name: His Way
word count: 3600 words
published on: 24th September, 2019
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M A N I K
Distracted, I looked up from the files I was reading as I found my head lurking behind to what happened outside.
She was right there.
I could have just stretched my hand and stopped that elevator, my long fingers touching the skin of her arm, erasing the worry in her head that rested as creases on her forehead when her eyes met mine. She said nothing, but whispered my name, and yet, I felt like she said a lot, like her eyes conveyed what she wasn't being able to, and for once, just once, I really wanted to stand there, listen to what she had to say.
For once, I wanted to hold her in my arms again and listen to her voice one more time, let that mesmerising voice feed me with sweet lies; and for once, I wanted to close my eyes, trust her again and believe everything she would have to say to me.
But I couldn't.
Those feelings, the overwhelming, it had to end just as soon as it started.
I had to take myself over to the day when it all ended, when she left, her last words, her goodbye, and how she tossed everything away like nothing ever meant anything to her.
I loved her.
Even if for that short moment of time we had, those some days, I loved her with all my heart.
And you know what can be more intense than a lover's love?
A lover's hatred.
And I had to remind myself that I hated her. I hated her because she left. I hated her because she promised not to. And she still left anyway.
My eyes often flickered to her cabin, where she sat on her chair, looking into some files and reading them while noting something and typing them onto a laptop. I don't think she knew that the mirrors in her cabin were one-sided and I could see right through to her.
I could see the way her eyes were lost when she entered inside, as if contemplating to come to my cabin or not, but how they twinkled when she found a bouquet of red roses lying on the desk beside the heaps of files, perhaps a welcoming note attached to it and how she swayed the flower's under her nose before giving a big grin and wrapping her arms around my brother's neck, thanking him and then talking to him a while longer before getting back to work. I could see the way she smiled even after he left, rereading the note attached to it, her lips pursed together as if thinking something to herself before nodding and keeping it aside and then going on with work again.
They might've known each other for years, and he doesn't even know that she hates roses. Daisies are her favourite flowers.
She tried to drown herself in her work but every now and then, she used to keep looking up and glance towards the wall of my cabin, making me conscious of her gaze although I very well knew she couldn't see this side. For her, it was just a plain, ordinary wall that she shared with my cabin.
I saw the way she finally got up with a file in her hand, walking out of the cabin, and moments later, I heard a knock on my door.
"Come in," I said, my voice hard again.
The door opened a moment later, and she entered. I kept my gaze at the laptop I was working on, not parting her anything more than a side glance, afraid she'll try to talk more and I'd melt like I always do.
"Can I speak to you?" She asked softly. Although I didn't look up, I knew she was biting her lower lip and her fingers fidgeted with the file she brought in her hand.
"No." I replied monotonously, not looking up as I typed away some shit into my laptop as an excuse to not look at her.
I could see the hope wipe off her her face as the small smile that she was carrying disappeared; she nodded before leaving and closing the door on her way as I left out the breath I didn't even know I was holding.
I got up from my chair and watched her renter her cabin so closely as I stood near the wall, and saw her sigh deeply as she left the file on her table and her palm rubbed over her face. Her hair were now short and barely below her shoulder, and she still wore the red lipstick that I loved on her.
She hadn't changed much.
But perhaps, I had.
"Creep," I heard a taunt and I flinched as if a school boy getting caught, then relaxed noticing the person on the door.
I glared at her as she walked into my cabin freely, putting a hand over my shoulder, very well knowing she doesn't reach my height even if she tries to match.
"Whom you staring at?" She faked an accent, "Man, isn't your brother's assistant gorgeous!"
"Jeff," I glared at her in a warning tone.
"It's her, isn't it?" Her voice became softer as I receded back to my cabin and pretended to ignore her.
"The girl from the college. That girl who first stole your heart. The girl who's picture stays hidden in the room that forever stays closed? Nandini, that's her name?" She teased.
