"I Needed Somewhere To Hang My Head Without Your Nose"
Nags Head, NC
April 3, 1992
My heart thumps rather loudly in my chest as I turn the page of 'Needful Things' by Stephen King, having become completely immersed in the novel since opening the first page a week ago. Psychological thrillers and horror have recently become my thing, proving once again that I am definitely my mother's daughter.
I must have become so lost in the novel that I couldn't hear the sliding glass door open and close, allowing Dave to reenter the house undetected. Everything moved so fast following his entry, that I hardly had time to process what was happening.
A body crashed against mine, causing me to almost jump out of my skin in fear that the antagonist in the book had finally come to get me. The novel flew from my hands, landing somewhere across the room as I let out a terrified yelp. Only being able to calm down when Dave's familiar brown hair came into view.
"You have become so jumpy since you started reading those novels." Dave, whose face is now pressed into my abdomen like a pillow, tightly wraps his arms around my torso as if I'd disappear any second. "Even I'm starting to scare you."
I sigh and allow my fingers to tangle into his long messy locks, "You just caught me off guard. It was a really intense scene, and of all things, I wasn't expecting you to pull off a jump scare at this exact moment."
"I do my best to be spontaneous," He winks, fingers rubbing small circles into my back as I relax into his touch.
Since returning to our small beachfront home, things have been rather easy between Dave and me. We've gone on dates, cooked each other dinner, had movie nights where we pass out on each other half way through, and even spent some time planning for our wedding. "So, I've noticed."
"Do you want some coffee?" I smile kindly, nodding as he pushes himself back up to his feet. "Alright, I'll be right back." His lips lightly press against mine, a soft, longing display of affection before he retreats to the kitchen.
I know the last month has been tough on Dave, having gone from constantly being on a bus or in the studio to sitting at home with me. The man is a workaholic. His mind craves being occupied at all hours of the day, and the lack of work is slowly driving him insane.
Nirvana had been offered a rather extravagant arena tour, but Kurt immediately shot the idea down. Leaving the other two members' opinions out, like always. I had yet to talk to Krist about everything, but I know Dave has become rather pissed about Kurt's sudden power surge. He loves the lead singer, whom we ate corndogs with for dinner almost every night during our first month in Seattle, but the recent changes and drug abuse is starting to divide the band.
Shelli and I took notice of this months ago as Courtney slowly became more involved with the band. It was only a matter of time before everything imploded, and I guess that time is now.
"Here you go." Dave leans down, passing the warm mug to me in a way that I wouldn't get burned, before taking a seat next to me on the comfortable love seat. As soon as he is settled, I curl my body up to his, resting my temple on his shoulder while taking a sip of my coffee. "Danny called me last night. We're going into the studio, so I have to fly back to Seattle." He brushes some stray hair away from my face, "Do you want to come?"
I bite my lip rather hard, thinking over my internal pros and cons list. I'd be able to see Shelli and Krist, which would be absolutely amazing, but as a result I would also have to see Kurt, which is something I'm not prepared for just yet. "I think I may take that trip up to see my mom finally..."
"Are you sure you don't want to do that with me?" A look of worry crosses his face as we stare at one another. "Because I will be back in three days and we can go up then."
His worry warms my heart, but I know deep down that this is something I have to do on my own. "I think I can handle it. I'll just take the car up that way if I need a quick escape I won't be trapped."
"Please make sure you call me as soon as you get there then."
"You don't need to worry," Our eyes lock and I can feel my heart skip a beat.
He leans forward to place his mug on the table, taking mine from me after and doing the same thing. "No matter you're up to, I'm always worried about you."
"But there's no need..."
"Rosemary.
"David."
We hold eye contact for a second, both of us trying to keep straight faces as we hold back our playful laughter. As his smile breaks free, I can't help but smile myself. "You know I love you right?"
"I would be saddened if you didn't." With this Dave finally leans forward, connecting our lips as he lowers my upper body down on the couch so he can hover above me. "I love you too."
---
"You haven't heard anything from Kurt either?" I sigh, shifting so I can comfortably hold the landline to my ear with my shoulder. "I'm starting to think this isn't just 'time off' anymore. Have you read the articles?"
Shelli, having been stuck at work for ten straight hours, called me to check in now that we aren't within driving distance of one another. "Kurt said some really hurtful things to Krist when we tried to talk to him after the wedding. Be glad you and Dave got out of Hawaii as fast as you did because shit hit the fan really quick."
