“Long time no see, Sam.”
I smiled at Emma, who was dressed in uniform as she held her glove in one hand while the other rested on her hip. She looked pretty hot considering her pants were pretty tight around her nice legs, but thinking about Emma was impossible when I was too hung-up on what had happened between Megan and I earlier.
Just thinking about it made my heart go crazy.
I responded, “Did you miss me?”
“Not really.”
I rolled my eyes, laughing at Emma’s obvious sarcasm as I shoved her, “Ready to kick some ass?”
She nodded, “Most definitely, this team sucks. I don’t even know why we’re warming up, honestly.”
I shivered in my jacket, “Maybe because it’s like fifty degrees out here.”
She nudged me playfully, “Don’t be a pussy, pussy.”
I laughed, looking past her and at Megan who seemed to be pretty busy writing a lineup for the approaching game. She hadn’t noticed me, and as I returned my attention to Emma I realized I really wanted to be with Megan right now.
But Emma would have to do.
I held my hand up, “Bitch please, I used to play in this cold too.”
She smiled, “Well, I’m glad your back honestly because it’ll just piss Shay off and she’ll play better.”
I rolled my eyes again, “I hope I make that bitch get hit in the face with the ball.”
Emma laughed as me while turning to leave to go and warm up with the rest of the team, “Oh you’ll get used to her… eventually.”
“More like never.”
Then she turned, leaving me to walk over towards the dugout. I was glad I was on good terms with Emma, mostly because it could’ve been super awkward if I wasn’t. Not to mention the fact that most of the team actually liked me besides Shay, who for some reason was staring me down hard at the moment.
So I just smiled and waved to her.
I continued into the dugout, finally getting Megan’s attention and attempting to read her. She seemed a bit more nervous at my presence, which I wasn’t sure if it was a good or bad thing. She could be nervous because of our heated kiss or for other reasons, whether she felt guilty or something.
I hoped it was the first reason.
I sat next to her on the bench, wondering if she was going to talk to me and figuring she probably wouldn’t. I knew we were alone right here but there were still students around, and Megan seemed a bit on edge to want to start a conversation.
I mumbled, “You okay?”
She nodded, hanging up the line up on the wall and turning to look at me, “Yea, why?”
I narrowed my eyes at her, “Because you look nervous.”
She shook her head, “I’m fine Sam.”
I questioned, “Can we talk about-”
“No,” she interrupted, “Not here.”
I knew she was right, and the last thing I wanted to do was piss Megan off after we had such a hot and heated kiss. I hated when she was upset with me, and keeping myself on her good ide was a must right now.
I was tired of fighting with her.
She spoke, “Come help me warm up the outfield?”
I nodded, “That’s why I’m here.”
I grabbed my glove and walked with Megan, seeing Emma and the other outfielders talking. It’s not that I was jealous of them… well, okay maybe I was just a little jealous, but they looked like they were super excited.
I was curious as so what I would’ve turned out like if I hadn’t moved out of my parents, if I hadn’t gotten into all the drugs and partying. Would I be just like every other highschooler just going to school, getting good grades and having a little fun on the weekends?
Would I still have that hard shell that I couldn’t get rid of? Would I still be an outcast or would I have a lot more friends than I did right now? And what would’ve happened between Megan and I?
It was weird to think about, especially at this time, but as I pushed them far away I realized I wouldn’t change anything. Even though my life wasn’t perfect I was still content, I had a job, my grades were improving, I was on the road to recovery from my habits, and Megan was here, kissing me in the secrecy of her classroom.
So maybe things were looking up.
We warmed up quickly, Megan hitting various balls to the players as they threw them back to me. The game started with a bang, and just like Emma had predicted, they weren’t that great, so competition was lacking. This made the game extremely boring to watch.
So I decided to watch Megan instead.
I was sitting on the bench in the dugout while Megan stood at first base, huddled in her jacket as she encouraged the girl currently at the plate. Her hair was up in a pony-tail since the wind was picking up, and for some reason she just looked extremely sexy.
But when did she ever look anything less?
“Sam hand me one of those helmets.”
I pulled myself out of the daydream I was in and handed a helmet to one of the girls who were about to head out to hit. She smiled as she grabbed it from me and I noticed a look cross her face that made me curious.
Was she eyeing me like that on purpose? She did know I was gay right?
She smirked, “Thanks.”
