown to be pure and true for each other, when they stayed by each other despite their issues and despite their forbidden love. I've always admired that but from what they have said and from the way that I feel, it feels as though Chris was always meant to be my soulmate from the moment we were born on the same day in November. If that's the case, then by being destined to be together through all of these alternate, future timelines, does that mean that we don't have a say in how we feel? Do we love each other purely because destiny is telling us to? Is our love the result of the bonds that were forged in order to ensure our feelings for each other grew? I don't want to be in love with Chris and I don't want him to love me just because destiny has decided that we should be together. I want our relationship to be true and pure, just like Piper and Leo's because we chose it to be true and pure ourselves, not because something in the universe is telling us that it must be that way. I don't want to take Chris's future away from him, just because someone decided before our birth that we were destined to be together. It isn't fair on him. He deserves someone to love him because that is how they have always felt about him because of who he is, not because of some predetermined design to ensure the world is kept safe or whatever" I ranted. This idea had been bothering me for a long time.
I blinked up at the sky and frowned at my mom and at the Elders. Leo always said that the Elders didn't peep constantly but I would like to think that at moments like this that they did. I knew that they couldn't intervene which meant that the knowledge they probably had about my demonic half was safe, until such a time as it was probably revealed. All secrets had to be revealed eventually.
"I know that I love Christopher Halliwell and I always have done, even before I knew what the emotion was. How can I not? He's a wonderful human being and he's my better half. But I don't want to love him if it's because the Elders want us together to be some force of good in the world. Surely the two of us can be a force of good together because of our bond even if we find love with someone else? I don't want my choice to be taken away and I certainly don't want Chris's choice to be taken away from him either. If we are engaged or married in the future like Piper and Leo have said we are and like my dreams showed, then I'm assuming that if we are destined to be together, it also means that we are destined to have children. Now, Piper and Leo's union resulted in Wyatt, the most powerful Warren witch ever. I know that the Elders could never have foreseen that, but with that knowledge and hindsight, I don't want any relationship I have to be destined simply so that I can create a powerful child to work for the forces of good. It isn't fair to any potential children I have or the partner who has been decided for me. Do you understand that? I know that I can't possibly be destined for Chris because why would you let a future Charmed One fall in love with a half demon? Surely, Elders, you've learned your lesson from what happened with Cole and Aunt Phoebe? I just want to understand what's happening. I'm supposed to guide the Charmed line, not fall in love with them? Right? But even so, loving Chris feels right. Is that because my elements have chosen him as my soulmate as Elementals typically do and so by my elements' design he is my destiny? Or is it because you, the Elders, have decided that by pushing a Melvyn and a Warren together that you'd have a potent force of good in our union and potential offspring? If so, then that's sick!" I huffed before looking back at my mom and smiling slightly at her.
"It would be nice if you could be here mom for me to talk to about this. I can't talk to any of the Halliwells because I don't want to encourage Piper and Leo because of what they already think and feel about my relationship with Chris and Mel and Wyatt would just tease me. I mean, I could talk to Amy but everyone thinks there is something between me and Chris anyway so I don't feel like I'd get any decent advice. I might think of Piper as my mom now, but even there are limits as to what I can talk to her about. The same can be said for my aunts and for Billie. I need someone who wouldn't judge to give me advice and even though I'm your daughter I know you would've kept a clear head and given me your thoughts as a woman and then your thoughts as my mom. I guess that's the best thing about us Melvyns, right mom?" I smiled and laughed a little to myself before bowing my head one last time.
"I just wanted to come and talk to you. Usually talking to you helps me decide what to do and helps me to realise things. I think saying your problems out loud helps to make them real enough to deal with, rather than something that just bugs you in the back of your mind. But I love you. One day hopefully I'll see you and you'll welcome me with open arms. Until that day, I'll continue trying to be the person I think you would want me to be. I love you mom."
It was getting a little chilly and I decided that getting ready to leave would be a good idea. I stroked my mom's headstone one last time before pushing myself to my feet and looking down at her resting place.
"I'm sorry I didn't bring you any flowers. Your anniversary is soon so we'll all be coming down to visit you. I'll bring flowers then and I'll make sure to bring something with me so that I can make your headstone all sparkly and shiny. It's looking a little dirty and unloved and you are definitely loved so I need to fix that. I'll see you soon, mommy."
I pressed my lips together before breathing in deeply through my nose as I left my mom and made my way back to the front gates of the cemetery. The air felt heavier and I looked up, seeing grey clouds rolling in from The Bay which made me frown. It seemed like a storm was coming but I wasn't sure what kind of storm it was. The air didn't feel heavy with rain, just with power in general. Was this Amy's doing?
I shook my head at myself but couldn't ignore the sudden urge I had at seeing the clouds. I wanted water. I had to be by the water. Water was calming, soothing and energising. I needed her help.
With a sigh, I glanced around, seeing that I was the only one in the cemetery, even so I moved near to a tree hoping to shield myself just in case anyone looked over and saw me there. I thought of the Bay. It was the place my mom had taken me to when I was four years old to bond with Water and I was always fond of the Bay. We'd gone there as children when the weather was nice just to have picnics and splash around in the water. It had taken a few times of going there until Melinda felt comfortable wading into the water. Now she was happy to swim in the water, as long as I was by her side.
