His expression completely changed as soon as the words left my mouth.
I quickly backed away from him when I realized what I did.
I was so stupid.
I told myself to take it slow. To not mess things up again. But look what I did, completely and utterly mess it up.
I looked up to see his expression. He still looked dumbstruck.
I knew it.
He didn't even have to tell me.
My words left him speechless because he obviously didn't feel the same way.
God, I'm so so stupid.
I mean, how could he towards someone like me. I was the fool for thinking just because he buys me treats, takes me out, spends time with me and holds me warmly could possibly mean this is love.
"It's okay that you don't feel the same way. I-I just..." I quickly grabbed my bag and abruptly stood up, "I'm going to go. Don't follow me." I said before rushing out the door.
I couldn't sit there any longer. How could I sit there and wait for him to tell me he's sorry and that he doesn't love me the way I love him. That'd just hurt too much.
I was a coward, but I don't care.
I ran down the street with no destination in mind. I just needed to get as far away from him as possible right now. If I sat there for a second longer I felt like my heart would really shatter into a million pieces.
Tired from running I found an empty alley and stood on the side to rest.
I heard my phone ringing in my bag so I rummaged around trying to find it.
Liwei
I immediately canceled the call.
My screen flashed 4 missed calls and 2 text messages.
All from Liwei.
Xiaofan, where are you?
Call me.
My phone rings again. Cancel.
Why was he being like this?
My mind flashed back to his face when he heard me tell him I loved him.
I wanted to dig a hole and bury myself in it. How embarrassing.
I knew it was all too good to be true.
My phone starting ringing once again. Before I went to click cancel again, I heard his voice nearby, "Chen Xiaofan! Xiaofan! Xiaofan, where are you?" Liwei shouted.
I held my breath. Why? Why? Why?!
Liwei must've followed the sound of the phone ringing because before I could take another breath he was standing right there in front of me.
"Damn it, finally."
He was out of breath. His hair was all over the place and I could see beads of sweat forming on his forehead.
He looked absolutely distraught. I looked at him terrified. Why was he here?
I looked to my side trying to find a path to make a run for it, but as if he read my mind he quickly pushed me back against the brick wall.
He glanced at me with a look of death. "Xiaofan, don't even think about it."
His hands were on both sides locking me in. His right leg was in between mine while his body was pressed close against me, trapping me in.
He looked down at me with a wide range of emotions running through his face.
Confusion.
Worry.
Anger.
Fear.
"I told you not to follow me," I mumbled on the verge of tears. I didn't want him to see me like this. I especially didn't want to hear anything he had to say. The worst-case scenario was he wouldn't feel the same way and want to break up.
"Does it look like I care? You didn't answer my calls!" He yelled at me angrily.
"Does it look like I care?" I mimicked him.
He glared at me, "Xiaofan, don't. Why did you run away?" He asked.
What was I supposed to say? I ran away because I was scared? I ran because I was insecure and not confident that he loved me the same way I loved him?
"Xiaofan, answer me!" He was getting more frustrated by the second.
"I take it back," I mumbled digging my nails into my hand to prevent my tears from falling.
"What?" He gritted through his teeth.
"I take it back. I don't love you. I lied. Happy?" I pushed my arms against his chest trying to escape.
He didn't budge and only moved in closer, "No. You can't take it back. You love me." He roughly grunted.
"No, I don't."
"Yes, you do."
"I don't."
His eyes narrowed at me. "Why do you secretly come to my apartment and cook for me pretending you weren't there as if I wouldn't notice there's suddenly food I didn't buy or make in my fridge then?"
I bit my lower lip. How did he find out? I only did it a few times. Okay that's a lie. I came to his apartment every other day since he gave me a set of keys.
"I don't know what you're talking about."
Liwei smirked amused. "Really now? Why does Lei suddenly force me to take unnecessary breaks throughout my shifts?"
I told Lei to be subtle, that fool. Then again, he's Lihua's boyfriend. They're two peas in a pod. I doubt either of them realizes what the word subtle even means.
"How would I know? Shouldn't you be asking Lei?"
"Why do you call every day asking if I've eaten and to say good night?
Feign innocence. That was the best plan I could come up with.
We silently stared at one another.
I furrowed my eyebrows because Liwei continued to give me a displeased expression.
Suddenly, Liwei's face softens as if in realization. "You...you really don't love me?"
"Liwei, why do you never listen to me? I don't love you!" I screamed feeling my eyes start to water and my voice breaking.
Liwei dropped his hands from my sides and took a step back away from my body.
I met his gaze and I must've imagined it.
For just a second.
One single second, I thought I saw hurt in his eyes. But less than a moment later it was replaced with his regular stoic expression.