"Don't know what you're talking about." I replied, pretending that my concentration was in the gibberish I was typing on the laptop.
"I know you're typing shit anyway Manik, look up," she ordered and I sighed, looking up.
"How did you know?" I had to ask.
"Because you've typed a hundred letters without using the space even once and I'm sorry to say, not even the biggest word in all of English is that long," she smirked.
"I never win from you, do I?" I smiled back as she threw herself on the chair opposite me.
"No, now tell me everything about her and you," her eyes twinkled.
"There's nothing to know really," I pushed it away, "And even if there is, does it matter anymore? It's too late."
She sighed, rolling her eyes. "Fine, keep your secrets."
"It's nothing," I assured her, "The past is known as past for a reason. It's gone. The time, the feelings, those days... nothing's ever coming back. There's no point holding on. And you know, after Inaa–..."
"Yup, I know," she cut me off.
"Nandini was a part of everything, Manik. If she left, it's on her. Everyone knows, she has a right to, too." She persuaded.
"She lost the right the day she decided to leave," I gritted.
"You both need to talk it out. Trust me, what she did was what she did. Like you said, the past's gone. I'm not asking you to forgive her or anything; I'm just asking you to consider telling her everything that she has a right to know."
"I'll think," I say, knowing there's no way out.
"That's enough for m–" her voice faded when the door of my cabin opens again and Zubin walks in, looking slightly panicked.
"Bhai," He says, in a rush. A hundred times I've asked him to call me Manik but him... being him, always calls me Bhai. "I gotta go. Remember that patient I was talking about? It's an emergency; won't be able to sit in to discuss about the meeting tomorrow."
"Zubin," I said, my heart sinking, "I have already kept my commitment that you will present."
"I know I'm so sor–" he started but was cut off by Jeff. "So what? Nandini's there na." Jeff grinned, and I gave her a pointed look.
"I mean, she's here to be your right hand, right? That's what you told me. She and Manik can take care of the meeting and that way, we'll introduce her to everyone as well. What say?" Jeff's eyes twinkled. I pinched her thigh under the table but she smirked, silently laughing.
"That's perfect," Zubin grinned, "You're a saviour Jeff. Bhai, I'll just send Nandini in okay!"
"Zu–" I began but the door closed and he was gone. As irritated as I got, began to fire at Jeff, she started laughing in success.
Jeff looked at me and grinned. I glared at her, "I know what you're trying to do... don't even try this again. You can't mend what's destroyed."
"I know," she whispered, "But you can't even destroy what's already destroyed. Y'all have already hit the very rock bottom, and if there's no going up, there's no going down as well."
I opened my mouth but a knock interrupted out conversation. Straightening myself, "Come in," I said, more than slightly pissed. The doors opened and there she stood, once again, her eyes to the ground as she walked in and sat on the smaller table on the opposite side of the room.
Jeff and I looked at Nandini, pretending to read the file and I nodded in disbelief. She was still a terrible actor.
"This won't get you anything," I told Jeff as she stood up, ready to leave.
"I'm ready to take my chances," she murmured, "The real question is, are you both ready to take yours?"
With that, she left the cabin, before passing a soft smile to Nandini, but her words stuck behind.
Taking another chance?
Hell no.
I'll just ignore Nandini's presence and make the entire presentation myself. It can't be very difficult, can it?
An hour inside, I was wishing I wouldn't have asked that question to myself; because I did get the answer to it.
It can be very fucking difficult.
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N A N D I N I
I did a lot of things in the past one hour. 'Accidentally' spilled burning coffee on my hand, kept singing one line of a song to myself quite loudly, kept tapping my foot in a perfectly silent room knowing it will get someone's attention, 'misplaced' my pen and asked him for it, and atleast fifteen other such things but every action had the same reaction as the previous one. Nothing.
Not a single word was uttered by him and not a nod of acknowledgement towards my presence.
So I gave up.
Just that easily, I gave up.
