what i would give for our hands to touch for even a second,
i reminisce on the past when we were together and i loathe my past self for taking the moments for granted.
i can still hear all the FaceTime calls, the worry in your voice as i told you a story about a group of boys at the mall hassling me and my friend, i can hear the clicking of that one night you were playing your computer games and i just sat and watched you and admiring how focused you looked,
and when you looked up at me and noticed me watching you a smile painted your face.
and last night, i was leaning on the wall next to you.
we hadn't talked for months,
and i dared utter
"i've missed you"
and your eyes, colored the same as those bits of blue of the sky you can see through fog, looked at me.
and your jaw clenched and you stood frozen for what seemed like so long.
i could tell water was trying to escape the barges that are before your tear ducts.
you looked away and said;
"i've missed being good with you"
and god that felt like a knife to the chest.
i've loved you for so long i began to not even notice it.
i've been waiting for you to come back or turn around and say you love me or say anything but i know you won't and that's the knife that just keeps stabbing me over and over and over again.
but i can't love anyone else,
no one else could be able to take my attention away from you and your blonde hair and light grey/blue eyes and your navy blue vans with the red stripe going down the side.
and i'll wait for you,
i know you're not ready for a relationship and that's ok, i'm fine with being patient.
i'm always here.
this is my love letter to you if you're ever able to find this.
i love you.