(A/N So... To commemorate chapter 69, you've got an extra long chapter! As in, extra extra extra long. As in 10,000 words. As in, you might want to stock up on snacks before you read this one.)
I woke slowly, curling into myself with a frown. I was cold. I was alone. I lifted my head, rubbing at an eye sleepily. Jay wasn't around. If it wasn't for his dry come over the duvet and the amazing ache in my arse, it would have been like he'd never been here. Like yesterday hadn't happened. I touched the piercing in my lip to reassure myself that yesterday was real, that I wasn't going insane and making up dreams where Jay came and admitted that he loved me.
Needing the toilet, I sat up and shuffled off the bed with a yawn. I looked around on the way to the bathroom. There was still no sign of him. Had he left me? No, his clothes were still strewn all over the floor by the front door.
I stopped suddenly, frowning further; the bathroom door was closed. The bathroom door was never closed. I held my breath for a moment, listening. There was the faint sound of sniffling and stifled sobbing coming from the other side of the door. My heart clenched and I reached for the handle, but it wouldn't turn. Jay had locked himself in the bathroom.
"Jay? Jay, open the door," I said softly, still trying to turn the handle. He didn't respond for a while, instead just going quiet. "Jaimie, open this door. I need to make sure you're okay, baby."
After a few moments, the lock clicked and the door opened a little. Jay's tear-stained face appeared in the slight crack as he wiped his nose across the back of his hand. He avoided my gaze, looking ashamed.
"Can I come in?" I asked, as gently as I could.
He nodded slowly, pulling the door open further. I slipped inside, shutting the door behind me. Kneeling beside him, I stroked his hair slowly, trying to comfort him.
"What's wrong, darling? What happened?"
He just shook his head and crawled into my lap, curling up like a child. His skin was freezing; how long had he been lying here? I rested my cheek on top of his head, kissing his forehead repeatedly while rocking him slowly in my arms. Eventually, his crying seemed to subside, and he was just silent, still.
"Jaimie?" I whispered to him, hoping his full name would calm him down, at least a little.
"Nightmare," he breathed shakily, clinging tighter to me.
"Oh, babe... It's okay, it's not real. Do you want to talk about it?"
He shook his head quickly before he stopped, changing his mind. "I... You left me... And I was all on my own, and then he found me a-and..."
I shushed him quietly, trying to let him know that he didn't have to continue. He fell silent, though hiccuping out small sobs again. I just stayed quiet, rocking him again.
"Don't leave me, Kaidan," he whispered, looking up at me.
"I'm not going anywhere, Jay. I promise. I love you, remember? So much..."
He seemed to relax after that, sagging against me. He closed his eyes, turning his face into my neck.
"How long have you been in here? You're freezing," I noted, rubbing at his arm in an attempt to warm him up.
"Your fault for not having the central heating on," he retorted, though it had little of his usual sarcasm.
I smiled and kissed the top of his head. "Let's go cuddle in bed then, okay? Get you warm again."
Jay nodded but made no move to get up. I rubbed my nose in his hair, loving the faint smell of his shampoo.
"How are your arms?" I asked instead, turning his hands over so I could look at his wrists.
"Messy," he mumbled.
He was right, the bandages were ruffled and loose now, practically hanging off his wrists. A hint of black peeked out from under one of them, again making me want to see them. Jay unravelled them carefully, placing them on the floor when they were bundled up.
"They're amazing," I breathed, reaching out to touch them but hesitating.
"You think so?" he asked, looking up at me for reassurance.
I just smiled in response and kissed him softly, cupping his cheek in my hand. Jay's lips were insistent against mine, hard. His hand snaked up into my hair, though he hissed in slight pain when his wrist pressed against my head.
We were horribly interrupted by the sound of Jay's phone ringing in the living room. He practically growled in annoyance when he pulled away from me, his fingertips trailing over the first hickey he'd given me last night.
"You should get that," I whispered.
"It's just Ollie. He can wait," he murmured, sounding more like himself.
"He's probably ringing to check whether I've killed you or not."
"If it was death by sex like last night's, I really wouldn't mind."
I couldn't help a slight laugh at that. "I'm sure you wouldn't. Go answer your phone before he rings me as well."
Grumbling, Jay got up, walking quickly out of the bathroom and down the hall to the living room. I got up and stretched, going to the toilet before following him. When I got there, he was lying upside on the couch, his feet on the back of it while his head hung off the edge, his hair hanging down. I smiled in the doorway, leaning against it as I just looked at him.
"No, I am not lying to you, you idiot. Why would I lie? Kaidan's right here if that'll prove anything," Jay said, sounding frustrated.
He held out the phone to me. "Hi, Ollie!" I shouted at the phone. Jay huffed a little laugh and brought it back against his ear.
"See? Good. Now, what do you want?"
I grinned and came over to him, sitting on the floor beside his head. He grinned back, leaning up to kiss me gently.
"Of course I'm listening," Jay murmured to Ollie when I pulled back from him. "Ooh, where are you going? Hang on, I'll put you on speaker."
Jay looked at his phone, pressed a button and then there was the slight background noise of Ollie and Finn's house.
"Hey, Ollie," I said, resting a hand on Jay's chest. He laced his fingers through mine happily, peeking up at me with a smile.
"Hi, Kaidan. So, you guys are sorted now?"
"I think so," I answered, smiling at Jay before kissing him again.
"Ew, guys, save that for later, please. Anyway, Finn and I are going away for our anniversary!"
That explained Jay's question. "Where to?" I asked.
"I don't know, it's a surprise. Of course, I still have to pack for both of us. And find a dogsitter. Ugh, holidays are so much work."
"Want me to take Jasmine?" Jay asked, trailing his fingers through my hair absentmindedly.
"Really? Oh my God, that would be so good, if you wouldn't mind. Anyway, that can wait. Finn... told me that he'd spoken to you two, about our anniversary."
"Oh, that. What about it?" Jay asked casually.
"Well... Do you still want to?" Ollie asked timidly. I could hear him shifting uncomfortably where he was sat.