I ignored him the way he was ignoring me and drowned myself in the work. I'll make the presentation myself. Zubin can take it if he likes or leave it aside.
I don't fucking care.
Everything was all fine and silent for the next some time, and I could know Manik was genuinely surprised that I had given up on irritating him so easily, which was, until Jeff walked in again.
"I've been monitoring you both," were the first words she said, rolling her eyes when she barged in.
From the corner of my eyes, I could see Manik glaring at her, as if asking her to shut up. "You both are aware that you have to present this together tomorrow, right?" She asked, conveniently ignoring Manik.
"Nandini sweetheart," she turned towards me, her pointed gaze looking through me, "I don't think even Zubin would approve of your attitude. You're the assistant, and I need Manik's inputs in your presentation orelse I'm bad when it comes to punishments. I'm quicker than Manik in throwing out employees, alright? Don't disappoint me or Zubin."
She gave us both a nod and left the cabin again, leaving me agape. What just crawled up her ass? What happened to the absolutely sweet and fun loving girl I met in the morning and who the fuck was she?
I stared at Manik who was looking at me with disappointment but immediately looked away, and into his files anyway.
But she was right. I was an employee, and it was my work to get what she wants.
If Manik gives me the ego, I cannot give him the ego back.
"Manik, will you help me?" I asked in the politest voice I had.
"Sir," he corrected, without looking up and typing something furiously into his laptop.
I contemplated rolling my eyes. "Sir, will you help me?" I asked again, trying to hide the pissed off voice.
He looked up momentarily, before shrugging and replying, "No."
Or maybe i can give him the ego back. That's what Jeff did, right? She defied his orders. She ignored him.
Conveniently ignoring his reply, I continued, "It's written in the file that Zubin gave me that the taxes of the extension of this fashion house that you are opening in New York is ten percent and we need to graph it to present it tomorrow, and I don't understand how we can–...."
He cut me off, "Are you deaf? I said no."
Anger rose in me but I took a breath to calm myself down. "Manik." I called again.
"Sir," he corrected once again.
"Manik," I repeated, "You have to help me."
He finally looked up from the file and stopped typing, "And what if I don't?"
"You have to," I said as adamantly as he was speaking to me. "This is your company and it's you who will surface the loss of losing the deal tomorrow while I fuck up the presentation because of your mistake."
"Okay, I will," he nodded, "Only if you call me sir."
"You're just Manik to me. That's what you'll always be, and before you question me on that, that is what you once told me," I said, gambling my words and taking the risk of opening the past with one simple sentence.
The past that we shared and that we were conveniently avoiding.
"I don't even know who you are," sarcasm flickered in his voice.
I nodded negatively, trying to gulp the nerves away, as I established, "You know me."
"Do I?" He asked, amused, unaffected by how hard I was trying.
His lips crafted into a smirk, a very smug expression adorning his face, a different kind of storm invading his mind as his eyes mocked at me before he got up, looked up while buttoning his coat as he walked away.
I clutched the pen in my hand a little tighter, not turning to face him.
"Manik," I called once again, a whisper. I hadn't turned but I knew he'd stopped.
"Don't," my voice was soft yet ordering before turning into a mere request, "Please don't leave."
"Look closer Nandini, it's you who already left," he replied, his voice cold, rasp and emotionless, as he got back, picked the file and stood above me, reading it and ignoring me once again.
I tried avoiding the way my heart dropped as soon as the words left his mouth and the empty hollow feeling that rose again.
I tried telling myself to concentrate on the better parts. He atleast reacted to something.
And this is how I have to deal with him. His way. Being indirect and polite is not going to land me anywhere. I'll have to be stubborn, adamant, sarcastic and even rude maybe, if that's what it takes to get his attention.
"Like I was saying, the graph that we have to implement tomorrow; I can't make it without you helping me with the record of the taxes of this fashion house so I can make a comparison and state that...." I started again, trying to drink away the new wounds when I realised he wasn't listening. He had actually plugged in AirPods in his ears and was tapping away to music.
