Jamie
Amanda? That girl Amanda? I haven't heard anything about an Amanda. What the fuck is this about? I turn around to face them, and lean against the kitchen counter. I need to see where this is going. Patrick is still staring at his phone screen. I can't tell how he feels about this line of questioning. Especially when we both know that those hickeys came from me.
"Who's Amanda?" Erin asks.
"Some girl he fucked." Jay explains casually. "He took her to the Winter Fayre the other week though. So I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious."
Jay and Erin both laugh, and Patrick puts his phone down on the table. He doesn't look at me, but he says, "It wasn't her. Can we drop this now?"
I turn my attention back to the kettle. The water has boiled now, so I grab my Friends mug from out of the sink, and open the cupboard to get the instant coffee out.
"Anyone want coffee?" I call over my shoulder, before anyone else has a chance to continue talking about Amanda.
"Not worth risking my life, Jame." Jay calls over.
"So how was she?" Erin asks Patrick. Damn, I thought giving everyone a window to make fun of my instant coffee may have put a stop to this conversation.
"Erin..." Patrick says, he's trying to make her stop. And I notice my hands are shaking a little as I spoon a heaped teaspoonful of coffee granules into my mug.
"What? I'm taking an interest in your sex life. God knows no one else does around here." Erin says flippantly.
"Yeah, there's a reason for that Er." Jay says. "You've never had to sit and listen to him try to count all the girls he's hooked up with."
I hear Erin laugh as I stir my coffee. I still don't wanna turn around, so I take my time. Much more time than necessary.
"So you really don't wanna tell us about this girl?" Erin asks Patrick.
"No, I really don't." He replies. Thank god.
"So she was nothing special then. Fine." Erin says casually, officially closing the conversation about Patrick's New Year's Day one night stand (even though it was technically the Second, today...) And no one suspects a thing. Phew.
I relax a little, throw my teaspoon into the sink, and just as I'm turning around to face my friends and taking a sip of my coffee, I hear Patrick speak.
"Actually, she was pretty special."
I nearly choke on my coffee and I feel the colour drain from my face instantly. What the hell, dude?! Why would you say that!? Do not attract further attention to the situation! I look at him, and he's staring at his phone intently, trying to suppress a small smile. Jesus Christ, he could not look more smitten right now if he tried. Not good, this is so not good! Jay looks completely shell shocked, and Erin looks like she just won the lottery. Fuck. They aren't gonna stop questioning him about this now. Patrick has never described a girl as 'special' before. Hell, if I was acting like I usually would, I'd be freaking out right now. I'd be jumping all over him begging him to tell us about her. But I can't do that right now, no chance. So I remain quiet. Erin and Jay both have their backs to me, I should be okay. My pale features won't betray me. They won't suspect a thing.
"Are you feeling okay?" Jay asks Patrick in complete disbelief, at the same time Erin cries, "Ohmigod this is so exciting, you actually like someone! Ohmigod!"
Patrick laughs, not looking up from his phone. He doesn't say anything more.
"Well tell us about her then!" Erin shouts at him.
"Seriously, is there something wrong with you?" Jay asks, still in shock.
"What?" Patrick says innocently. "I'm not a robot, I am allowed to have feelings."
He actually just said the word feelings!? This is just getting worse.
"Okay, what the fuck?" Jay asks, "You just used the word 'feelings'. What the hell is wrong with you?"
"Aww that is the sweetest fucking thing I have ever heard you say, Patrick!" Erin cries in delight and claps her hands together.
I still haven't said anything. I haven't moved. I'm just standing here like an idiot, clutching onto my coffee mug for dear life. Patrick still hasn't looked up from his phone. I guess he doesn't wanna meet my eyes, it might look suspicious. And you know what else might look suspicious? The fact that I still haven't said anything, or reacted to Patrick calling a girl 'special'. Under normal circumstances, I would be as excited as Erin is about this. But it isn't normal circumstances, and I am not an actress. So I decide to go with the same reaction as Jay. Shock and disbelief.
"Seriously, dude. Are you feeling okay?" I ask Patrick, trying hard to keep my voice steady.