"I don't know about Jay, but I do," I said in an attempt to relax him, but I really did want to do this with them...
"Sure, it'll be good," Jay said with a small shrug, still curling my hair around his fingers. "When are you flying?"
"Day after tomorrow. Tomorrow will be spent packing and sorting out Jasmine's things. There's nothing planned for after we get back so--"
"Why not tonight?" I interrupted quickly, blushing a little.
Ollie hesitated. "Are you sure? I mean... You two have only just..."
"It's fine," I reassured him. I looked to Jay to try and get him to say the same.
"Sounds good to me," Jay said too.
Ollie sighed in relief. "That's great. And, of course, you can stop any time you want, all you have to do is say stop and--"
I just laughed. "Jesus, Ollie, you're sounding worse than Jay right now. Honestly, I can say the word 'no'."
"I love it when you get all fiesty," Jay murmured, leaning up to kiss at one of the hickeys he'd given me. I shivered slightly, closing my eyes.
"What time?" I asked, trying to hide my slight breathlessness as Jay continued tonguing at one of the marks.
"Finn gets back from work at about five tonight. We need to eat, shower, get ready, so... half six, seven?"
"Seven sounds good," I replied, gasping when Jay bit at the love bite. "Your place?"
"Yeah," Ollie said, a grin in his voice. "We'll see you tonight then."
I nodded before remembering that he couldn't see me. "Y-Yeah, see you."
We said quick goodbyes before I hung up and grabbed Jay's hair, kissing him hard. He almost squealed in surprise, wrapping his arms around my neck. Because of the way he was lying, it was messy, wet, but so hot that I could feel my cock begin to harden. When Jay pulled away, we were both breathing heavily and staring at each other. I grinned slightly before kissing him again, firmly but briefly.
"I have college in an hour," I murmured after a quick glance up at the clock.
"I have a charity event," he responded, sounding just as miserable as he looked.
"What is it?" I asked, wiping a bit of spit away from his mouth.
"Fun day with a load of kids. I'm going along to help. It'll be over by two, so we could go out and eat or something."
"Is this one of the abuse charities you support?" I asked quietly, stroking his hair.
"Yeah. A lot of the volunteers have a similar past as me, so we can all relate to the kids. They rarely share their stories, but they know they can talk to us if they want to."
I looked at him thoughtfully for a few moments. "You're perfect, you know?"
He frowned confusedly. "How?"
"Beautiful, sexy, kind, funny, sensitive. Plus, amazing in bed. And confident, forgiving, loving, understanding, honest - need I go on?"
Jay looked away silently, though I could see the tears forming in his eyes again. This was one of the final hurdles he had to overcome: his own self-worth. When I held his chin and turned his face back to me, he still didn't say anything, though he did wrap his arms around me tightly. I pulled him carefully off the couch until he was sat in my lap again.
"I mean it, Jay. To me, you are everything. Even with everything that's happened since we met, I wouldn't change a second of it, because it brought us to this point now."
He was crying now, sniffling and trembling slightly. I was on the verge of tears too, just seeing him like this.
"I love you so much," I whispered to him, tightening my arms around him. "I've never loved anyone before, not like I love you."
He let out a shaky breath, looking up at me. "I love you too. You've done so much for me, Kaidan. I don't know what I'd do without you now."
I smiled comfortingly and kissed one of his tears gently. When I looked at him again, he was smiling a tiny bit.
"Come on, let's get dressed. Maybe we can have a hot and heavy makeout session in bed," I teased.
He laughed slightly, a little giggle that warmed my heart. "I don't mind just cuddling."
"We can do whatever you want."
***
Dressing had been an interesting affair. I was going through my clothes to try and find something while Jay just sat with his legs crossed on the bed, watching me. As many times as I told him to go and get yesterday's clothes, he just ignored me in favour of watching me get dressed. I'd just rolled my eyes.
Suddenly he'd jumped up and run out of the room, coming back just a second later with the black bag of toys we'd bought yesterday. I blushed but otherwise stayed quiet as he rifled through the bag. After a few moments, he wrapped his arms around me from behind, kissing at my hickeys again, which he'd taken the liberty of adding to, earlier.
"Kaidan...?" he started, in that voice that immediately informed me that he wanted something.
"Yes, darling?"
"How bored will you be today?"
"Why?" I asked hesitantly.
"Well... I had an idea..."
Oh God. I prepared myself. Jay's ideas usually ended in embarrassment.
"You know the butt plug we bought yesterday...?"
"You want me to wear it to college," I guessed, blushing already.
"It would make both our days infinitely more interesting."
"Why both of us?" I asked, turning to face him now with a narrowing of my eyes.
"Well..." He grinned hesitantly, lifting up his phone to show me an app that was open.
"Oh my God... You can control it? You're going to be around a load of kids while you play with my backside."
"I thought it could be fun," he said sheepishly, waiting for my response.
I looked at him for a few moments. He didn't seem to be doing this to embarrass me; it seemed that he was actually just curious about it. And he was using that look... That damn look that I couldn't say no to, and he didn't even know he was making it.
"Fine. Where is it?" I muttered.
He grinned widely and went to the bed, where he'd put the box and the lube. He held them out to me but I just raised my eyebrow at him and went to the bed, undoing my trousers and pushing them down before I crawled onto the bed and put my arse on display for him. He whined slightly and come over, still naked as he knelt behind me.
"Go on then," I taunted, unable to help my grin at him.
He whined and pouted slightly as he reached for the lube.
"God, if we had time right now, I'd--"
"Fuck me, yeah, yeah, get on with it," I said, rolling my eyes.
"No," Jay surprised me by saying. He blushed a little and smiled shyly, stroking his fingers over my lower back. "No, I'd make love to you. Slow and gentle. I'd love you like I'm supposed to."
His voice was quiet, hesitant as if he was scared I'd laugh. Instead, I felt brought to tears by his whispered words. I sat up and turned around to kiss him softly, stroking along his jaw.