I felt my body become lighter as I kept my eyes squeezed shut and thought of the Bay. In particular, I thought of the part that the Golden Gate Bridge overlooked, where there was a little sandy beach that had kept us children occupied for hours with building sandcastles. We tended to have a competition with our cousins to see who could build the best sandcastles. It was always a draw, but I believed that our family had always made it to be a draw so that no one lost. We would learn how it felt to lose a lot as we grew older and I was grateful that our family had tried to keep our innocence.
The sound of the water made me open my eyes and I grinned, seeing that I was standing on the little beach that I'd been thinking of. The Golden Gate Bridge stood a few kilometres away on my right and the sound of birds echoed overhead. The beach was quiet today, a lot different than what it was usually like since it tended to be full of children whenever we'd come in the past. The quiet was something I was grateful for today.
With a grin, I pulled off my converse and socks and left them where I was standing, before I also removed my leggings, leaving my legs bare. My outfit today had been perfect for this. I could leave my bare skin to dry off and then pull my leggings on afterwards to keep myself warm.
I discarded my clothes on top of my converse before making my way over to where the water met the sand and I stood there, letting the water lap at my toes. I bit my lip as my body shivered since the water was cold but I ignored it and walked in until the water was a little below the hem of my dress.
My legs were encased in water all the way up to my mid thighs. I let my hands rest on the surface of the water, playfully caressing the waves. If I had my elements right now, I knew Water would be so happy. She'd be encouraging me to play with the water, but the lack of my elements made me empty and sad and cold.
I closed my eyes, choosing instead to enjoy the feeling of the cold water surrounding me while I listened to the sounds and felt the wind around me. My breathing slowed and I felt my body become heavier and calmer as I let the water bat at my body, flowing with it, becoming one with the Bay. My toes squelched into the wet sand beneath my feet and the feeling of touching the earth made my body float happily.
The wind rustled my hair and I felt my entire body, heart and soul feel peaceful, something it hadn't felt in a long time. I felt at one with the world as though I was equally powerful and vulnerable, loved my many and also loved by few. The wind caressed my eyelids and blew my red hair around my body and I was aware of my hair tapping at the surface of the water teasingly. How it did that I wasn't sure because my hair wasn't near to the surface of the water, but somehow it managed. I knew I would probably be freezing by the time I stepped out of the water, but I didn't mind. Feeling at one with the world was definitely worth it. I needed some time to myself, to stay calm and focused.
Loved one I heard whispers on the wind and ignored the urge to open my eyes in the hopes of searching for my elements. I wouldn't find them in front of me, they only existed inside of me now. Not that I'd ever been able to see them before anyway apart from when they interacted with things around me, though it was only Air who tended to do that because of his ability to influence air particles around objects.
My beloved elements I replied to them and felt my soul flutter slightly with happiness. They were happy that I could hear them.
We are always with you, Lila. Wherever you go we will follow and we will always put our faith in you, in your abilities and in your love for us Earth whispered and I felt the sand between my feet become warmer as I felt my element's love for me. Earth was never afraid of showing me how much she loved me.
We will always love you, Lila Air whispered and my hair tickled my face, making me wiggle my nose.
We will always support you, Lila Water whispered and the surface of the water grew warm where my palms touched it and where the water lapped at my thighs and legs.
We will always protect you, Lila Fire whispered and I felt my cheeks, lips and nose tingle with sudden warmth making me realise how cold I really was.
You will always be important and treasured by us, Lila. You will always be treasured by those who you love and you will always have your angels watching over you. But remember you must treasure yourself including the darkest parts that you refuse to accept Spirit whispered and I felt a part of myself sigh in happiness and sadness deep within my soul.
You must accept yourself, Loved One. You have much to do with your life and we will grow with you. You are wonderful but you refuse to see that you are wonderful just the way you are. You were born with your connection to us and your demonic half and that is why you are dear the elements all whispered as one. I smiled at this.
Thank you elements but acceptance of myself isn't an easy thing to do. How can I accept the part of myself that is destructive and murderous and power hungry? I wondered and heard my elements sigh sadly from deep within me as well as from the little areas they had manifested in.
Trust in the love you have for those around you. Love will never lead you wrong and it will show you the truth. All is not as simple as you believe, Lila. Only you can be who you are and only you can decide who that person will be. You are not defined by your birth and genetics but by your choices and the love you give and receive from others the elements whispered again and I felt myself frown in confusion. I didn't understand what my elements were trying to say.
Do not fear, Loved One. All will be revealed in time. Trust yourself. Trust your bonds. Trust us. You will never be lead wrong. We love you but as the Melvyn Elemental you cannot neglect your true self and your duties forever. One day, you must face your secrets Spirit whispered and I sighed.
Okay Spirit. I trust in you as my elements and I trust in the bonds as gifts given to me by the five of you. I will rise up to my responsibilities when the time draws near I replied and felt my elements sigh in happiness.
I wiggled my toes and fingers and felt my body become a little warmer but not by much. The feeling returned to my body and I felt myself wake up from a long sleep that I hadn't realised I'd gone into. It seemed that the feeling of happiness and freedom that being in the water had given me had ended up in a small meditation session that I hadn't consciously entered. That meant that my elements were staying safe in my unconscious and from their safe areas, they had been allowed to talk to me as I slowly succumbed to a form of unconscious only granted by meditation.