"What the hell is happening Shell..." My frown has become the permanent expression on my face in the last month; only changing when I'm exposed to Dave's childish antics. "Everything was going well when we were in Australia and it just seems like as soon as I left for Seattle, a complete 180 occurred... What happened in Japan?"
A few murmurs could be heard in the background before a door was shut, "Sorry, Krist just got home and says hi."
"I really miss you guys." I sigh and reach up to grab a can of beans from the cabinet to cook for dinner. "Dave is great company, but I can only take so much 'Dave time' before wanting to pull my hair out. The mother fucker hasn't been sleeping recently, so all I can hear at night is him playing guitar." I pop the tab on the can, pulling the lid off in order to pour the food in a pot. "He tries to be quiet, but when he's really into a song he can't help himself."
My eyes dart from the food to the sliding glass door leading to our back deck, displaying Dave's shirtless back as he cooks our steaks on the grill. Since coming home, he's spent all of his time cooking and writing music and I'm beginning to wonder what this man isn'tgood at. "Do you think he's going to leave Nirvana then?"
"No," My response is almost instantaneous, "He's committed. The only way he'd leave is if Kurt blatantly says he's out of the band. I'm a little worried about what he's coming back to though..."
Dave is air drumming to a familiar Rush song as I continue to stare at his toned back, worry for his well-being taking over me as I think about his impending flight to Seattle. "Kurt will only do so much before he realizes he's fucking up... At least I hope."
"Shell," I bite my bottom lip, "What the hell are we going to do?"
"Nothing..." Her voice is cold, "At this rate... What happens, happens Rose. We can't change it, especially since you and I are on the outside. Opinions don't matter unless you are Kurt, Courtney, Krist or Dave... Even then, Krist and Dave don't have much of a say anymore."
I know she is right. Kurt, at least the Kurt I grew to love in 1990 and 1991, is no longer the happy man he once was. Plagued with drug abuse and a toxic marriage, his downward slope is noticeably spiraling out of control. "I don't want to give up on him."
"Rose..." She is on the verge of tears, voice wavering. "Kurt was the one who banned me from the wedding. Courtney was the one who spat the news at me, but it was Kurt who asked her to relay the message because he couldn't look me in the face and say it." My breath hitches in my throat at the new information, "You're engaged now Rosemary... You need to focus on that amazing man who is outside cooking your dinner right now. Kurt is distracting you from what is right in front of you."
My hand tightens around the phone, eyes sliding shut as I fall forward on the kitchen island to take in her words. Shelli isn't wrong, Kurt has been distracting me from my relationship with Dave, but something just keeps pulling me back to him. It's like I'm a plus magnet, sliding back toward his minus one every time I get away.
"Have you told Dave yet?"
My eyes snap open, shocked that she'd ask such an absurd question. "You know damn good and well that I'm not going to tell him Shelli. It's not something he needs to know now."
"What are you going to do when he wants to try again Rosemary?" I could picture her expression perfectly in my head; eyebrows scrunched together, hair a mess from running her fingers through it, blue eyes wild with exasperation, and back straight as a board. "I'm not saying this to upset you babe, but I need you to realize the severity of this secret. You agreed to an engagement and there are two rather large secrets you're keeping from the man you are now planning to spend the rest of your life with."
"It just sounds like you don't support me being with Dave anymore Shelli. How would you feel if I said that about you and Krist? Why haven't the two of you had a kid yet? You've been married long enough. Hell, I've had a miscarriage and Kurt is having a baby. Is there something wrong with you that we don't know about?" The venomous words left my mouth before I had the chance to comprehend how they could affect my friend. "Shelli..."
The only response I receive is the dial tone; signaling she has officially hung up on me.
A knock on the glass catches my attention as I place the still dead line on the countertop, finding Dave with his face pressed firmly against the glass. His hope is to make me laugh, but all I can manage to do is shake my head and return my attention to the food on the stove.
Short kind of filler chapter I'm posting just so something is up. The next chapter is going to impact Rose BIG time so get excited for that. I'll probably start writing this afternoon since my Law class was cancelled today.
Something I've wanted to do is see if you guys have any questions about anything (me and or False Starts), so feel free to ask in the comments!
Talk to all of you soon!