"I'd like that," I whispered back, smiling at him.
"Tomorrow," he promised, kissing me again.
I lay down again and he made quick work of stretching me again, this time the plug sliding into place instead of his cock. I whined at the feeling. It was like I was full, but not quite enough. I gasped as Jay flicked a switch on the wide base of it.
"How does that feel?" he asked, caressing one of my cheeks.
"It's... weird," I admitted, sitting up again. I bit my lip slightly.
"Good weird or bad weird?" He pulled my boxers and jeans back up, reaching around to fasten the button and zip.
"Good." I shifted slightly, trying to get used to the feeling.
"Want a go with the vibrations?" he asked with a grin.
I nodded shyly and watched as he opened his phone again, pressing a button. There was nothing for a moment before it suddenly buzzed into life. I moaned at the sudden feeling of it, arching my back.
"Jay..." I breathed.
"That good, baby?" Jay asked, running his hands up and down my sides.
Nodding, I mewled suddenly, grabbing him and pulling him into a kiss. When I pulled away, Jay turned the vibrations down slightly, so they were just a pleasant buzz that left me on edge.
"That's better," I whispered, resting my head on his bare shoulder.
After a few moments, Jay lay me down and finally went to get dressed. I stayed as still as I could, my eyes shut slightly as I just let the sensations take over. When Jay came back, he pulled me up so I was standing. He grinned at me as he collected his things - which consisted simply of his phone and wallet.
"How are your wrists?" I asked, my voice a bit higher than usual.
He blinked in surprise and looked down at them. "I forgot about them."
"So they're alright then," I said with a small grin.
He rolled his eyes and handed me my phone before following me to the front door. I picked up my bag and slung it over my shoulder, putting my wallet in the main compartment of it.
"I'm parked just down the road. That reminds me, why did we have to get the bus yesterday?" Jay asked.
"Because," I replied, "I wanted to show off my new boyfriend. Besides, we can't make out while you're driving."
He scoffed and rolled his eyes. "Priorities."
I laced my fingers through his and rested my head on his shoulder, ignoring his grumbling. He opened the car door for me as he usually did before he kissed me softly and went around to get in his side. The leather seat pushed the butt plug further up into me, making me take a shaky breath. Jay grinned and opened his phone again and turned the setting up. My response came in a mix of a moan and a whine. I scowled at Jay with his wicked grin. This only amused him further as he did his seatbelt and started the car.
The quiet purr of the engine was something else that I'd missed; it was the background to our comfortable silences. The slight trembling of the car, usually comforting, was now driving me crazy. It just added to the vibrations of the plug, leaving me a breathless, whining, moaning mess.
Jay reached over and did my seatbelt for me, clearly seeing that I was in no fit state to do it. The drive would have been quiet if it wasn't for my constant whimpering and groaning. The whole time, the son of a bitch was just grinning to himself. When he pulled up outside the college, I was so hard that I just wanted to throw myself at him. He seemed to notice this, but just acted coy and unaware.
"I swear to God, if you don't touch me right now I am going to claw my eyes out," I gasped.
He chuckled softly but leaned over and kissed me hard, forcing his tongue into my mouth. I moaned into his mouth, gripping his hair tightly. I gasped in surprise when his palm pressed against my aching cock but moaned again as he started rubbing firmly.
"If you come now, I'll turn the setting down," he whispered, sucking kisses onto my jaw.
"I don't think I could stop even if I wanted to," I gasped, tipping my head back so he had better access to my neck. He quickly started sucking hard there, clearly trying to leave another hickey.
"Got a marking kink, babe?" I asked with a breathless grin.
He didn't reply, instead quickening the pace of his hand against my crotch. It wasn't long before I was coming in my pants like a fifteen year old. He immediately turned down the setting until it was that pleasant buzz once again. I sagged against the seat, panting raggedly.
"This is definitely going to make my day much better. Can't say it'll help your grades much," Jay murmured against my neck with a smirk on his lips.
"I need to go in now," I grumbled unhappily.
"I'll see you later. Three, yeah?"
I nodded numbly, trying to recover from my post-orgasm high as quickly as I could. After a few moments, I took a deep breath and kissed Jay before moving to get out of the car. He grabbed my hand and kissed it sweetly, completely opposite from what he was doing to me just a minute ago.
"Have a good day, boo," he said with a happy smile.
"And you. Let me know how the event goes, yeah?"
He nodded and sat back, still smiling up at me, his eyes sparkling in the light that reflected off the bonnet of the car. I suddenly didn't want to leave him, even knowing that I'd see him in only a few hours.
"I love you," I said suddenly.
"I love you too, and I don't think I'll ever be able to stop saying that," he answered, grinning. "Now, go and learn something interesting for me."
"I'll see what I can do," I laughed with a grin, blowing him a kiss as I shut the door.
Jay waited until I'd gone inside before he waved and drove away. I don't think I'd ever been as happy as I was at that point.
***
Practically skipping into English, I saw Mina sat with her friends and hesitated. I'd been avoiding her all week and knew that she needed an explanation. When she looked up and saw me, she just grinned widely and waved. I smiled back and came over to her, slipping into the seat beside her. She threw her arms around me suddenly and kissed my cheek.
"Hey, Kaidan," Mina said with her enthusiastic grin.
"Hey, Mi... Sorry I've been avoiding you, I--"
"Sam told me. Well, I cornered him and demanded that he tell me what was going on. I told him that if he didn't, I'd castrate him, so don't be angry," she said casually with a small shrug as she sat back.
"You know... You're actually the weirdest person I've ever met."
"Even weirder than Jay?"
I hesitated. That was a tough one. "Yeah, even weirder than Jay, though not by much."
"You seem a lot happier now anyway," she noted. "Is everything better?"
I smiled to myself as I thought about yesterday when Jay tried to cook me breakfast. "Yeah, it--"
"Wait," she snapped, grabbing my face in her hands and turned me side to side so she could look at me better. "You got your lip pierced, and your ear."
"Uh, yeah," I said with a faint blush. "Jay and I went into town yesterday."