I opened my eyes, seeing that the clouds had become darker. The light of the sun had moved as well suggesting that a lot more hours had passed than what I'd realised. I should be going home soon but I couldn't face the idea of being in the Manor on my own. Wyatt and Chris both had practice today. I'd been annoyed that I was missing out after promising Chris that I would come his practices from now on and so Mel had offered to stay with her brother. She would do her homework and watch Chris so that she could report back to me. Amy was staying with Wyatt as his team were getting ready for their game this Friday. I knew they would all walk back home together, although I was positive that Wyatt would walk Amy home first, before coming back home to the Manor afterwards. Leo had a busy day of teaching and meetings so he wouldn't be back home for another few hours yet and Piper was on chef duty today so she wouldn't finish until it was time for dinner. I really should get back home and cook something but I couldn't help the fact that I wasn't ready to go back just yet.
I made my way out of the water before picking up my clothes and shimmering to a little grass area near to the Bay. This was where we'd had picnics as children before and had played while Leo and Piper watched us. In the beginning, I had stayed sitting with them as Wyatt, Chris and Mel played together, or sometimes played with their cousins if Aunt Phoebe and Aunt Paige joined us. I would often sit so close to Leo that my side would be pressed against his but he never said anything. In fact none of the adults ever nagged me to go and play with the rest of the children. I enjoyed those times because I got to listen to the sisters talking and I often found out how their jobs and lives were going. They tended not to drop in randomly in the first year after my mom died, probably because they were worried about how I would react. Nowadays, I'd gotten used to them randomly appearing. Which reminded me, I had no clue why Aunt Paige and Aunt Phoebe had been at the Manor yesterday. I could always go and find out.
* * *
I walked down the street, my arms wrapped around my torso as I tried my best to not shiver. If I'd had Fire, I would've used him to dry myself off but I didn't and so I'd had to dry off naturally. After thirty minutes I gave up and got dressed in my leggings, socks and converse again. I felt a lot better for it but I was still cold. I had shimmered back to the cemetery and decided to make my way from there. I couldn't exactly shimmer to the place that I wanted to go to because there weren't a lot of back streets or alleyways nearby that I could hide in. I just had to deal with walking.
I smiled when I finally saw the sign mounted on the front of the building. I hadn't been here in a long time because I'd never really needed to come here. I'd come once with P.J since she'd been looking for her mom- but I couldn't remember why P.J had needed Aunt Phoebe- and that had been the first and only time I'd been to the headquarters for The Bay Mirror. I'd never looked for Aunt Phoebe before because if I needed her, Piper usually called her sisters and Aunt Paige orbed them to the Manor. I thought it might be a nice surprise for her- hopefully if she wasn't too busy- and I'd have some company. I always felt better for spending time with Aunt Phoebe. We could talk about anything and I'd still leave feeling refreshed, even if I didn't talk about my problems. Aunt Phoebe had a way of always keeping me calm, just like Uncle Coop.
I walked up the stairs and through the front door before making my way up to the offices. I turned at the top of the stairs and saw Aunt Phoebe's poster for her advice column, though the years had changed her column slightly as she provided advice for individuals or couples on their love lives. She'd been interested in that aspect of her work since she fell in love with Uncle Coop as she had found her soulmate and wanted other people to find their soulmates. Perhaps I could ask for her opinion on my situation? Based on my dreams, the future selves of Chris and myself had bonded quite a lot with Aunt Phoebe back in the day. I knew she wouldn't judge me since her Empath powers and connection to Uncle Coop made her more aware of people's feelings, though that could also be because she had a Masters in Psychology. She was good at figuring people out and something told me that had gotten better as she'd gotten older.
I looked through the glass window and into the hustle and bustle of The Bay Mirror. There were desks along the walls with people sat down, typing away at their computers. Their colleagues hurried back and forth while the printer and photocopier whirred, spitting out paper. I bit my lip as I saw how hectic things were in the main part of the office. Aunt Phoebe had her own office and had done ever since she started as the paper's advice columnist but even so it was easy to tell that everyone was busy, which probably included Aunt Phoebe.
"I should've called first to make sure she wasn't busy" I sighed to myself.
"Lila-Rose? Is that you?" a familiar voice asked and I turned to see Elise Rothman walking down the corridor to me. I smiled at her and nodded.
"Hi Elise."
Elise was a good friend of Aunt Phoebe's and she was the editor-in-chief of The Bay Mirror. Jason Dean still owned the paper and while his relationship with Aunt Phoebe had ended abruptly when he found out that she was a witch, they harboured no ill feelings towards each other. Actually he was happy that Aunt Phoebe had found her soulmate and he was happily married with a son as well. The two of them were good friends. Actually, not only did Jason know that Aunt Phoebe was a witch, but Elise knew as well. Elise had actually found it quite interesting and whenever Aunt Phoebe mentioned that she had a 'family emergency' after that, Elise knew it meant that she had witch things to do. Now Aunt Phoebe wasn't worried about her identity at work anymore, though Elise still pressured her to get her work done for deadlines.
"It's been a while. How are you?" I smiled at Aunt Phoebe's friend and boss.
"I'm good. How are you?" She smiled and nodded and I guessed that meant that she was doing well. Her smile soon became a frown as she looked at me carefully.
"Are you looking for Phoebe?" I pressed my lips together and nodded.
"Yeah, I was hoping to surprise her. I've never really visited her at work before though and I'm guessing you have a deadline soon" I replied and Elise smiled as I felt my own smile disappear. I'd been looking forward to surprising Aunt Phoebe at work ever since I decided to visit her when I'd finished meditating.