"Okay." He said turning around and walking away.
Was this it?
Was this our inevitable end?
I couldn't help it. I absolutely hated it. His backside. I hated looking at the back of him who walks away from me. No longer able to contain it, quick, hot tears streamed down my face.
"Fuck." I heard Liwei say before he took large strides towards me, angrily smashing his lips against mine. I pushed against his chest struggling to get away from his hold. The more I struggled, the tighter his grip on me became.
He let my now swollen lips go and rested his forehead against mine while softly whispering, "If you're going to cry like this, you shouldn't lie in the first place."
Tears continued streaming down my face.
"Xiaofan. Say it." He softly pleaded.
Why? Why was he always making me do things I didn't want to? Why did he make me feel things I don't want to feel?
"I love you," I said in barely a whisper.
"Once more. Say it again." I heard him let out a soft chuckle.
"I love you. Are you happy now?" I said upset he was taking pleasure in this. Was he happy knowing I love him but he doesn't love me back?
I looked up and finally met his gaze. I was taken aback.
I have never seen this expression on him. He looked...so happy. If he smiled like that more, it'd really be over for me. I'd follow him to the ends of the earth just to see that smile.
His anger completely vanished. He held my face with both of his hands, smiling so brightly while wiping my tears, "Why are you crying, dummy? You know I hate seeing you cry."
I swatted his hands away.
Unfazed by my actions, he pulled me in a tight hug.
"You love me." He chuckled contently.
"Stop rubbing it in." I pouted. He's being really insensitive.
"Why shouldn't I? The girl I love loves me back." He looked at me like I was the crazy one.
I stared at him dumbstruck.
The girl I love.
"What girl?" I stupidly mumbled out loud.
He knocked his knuckle my forehead, "What other girl is there? It's you. I love you."
"Y-you...love..me?" I was taken aback.
"En. Who else, but you?"
I couldn't help it, I started crying again.
He loved me.
He really loved me.
Is this a dream?
If this is a dream, I don't want to wake up. Not yet.
Next thing I know I'm smacking him with my bag repeatedly.
"Xiaofan! Ow! Why are you hitting me?"
"You're an idiot, that's why! Idiot Liwei! I hate you. Why did you look like that when I told you I loved you then? I thought you didn't feel the same way. This is all your fault, you scared me!" I was getting more and more upset just thinking about it.
"Xiaofan, first, stop hitting me!" He laughed out.
I huffed out a deep breathe and held my bag down to my sides.
I took a step away from him and crossed my hands over my chest. He tried to move in closer but I only took a larger step back when he did. "Well?" I said waiting for his answer.
"I was surprised."
"About?"
"You."
I quickly turned away and walked away from him. He obviously wasn't going to tell me what I wanted to hear and I no longer had the patience to deal with him today. Gosh, I was in desperate need of a nap.
"Okay, fine," Liwei said grabbing my wrist.
I turned around and faced him.
"I was really surprised."
I breathed out in annoyance. "You already said that."
He ruffled his hair in frustration, "You don't get it, do you? I, about you, it's so much more than you realize. It drives me to the point of insanity. God, I sound like such a cliche but I've liked you since the moment I saw you."
I stared at him confused, "When I face planted on you in the bookstore?"
He let out a small smile, "When I saw you at the xiaolongbao restaurant."
"What are you talking about?" I asked utterly confused. I was positive the first time we met was at the bookstore.
He suddenly squatted down with his head buried in his hands.
I stared at him, completely thrown off by his action.
"Liwei?" I softly whispered bending down beside him.
"Don't look at me. This is embarrassing." He mumbled into his hands.
"What is?" I asked resting my head on my knees.
He took a deep breath and looked over at me, "It's embarrassing that you don't remember me. And that I was the only one getting excited."
My face probably looked hideous right now as it contorted in confusion. I was trying to dig deep into my memories, but I swear he's nowhere in there.
"Can you explain it to me so I can understand? When did we meet? How come I don't remember?"
Another thought popped into my head, "Maybe you mistook me for someone else this entire time.." I mumbled.
Liwei stood up and rubbed the dirt off his pants, "Trust me, it's definitely you." He chuckled out.
"I think that's enough for today though. I'll tell you everything another day. You look tired, let's get you home." He said offering me his hand.
I was still confused, but gave him a smile and gladly took his hand.
We took a bus back and I tiredly rested my head on his shoulder.
"Can you at least tell me when we met? Maybe if I knew when I could narrow it down." I whispered still not of this topic.
He sighed.
"Please?" I pouted looking up at him with puppy dog eyes.
Liwei groaned, but I knew he'd give in.