Then she headed out the dugout, only to have Emma come up behind me, “I think Becca has a crush on the equipment bitch.”
I rolled my eyes and laughed, “Screw you.”
She held her hand up, “Been there done that.”
I questioned, “Why you think she has a crush on me?”
Emma smiled, “Because we’re super close and I know when my friend is into someone. Now I’m not saying I agree in her choice of crushes but…”
I crossed my arms, “You do remember we dated at one point right?”
She smirked, “How could I forget?”
I smiled, “Yea, all those mind-blowing orgasms you used to love… is your new boy-toy measuring up?”
She shoved me, covering my mouth in the process of laughing, “Ssh, we’re gonna get in trouble! And he’s getting there.”
I laughed along with her, realizing I honestly didn’t care that Emma and I hadn’t worked out and that she had moved on. I had always kind of known our thing was nothing serious and it had just been all fun and sex, but now that we were pretty good friends I realized this is how we were supposed to be.
Nothing more, nothing less.
Then I watched Becca swing at a ball then, hitting it clean over the second basemen’s head and scoring us two runs in the process. This caused the dugout to erupt into a frantic cheer session, something I honestly didn’t miss about softball at all.
Emma smiled, “She digs you, like a lot.”
I rolled my eyes, “Is she straight like you? Cause if so I’m not fucking with her.”
Emma shook her head, “She’s way into girls, don’t worry.”
I smiled, “Are you trying to play match-maker, or something? You should know how I am with relationships.”
Emma waved her hand, “Don’t worry she’s not looking for anything serious either. She’s perfect for you.”
I nodded, “Well, thanks for the input I guess.”
Emma sighed, “Look I just noticed you weren’t yourself and I figured you could use a little pick-me-up. Usually you’re all over hot girls, but lately you’ve just been on the down low.”
I nodded, knowing she was extremely right. It wasn’t like me to be on the down low, usually I was flirting and partying and going out to hook up and have a good time, but ever since my latest punishment I hadn’t been out much. It was weird that she had noticed that but it was also flattering that she was trying to get me back out there.
But little did she know the things I felt for Megan, and how no one ever came close to her.
Eventually the girls were getting ready to head back onto the field for the last round of defense when Becca walked up to me and handed me the helmet she had used.
This is when I decided to test Emma’s assumption.
I smirked, “That was a pretty sweet hit.”
She smiled, “Do you expect anything less?”
I smiled at her confidence, knowing it was actually pretty sexy on her. I hung the helmet on the hook and responded, “Not at all, I actually expected you to hit a homerun but you fell a little short.”
She grabbed her glove and smiled, “Hmm, well I’m sorry for failing your expectations, maybe I’ll make it up next time.”
Then she turned and ran back onto the field, taking her place at third base. Oh yea, she definitely liked me, Emma was right.
Then I heard an all too familiar voice, “Well, that was… interesting.”
I felt myself blush at the thought of Megan hearing me and Becca’s conversation, realizing that it was probably pretty annoying when Megan and I had literally made out only hours ago in her history class.
I responded in an attempt to defend myself, “Emma told me Becca liked me, I was just seeing if it was true or not.”
Megan held the tally book as she continued taking notes on the other team, not even looking at me, “Yea, okay Sam.”
I rolled my eyes, wondering why she was being like this. I mean, she had to be jealous, that was the only explanation to this whole situation. She was jealous that I was flirting with another girl in front of her, unless it was for some other reason I wasn’t sure of.
I groaned, “What’s wrong with you?”
She shook her head, still refusing to look at me, “Nothing’s wrong with me.”
I flared my nose in annoyance, realizing Megan could really be a frustrating person when she wanted to be. She could always make me feel bad without even doing anything, and that honestly wasn’t an easy thing to do, but she was managing to do it right now.
And suddenly I started to feel bad that I had flirted with Becca, and that was something that managed to really shock me.
I whispered, “Megan… don’t be jealous…”
She angry eyes looked at me, and she pointed her finger, “Shut-up, do you remember how angry I got the last time you said that? Don’t piss me off here Sam.”
I was taken aback by her outrage, not understanding why she had gotten so upset. It was actually pretty annoying, and rather than just talking to me like a normal person she always got so outraged and mean whenever I called her out.
But I decided to keep my mouth shut for the rest of the game.
~ ~ ~ ~
“We blew them out the water.”