It was easier to surprise Aunt Phoebe at work than it was to surprise Aunt Paige since she was a full time whitelighter now and didn't really have an office I could visit in order to surprise her. She was also in charge of recruiting students through her whitelighter abilities and sending them to Magic School to learn about their powers. But, she still didn't have an actual office for doing that and it would be weird for me to turn up at Uncle Henry's place of work to look for Aunt Paige. If I did that Uncle Henry would probably freak out and worry that something had happened. He was a mortal after all and so he still didn't understand much about witchcraft but he was always happy to listen and try to understand when he needed to.
"Well come on then. Your aunt is in her office as always and you look like you need warming up. Is it that cold outside?" I smiled as Elise wrapped her arm around my shoulders and steered me through the chaos of her employees and to the door leading to Aunt Phoebe's office.
As usual her blinds were closed, giving her the impression of being alone and in a quiet space since Aunt Phoebe worked better when she felt separated from the chaos of the rest of the office. It did make sense though in my opinion. I couldn't do homework if the Manor was chaotic, which was why Wyatt and I tended to stay in the conservatory, out of the way of everyone else so that we could work.
Elise knocked on the door, placing me so that I was hidden from Aunt Phoebe's immediate view, before she opened the door and poked her head around.
"I know you're busy, but there's someone here for you."
"Who is it Elise?" I heard Aunt Phoebe ask and I smiled as Elise looked at me and motioned me over with her head. She stepped away from the door so that I could take her place.
Aunt Phoebe was looking at us over the top of her glasses, since they were perched on her nose. Her brown hair was pulled back into a ponytail and I could see that she was wearing her cream blouse that Mel and I had bought for her birthday this year. We'd been looking for a present for Aunt Phoebe and when we saw this blouse we knew it would be perfect for her.
I watched as her pink painted lips pulled up into a surprised, but happy, smile. She removed her glasses, letting them hang down around her neck before she stood up and hurried around her desk before hugging me tightly against her. I grinned and hugged her back, breathing in her pretty, floral smell.
"Lila!" she breathed happily before she pushed me away and observed me. A frown soon replaced her smile and she jostled me out of the way to lean her head around the door.
"Sophie?" she called and I glanced over to my right, seeing her assistant glance up from what she was doing on her computer before she smiled.
"Can you get us three mugs of hot chocolate please? Make sure one of them has two spoons of sugar, extra whipped cream, a handful of marshmallows and some chocolate sprinkles please?" Aunt Phoebe asked and Sophie smiled, looking at me and back to my aunt before nodding.
"I'll get those right away." Aunt Phoebe grinned and nodded before she turned to Elise.
"Thank you for bringing her to me, Elise." With that she ushered me into her office, closing the door behind me before standing in front of her desk, her hands on her hips.
"Aren't you supposed to be staying at home to rest today?" came a voice from behind me and I squealed in surprise before turning around to see who was there.
He laughed at my reaction and I glared at my uncle seeing that he was sitting comfortably on the little couch that Aunt Phoebe had in her office. I crossed my arms at him, feeling my cheeks heat up in embarrassment. I couldn't help that I was jumpy lately.
"Don't you have your own job to do, Uncle Coop?" I retorted and he grinned before pushing himself to his feet and walking over to me.
"Of course I do. I'm on a break and visiting my wife. What's your excuse?" he grinned and I laughed as he pulled me in for a hug.
Despite how tall and muscly Uncle Coop was, he was in fact a teddy bear. Although when it came to his wife and daughters, he could be pretty scary but he always gave the best hugs, second to Wyatt and Chris of course. I heard him chuckle at this as he pulled away. Thanks to my empathy ability, along with Aunt Phoebe's, Uncle Coop had gotten a lot better at understanding people without needing to use his ring, though he was a lot better at understanding how Aunt Phoebe and I were feeling. I did love Uncle Coop, though I felt bad for Uncle Henry because I wasn't as close to him, but I knew Wyatt adored him. We didn't have favourites in our family but we did have aunts and uncles who we were probably closer to. I was a lot closer to Aunt Phoebe and Uncle Coop, whereas Wyatt and Chris were closer to Aunt Paige and Uncle Henry. Mel floated between her two aunts and uncles though since she was happy to have both couples in her life.
I sighed as I looked up at Uncle Coop and he frowned at me before placing his hand on my head and nodding in understanding.
"It's been a difficult few days for you hasn't it kiddo?" he asked simply and I pressed my lips together, holding back the tears as I nodded at him. He stroked my head before smiling at me.
"It's okay to cry, Lila. You know your aunt and I would never judge you for anything that you do" he stated and I grinned at him before nodding. Instead of saying anything, I just hugged him tightly. I truly did love Aunt Phoebe and Uncle Coop. I just hoped that everything would be okay in the end. With a sigh, Uncle Coop pushed himself away and I looked at Aunt Phoebe, seeing that she was looking sad about something.
"I'm sorry for dropping by so suddenly," I began and she frowned at me, "-I just didn't want to stay at home by myself and I thought you might like the surprise of seeing me. I haven't seen you much lately" I stated and she smiled at me, just as the door knocked.
Uncle Coop went to open it and there stood Sophie, holding three mugs of hot chocolate. Uncle Coop thanked her before taking the mugs and giving one to Aunt Phoebe before giving the one with a mountain of whipped cream, marshmallows and chocolate sprinkles to me. I grinned at this causing my aunt and uncle to laugh at me.