"Right!?" Jay turns around in his chair to face me and throws his hands up in disbelief. Jay doesn't suspect me, awesome.
"Aww, you two leave him alone!" Erin says. "I think it's sweet. Come on, Patrick? Who is she? Are you gonna see her again? Are you texting her right now?"
Without looking up from his phone, Patrick smiles and says, "Not doing this, Er."
"Yeah, let's just forget he said anything." Jay says, still looking a little horrified. "I'm sure it's just a phase. It'll pass."
"No, I think you should talk about this, Patrick! Talking about this kinda stuff is always helpful." Erin pulls her chair out a little so she can face all of us. "If I had never talked to Jame about Jay, well, I probably would have imploded."
Jay smiles at Erin and says, "Same. Jamie's like a relationship counsellor." Oh, if only, Jay.
He turns to face me and raises his eyebrows at me expectantly. Fuck. They want me to say something.
"Um, well, I'm pretty sure Patrick doesn't wanna talk about it, so..." I say, trying to brush the whole thing off. I hope I don't sound as anxious as I feel.
"Thank you, Jamie." Patrick says, finally looking up from his phone. He flashes me his perfect smile, before saying, "As incredible as she was, we don't need to talk about her."
He isn't looking away from me, so I avert my gaze from him quickly. I'm sure the energy between us and the blush forming on my cheeks won't go unnoticed by Erin and Jay. For fuck sake, Patrick. What are you trying to do?!
"Incredible?" Erin repeats in disbelief. "Wow, she really must be special, huh?"
Incredible. He just had to use that word. I really don't need this right now.
Erin turns around in her chair to face me. "And what about Noah? Have you heard from him?"
Oh shit. From one horrendous conversation to another. I don't wanna have this conversation with her. Not now. Not in front of Patrick, who seems to be extremely interested in whatever's on the screen of his phone again.
"Um, yeah." I say awkwardly. "He called me yesterday. To apologise for our phone call on New Year's Eve."
Erin smiles at me. "See! What did I tell you? I knew he'd come to his senses eventually. He's head over heels for you, Jame. Everyone knows it"
Patrick just keeps scrolling through his phone. I guess he has loads of messages from girls or something. But I know he's listening intently.
"Have you forgiven him?" Jay turns to face me too.
How the hell do I answer that? He didn't technically do anything wrong. He told me I'm not his girlfriend, and told me to relax about things a little. It's not like he completely tore my heart apart by cheating on me or something like that. You know, kinda like what I've done to him. Three times. Almost more than three times...
"There was nothing to forgive, Jay." I say, shrugging. "He was a dick, but he didn't actually do anything wrong. He wants to see me when he gets back on the Fourth anyway. I guess we'll talk then."
Patrick still isn't looking at me. He really has this whole 'let's act normal today' thing down.
"That's awesome, Jame." Erin says happily. "I was talking to Sarah yesterday, she said they're having a great time in the City. She hasn't actually seen much of Noah, but she's convinced you guys are soulmates too."
Patrick is tapping at his phone screen, probably replying to a message from some girl.
"You've had so many ups and downs already, I'm sure you guys are gonna work through this." Erin says confidently. "And you can come visit me in New York when Noah takes you to meet his family. Jay can come along too, and Joel will probably be there with Sarah. Patrick, you're obviously welcome too. There's plenty of fish for you in the big city." She winks at him and laughs. He smiles at her. He knows she's just trying to make me feel better about this whole Noah thing. He knows that, right? Noah isn't my soulmate. Just because Erin said so...
"I'm gonna call Joel, he's panicking because he hasn't heard from me." Patrick announces, standing up and walking out into the hall.
"Joel knows he's fine. I already told him Patrick left his phone at the hotel." Jay says.
I wonder if Patrick just wanted to leave the room. Maybe he just didn't wanna hear Erin going on about Noah like that. And the prospect of our triple dates in New York. Ugh, I wanna go and make sure Patrick's okay. But it's not something I would do under normal circumstances, so I can't. So what the hell do I do now? What do I do?
"So what's your plans for the rest of the day?" Erin asks me.