"Let me guess: he persuaded you to get them done."
"He's very convincing, okay?" I mumbled, pulling my face from her grip.
She just rolled her eyes. "Jay absolutely loves piercings. We went out to a party sometime and he got drunk off his ass, to the point where he started going down on this girl in the middle of the party and--"
"Mina," I said quickly, covering her mouth. "I don't need to hear about that, thanks."
"So you don't hate him? I'm confused," she said, muffled by my hand, which I took back.
I raised an eyebrow. "I just told you that I was with him yesterday and you're asking if I hate him."
She hesitated, thinking about it for a moment. "Okay, true. So what happened yesterday?"
I explained everything, starting with Jay nearly burning my kitchen down, to when we got home - though I managed to avoid mentioning sex or sex toys, a task which was made significantly more difficult by the butt plug vibrating softly inside me.
"Wow..." she said quietly by the end. We'd ended up whispering after the teacher walked in, but at that moment I cared more about Mina understanding than some stupid poem.
"And this morning he was crying in my bathroom because he had a dream that I'd left him," I murmured, pretending to take down the notes on the board.
"Seriously? Jesus... He's seriously in love with you."
"Yesterday he asked me to move in with him, because that way he knows I love him."
"Fuck, honestly? What did you say?"
"I said not yet."
"When will you start thinking about it? Jay rarely leaves a subject alone once he's broached it."
"I don't know," I admitted.
That was something to think about. This morning in the car, I hadn't wanted to leave him at all, and I absolutely adored the idea that he'd be waiting for me once I finished for the day. I wanted him to always be waiting for me. I wanted to have a life with him, teach him how to love himself, how to let others into his life, how to use his damn oven. I wanted something we could call ours.
"Now," I said suddenly, a lot louder than I'd intended.
"Kaidan, you've been talking through my whole lesson, can I talk to you outside please?" the teacher at the front said, exasperated.
I got up, gathering my things and followed him out of the room. He told the others what to do until he got back.
"Kaidan, what has been up with you recently? Two weeks ago you start skipping assignments, daydreaming, then last week you looked like a zombie. What's going on? You know you can talk to me."
"My life has changed a lot," I told him simply, holding my books closer to my chest.
"Is everything okay?"
"Everything's... perfect."
He frowned in confusion. Suddenly my phone rang and I rushed to answer it, seeing Jay's name on the caller ID. I grinned as I answered.
"Hey," I breathed, just wanting to hear his voice.
"Hey, boo. I miss you," he murmured. I could just imagine his pout.
"You saw me about half an hour ago, babe," I told him with a grin.
"Does that mean I can't miss you?" he challenged.
"Of course not."
Jay chuckled softly. "Hey, babe, guess what. I love you."
"I love you too," I said softly, grinning.
I completely forgot about my teacher stood right next to me, and I definitely didn't see his angry expression.
"How's your... predicament?"
"It's not too bad, since you helped me out earlier."
"You know I'll help you out like that anytime, babe," he chuckled softly. A child screamed in the distance. "Jackie! Ja-- Shit, I need to stop them from killing each other. I'll see you later, yeah?"
"Yeah, I--"
Suddenly the phone was tugged from my grip and I was faced with the teacher's furious gaze. He hung up the phone and shoved it back into my hand. He pointed down the hall.
"Go and talk to Mrs. Alpin. Now," he ordered.
I shrunk back from the tone of his voice but turned and walked quickly down the hall towards the principal's office. I quickly sent a text to Jay:
In trouble. Speak soon x
I didn't check to see if he replied before I ended up in front of her door. I hesitated before knocking.
"Come in," Mrs. Alpin called.
I opened the door reluctantly. She smiled widely when she saw it was me and gestured to the chair opposite her. I came in, shutting the door behind me.
"What can I do for you, Kaidan?" she asked, turning away from her computer.
"Mr. Lewis sent me to see you," I admitted quietly, sinking into the too-soft chair.
Her eyebrows shot up into her hairline. I'd rarely been in trouble, but I'd never been sent by a teacher.
"What for?" she asked, trying to stay calm. "Kaidan, you know that piercings are not correct attire."
"Um, yeah, sorry... I was talking to my friend in his lesson and then I answered my phone when he was talking to me in private..."
She sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. "That's just impolite, you should know that. I've been told by all of your teachers that your grades are slipping, and you've certainly not been mentally present is lessons recently. I'm beginning to worry, especially with regards to your grant."
"I know, I--"
"And you have always been the most polite young man that I've had the grace of knowing. What happened? Did you fall in with the wrong crowd? Because, you know that certain people are more easily influenced than others."
I sat quietly, listening to her go on. I took the time to contemplate more on my thoughts from earlier about my life with Jay. Everything would be amazing. We'd have the rabbits he wanted, and anything else, because all I wanted to do was make him happy and--
"Kaidan, you're not even listening!" Mrs. Alpin exclaimed suddenly.
"I'm leaving," I blurted out.
She blinked in surprise. "Sorry?"
"At the end of term, I'm leaving. Thank you for everything you've done for me, but this isn't the life I want." I stood up, pulling my bag over my shoulder. She was just sat there, her mouth opening and closing as she searched for something to say. "I'll do my best for the rest of the term but after the holiday, I won't be coming back."
I walked out confidently, my head held high. I headed back to my classroom before the gravity of what I'd just done hit me. Suddenly I couldn't breathe, my hands started shaking and I had to lean against the wall so I didn't collapse. Slowly, I slid down the wall until I was sat on the floor.
My hands shook as I tried to type out another text to Jay.
I think I just made a really bad decision
***
"You what?" he shouted at me as he drove me home.
"I said I was leaving," I repeated, still feeling numb.
"Kaidan... This was your chance for a proper life, not one like mine. Kay... You have to go back there, tell them you didn't mean it, you--"
"I'll stay for the next week and a half but then I'm leaving. And I'll find something else to do."
"Don't go into porn, please," he begged quietly, his knuckles white from where he was gripping the steering wheel too tight.