I sat down on the couch next to Uncle Coop and he sighed before a warm blanket was suddenly thrust upon my body and I grinned at him gratefully before getting myself comfortable and tucking the blanket around my body.
"So...?" Aunt Phoebe began and I smiled at her before shaking my head. We didn't even need to ask the full question with each other. That's how well my aunt and uncle understood me and how well I understood them.
"Well, everyone's at school. Mom is doing chef duties today and dad is teaching as well as being busy with meetings. I was bored and honestly, the argument Wyatt and I had yesterday is still really bothering me. I've been awake since everyone got up for school this morning. Mom and I had breakfast before she left so I sat in the back yard writing in my journal but then I felt a little restless." I began but I was aware of Aunt Phoebe and Uncle Coop's surprise whenever I called Piper 'mom' and Leo 'dad' although I hadn't actually called him 'dad' to his face yet. Perhaps I should've called Leo 'dad' before calling him that while explaining things to my family. Even though they were surprised, neither of them interrupted, instead Aunt Phoebe just nodded, telling me to carry on.
"Well, I decided to visit my mom. I haven't seen her recently and even though her anniversary is only a few weeks away I felt like I had a lot to talk to her about and a lot that I needed to ask her. Of course, she can't reply but it makes me feel better, hoping she's listening." I shrugged, trying to pretend it wasn't a big deal as I wrapped my hands around the warm mug and ate some of the whipped cream and a marshmallow. Uncle Coop's hand soon appeared on my head as he sighed.
"I promise you she's listening kiddo. She's your mom and no matter what she loves you and she will continue to love you from where she is" he reassured and I smiled at him before nodding. I focused on Aunt Phoebe, deciding to ask her what was bothering me.
"Aunt Phoebe? Is it possible for a daughter to surprise her mom so much that she scares her and ends up with her mom hating her?" I asked, knowing that Aunt Phoebe- out of all the Halliwells- would never push for an explanation. I heard Uncle Coop sigh and noticed Aunt Phoebe look at her husband in worry before she turned back to me and smiled.
"A mother always worries about her daughter. Sometimes we don't realise just how much our baby has grown until they do something we never expected they would be able to do. We realise they are growing up so fast and there's nothing we can do to slow down time. In that moment of panic we try and cling to the baby we know them to be and we may say things that we later regret but in the mother's eyes, her daughter can do no wrong. No matter what has happened or may happen, your mom will always love you. There is nothing you can do to change that, just like I know Piper will always love you as well" Aunt Phoebe replied and I smiled at her before nodding.
Perhaps that's what had happened with my mom? In her moment of pain and fear and panic, she lashed out at me, scared and surprised that I had used my powers like that. She realised that even though I was wise for a six year old, that I would never be a child again after that. In that panic she had said things that she never meant and her death meant that these things could never be corrected and I'd spent the last ten years believing she hated me. I reacted out of fear, panic and stress all of the time and I'd said things over the years that I hadn't meant, especially to Piper and Leo. Children took their problems out on their parents and sometimes parents did the same to their children. I could only hope that what Aunt Phoebe said was true.
"Does that make sense?" Aunt Phoebe asked and I blinked, realising that Uncle Coop was rubbing the top of my head, something he did as a way to stop me stressing when I was younger. Actually, it was thanks to Uncle Coop's help over the years that Wyatt, Chris and I had been able to understand and control our bond. He had a similar thing with Aunt Phoebe in that they understood each other completely, plus they could literally will the other to come to them if they thought about them hard enough. I smiled and nodded.
"Yes it does. Thank you Aunt Phoebe." She just smiled and nodded as I ate some more whipped cream, slowly making my way to my drink.
"I know it's gotten colder outside, but there's no way you're this cold simply from walking here from the cemetery?" Uncle Coop asked and I knew what he was hinting at so I turned to smile at him. He just chuckled and I frowned as he pointed to his own lip. I flicked my tongue out, wiping off some of the froth from my hot chocolate. He chuckled at me and I stuck my tongue out at him. My aunt and uncle didn't mind me being a little childish with them. I believed that was because they knew I tried to be strong for Piper and her children, not that Aunt Phoebe would ever tell her sister that. She was terrible at keeping secrets of importance, but when it came to something that was bothering me, she simply told me to talk it out with the person I needed to talk to.
"You're right. I decided to head to the Bay. I went in the water for a while and kind of meditated. It allowed me a tiny bit of access to my elements and I heard them for a little while" I explained and Uncle Coop nodded before he frowned at me.
"Did they tell you what to do?" I sighed and nodded and he smiled at me.
"But telling you what to do and actually acting on it are two different things, right kiddo?" he asked gently and I nodded at him. Uncle Coop always understood me, sometimes better than Wyatt did. I heard him sigh at this.
"That's because I'm old, Lila-Rose. I've had plenty of experience as a cupid to know where to draw the line. I simply offer support and hugs and advice when asked, although you don't ask for hugs since you're happy to be hugged all of the time" Uncle Coop teased and I just laughed a little. He had a point there. Uncle Coop often called me a hugging machine. He became serious again though and I heard Aunt Phoebe sigh.
"You've always come to us when you needed help, sweetie. You know that we will always be here for you and we understand that sometimes, going to Piper and Leo or Wyatt and Chris is difficult for you. You live with them and so you don't want to worry them. We know that when you ask for help, that it's a big thing and we love that you trust us. But with age comes wisdom and after knowing you for your entire life, we know not to push you into talking when you don't want to. We know how helpful a hug or sitting down and having hot chocolate with us is for you" Aunt Phoebe explained and I smiled at her before frowning.