Emma laughed, along with Becca as we stood in the parking lot, “Hell yea we did, I told you this team wasn’t anything special.”
I shook my head, “They weren’t anything, period.”
Emma looked around the parking lot and then at her phone, “I’ll see you guys tomorrow, I gotta go.”
Becca and I waved her off as she dialed into her phone and walked towards her car, leaving me alone with Becca who seemed to grow slightly nervous. I questioned, “Do you have to go too?”
She nodded, “I kinda do, but I wanted to ask you if you were free tomorrow night?”
I clenched my jaw, knowing she was going to invite me somewhere and I wouldn’t be able to go. I would most likely have work, and even if I got out of it I was still technically punished. I knew Shawn still didn’t really trust me, and asking him to go out was like asking him if I could go do something illegal.
It just wasn’t going to happen.
But I pretended to be just to see what Becca would say, “I might, why?”
She sighed, leaning on my car before answering, “Because there’s a party and I wanted you to be there.”
I smirked, realizing that she wanted to spend time with me, “Well, I might not be able to make it, but I’ll try.”
“Is there a reason you haven’t been at all the parties? Usually you never miss one.”
I remembered everything that had happened and realized I didn’t want to talk about that with her, “Uh, I got into some trouble so I’ve been on the down low recently, but it’s not a big deal.”
She tilted her head in curiosity, “Well, that sucks, but seriously, try to show up tomorrow night. I’d like to spend time with you outside of school.”
I smiled half-heartedly, “Don’t say that too soon, I’m a bad influence.”
She smirked back, “I like bad influences.”
“Well then maybe I’ll try to show up.”
She nodded, smiling in the process, “Good, see you later then.”
I nodded slightly, “Bye Becca.”
Then I turned around to get into my car, suddenly noticing that the parking lot was fairly empty now. Everyone had pretty much left, and there were only a few cars left in the parking lot.
And then I saw Megan sitting in her car, looking quite frustrated.
I didn’t know why she was, but she looked pretty pissed off. My first response was to just leave, simply because she had been so mad at me during the game I just didn’t want to talk to her. Then my second response was to go over there and see what the hell she looked so stressed about.
I exited my car and jogged over to hers, gaining her attention in the process.
I spoke, “Why do you look like you’re about to murder someone?”
She groaned, “Because I left my lights on this morning and my battery’s fucking dead.”
I glanced at my phone to check the time and realizing if we left right now we could make it to the car shop in time to buy her a new battery. I questioned, “Want me to bring you to buy another battery?”
She looked at me and then she looked around the parking lot, realizing we were indeed alone. She nodded slowly, grabbing her purse, “Yea, let’s go.”
We hopped into my car, her taking her place besides me as I cranked my car into gear. I pulled out of the parking lot swiftly, knowing her and I shouldn’t be in the same car together at the busiest time of the afternoon.
I glanced at her from the side, seeing her gazing out the window and refusing to talk or even look at me. It was actually pretty annoying not knowing why she was upset at me for simply telling her not to get jealous. I mean I was just joking with her, why did she have to always blow things out of proportion?
I broke the silence, “You know, I was initially going to leave you stranded in the parking lot.”
She looked at me blankly, and then back to the window without saying a single word to me.
Okay, now she was starting to piss me off.
I groaned, “What the hell is wrong with you?”
She shook her head, still looking out the window, “Nothing.”
I stopped at a stop light to look at her, “Megan, stop acting like a fourteen year old.”
She remained silent once more.
I continued driving, not knowing what I could do to get her to talk to me. I didn’t want to bring up the kiss whenever she was obviously mad at me because that would probably only make matters worse. I knew there was probably nothing I could say to get her to talk to me considering she was in a pissy mood for no reason but I hated sitting in silence.
I glanced at her, trying to get her attention but failing, so I did the only thing any logical person would do.
I poked her right in the rib cage, causing her to jump and look at me with a shocked expression written on her face. She spoke, “Don’t do that!”
I did it again, causing her to laugh a little bit this time, “Sam I’m serious, stop.”
I looked at her, poking her one more time as she laughed, “Samantha Carson, fucking stop I’m ticklish!”
I laughed as she said my entire name, which was weird because usually I just got pissed off when she did that. I smiled, “I had to get you to talk to me somehow.”
“Tickling me is not the answer.”
