Chapter Thirty-Two
I'm out the door and in the alleyway before either of them can say a word, but that doesn't stop Blue from chasing after me.
"Wait up, let me drive you."
I cross my arms as I turn out of the alley and onto the street, a cold shiver slithering over my arms and I hug my jacket tighter. She unlocks the van and I climb into the passenger side, very much wishing I could drive. But through all the chaos, I haven't had much time to learn. I've been too busy training for the Caster Bowl, then trying to survive, running for my life, hiding in Shadow Valley, and watching everyone I love die.
"The main road to Void has been destroyed, so we'll have to go the back way."
"Fine."
She begins driving, and we both sit in silence for several minutes before she finally speaks again. "Did I say something wrong?"
Oh, if she only knew.
"No."
She sighs, and I can tell she wants to say something more, but she stays silent the rest of the way, thankfully.
When we pull off the back road and begin down the dirt path, I begin to see smoke through the charred and lifeless leaves.
We come to the end of the road where a bridge across the creek I once bathed in is all but destroyed. Bricks and pieces of railing lie in the ditch filled with three to four feet of icy water. It isn't a far drop, and I could easily walk through it, but with the lack of energy and this late in the winter, I would rather find a way across that doesn't involve wading through ice water.
We get out of the car and she follows me as we walk along the length of the bridge. I'm relieved when I find the tree that fell across the creek a few months before Ella got sick.
"Just wait in the car. I'll be back."
There are some paths you have to walk alone.
****
My feet stand where I think the town square once was. It's hard to navigate through the ash and rubble, but I place myself from the cobblestone path still intact leading up to the old school. They used to handout our rations in the town hall, and I remember where the wooden sign with the letters used to spell out Void. This town wasn't always called that, the V used to be a W, and there were letters in between the i and the d that had long been lost before the time of the great disasters. With how far away the town was, and how it seemed to be void of any real contributions, soldiers one day started calling it that, and it just stuck decades later.
Now, the town really is Void. It's nothing but a memory. Not a building remains intact. Smoke still streams through the rubble like ghosts dripping into the sky. That area to the left is where mom would advertise her sewing skills and try to trade articles of clothing and blankets for food and clean water. Down the road a little ways is where Ella and I went to school, and a few blocks down is where I punched someone for the first time.
I find the spot where my home used to be. The remaining wood charred in piles along the frame. I kick at the bits of chard and dig my way into my home. I can feel the energy draining magic here, trying to block my energy. It's started to return to me, but I'm not nearly up to par, so I don't even try to use it while digging.
A long silver spoon lies in the ashes, and I pick it up, wishing I had some use for it. No pictures, no furniture, not even a blanket or a piece of paper with her handwriting on it. My knees collapse into the rubble, and I sense all the souls I've lost.
Nicholi, the man who had just begun to be my father. Aaron, the man who always tried to be a father to me and couldn't. Luke, the boy who loved me so much, it got him killed. Mateo, the friend who was there for me when I needed one most. My mother, who loved so deeply and wanted so badly to give me a normal life. And I imagine their skeletons beside me, surrounding me, creating a ring for a fireplace. They kept me grounded. They kept me focused. They allowed me to grow while keeping me within my boundaries. Without them, the fire is spread, and runs over the house, burns the clothes on my back, breaks through the ashes and rubble and feeds into the charred trees—what's left of them being burned.
The flames shed instead of tears.
When I finally rise again, I step with crumbling shoes and tattered clothes. My skin is covered in a layer of smoke, painting me black and grey. I silence the flames, everything they touch bursting into ash, and I walk through the darkness, no longer casting flames. No longer caught in a burning cage. Now, I am smoke rising, and my flames will stretch out their arms and reach for all those who wish to destroy me, and all those who defy me will burn.