"Summer. 2 years ago." He simply said.
"2 years ago?" I asked surprised. "Did you like me for two years?"
He flicked my forehead, "Sort of. Don't let it get to your head though."
I laughed happily.
If it was 2 years ago then it must have been the time when Xiaolian and I were going to cram school with Liu Feng. We did visit the xiaolongbao restaurant a lot after Liu Feng introduced us to it.
"Were you a regular at the restaurant?"
"I worked there part-time."
"Wow, did you fall in love with me at first sight then?" I giggled trying to tease him.
The joke was really on me because that resulted in another flick on my forehead.
"It wasn't like that." He grumpily said.
I cuddled into his shoulder again while trying to rub the pain on my forehead away, "What was it like then?"
"I don't know. You always looked so happy when you ate at the restaurant. It was like..I want to spend the rest of my life seeing her smile kind of feeling." He said seriously softly chuckling at the memory.
I was overjoyed. Overjoyed isn't even enough to describe the amount of love I felt right now.
Mutual feelings. It really is a beautiful thing.
"So did you just spend your summer days watching me? Kind of stalkerish don't you think? I was also underaged! Are you a pedo-" I was interrupted by a blushed face Liwei covering my mouth to prevent me from spouting any more nonsense.
"I knew I shouldn't have told you." He muttered embarrassed getting ready to flick my forehead again.
I covered my forehead with my hands and smiled into Liwei's hand that was still pressed tightly over my mouth.
I loved seeing the red-faced Liwei.
How cute.
"Let's get this straight. I'm not a stalker. You so happened to visit the restaurant I worked at frequently and thus you just so happened to always be in my line of sight. By the way, I didn't know you were still in high school."
"Oh really now?" I laughed out.
"No more questions! I'll tell you the full story another day okay?" He said annoyed.
I quickly kissed his cheek, "Till another day."
When we finally got back to my parent's place, it was eerily quiet.
I thought everyone would be back by now, but maybe they decided to go somewhere else after eating as we did.
I came in following behind Liwei and bumped into his back when he suddenly stopped walking.
"Why'd you stop-" I gasped at the sight in front of me.
Everyone was here but dressed very strangely. Baba was in a suit, the special one he only saves for weddings and funerals. It wasn't just him though. Lin-gege and Yang-gege also wore their fancy button-down shirts and slacks.
Mama put the usual apron away and was dressed in a gorgeous navy blue dress.
And was that lipstick she was wearing? She rarely ever wore makeup.
Lianlian always wore dresses so I wasn't surprised. Even Lihua was dressed up too though standing in the corner next to Liu Feng. When did and why was Liu Feng here?
More importantly why were they all dressed up and all gathered in the couch on one side of the room so silently.
"Are you guys going somewhere?" I asked slowly nearing them with Liwei now slowly following behind me.
"My dear daughter, won't you please join us?" Mama excitedly said.
Why was she talking so strangely?
I walked towards them and noticed two cushions placed down on the floor where the coffee table usually resided directly facing the couch.
How convenient. This totally isn't sketchy at all. What was my family up to this time?
I plopped down on the mat facing my mother. Oddly, Liwei kneeled down on the cushion. Surely that position wasn't comfortable.
He discreetly elbowed me.
I rubbed my elbow and gave him a what was that for look.
He coughed, "Kneel."
I looked at him then looked at my overly happy Mama and unexpressive look on Baba's face before trying to elegantly try to get into a kneeling position. Once I did, Baba and Mama let out a content smile
Mama was still grinning from ear to ear, "Glad to have you two join us."
I awkwardly smiled, "Baba, Mama, what's going on?"
"Ah, I was hoping you'd ask!" Mama excitedly said.
I looked to the side and gave Xiaolian a what the heck is going on the look, but she just shook her head while trying to cover her laugh in her hand. Lihua wasn't much more help as she took out her camera to record.
Chonglin seemed very much relaxed almost amused while Yang shared the same intimidating expression as Baba.
Baba let out a loud cough and softly touched Mama's hand, "Dear, let me go first." Baba said trying to calm down Mama's overexcitement.
"You. What's your name again?" Baba said looking straight at Liwei.
Liwei straightened his back, "Jiang Liwei."
"How old are you?"
"I'll be 21 this month."
"What are you studying in school?"
"Business with an emphasis on sales, sir."
"What do you plan to do after you graduate?"
"I plan to take over my family business."
Baba grunted in response and I wasn't sure if that was a good or bad thing. Why was he interrogating Liwei though?
"I see. What do your parents do for a living?"
He never talked about his parents. I quickly looked at Liwei to see his reaction, but he looked completely unfazed by the question.