"So, why does Wyatt not understand that?" I asked, feeling sad that my own brother couldn't understand me at times, even though we were bonded. Both of the adults in the room sighed and I watched as they exchanged a look with each other before I turned to Uncle Coop, a frown on my face and he smiled at me.
"Wyatt is your brother and he does things from the protective instinct that he has for his sister. He's the same way with Melinda as well." Uncle Coop paused and I nodded even though he had explained it, not asking for my opinion but he still smiled.
"Sometimes he's more protective than Piper and Leo are over you because your bond allows him to understand you in a way no one else can. You've often said that he's your protector and you are his but that's as far as your bond will stretch. When he knows something is wrong, he tries to pull it out of you, believing that in finding out the problem that he can protect you from it." I pressed my lips together in thought.
"If there's one thing that I do know about you, Lila-Rose it's that you don't open up easily. You probably won't even open up to Wyatt because he pushes you too much and I think even he knows that, but he can't help wanting to protect you. Now, if you had a more romantic relationship rather a sibling one, things may be different." Uncle Coop snorted at my disgusted shiver but I pushed it away and looked at him questionably. He smiled gently at me.
"To love another is to give not only your heart but your soul. Both Wyatt and Chris have your soul but only by having your heart will they really realise what you need. Wyatt will continue to be bonded to your soul but his heart and your heart are meant for different people." I sighed and nodded.
"You're taking about soulmates right?" Uncle Coop nodded and I looked back at Aunt Phoebe.
"I've already got two soulmates, technically." She smiled and nodded.
"In a sense, yes. But they aren't true soulmates, sweetie." I frowned and she smiled at me as she readjusted herself on her desk chair. She'd been sitting here the whole time but she'd wheeled herself away from her computer so that she could look at us both easily over the stacks of papers she kept on her desk.
"You do have two soulmates, in a way that no one else would ever have. But they are not soulmates in the sense that Piper and Leo are, or your uncle and I, or Paige and Henry. Just because Wyatt and Chris are spiritually bonded to your soul and you share parts of each other, does not make them your soulmates. It's only through loving each other unconditionally, having no secrets and giving part of yourself up so that that person can understand you, that you have a soulmate." I watched her carefully before pressing my lips together and nodding and taking a sip of my drink.
"How did you two know?" I asked them and was met by silent contemplation.
"Well, we didn't know right away of course. We didn't realise that the Elders had allowed our relationship and so we fought against it" Aunt Phoebe began and I turned my body slightly, seeing Uncle Coop nodding in agreement as they smiled at each other. Anyone could tell from that smile just how much they loved each other.
"Mostly it was this attraction towards each other. We'd always felt it, more so when Phoebe allowed her heart to be open to love again." I didn't miss the teasing in Uncle Coop's voice and Aunt Phoebe just grinned at him, "-it was this instant connection that we couldn't ignore anymore. Mostly it was this desire to be with each other all of the time. The knowledge that when we were together, everything felt right. The whole world felt better when we were together and when we were apart, it hurt too much." I nodded at Uncle Coop's explanation, completely understanding what he meant as Aunt Phoebe cleared her throat and I looked at her but I could still see Uncle Coop.
"Is there something you want to tell us?" She smiled knowingly and I sighed but nodded at her, deciding not to tell them completely until I was sure of it myself.
"Well, how do you know that this person is your soulmate? That the two of you together make the perfect pair because your souls know each other? Not just because destiny has decided that you should be together for the good of the world?" I asked and saw the two of them frown at me.
"I'm not sure I understand what you're asking, kiddo?" Uncle Coop replied and I bit my lip in worry as I looked at him. How did I explain without giving too much away? I wasn't sure how to explain it without actually telling them. I couldn't get out of actually talking about this but at least I knew with Aunt Phoebe and Uncle Coop I would get the advice I wanted, rather than the excitement if I asked Piper or Leo. I looked at Aunt Phoebe. She would understand a lot better than Uncle Coop because she'd watched our older selves interact many times.
"How do I know that he's my soulmate, Aunt Phoebe? How do I know that we are soulmates because we love each other? I'm worried that knowing that our future selves got engaged is what has caused these emotions? The Elders know all about our relationship in the future, how do I know that my feelings towards him aren't because the Elders have decided that we should be destined because of what has happened in the future? How do I know that my love for him isn't just because someone has decided we should be together in order to make sure the future doesn't change too much and to make sure that we have powerful children? How do I know that the reason I love him is because it feels right in my heart and not just something that has been predetermined by someone else?" Aunt Phoebe's face dropped at this and I saw my sadness on her face.
"How do I know that any feelings he might have for me are what he actually feels and not just because we're bonded and my emotions are accidentally making him feel something? How do I know that my feelings are my own and not just something that has been messed with?" I asked and they both sighed at me as Aunt Phoebe looked at Uncle Coop before her brown eyes settled back on my own.
Her eyes showed understanding and happiness but also a deep rooted sadness and I felt as though Aunt Phoebe understood more than she was willing to show. I pressed my lips and tried to pull my feelings back into myself. I didn't want to upset her at all and I knew that I could be a strong projector sometimes. I didn't want to overpower her. She smiled and shook her head at me.
