She has been awake from the coma for some time now, and I am ecstatic at the progress she has made. She is my best friend again, and it took no time at all. I am so glad for that. I was so scared she wouldn't let me in the way she has.
We have gone through all the pictures and videos of our dating life. I told the stories attached to them. We took our time with it, though. I could see when her walls would go up, and she needed time to take it all in. She was good about telling me when she was ready for the next thing.
It's fun reliving our early days, discovering it all over again.
I had to start going back to the gym and work this week, and I hate leaving her here. She sometimes comes with me to work, but she doesn't have the okay to work out yet.
When I can, I work from home. Yesterday I had a late meeting. I hated coming home late. I just want to live in our bubble of a world and never leave. Never leave her comfort and warmth.
When I came home, she practically tackled me to the ground, and we made out right there on the floor. Her lips, her body is like a drug to me, and I'm an addict. I will never get enough of her.
I pretend to read my book as she rereads her favorite book series. Her feet are resting on my lap as we sit in the bay window of the library.
I love hearing the little noises she makes in reaction to what's on the page.
I look up at her, and she is looking at me. I smile and ask, "what is it, baby?"
She smiles, "I like it when you call me that."
"I love you, baby. So much."
"I'm falling for you, Silas." Pressure builds in my chest. That's the first time she has said something other than 'like' or 'strong like.'
"You are?"
She nods, returning her attention to her book. After a few minutes, she closes it and says, "tell me a story."
"What do you want to hear?"
"Our biggest fight."
"Why do you want to hear that?"
She shrugs, "I think it's important for me to know everything."
"We don't really have big fights. The biggest was probably when..."
~~~~~
December 2015
"What do you mean, no?!"
"It's really no big deal."
"NO BIG DEAL!" She screams through her watering eyes. "You let someone else kiss you!"
"We never kissed! He was like an inch away when I stopped it. Baby, I don't want him."
"Then why did you hire him as your secretary?"
"Because he was qualified."
"So you're not attracted to him?" She can't be serious. I have eyes for one person, her.
"No."
"No?"
"No. I don't want him."
"I didn't ask if you wanted him... I asked you, are you attracted to him."
"What do you want me to say?! Yes, he is objectively attractive. I don't want him."
Tears fall from her eyes. "Are you still attracted to me?" She says in a whisper. She has gained a few pounds and has gotten so self-conscious. It's literally five, maybe 10 pounds. I don't understand her feelings. I think she is so fucking sexy.
"Baby..." I try to pull her into my arm, but she pulls away.
"How could you let this happen?!"
"We were both drinking at the Christmas party. He made a move, and I shut it down! Even drunk, I would only want you! I would never hurt you like that! Stop acting like I wanted this! Stop acting like I cheated on you! I didn't cheat, and the fact that you think I would initiate anything really sucks. Is that what you really think of me?! Is it?!"
"Stop yelling at me!... I'm sorry. I overreacted. Thank you for telling me." She huffs a deep breath and wraps her arms around my waist. "You're firing him."
"I'll do it first thing Monday, I promise. Are we okay?"
"Almost. I won't have sex with you till he is fired and gone."
"It's Friday night... I can't fire him till Monday morning."
"Your hand can keep you company."
"I haven't jerked off since we started dating."
"Really?"
"Yeah."
"I love you. I'm sorry I jumped to conclusions. I trust you."
"I love you too."
~~~~~
Only that's not how it really happened. I hate that I just told her half a story, but I couldn't bring myself to tell her all of it. That would bring on too many questions.
"That makes me mad just thinking about."
"Imagine you at mini-golf time 100."
"So you fired him?" I nod, "did you ever see him again?"
"No." Which is true. I was a reference for him, but I never spoke to or saw him again. "I didn't go into work that Monday when he was packing up his stuff." We were at the hospital, just not at my office, so that another lie I've just told her. "I heard he moved to Boston." She nods. "You know I would never intentionally hurt you, right?"
"Yes, I know." She goes back to her book, and I can't stop thinking about how it actually happened.
~~~~~
"What do you mean, no?!"
"It's really no big deal."
"NO BIG DEAL!" She screams through her watering eyes. "You let someone else kiss you!"
"We never kissed! He was like an inch away when I stopped it. Baby, I don't want him." Jamie may have been right. When he drove me home, I told him my secretary tried to kiss me. He doesn't know my secretary is Jeff, a man. He has only worked for me for two weeks. I hate firing people, even when they deserve it. I should have just fired him on Monday and not tell her anything... no, that's not who we are. We are open about everything.
"Then why did you hire him as your secretary?"
"Because he was qualified."
"So you're not attracted to him?" She can't be serious. I have eyes for one person, her.
"No."
"No?"
"No. I don't want him." I can feel the heat of anger rising in me. She really wants me to say it. She really thinks that little of me.
"I didn't ask if you wanted him... I asked you are you attracted to him."
"What do you want me to say?! Yes, he is objectively attractive. I don't want him."
Tears fall from her eyes. "Are you still attracted to me?" She says in a whisper. She has gained a few pounds and has gotten so self-conscience. It's literally five maybe 10 pounds. I don't understand her feelings. I think she is so fucking sexy.
"Baby... I love you, Annika. I want you and you alone. You are so beautiful. I only have eyes for you." I try to pull her into my arm, but she pulls away.
She sobs into her hands. She takes a deep breath before yelling, "how could you let this happen?!"
"We were both drinking at the Christmas party. He made a move, and I shut it down! Even drunk, I would only want you! I would never hurt you like that! Stop acting like I wanted this! Stop acting like I cheated on you! I didn't cheat, and the fact that you think I would initiate anything really sucks. Is that what you really think of me?! Is it?!"
"Stop yelling at me. I'm pregnant!"
Time stops.
She stops in her tracks. Shocked by her own words.
"What?" I make a total 360. I was fuming a moment ago, and now I'm the happiest I ever remember being.
Butterflies replace the flames.
"I'm pregnant... I found out this morning." She pulls the three pregnancy tests from her back pocket. All positive. "I was going to do something cute to tell you, but you had to go and ruin it."
"I didn't ruin anything. Come here." She walks reluctantly into my chest and stands there while I hold her. "We're going to be parents?"
"Congratulations, you're boys can swim." She wraps her arms around my waist. "You're firing him."
"I'll do it first thing Monday, I promise."
"He can offer you things that I can't." I hold her face in my hands.
"You know that's not true." The things she does to me, for me. No one would ever compare.
"I don't have a penis."
"You're right. You have a uterus, that is full with my child." She finally smiles. "You are so good to me, Nik. There is nothing he can offer me that you don't give. And baby... you give it good."
"I give it well." She is such a fucking writer.
I roll my eyes. "Are we okay?"
"Almost. I won't have sex with you till he is fired and gone."
"It's Friday night... I can't fire him till Monday morning."
"Your hand can keep you company."
"I haven't jerked off since we started dating."
"Really?" I nod. "I love you. I'm sorry I jumped to conclusions. I trust you."
"I love you too." I kiss her nose. "Can I fire him over the phone so I can fuck you?"
"Yes! On speaker."