“Yes it is, look, you’re talking to me.”
She gazed at me, and then I saw a tiny smile creep onto her beautiful face. Then she frowned again, “Sam, I’m supposed to be pissed at you. Stop.”
I laughed, “Megan, you can’t stay mad at me, I didn’t do anything.”
“Yes you did.”
I questioned, “What did I do Megan?”
She stayed silent for a little while, making me a bit nervous inside. I didn’t think she was going to answer me, at least not honestly, because I felt as if I knew the real reason she was mad.
And that was because she was jealous, but she would never admit that.
We drove up into the parking lot that was nearly empty, and we rushed inside before they locked us out. Megan told them what kind of car she had and we waited patiently for them to retrieve a battery, making me realize I didn’t want to go home. I wanted to stay here with Megan, I wanted to stay alone with her and talk to her all night.
Even though she was barely talking to me.
Eventually we were climbing back into my car and making our way back to the school parking lot to change out Megan’s dead battery. I wanted her to talk to me so bad it was driving me insane, and I didn’t even understand why. I didn’t understand what had come over in her classroom today, I didn’t understand why she was being shady, I didn’t understand why I felt bad for flirting in front of her face, and I didn’t understand why the thought of departing from Megan made me sad.
Megan could really manage to fuck me up.
I pulled up into the parking lot and up to Megan’s car, knowing even though I was a little upset with her because she wasn’t talking to me I would still help her change her battery.
I lifted her hood once more and began working to get her dead battery out, feeling Megan’s presence close to mine. I felt like she was studying me on purpose just because she knew it made me nervous, but yet she didn’t want to talk to me.
I looked up into her blue eyes, “Mind giving me some space? You’re making me uncomfortable.”
I had to admit, it did sound a lot bitchier than I had intended, but it caused Megan to realize she had put me in a bad mood. After everything weird that had happened between us today I wasn’t sure how to go about talking about the situation. I mean, we had kissed, like really kissed, but yet she didn’t want to bring it up? It was killing me, but most of all it pissed me off because I was fucked up and didn’t know what to think of it, and she wasn’t helping me.
I eventually put the new battery in and allowed Megan to try and crank her car up, resulting in her engine roaring to life. I closed her hood and looked at her, “Your welcome,” then I turned and made a motion towards my car. Megan just didn’t know what the fuck was going on inside her head just like me, and we were both just confused as shit.
But to my surprise she called me back, “Sam, wait…”
I turned, looking back at her as she walked up to me, “Thanks… it means a lot that you stayed to help.”
I nodded, “It wasn’t a big deal.”
She looked down at her feet as she responded, “I don’t know why I got angry earlier, so I’m sorry. I can’t blame you for doing what you do best.”
I rolled my eyes, “What I do best? Really? You call that an apology?”
She groaned, “I’m trying okay? Sam, I’m just pissed off and confused and I have no idea how to fucking fix it.”
“How about instead of bitching me out just kiss me.”
My eyes widened in shock as I realized what I had said, and I knew it was probably the wrong thing to say to Megan at this time. I didn’t know why I had said that, but there was no taking it back, so I looked at her, standing my ground and refusing to apologize for my response.
She shook her head, “No, I’m not kissing you again Sam, but I am sorry, for taking my anger out on you.”
I rolled my eyes, realizing that she was probably going to try and distance herself from me again because of today, which would cause me to go through more amounts of pain and frustration than I deserved. I was tired of her refusing me, I was tired of her refusing herself of what she wanted, but I knew she had the right to do it.
She was scared.
I nodded, knowing I didn’t have control of our relationship, and that actually scared me. I hated not being in control of my feelings, and knowing someone else was terrified me.
But I would never her see that she had that power.
I responded, “I forgive you. Good night Megan.”
She didn’t respond anymore as I got in my car and drove away. I hated the fact that we were both so stubborn and afraid of being vulnerable to the other. I hated the fact that she was just as scared as I was about our relationship, because if we were both scared neither one of us would take the initiative. I hated that I didn’t know what I wanted from Megan, and I hated that she didn’t know what she wanted from me. It was like we were stuck in this sick game of tug-a-war with what we wanted and what was right. But we would just keep getting stuck in the middle instead of finally winning the game, and it felt like it was everlasting.
But as exhausting as it was with Megan, I knew I wouldn’t ever be able to give up, no matter how bad I wanted to.