"Being a teenager is difficult for anyone. Hormones control you more than what they should and everything is confusing. You're just like every teenager, Lila in that you are still trying to figure out who you are. You grew up too fast and that is something I will always be sorry for because we weren't there to help you when you needed us."
Uncle Coop wrapped his arm around my shoulders and pulled me against his body. I let him because I knew that he was doing what Leo would do. It was the father inside of him trying to offer me comfort and protect me in a way only he knew how. I smiled slightly but focused on Aunt Phoebe, allowing her feelings to move freely throughout me and felt the truth of her words. My mom's death meant I'd grown up quickly and she was deeply saddened by it because I never got to have a normal childhood, not in the way that her girls had. Since she had three daughters whom she was close with, Aunt Phoebe could only imagine the pain I suffered through at losing my mom, my only blood family.
"I understand that being a witch makes it even more difficult to form a bond with anyone because you're worried that your abilities will put them in harm's way. However it's even more difficult for an Elemental. Your Uncle and I were talking about it before you walked in, actually, that Elementals are more likely to have soulmates due to their elements needing balance not only within yourself but in your romantic relationships and that the elements usually direct you to your soulmate." I nodded at Aunt Phoebe's ramble. She rambled a lot when she was thinking. It was equally amusing and cute and I had a feeling that Uncle Coop would agree with me there.
"You're not sixteen yet and you already have so much on your shoulders so it makes sense that you are confused about relationships. One thing I can say though is whether your relationship is destined or not, only you can choose to follow that destiny by allowing yourself to get close to your soulmate, or ignore it by choosing to stay away from them. Most people don't realise they've found their soulmates until they are with that individual, but with you I guess you're more aware which makes you scared of getting close to him. It's understandable Lila-Rose, but one thing I will say that I have seen from being near you both is that the way you feel about each other is under your own control. If it wasn't, you would've realised your feelings years ago when you first developed them, instead neither of you realised how you felt and it took that horrible relationship for him to realise why things had been so wrong. It took you until now to realise, though I think you've unconsciously known for a long time." Aunt Phoebe paused to let that sink in.
"One thing I know from being a Cupid, kiddo, is that not even we can force two people to love each other if they don't want to fall for that person. We can guide them and give them hints, but unless they open themselves up to that person, nothing will ever happen. All relationships that are destined are full of hints and feelings but that's it. Destiny tries to get you to find your soulmate and to interact with them but after that point, everything is left to the people involved. Piper and Leo made their own destiny, now they wouldn't want to be without each other. Just because you've already seen your destiny, doesn't mean that the feelings you have aren't real. They are real, especially if you let yourself love him in the way that you want to and the way that you both deserved to be loved." I smiled and nodded.
"Thank you both." Aunt Phoebe and Uncle Coop just smiled.
"I think that's probably why you and Wyatt argue about things sometimes. If your brother understood you completely, then there wouldn't be anything that your soulmate could do to help you or ease your pain" Uncle Coop suggested and I frowned at him before nodding slightly as I thought about Wyatt and Chris and even Amy. He had a point. I felt that Amy had a connection with Wyatt that would always be different from the connection the two of us shared. She could understand him and get through to him in ways that I probably would never be able to touch. But the areas she couldn't access, I could. That's why Amy and I complimented Wyatt so well. She understood him as his soulmate and I understood him as his bonded sister. Perhaps that would be the same for me with my soulmate. I saw Uncle Coop nodding out of the corner of my eye and so I playfully stuck my tongue at him before finishing off my hot chocolate.
"So, did going to see your mom and visit the Bay help you today?" Aunt Phoebe asked and I nodded slowly.
"I think so, but talking to you guys has helped a lot more." They both grinned at me and Aunt Phoebe cocked her head to the side.
"There's something else bothering you isn't there?" I sighed and nodded. I couldn't really hide anything from them.
"I'm worried about Josh." Aunt Phoebe nodded in understanding. She had been there yesterday when I'd been explaining things to everyone but I could feel Uncle Coop's confusion so I frowned at my aunt.
"Did you not tell Uncle Coop what happened?" I asked and Aunt Phoebe shook her head.
"No, I didn't really have the time last night." I nodded before turning and looking at Uncle Coop before explaining what had happened with Josh yesterday.
"But only Wyatt and myself and now you two, know that Josh seemed to want to target Chris. He's said a few things over the last few weeks about Chris that has really bothered me. I get the feeling he dislikes, if not actually hates Chris and I'm worried that if he thinks Chris is the reason for my sudden change in feelings that he's going to hurt him. Especially if what I think about him is actually true" I rambled.
"But I don't have my elements, which means I'm powerless. Chris can't be left on his own without Wyatt or Mel or Piper there to protect him just in case" I sighed and Aunt Phoebe and Uncle Coop both nodded in understanding.
"This thing with Josh isn't your fault. We've all dated a demon at some point. You're not a Halliwell unless you've dated a demon." If Chris ever got with me then that would mean he'd dated two demons. Well a demon and a half if I wanted to be technical about it. I blinked at Aunt Phoebe in surprise because I wasn't a Halliwell and yet she was treating me like one.
"You can't expect to be perfect at catching demons every time. Besides we've all had moments where we didn't want to believe our siblings about a partner's true identity and intentions" Aunt Phoebe stated and I nodded. I understood what she meant but if Chris got hurt because of this then it would be my fault because I wouldn't be able to protect him.