"I live with my Aunt and Uncle who run the family business I plan to take over. They run multiple ventures, but I will most likely be in charge of the small cafe I'm currently working part-time at. If you would like, I'd love to have you both pay a visit anytime. It's small but growing. I plan to expand the family business so if it's money, I guarantee it won't be an issue in the future."
I was shocked. Not by how ambitious Liwei was without me even realizing, but the fact that this is the most I've heard him talk in one breath.
I was sure this was out of his character because even Lihua looked shocked.
Baba looked slightly satisfied, "Mama, I'm done for now. Your turn."
"Finally!" Mama exclaimed leaning forward towards Liwei.
"Now, Liwei, what is your relationship with our lovely Xiaofan."
Liwei looked towards me before turning back to my mom, "We're dating. She's my girlfriend."
Mama squealed excitedly turning towards a grinning Xiaolian. "Xiaolian, it's really true. I didn't believe you at first, but it's true. The day has finally come!"
Mama tried to calm down before asking another question, "What do you like about Xiaofan?"
"Mama!" I yelled embarrassed. Why would she ask him that? Seriously, what was with this 20 questions interrogation. My legs were giving out, I don't know how Liwei was doing this.
"Hush, let the boy answer! You're next." Mama said towards me before turning to face Liwei, "Well?"
"She's cute," Liwei said.
Everyone in the room seemed to be waiting for him to continue but I let out a laugh knowing that was all they were gonna get.
"Cute and..?" Mama said trying to press for my information.
"Mine," Liwei said seriously and I literally vomited blood.
Has he no shame? How can he say something like that with a straight face?
I was beyond embarrassed, Baba and Yang coughed out uncomfortably probably embarrassing for me. However, Mama, Lianlian, and Lihua were squealing like a bunch of schoolgirls. Liu Feng was standing in the corner grimly, seriously what was he doing here?
Mama tried and failed to contain her smile while turning towards me, "Xiaofan, Mama and Baba are disappointed you didn't tell us about your relationship with this young man sooner."
This is when real regret started taking in. I lowered my head, "Baba, Mama I'm truly sorry for not mentioning it sooner." I apologetically said.
I didn't want to be the daughter who kept secrets from my parents.
"Aiya, Xiaofan, raise your head" surprisingly Baba came forward to soothe my worries.
"Stop kneeling both of you. You're making me uncomfortable" Baba said clumsily helping me back to a sitting position.
"Honey! You're ruining the dramatic effect!" Mama pouted.
"En! Baba, we told you to be stern and intimidating. You can't help Jiejie and look satisfied at everything Jiefu says!" Lianlian scolded Baba.
"Dear, Daughter, okay okay. I'll try better this time." Baba's smile quickly returned to an emotionless face making me laugh.
They were so ridiculous. I looked over at Liwei to see him trying to hold in a laugh too.
"My turn, my turn!" Yang-gege finally opened his mouth.
Oh no. Here we go.
"Chen Xiaofan...she's the hardest person in the world to wake up. She also has morning breath, I've experienced it, you don't want to even come near her when it happens."
"Yang-gege!" I yelled turning red in embarrassment.
Completely ignoring me, he continued, "You have to make sure she's always fed. If she doesn't have food she'll get cranky like overly cranky even more so when it's that time of the month if you know what I mean. Her favorite food is xiaolongbao, but she prefers steamed buns in the morning. She won't eat it if it's too hot though. The trick is to not buy newly made ones, so then you can warm it up with your hands. Whatever she says, just know 50% of the time she means the opposite. 7/10 times she'll have her face in a book. When she's studying, don't disturb her or you'll get obscene objects thrown at you. She'll rarely say what she wants, you'll have to either force it out of her and be one step ahead. Don't leave her alone for too long, she'll definitely get lonely even if she doesn't say it."
"Yang-gege..." I whispered wanting to go over to him and give him a hug while crying in his arms. I didn't even realize he knew all of this about me.
"Chen Xiaofan is the uncutest cutest little sister I could ask for. She's a lot of work but she's worth it. If you aren't all in, I suggest you leave now." Yang-gege said with so much emotion.
Liwei let out a loud cough getting everyone's attention."I have no intention of leaving her," He turned and looked me straight in the eyes, "I promise."
In that moment, the only word I could use to describe this feeling is warm.
So so warm.
A/N:
I AM SO SORRY I HAVEN'T UPDATED IN SO LONG! This chapter was actually supposed to come out so long ago but I didn't know where I wanted to go with the story so I halted it. I also started uni again in January and with COVID-19 everything's been so hectic.
I hope you guys are all healthy and safe. I'll try my best to update more.
Much Love~~