"Manik, I'm talking to you," I shouted glaring at him, almost convinced that he wasn't listening.
"And I'm not." The voice was cold, rasp and uninterested.
"You know what," I replied, more than slightly pissed now. I walked to him where he was working, "Take this," I said as I snatched the file he was reading and threw it in the corner.
"Nandin–....." He shouted in shock with anger written in his eyes, his face scrunched together and then stopped altogether.
I crossed my hands, giving him a pointed look. "And now you know my name?"
He made a pissed face, as if controlling his anger. "No."
"C'mon Manik, how long are you going to not talk to me? We're working together. We have to talk." I tried convincing with a puppy face.
He simply rolled his eyes, not even at me, and then walked to the large glass wall-window, picking up the file, keeping it aside, rolling his sleeves uptill his arms, crossing them across his chest and then stared outside.
I took a deep breath, my eyes still glued to him as he admired the setting sun, the sky painted into various colours of yellow, burning orange and a blushing pink, bright and beautiful, as every glass building looked upon by this window reflected it right back, looking like the beautiful remains of a city on fire when it was just then setting sun and the beauty of nature.
My eyes flickered from the scene outside the window to the one behind it, and I noticed the popping veins in his arms that clutched each other, and how he'd changed. He wasn't the man I left behind five years ago and not just physically; every detail about him had changed– from hating to work to loving it, from always being late to not being able to stand anyone who's late, from being a friend-dedicated careless man, to being this– careful overthinker who I doubt even thought about his friends or music in the kind of life he had chosen, or perhaps, the kind of life that was chosen for him.
However, one thing I was positive hadn't changed about him were his eyes. They were still that lovely hazel I once loved, still intense and dark everytime they set at me. Maybe they didn't shine with happiness and playfulness now like they did earlier, but they were still a pair of hazel orbs that I found comfort and warmth in; and my thoughts were only confirmed when his gaze shifted from the gorgeous sunset in front of his eyes to me, making me almost panic in consciousness as my eyes flickered around nervously on being caught staring at him.
"I know I'm irresistible. Stop staring at me," he scoffed and I contemplated an eye roll. Here's one thing that hasn't changed at all– his self-appreciation and a big attitude.
I didn't reply. My gaze just lowered but soon found their way back to him, the way his eyes softened looking at the sky which was now more pink then yellow and there were already blushes of lavender scattered around, the sun already departed and a few early stars hiding behind the blues, the half moon visible.
Here's another thing that probably hasn't changed– the effect the night sky has on him.
I walked towards him, standing next to him, a few feet apart, my hands crossed behind my back as I stared at the sunset with an empty feeling rising in my heart unlike his satisfied eyes.
"Talk," he said, more like a statement then a question. I took a deep breath, almost confused, then opening my mouth to finally say something but he cut me off. "That's exactly what I wanted to do. But you left."
So we're doing this.
We're having the conversation that I mentally prepared myself for more than a hundred times but now that the moment had finally come, I found myself courageless, all that I had thought of just vanished into thin air.
"Five minutes," he ordered, "I'm giving you five minutes to answer one very question. Answer it fine and I'll help you with the presentation, orelse..." He cracked his knuckles together, letting his voice fade.
"I will–" I begin when he cut me off.
"Only truth," he conditioned.
"I would never lie to you," the response was almost immediate. He made a face of disbelief and I tried to ignore the fact that I had seen it.
"The question–?" I start but he cut me off again , this time by his eyes that look straight at me, intensely setting upon me.
As I looked up, I realised I was wrong. His eyes were not the same anymore too.
They were darker than I remembered, colder and intensely pining me with hatred, a fire raging in them as if threatening to set my world on fire, my fate decided by the words I uttered out next.
"Tell me Nandini, how does it feel like, to be a murderer?"
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