"You just have to believe that everything will be fine, Lila. You may not have your full powers yet but you're still not powerless" Aunt Phoebe reassured and I smiled before nodding at her.
"Phoebe's right. You weren't very powerful when you saved Chris's life before but your power came from your own will back in those days. I'm sure if you were desperate the same would happen again. Just believe in yourself and in him and there won't be anything that the two of you can't do together. I promise. That's what it means to be soulmates." I nodded as Uncle Coop hugged me tighter and I rested my head against his shoulder.
"You're allowed to have concerns, Lila, but you must always remember to stay calm and think clearly because otherwise you won't be of any use to anyone" Aunt Phoebe stated and I nodded, agreeing with her. She was right, a witch overcome by fear and emotion would be of no use to anyone because she wouldn't be able to concentrate and help those around her. I just needed to remember to stay as calm as possible.
It went silent for a while as Uncle Coop and Aunt Phoebe left me to my thoughts. I already felt way better at being able to talk to them both and I felt a lot calmer about my situation than I had in a while. The only thing bothering me right now was Josh, but I had to have faith like Uncle Coop said. I would be able to deal with whatever happened when the time came as long as I stayed calm and kept a clear head. I frowned as I realised another reason as to why I'd come to Aunt Phoebe today.
"Because of everything that happened yesterday, I forgot to ask. Was there a reason for you and Aunt Paige being at the Manor yesterday? You never really mentioned anything?" I asked and Aunt Phoebe tilted her head slightly as she looked at me curiously before she shrugged her shoulders and I frowned at her because it wasn't like her to keep a secret. Uncle Coop just sighed.
It was then that the phone on Aunt Phoebe's desk started ringing and with a frown she picked it up and held it to her ear. I guess I'd have to get my answer a different time.
"Hello?" she asked before smiling.
"Oh, hi Chris. Everything okay?" she asked and I frowned at the fact that Chris was calling Aunt Phoebe. I couldn't remember the last time he'd done that. Her eyes instantly found my own.
"She's here with me." Another pause and Aunt Phoebe smiled sweetly before she shook her head even though her nephew couldn't see her.
"Well, don't worry. She's been here with me and your Uncle Coop for a while now. Tell your brother to stop worrying." Another pause and Aunt Phoebe looked sad before nodding in understanding.
"I understand why Wyatt panicked. But Lila's safe and she's not hurt or anything at all. In fact, she hasn't mentioned anything about demons today, just that she went for a walk because she was bored in the house" Aunt Phoebe explained.
"Okay, see you soon." With that she put the phone back into its cradle and I frowned at her in worry.
"What was that about?" She smiled and shook her head, waiting for something. Soon enough Chris appeared, surrounded by his blue orbs and I blinked at the brightness before his green eyes instantly found my own. He frowned at me.
"Are you okay?" he asked and I smiled, feeling my cheeks become warm as Uncle Coop removed his arm from my shoulders, followed by plucking my mug from my hands. I smiled at this but stayed focused on Chris.
"I'm fine. Has something happened?" I asked and Chris took a deep breath before walking over to me and hugging me tightly. Uncle Coop chuckled since Chris was hugging me so tightly that I couldn't move. He soon pulled away and started pacing the entire length of Aunt Phoebe's office.
I sighed and stood up, keeping the blanket wrapped around me as I stepped into Chris's way. He stopped and looked at me carefully before frowning.
"Are you cold?" he asked and I shrugged my shoulders which made him frown.
"It's not like Aunt Phoebe's office is freezing?" I rolled my eyes at this as he tilted his head, waiting to see if I would tell him what had happened.
"I just went to visit my mom is all and then I went to the Bay for a little to spend time in the water." He smiled and nodded.
"We haven't been there for a long time. That makes sense. But with how chilly it's been today? Really?" he questioned. I felt like he was questioning my sanity about going into the water when it was getting colder. I was perfectly sane though so I just shrugged my shoulders.
"I only went in so that the water covered my legs." I saw Chris glance down at my legs before his eyes focused back on my face and he nodded.
"I'm just glad that you're okay." I frowned at this.
"Why wouldn't I be?" Chris sighed and I could see that he was worried about something.
"Josh wasn't in school today. I don't know why, but I guess we were expecting him to be in even after what happened yesterday." I sighed and shook my head at my best friend.
"I'm sorry. I guess you panicked when I wasn't home. I forgot to leave a message as well to tell you all where I'd gone, but I was expecting to be back by the time you and Wyatt finished practice." Chris smiled and nodded.
"How was practice?" I asked him and he sighed before shaking his head.
"I think we have more important things for you to be worrying about at the moment, Lila-Rose." I frowned in confusion. I was safe wasn't I? What was more important than that? Chris just shook his head.
"We should head back home. I'll explain everything to you there." I frowned and nodded at him before unwrapping the blanket from around my shoulders and placing it on the couch next to Uncle Coop. He smiled and stood up to hug me.
"Thank you for today." He nodded and squeezed me a little tighter.
"Anytime, kiddo. You know we'll always be here for you." I nodded and we pulled away from each other before I walked over to Aunt Phoebe, since she was stood next to her desk waiting to hug me goodbye.
"Thank you Aunt Phoebe." She squeezed me a little tighter.
"That's okay, Lila. You know I love you and I'm happy to help in whatever way I can."
"I know."
With that I pulled away from Aunt Phoebe andwalked over to Chris. He smiled at me and took my hand and we orbed out of AuntPhoebe's office and back home.