"No," I said firmly, "I won't. I need to ring Rob and say I'm not... Hey, maybe you and me could start a stripping duo."
That managed to pull his lips into a small, reluctant smile. The air was quiet after that, but tense. I just wanted to reach over and touch his leg, make sure that he was okay, make sure that I was okay. I didn't have to when Jay did that for me, lacing his fingers through mine tightly.
"I love you, Kaidan, and if this is what you want, I'll support you, okay? Anything you want, I want too."
I nodded quietly, holding his hand in my lap.
"How do your wrists feel?" I asked, turning his hand over to look at it.
"Fine, I guess. One of the kids grabbed me earlier but Jackie made sure it was clean for me."
"One of your friends?" I asked, looking up at him, trying to see if he was more relaxed.
"One of the founders of the charity," he said with a nod.
"How was today anyway?"
He smiled and looked at me briefly before started on a tale of how his morning had passed. After a while, I ended up just staring at him and wondering how I could have been so lucky.
***
Sitting on my bed, I tried to take deep breaths. Jay was busy styling his hair, his low-waist jeans cupping his backside perfectly. I paused my panicking, watching him.
"Kaidan, you really need to calm down. Honestly, babe, it's going to be fine," he said, throwing me a reassuring smile over his shoulder.
I nodded slightly and took a deep breath. "I'm just nervous."
"Why, exactly?" he asked, turned back to the mirror.
"Well, you're the only person I've ever done anything with, and these are your friends - our friends - and I don't want them to regret it afterwards or something."
Jay fell quiet, hesitating as he ran some gel through his hair. He glanced at me briefly in the mirror and then looked at the floor for just a moment before starting on his hair again.
"What's wrong?" I asked, noticing the expression on his face. "And don't say 'nothing'."
"I... I just..." he trailed off, as if he was trying to find the right words. He straightened up and turned around slowly, looking everywhere but at me. "Like you said, you've never been with anyone else, and what if... You like them better than you like me?"
"Oh, Jay..." I breathed. Standing, I walked over to him and wrapped my arms around him tightly, resting my head on his shoulder. "Even if I did - which I sincerely doubt, I couldn't suddenly stop loving you. Just because I fell in love with you quickly, doesn't mean I'll fall out of love with you just as fast."
He seemed slightly placated by that, nodding slightly and pressing his cheek into my hair.
"Have you spoken to your psychiatrist about your self-worth problems?" I asked gently, stroking the skin of his chest where his T-shirt stopped.
"I think she's given up with that; she's been trying for at least two years," he muttered unhappily. "I'm seeing her tomorrow afternoon if you want to come with me, though I can't say it'll be very interesting."
"I'd love to come with you, if you want me to," I said, looking up at him with a smile.
He nodded a little and let go of me, stroking my cheek briefly. "Did anyone ask about your hickeys?"
"Mina spent the whole of our lunch break teasing me about them. She also tried to tell me a story about your piercing kink."
He groaned and leaned down to rest his head on my shoulder. "Oh, God. You told her to shut the hell up, right?"
"Of course I did. You're with me now, I don't need to hear about any skanks from your past," I muttered, unable to help the slight bitterness in my voice.
Jay laughed slightly, rolling his eyes as he straightened up. "A lot of those 'skanks' are good friends, but I see your reasoning. If anyone else had touched you before I had, I'd want to... I don't know, I'd want to do something to them. Are you ready to go to Finn's?"
I took another deep breath and nodded. "Are you?"
He ruffled his hair with his hand so it was it's usual messiness. "Yep. Want to stay at mine tonight?"
"That'd be great," I said with a nod.
"Finn left some of your stuff at mine. The stuff that was in the washing basket, mainly. I think Ollie washed them over the week sometime."
I nodded, grabbing my phone before Jay took my hand and pulled me towards the door. I think I was subconsciously digging my heels into the ground because I was so nervous. No matter how much Jay reassured, promised, smiled, the anxiety wouldn't go away. He seemed to realise this because he was holding my hand, firmly but softly, and running his thumb over the back of it slowly. My heart slowed slightly at the action, calming slightly. All I could do was not freak out completely.
When Jay opened my door for me, he did my seatbelt too, kissing me while he did it. He smiled reassuringly before he shut the door and went around to get in too. The drive to Finn and Ollie's wasn't long, though our comfortable silence was eating at me. I turned on the radio, turning up the volume. The music was crappy, but at least it was background noise. I relaxed slightly, beginning to feel more excited than nervous now.
"Okay, babe?" Jay asked as we turned onto their street.
"I think so. You'll take care of me, right?" I murmured with a pink blush.
He smiled sweetly. "Of course I will, boo. I wouldn't dream of throwing you to the horny little submissive alone."
I laughed slightly, squeezing his hand. I wasn't sure when his hand had snaked into mine, or even who's idea it was, but the touch was comforting. Jay pulled into the drive and parked in his usual space; it seemed like he had his own parking space at their house, which only further convinced me that they were practically Jay's parents (though I didn't think parents would be arranging a foursome).
Jay got out of the car and quickly came round to help me out, wrapping an arm around my waist to hold me against him. I shivered at the chill in the air and pressed closer to his warmth. No matter what, Jay always seemed absolutely roasting, even in his simple T-shirt and jeans. I'd managed to convince him not to wear skinny jeans because Finn would be just as frustrated with them as I was. At that, he just pouted and sulked for a good few minutes.
As Jay knocked on the door, my nervousness came back. He rubbed my side comfortingly and smiled down at me. Some music inside was being turned down and a few moments later the door was opened. Ollie was grinning shyly, his hair falling into his eyes when he looked at the floor for just a moment.
"Hey," he said, a slight blush darkening his cheeks.
"Hey, Ollie," Jay said, pulling me closer to him.
"You look good," I said suddenly, unable to stop the surprise from entering my voice.
Ollie glanced down at himself and blushed even more. It was true though; Ollie's usually simple, practical clothes had been discarded in favour of a grey tee with a low V neck front and a black pair of jeans.