I had planned to roll around in bed with Patrick all day, actually, Erin. I had planned to watch movies with him, eat junk food with him, play some music with him, take Benji for another walk later tonight with him, lay in bed with him again, fall asleep in his arms. But then reality came around, and I had to cancel all of those plans. So I don't have a fucking clue what I'll be doing the rest of the day, thank you very much.
"Uh, I don't know. I literally have nothing to do." I reply.
"I thought we could jam for a while this afternoon, if you want?" Jay says. "Erin and I are gonna go see a movie tonight. I'd invite you guys too, but..." He kisses Erin on the lips. They are so loved up.
"It's fine, seriously, you'll be leaving for New York soon so get the good of him while you can." I say to Erin with a genuine smile. "I'm sure I'll be seeing plenty of him when you leave in a couple of days."
"Ugh, don't remind me." Erin says, still gazing into Jay's eyes.
She looks over at me. "Will you just hang with Patrick tonight?"
"Um, yeah, I guess so. I mean, unless he has other plans, obviously." Under normal circumstances, my answer would have been "yeah, probably." What the hell is wrong with me?
"He might ditch you for his special, incredible new girl." Jay says, rolling his eyes.
"Why are you rolling your eyes?" Erin frowns at her boyfriend.
"Because, it's Patrick." Jay explains. "He has absolutely no follow through when it comes to girls. One night stands are his thing, I don't see that changing any time soon."
"He's never called a girl special before, though?" Erin asks.
"I don't know, but he has talked a big game about trying to be serious with girls before, and he's never went through with it." Jay explains. "Look at that Amanda chick. He said she was funny, easy to talk to, and the best sex he'd ever had. She's beautiful and he even took her to the Winter Fayre for fuck sake. And still, she wasn't good enough for him. He doesn't wanna settle down, period."
Hearing this isn't exactly easy. Patrick has slept with a lot of girls, I am well aware of this. But he told me he never gets serious with girls because none of them compared to me... But he never told me about that girl Amanda. Not specifically, anyway. Sure, he mentioned her last night when I asked about her. He told me he only took her to the Winter Fayre because he really wanted to try and move on from me. He's talked to me about her a few times since he met her at the Snow Ball, actually. She's the girl with the lilac hair. But he didn't tell me her name was Amanda. He's never specific about the girls he hooks up with though. Not with me. And I didn't think he ever gave the guys specific details either. But Jay knew her name was Amanda. I guess I was wrong.
"He never told me about her." I say, trying to keep the hurt out of my tone. Why the fuck do I feel hurt? Patrick and Amanda's relationship has nothing to do with me.
"He never told me either." Jay says casually. "Joel did."
"Joel told you about her?" I ask stupidly. Jay nods his head at me with wide eyes, like I'm too retarded to understand what he's getting at. Whatever. Joel...
"Yeah, you remember Joel?" Erin asks mockingly. "About this tall, super handsome, usually comes with a free Patrick Moore."
"Yeah, I guess Patrick talked to Joel about that Amanda girl. They're roommates, Jame. They talk without us sometimes, remember."
That's right. They are roommates. They're best friends too. And they talk. When I'm not around. When Jay's not around. I wonder what they talk about. I wonder if they tell each other things they maybe wouldn't tell me and Jay. I wondered if Patrick knew about Joel and Sarah sooner than the rest of us, actually. But he swore he didn't. I wonder if Joel tells Patrick things he wouldn't necessarily wanna tell me and Jay. And obviously Patrick tells Joel things, and keeps them from me and Jay. I wonder just how much Patrick tells Joel...
Oh my god.
Of course.
Joel!
Didn't Patrick say he thought Joel was 'getting suspicious' after he got me those Ed Sheeran tickets? That was years ago. What exactly was Joel getting suspicious about? I remember asking Joel about it after I ran into Steph and found out she never went to the show because she couldn't get tickets. He told me Patrick was just trying to be nice, and he asked me not to say anything to Patrick about it because he wouldn't have wanted me to make a big deal out of it.
Oh my god. Did Joel know? Did he know the real reason Patrick lied about getting the tickets for Steph? He wanted to get the tickets for me in the first place, not for his little sister.
Holy shit.
Does Joel... know?!