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ZHAN POV
I looked at the man in the mirror of the bathroom; his face was tearstained and pale. His eyes seemed an endless pool of pain and his expression was blank.
I remembered the same man few years ago, the only difference is that this one had no hope, had nothing to fight for.That was it, my heart was finished; there was nothing left of it because there was a hollow and numb feel in my chest...in my whole body.
Somehow I knew this was going to happen, I knew that at some point I was going to have to wake up from this dream I've been living in. I just only wished that when that time came, I wouldn't evaporate along with my dream.
For some reason the phrase God giveth and God taketh away came to me. I was given Yibo, someone who I thought I didn't deserve. So why did it kill me to let go of him when he never belonged to me in the first place.I knew I would always be this man in the mirror, and this time there was no starting over, no running away to a far away place. Because that was it for me, my life began and ended with the man I left downstairs last night.
I covered my mouth feeling nauseated, I ran to the toilet and opened my mouth but nothing came out.I wiped a tear that escaped the corner of my eye, surprised that I still had any tears left at all.I got out to get dressed, not really caring what I wore.I went downstairs to find Mari and Yibo having coffee in still silence. Yibo looked dressed for work, I was glad that he would be leaving soon; I didn't want to stay cooped up in my room all day.
He looked as handsome as ever, it pierced me down to my soul; though today he looked tired and pale.He looked up at me, there was an unfathomable emotion in his eyes; I recognized it from the man in the mirror, pain? I must be wrong.
I don't know what my own face or eyes revealed because I thought I saw him flinch as he looked away.
"Good morning" I said my voice blank and lifeless
"Good morning Zhan, breakfast is ready.Where would you like to have it?" Mari asked, her voice worried.
"In the penthouse please" I replied monotonously
"Alright, I'll bring it to you" she said, I turned to face Yibo; who was watching me intently.
"I saw my iPod and a couple of my things on my nightstand, thank you"
I said, my voice had no trace of emotion.He slowly nodded and I walked outside towards the penthouse, it sounded like Mari and Yibo argued after I left;but I really didn't care either way.I sat in the patio of the penthouse, staring at the sky. I don't know how long I sat there just staring; trying to see things that weren't there.
Mari approached me and laid a tray on the table, I didn't look at it; I wasn't even hungry. She sat down next to me, scrutinizing me; but I just continued to look at the clear blue sky.
"You should eat something dear" she finally said
"Where is he?" I suddenly asked, not sure why.
"He's gone to work" she replied,
looking down I suddenly went to pieces, crying and gasping for air, I couldn't control it. I realized why I wanted to know of Yibo's whereabouts. I didn't want him to see me like this and feel pity for me; I could handle anything but pity from him.
Mari wrapped me in her arms, rubbing my back comfortingly as I cried.
"I'm so sorry my dear" she said with a pained voice, I was going to miss her when I got out of here.I lifted my head and she wiped my face with her hands, her eyes slightly angry
"I'm going to kill him for this, and I told him..." she said, I shook my head to stop her. That's what they were arguing about? Me?
"No, leave him alone Mari. He doesn't love me, you can't blame him for how he feels" I said sadly.
"Is that what you really think Zhan?" she asked incredulously
"What more is there? I'll leave soon but I don't want this to drive a wedge between you two" I persisted.
She shook her head sadly
"Things are not always as they seem señor"
"You're right, I thought he felt the same way but I was wrong. That's always been my biggest problem; I love completely and blindly" I said nodding to myself
"No, that's not a problem. That's one of your charms" she replied
I smiled at her attempt to make me feel better.
"But I understand now, and I know I won't stop loving him; and that's okay. I just wish it didn't hurt so much" I said, looking at her.
"I feel so lost, I don't know how to be without him," I whispered, my voice breaking.
"Never lose faith, things will work out" she reassured, rubbing my shoulders.How was I supposed to believe her when even she sounded unsure, but I appreciated her comforting words; thoughI had to be realistic, things were not going to work out. Not the way I wanted them to.
She sat with me, probably scared to leave me alone. I insisted that she was being silly and that I didn't need babysitting. She gave me a worried smile and left. I was not sure how long I've been in this state of pure misery, an hour? A week? A month? I seemed to losetrack of time easily. I sat by the lake a lot; it was the most peaceful place in the whole estate; a place where I could think.I hoped that the pain would get easier once I didn't have to see Yibo everyday, but if I really thought about it; it would only get worse, because then he would seem like a dream; something that never happened.
I stole desperate glances at him whenever I could, but who could blame me? I longed for the man I loved.
He also watched me more often than not, I couldn't understand his case; this is what he wanted isn't it?The sound of my phone ringing brought me out of my daydream. Now that he was sure I wouldn't say anythingstupid; he brought me my phone back.
"Hey mom" I answered
"Hello honey, how are you?" she asked excitedly
"I'm fine" I replied automatically.
"Are you sure? You don't sound well" she pointed out I cleared my throat
"I'm okay mom, its just a sore throat" I lied.
"Get well soon my dear, I have good news.Han got a promotion, isn't that great?" she beamed.
I smiled a little, glad that at leased my loved ones were happy.
"That's fantastic mom" I said with forced enthusiasm
"Why are you telling me though, why didn't she call me herself?" I asked.
"Oh she was going to, but I just couldn't wait to tell you" she said chagrinned
"Aw mom, you shouldn't have stole her thunder like that," I said disapproving
"I know, I know" she chuckled.
"Where's my future son in law? How is he?"she suddenly asked and I froze
"Zhan? Are you there?" she asked when the line was quiet.
"I'm here, and he's fine" I told her, praying that my voice wouldn't betray me and express the sharp pain her words caused.
"That's great, say hi to him, okay?" she said,
"I will, I have to go mom. We'll talk later?"I said quickly.
"Of course honey, bye" she said and hung up.I threw the phone onto the grass and pinched my nostrils.
Breathing through my mouth, trying not to let the tears spill over, I don't think I could take anymore crying.Did it matter that mom sounded convinced that Yibo was her future son in law? No, because it would never happen, I knew that. So why fall apart over it?Feeling a little better I got up, grabbed my phone and headed back to the castle.
I was in the lounge when I heard one of Yibo's sports cars pull up in the garage.I knew that was my cue to retreat back to my room; in most cases I found myself running away from him a lot, I wonder if he noticed.I was sitting in my balcony when a soft knock on my door startled me
"come in" I called out.
I was shocked to see Yibo walk in; he never came in my room ever since that night. He came into the balcony and sat in the chair across from me.
"Hey" he said, his voice was slightly uneasy,
"Hi" I replied quietly.
For a moment we just stared at each other;something we didn't do nowadays. His gaze burning me, I dropped my eyes. Trying not to hyperventilate, will I ever stop loving you? I thought sadly.
"Can we talk?" he asked finally, I slowly nodded.
I couldn't imagine what he wanted to talk about...and then it hit me. It was time to leave; he came to tell me goodbye.