"Thanks," he murmured, pushing his hair back. "You too."
I was blushing as well, leaving Jay chuckling to himself.
"Okay, boys, let's stop blushing like virginal maidens and go inside. It's cold," he reminded us, still grinning.
Ollie stepped aside to let us in, shutting the door behind us.
"Finn's fiddling in the play room at the moment if you want to go and find him," he told Jay, glancing at me briefly in a way that said he was telling Jay to go so he could talk to me.
Jay looked between us hesitantly before he kissed my cheek softly and squeezed my hand, heading upstairs. Ollie grabbed my hand instead and his sudden touch sent a weird thrill through me. The nerves came back once again. He pulled me into the living room, where he turned the soft classical music off, sitting on the sofa with me.
"How've you been?" he asked gently, releasing my hand.
"Good," I said with a nod. "I, uh... I quit college this morning."
His eyes went wide and he was silent for almost a full minute. I shifted awkwardly under his disbelieving gaze.
"Is that what you want?" he eventually said.
"I think so..."
"Is this because of Jay?" he asked, sounding slightly annoyed.
"What, no? I beginning to rethink it before Jay came into my life. I think I'll have to pay the money they've spent on me..." I mused before shaking my head. "I'll deal with that when I come to it."
He nodded understandingly. "How's Jay been with you?"
"Perfect," I admitted with a happy smile. "He tells me he loves me at every moment he can, and he never seems to want to stop touching me."
Ollie smiled too. "Bless him. Are you happy?"
"The happiest I've ever been."
"Good. That's all that matters. By the way, are you sure about tonight? You two have only just sorted things out, so I wouldn't want a night with Finn and I to ruin that."
I rolled my eyes and leaned forward to kiss him firmly. It took a moment for him to respond but when I pulled away after a few seconds, we were both blushing and smiling slightly.
"It's fine," I insisted. "I promise."
Ollie nodded, finally giving in to me. If only Jay could be dealt with this easily... After a moment's hesitation, Ollie pulled me back to kiss him again, his hands fisted in my shirt before his arms snaked around my neck to pull me closer. I wasn't really sure whether to take charge or not, given Ollie's submissive nature, but I didn't have to make that decision when Ollie suddenly pushed me onto my back and crawled onto me, crashing his lips against mine. I moaned slightly in surprise, grabbing onto his shoulder.
"Well this is hot," Jay's voice came from the doorway.
Ollie gasped and pulled back quickly, sitting up. He was straddling me and didn't seem to be making a move, which I was totally fine with at that moment. Finn was stood just a little bit behind Jay, watching us with darkened eyes. I blushed even more hiding my face behind my hands.
"Aw," Jay laughed slightly, coming over. "Don't be embarrassed, boo. I want to see you two doing a lot more than just kissing," he admitted with a grin.
I blushed more and glanced up at Ollie, who was blushing too, though I could feel the slight pressure of his growing erection against my stomach. Jay leaned forward and kissed Ollie for just a moment.
"Happy early anniverary, Ollie," he said with a happy smile.
"Thanks," he said quietly, hugging Jay.
I could have sworn I heard Jay whisper a faint 'thank you' before he stood back. Finn came over quietly, stroking Ollie's face. Ollie looked like he would have purred if he were capable, his eyes closing slightly in pleasure at the touch.
"We'll keeping tonight vanilla, so you don't have to worry about this little slut being too kinky," Finn said to me with a teasing grin. Ollie just blushed again, peeking up at his Master.
"Thanks," I said in a quiet whisper.
To be honest, that was something that had been plaguing my mind; I'd often heard Jay and Finn joking about things like chains and spanking and a wide rage of other things that practically instilled fear in my heart.
"Where are we doing this then?" Jay asked, stroking his hand absentmindedly down Ollie's back.
"Well, there's our room, the play room, one of the spare rooms," Finn answered with a shrug.
"The play room has the biggest bed," Ollie pointed out, opening his eyes.
"We don't want to scare Kaidan, love. Especially not with some of the new toys we bought last week."
Ollie giggled slightly and bit his lip. Finn just rolled his eyes.
"I don't mind being in there," I interjected quickly. "If that's okay with you, I-I mean that's private to you guys."
"I don't mind at all," Ollie said, to which Finn nodded. Clearly he didn't either. "Finn sent me shopping this afternoon so we're all fully stocked for condoms and stuff if we need it."
I blushed at the nonchalance in his tone, as if this was an everyday conversation. I just nodded in response, unsure what to say.
"Ollie, take Kaidan upstairs please. Jay and I will be there soon," Finn instructed, taking his hand away from his hair.
Ollie nodded quickly and climbed off me, grinning widely. He grabbed my hand and pulled me up, quickly leading me upstairs. He turned the key that was sat in the lock of one of the doors I'd noted but never paid much attention to. He glanced at me briefly before he opened it, leading me inside.
My eyes went wide as I looked around. The centre piece of the room - a large bed with black silk sheets - didn't even take up most of the room; there was all sorts of furniture around the room that I didn't even want to think about the purpose of. Instead of looking around, I focused on Ollie, who was stood in front of me, peeking up at me through his lashes while he played with the neck of my T-shirt. He bit his lip and pulled it up a little before he glanced at me for consent. I just nodded, trying to control my breathing.
He smiled slightly and pulled it up over my head, throwing it to the side before his fingers trailed down my chest to the top of my jeans. I nodded again when he looked up at me. Slowly, he undid my jeans, dragging the zip down with a slowness that rivalled Jay when he was purposefully being irritating.
"Ollie," I whined slightly, looking at him.
He grinned wickedly and leaned forward to kiss me, trailing his fingertips over my growing cock before he pulled them down. I kicked my shoes off, not really caring where they went. Ollie laughed slightly against my mouth, pulling away to look at me. I quickly pulled his shirt over his head while he was distracted.
Ollie got down onto his knees, nipping at the bulge in my boxers playfully. I gasped, grabbing his hair. Slowly, he pulled my jeans down, pausing to let me step out of them, before he did the same with my boxers. I blushed red when he took my cock in his hand, stroking slowly. I couldn't help a low moan from escaping.
"Couldn't even get to the bed without wanting a cock in your mouth, Ollie?" Finn's voice said from the door.
Ollie looked up at him and batted his eyelashes sweetly. Still looking at Finn, he wrapped his tongue around me, lapping like a kitten. I moaned again. Jay strode past Finn, his eyes focused solely on me. Standing behind me, he gripped my hair and pulled my head back so he could force his tongue into my mouth. I moaned, unconsciously tightening my grip on Ollie's hair.
"Ollie, get up," Finn ordered.
Jay pulled away just as Ollie hesitated, something I didn't remember ever seeing him do when it came to Finn. He pouted but got up and stood in front of us. Finn pointed to the centre of the room, where Ollie went, without pause this time. Without being asked, he finished undressing and stood naked in front of the three of us. Finn raised an eyebrow at him expectantly, crossing him arms and taking on that stance that even made me want to give in to him. Ollie bit his lip slightly, going over to the bed.
"Are you going to fuck me, Master?" he asked as he crawled onto the bed, sitting back and spreading his legs.
Finn chuckled softly. "Maybe I will, maybe I won't. Maybe I'll let Jay have his way with you."
"Mm," Jay mused, kissing at my neck softly. "That's an idea. What do you think, baby?"
It took me a moment to realise he was talking to me. "That could be interesting," I mumbled. I wouldn't have wanted to admit that the idea of watching Jay messing about with Ollie was a turn on. "Go on then."
He grinned against my neck and walked towards the bed, crawling onto it and kissing Ollie, though - I noted happily - not with as much passion as when he kissed me. I watched for a moment before I went over to Finn, more shyly than I had been with Ollie. He smiled reassuringly and cupped my face before he kissed me gently, more gently than I would have thought him capable of. I lifted my hands hesitantly before I hardened my resolve and started undoing the buttons of his shirt. His lips curled into a smile against mine as he ran his hands up and down my bare back.
After seeing him, angry and firm, with Ollie, this soft side of him really made me understand why Ollie was so infatuated with him. If he'd acted with me like he did with Ollie, I wouldn't have known what to do but tell him to stop. He must have known that, if his gentle caresses and soft kisses showed anything.
"If you're too gentle with him, he won't want me," Jay joked, though I knew it was a serious worry of his.
Finn chuckled. "He's let you make his neck one giant hickey, I don't think he plans on leaving you any time soon."
"Right here, guys," I murmured, opening my eyes a little.
I pushed Finn's unbuttoned shirt off his shoulders, leaning up to kiss at his jaw slightly. He let out a shaky, soft moan when I got to a certain spot. I grinned slightly and nipped at his skin there. He grabbed onto my wrists, as if that was the only way he could take control of the situation. I pulled back after just a moment and tugged my wrists free, taking his hand and pulling him towards the bed.
Jay was naked now too, a sight I took only a moment to admire. I climbed onto the bed, crawling over to Ollie and kissing him again, running my fingers down his chest to his cock. His breath caught in his throat when I took him in my hand, stroking him slowly. He moaned softly against my mouth, pulling away for a moment.
"Kaidan..." he whispered, letting his head fall back against the pillow.
Jay reached over and lifted my face slightly so he could kiss me, his hand joining mine around Ollie's cock. After a few awkward pulls, we settled into a rhythm that had Ollie arching off the bed and whimpering. Jay pulled away from my mouth after a little while and grinned at me widely. Suddenly his lips wrapped around one of Ollie's nipples, playing with it. Ollie moaned loudly, arching up. Finn chuckled softly, grinning at Jay as if enjoying a shared joke. Jay grinned back, Ollie's nipple trapped between his teeth with his tongue lathing at it. The sight of him like that was so hot that I just wanted to grab him and fuck him.
Ollie was grasping at my hair as if it was the only thing keeping him horizontal on the bed, panting raggedly.
"Master, please," he gasped out, arching again and opening his eyes to look at Finn who was just standing at the foot of the bed and watching. "I need you."
"When do you not?" he teased, smirking. He looked thoughtful for a moment. "Jay, stop. Ollie, get on your hands and knees."
Ollie seemed to sigh with relief when Jay sat back and our hands came off his cock. He didn't hesitate in carrying out Finn's orders, steadying himself on all fours. I sat awkwardly at the side, unsure what to do. I glanced to Finn for direction. He smirked and pointed to Ollie's head. I blushed slightly and shuffled to sit in front of him. Finn came to the side I'd just vacated and ran his fingers softly through Ollie's hair before suddenly gripping hard and pushing his head towards my cock. I had no doubts that my face was practically red.
Ollie didn't hesitate, pause, grumble or seem reluctant in any way to lick at me before taking me all the way into his mouth. I gasped in surprise, grabbing his shoulder. When he sucked hard and pulled up, I moaned loudly, my head falling back against the wall. Jay crawled up to sit closer to me, kissing over my face and neck before finally pressing his lips to mine. I sighed happily, moaning against him when Ollie lightly scraped his teeth over the head. He really knew what he was doing...
None of us seemed to notice Finn getting up and going to one of the drawers on the other side of the room, returning with a bottle of lube. He squirted some over his fingers before he suddenly pushed two inside of Ollie. He moaned loudly in surprise, pushing his hips back. The vibrations of his throat when he moaned had me moaning too, arching closer to Jay.
"Surprisingly tight, Ollie," Finn noted, as if he was observing the weather. "Maybe I haven't been using you properly."
Ollie mewled, pulling off of me to rest his head against my thigh. His hot breath fanned against my wet cock, sending a shiver right through me.
"Master, please," Ollie begged breathlessly, closing his eyes.
"I don't think so, especially when our guests haven't had a turn with you. Would you like a go with him, Kaidan?" he asked with a wide grin. I just shook my head, blushing again without even meaning to. "Jay?"
"Don't mind if I do," he chuckled, crawling over to next to Finn, pecking his lips briefly.
Jay whispered something that made Finn grin widely and nod. I would have been curious but Ollie chose that moment to take my cock back into his mouth, bobbing his head enthusiastically, making me moan loudly and arch my hips into his mouth. Watching Jay and Finn through hooded eyes, Jay lubed up his fingers and pushed two in right on top of Finn's. Ollie moaned shakily around me, shivering. Whatever he gasped out was garbled and muffled by my dick in his mouth. Finn looked at Jay for a moment before kissing him roughly. Jay responded immediately, pressing closer and opening his mouth for Finn's tongue, moaning when he was given what he wanted.
I couldn't help myself as I got closer and closer, panting heavily.
"O-Ollie," I gasped out, trying to stop myself from coming.
Finn reached forward and grabbed Ollie hair again, pulling him up off me. I whined slightly, the need for release rising as the feeling ebbed away. I looked to Finn for an explanation. He grinned slightly.
"Not yet, Kaidan," he murmured, his voice rough.
At the same time, Jay and Finn pulled their fingers out of Ollie, leaving him whining and unsatisfied. Finn just chuckled, pulled him up and whispering in his ear. Slowly, a wide smile spread across Ollie's face as he looked at me. I felt slightly uncomfortable, knowing they were clearly talking about me. Jay came over and smiled reassuringly, kissing me gently.
"I'm going to fuck you," Jay whispered against my neck, running his nose along my skin, his voice full of promise, "while Finn fucks Ollie, and you're going to suck each other's cocks."
I took a sudden shaky breath at that and closed my eyes briefly before nodding.
"Yeah..." I murmured. "Yeah, that sounds good."
Jay grinned widely and suddenly flipped me onto my front, pulling me up so I was in the same position as Ollie was just a minute ago. I gasped in surprise, which was cut off by a moan when Jay pushed a lubed finger into me. He moved his finger quickly, adding a second one within moments. He spread them, adding a third. I was already stretched from having that damn butt plug inside me all day up until about two hours ago. His chest pressed against my back as he kissed at my shoulders.
"Ready, baby?" he asked quietly.
"Oh, God, yes," I groaned, letting my head fall forward.
Ollie grinned at me as he crawled underneath me, kissing at my stomach before he shuffled up further so he was right underneath my cock. Finn lifted his hips up so his cock was at my mouth. I licked at it for just a moment, loving the sound of Ollie's moan. He leant up slightly to return the favour, sucking the head between his lips.
Finn slowly slid inside of Ollie and I had to admit - to myself, at least - the sight of his cock disappearing inch by inch inside of Ollie's welcoming body was so hot that I had to close my eyes for a moment. When Jay pushed inside of me firmly, I nearly came just from that. I moaned, pressing back against him. Ollie's hot mouth enveloped my cock a second later, sucking and licking happily. I leaned down to take him into my mouth.
Jay started moving after just a second, moaning as he straightened up, holding my hips still so he could just pound into me - something he was soon doing, to the point that Ollie was having trouble. Finn began speeding up too, pushing hard inside of Ollie, making him moan loudly. His cock throbbed against my tongue and I knew that he was quickly getting close. I was already hanging right off the edge, only clinging on by a nail. A firm squeeze of my balls from someone - I couldn't tell who - and I just fell, coming into Ollie's mouth with a loud groan. He swallowed down happily, licking me clean.
I didn't stop moving my mouth over his cock, determined to make him come soon. Finn seemed to come next if his shout and Ollie's little moan was anything to go by. Ollie's come shot down my throat just a moment later; he must have been holding out until Finn was satisfied. I pulled off Ollie, licking my lips to make sure everything was gone. He sagged into the mattress, panting heavily, his breath hitting my spent cock. Jay was just a second later, his come burning my insides as he came with a shout and a moan, panting. The four of us just stayed still for a moment before Jay pulled out of me and pulled me up so I could fall against him.
Laying me down softly, Jay curled around me, nuzzling at my neck. Ollie was facing me just a second later, wrapped up in Finn's arms happily. I bit my lip before leaning forward and kissing him gently. He smiled and kissed me back, reaching up to touch my cheek for just a moment. Jay whined and pulled me closer to him. I laughed slightly, turning my head to look at him. He was pouting like a child, making me roll my eyes.
"Mine," he murmured, narrowing his eyes slightly at Ollie.
We both just laughed.
"Yes, definitely yours," I agreed, kissing him, which was awkward from the angle we were at.
"Aw," Ollie cooed, "Jay's getting all jealous! Jelly Jay!"
"Well, he's my jelly Jay. My little jelly bear," I murmured as I rolled over to face him.
He blushed slightly but smiled sweetly, rubbing his nose along the length of mine.
"I love you, boo," he whispered.
"And I love you, jelly bear."
He smiled as he buried his face in my neck, trying to get as close as he could. I stroked his back slowly, listening to his soft breathing that only got deeper as he fell asleep. I jumped a little in surprise when a blanket was being draped over us. I looked up, seeing Finn. He smiled widely and leaned down to kiss Jay's temple, then my cheek.
"Thank you for everything you've done for him, Kaidan," he whispered as quietly as he could without stirring Jay.
I just smiled and nuzzled at Jay's cheek, listening to the happy sound he made, like a sleeping baby. Finn went and turned the light off, shutting the door to before he came back and crawled in beside Ollie. They exchanged whispered words and what sounded like a kiss, which made me smile.
Looking back on it, there really was no reason to be nervous.
(A/N So... That was long XD I wrote it over two days so if there's a difference in writing styles, that's why. To celebrate chapter 69 (lol), I thought it would be good to have our foursome, with a bit of 69ing! I love our boys so much <3 Chapter dedicated to Sally_chan for her comment on the last chapter :D ~Beka)
(A/N OH AND BTW WE'VE GOT OVER 100K WORDS!!!! Currently at 102,418 <3 Thank you so much for standing by me while I've been writing this ~A very grateful, teary Beka <3<3<3<3<3<3)